The following morning, he'd had to force himself from his bed. The entire night he'd tossed and turned with his dilemma, only topped by his still aching side from his wound. Anger and frustration had ruled him, resulting in a substantial loss of sleep. Hurt and betrayal had been present as well, but not nearly as prevalent as the other two.
His mood as he had started out the day had been less than pleasant, which Thomas must have felt as he'd been silent since they'd left the inn to begin making their long journey back to camp. He felt slightly guilty for his shortness with the boy, but it simply could not be helped, though, not after last night's ending.
"Let me heal your cut."
"No," he said with a chuckle.
She'd been pestering him for the past five minutes.
"Ichabod-"
"You don't have to heal every little pin prick, Katrina."
Grabbing his hand, she turned it over to look at his palm, taking in the long slash running across it. "That's considerably more than a pinprick."
Stopping his pace, he turned to her. "Stop worrying over it."
With a sigh, she stepped closer to him. "I just-" Her words broke off.
"You're trying to delay me," he offered with a small smile.
Her eyes came up to meet his. "Is that so terrible of me? To want to spend a few more moments with you?"
Brushing a hand through her hair, he shook his head. "No, my love, it's not terrible at all."
She nodded before leaning into him and wrapping her arms about his middle.
"I feel so weak, Ichabod," she whispered, her hands gripping his jacket.
"Weak?" he asked with a slight frown. "Why do you feel weak?"
"Every time I see you, I have the overwhelming urge to touch you, to feel your love."
He pulled back from her, enough to catch her eyes. "And you think love makes you weak?"
She shook her head. "I think you make me weak. My ability to properly think of anything else when you're near completely leaves me. All I want is to be with you."
He frowned, unsure where this was heading.
"What are you implying?"
Dropping her eyes just below his, she let out a shaky breath. "I can't concentrate on the bigger picture. Can you?"
"Katrina-"
"If you stay here," she hurried along. "I won't focus on my work and neither will you. We'll end up having an affair, which will lead us to being discovered."
"You can't be sure of that," he protested, desperate for a way to convince her.
She released a shaky breath and gestured behind her. "Ichabod, we just made love out in plain view for anyone to stumble upon us. We don't think when we're together. What if we created another child? We took no precaution. And I can be sure that if we are discovered, my coven will root out William's and Cassie's true parentage. They will destroy them, Ichabod." She shook her head. "If they see us together, they'll know."
His breathing was increasing in its pace as she spoke. "You're telling me to leave. You're actually telling me to leave, now, after all that's happened."
"No," she whispered, her tears beginning to make their presence known. "I am begging you to leave."
"I have children, Katrina, children I have a right to know. You can't do this."
"I'm so sorry, but...you're too important. Both of our missions will be jeopardized if you remain here. You must know that."
"And that's it, then?" he asked heatedly. "I'm to know nothing of them because of the destiny you chose for me?"
Her hands tightened on his coat again. "I didn't choose this. I thought you understood how invaluable you are to the cause."
"The cause? Is the cause the only thing I'm to ever have?" He reached up to cup her face. "My love, please, it doesn't have to be this way."
"Don't do this," she whispered. "You're the one who was rational on my wedding day when I was ready to throw everything way. Our reasons for being apart have not changed."
Abruptly pulling from her, he turned and paced a few feet away from her. Taking a deep breath, he ran his hands down his face as he thought about the ruin his life was in. His heart was heavy with sorrow as he looked back to her. She was standing there, looking completely broken and, for the first time, he found himself hating her. If he'd never met her, he'd still be with his family. Perhaps even have a family of his own. A wife he could be with any time he chose. In public. Children to teach and love. He wouldn't be out in the middle of nowhere. Swimming across freezing rivers. Being constantly attacked by demons and men alike. His heart wouldn't be broken, leaving him a shell of a man.
"Ichabod?"
Her voice focused him back on her. Her uncertainty was visible, as was the internal torment she was experiencing.
He didn't want to see that, though, not when his own heart was shattering. He needed her to be the enemy to make his next words true.
"I'll be gone at first light."
Without another word, he turned and began to make his way back to the inn, leaving Katrina and every ounce of love he had behind him.
When they entered the trees surrounding Sleepy Hollow, they didn't get far in before they came across two hooded figures.
Thomas quickly reached for his pistol, but he stilled his hand, knowing exactly who was waiting for them.
Upon reaching the hooded figures, Alfred and Katrina removed their hoods.
The Reverend gave a pleasant smile. "Ichabod, I'll shall be accompanying you and young Thomas, here, back to your camp. I thought it would be safer for me to travel with two soldiers." He looked around in almost fearful way. "There's much danger about."
He knew the man was putting on a show for Thomas. He could take out the both of them without blinking an eye.
"What about her?"
Thomas raised a valid question to which Katrina bristled slightly. "I was keeping the Reverend company until your arrival."
Thomas regarded her a moment, looking between she and him. "No, you weren't." He stepped between them, almost blocking his view of Katrina entirely. "Shouldn't you be with your husband and children?"
He was surprised at the amount of venom in Thomas's voice. The boy was clearly trying to protect him. While touched at the sentiment, it was unnecessary, prompting him to clear his throat.
"He's right. You should be with your family."
Hurt flashed across her face, but was gone almost as soon as it appeared.
She'd never feel the hurt he did, not in all her life would she feel what he felt.
Looking to the sky, he avoided her gaze. "We're losing daylight. We need to be moving."
Thomas and Alfred nodded and began making their way deeper into the woods, but Katrina placed her hand on his arm, preventing him from following.
"You can catch up with them," she said lowly. "I need to speak with you."
"Katr-"
"Hey," Thomas cut in. "I don't appreciate what you're doing to my friend."
Katrina fixed the boy with a hard look and, before the two started arguing, he spoke in a low voice, chancing a glance at Alfred who was further up the road waiting for them.
"It's alright, Thomas." He nodded toward the Reverend. "Go with Alfred."
The boy, however, stood his ground. "It's not alright. She's using you."
Sighing, he placed his hand on Thomas' shoulder. "Katrina is simply a dear friend, Thomas."
"I saw you."
Frowning, he assumed the boy meant yesterday in the kitchen. "She was tending my wound, that's hardly reason to-"
"No," Thomas cut in heatedly. "Last night. I followed you to the graveyard because I was concerned. I stood off at a distance." His gaze flashed to Katrina, a deep anger in his brown eyes. "I saw the two of you."
The feeling of his blood draining from his face filled him. "Thomas-"
"You told me that I should wait. That I should wait to be with a girl that I made my wife. You said I should wait for love and yet you're carrying on with a married woman." Thomas shook his head. "You're a hypocrite, Ichabod."
Without another word, Thomas tuned on his heel and began moving further into the woods to join Alfred.
"I'm so sorry, Ichabod," she whispered. "This is what I was afraid would happen. Do you think he'll tell anyone?"
He looked back to her, his anger surfacing. "What do you want?"
She took a step back from him. "You left abruptly last night and... I wanted to make sure you were alright." A frown creased her features. "We might not see each other again for a long time and I-"
"Ok?" he asked incredulously. "Do you honestly think I'll ever be ok, Katrina? You've destroyed me."
Her face crumbled and he knew he should stop, but he was tired of worrying over everyone else's feelings but his own.
"You have taken everything that I had willingly given you; my heart, my body, my future. You selfishly ripped me apart and now you expect me to what, Katrina? Go on as if nothing has happened?"
She shook her head, reaching out toward him. "My love, please-"
"Don't!" he bit out, pointing a finger at her. "I never should have lain with you. It was a mistake that I'll never be able to take back."
Her breathing visibly picked up. "You're right, we shouldn't have done that last night, but-"
"Not last night." Her frown appeared again, so he decided to alleviate her confusion with no room for misinterpretation. "Ever. I never should have lain with you. Ever."
For a moment, she remained completely still. To him, it seemed as if she might not even be breathing.
"Please, don't say that," she finally whispered. "I know it's not fair and I have no right to ask this of you, but I'm doing it for my children. Our children, Ichabod."
He stared at her a moment longer before shaking his head and turning to walk away, but then his anger got the better of him, prompting him to turn back to her.
"Do your children a favor, Katrina. Tell them the truth before they discover it themselves, or else they'll grow to hate you just as intensely as I now do."
Her breath hitched and, for a moment, he felt he might have went too far, but before he allowed the thought to lead him to speaking again, he pushed the feeling down.
"I am finished with you. I don't want to ever see you again. Do you understand?"
"Please, don't do this."
He leaned close, grabbing her arm. "You ruined my life. I gave up my family, my home, at your word. I followed you into this war because I trusted you. I trusted you, Katrina, and all you've done since then is torment me." He paused, doing his best not to break her arm with the force with which he was holding her. "I want nothing more to do with you, nor another moment spent in your presence to allow you to break me any further. Do you understand?"
Her eyes darted over his face as she nodded. "Yes, I won't-I won't hurt you anymore."
At her broken whisper, he released her.
"Have a lovely life, Mrs. von Brunt."
Turning his back to her, he began walking to catch up with Alfred and Thomas, who were still waiting up the road.
With a deep breath, he prayed with everything within him that he'd just put Sleepy Hollow behind him forever.
Wow, upon re-reading this, it seems like some sort of mini-soap opera. Hope it was still enjoyable, despite its depressing nature. To make up for how horribly I'm treating poor Ichabod and Katrina here, I updated my other fic as well if you're reading it. It's much less dreary :)