Disclaimer: Please See previous chapters.

A/N: The response to the last chapter was thrilling: record number of reviews AND I heard lots of "swooning" and some "my favorite"s. I admit, that 'need' line was one of my favorites to write. Thanks again to all the new readers and favs and as always those beautiful little gems that are reviews!
Taking the opportunity to send some special thanks to: L'alchimiste de Castille, Evranu, Worrywart, and Emperor's Sister. Gah! I still haven't fit in everyone, but I want to make it special, so it won't be a single long list. I'm trying to pick a chapter specially for certain loyal reviewers. Still, I appreciate each and every review, even if you can't always think of something to say and even if it's just a word.

Now for the longest chapter yet...

Chapter 21: When

"Miss Granger seems to be getting a number of job offers." Professor McGonagall commented, watching her star pupil from her seat at the staff table during lunch. The young woman ate an English muffin with marmalade and sipped her tea as she read over a stack of mail.

"Indeed." Snape sipped his own tea.

"No doubt thanks in part to your allowing her to work with you in your research."

"She did the work." He told her fairly.

"But you also gave her the potion, did you not? And some occlumency?" She raised a knowing eyebrow. Snape scowled.

"She was suffering. I offered to try. It helped me as much as it did her."

"Really, Severus! No one would actually believe these silly, romance rumors. Why do you try deny you at least like the girl? You work well together. Not afraid of Mr. Weasley still, are you?" She jibbed.

Severus was not amused. "Not at all. I am not denying we have become… friendly, but she is my student and I try to maintain a certain distance. It would not be appropriate. I have already been accused—"

"That was not your fault." She said at once.

He tilted his head in acknowledgement. "Nevertheless." He said.

"Well," She smirked as she sipped from her goblet. "You will not be able to feign being a heartless beast for much longer when you have her visiting you after her graduation." He wondered if she would be so happy if he knew anything about exactly how friendly he and Miss Granger had gotten at times.

"Miss Granger will have much more important things to do after graduation than visit her old potions teacher." He said with a little more bitterness than he intended. "She will be busy with her own life, as she should be. As you said, she had countless job offers, and she'll no doubt become a workaholic."

"I'm sure she will still have time for you, Severus. You have been a good friend and mentor to her."

He made no comment, but gave a noncommittal grunt.

He was walking the grounds, rethinking Granger's unusually forward behavior. Her comment of thirty-nine days: what did she expect at the end of that time?

It was becoming increasingly difficult not to look at her like a woman during that time, a fact for which he tortured and berated himself constantly. He knew she was no longer a child. They worked together well, Minerva was right, and they had fallen into comfortable silences together. He tried telling himself he was protective of all his students, but that was not why he had trembled when they had come upon her stripped and injured. He had destroyed his room just recalling it, wanted to wring that boy's neck personally and watch the light leave his eyes.

Anyone could see Weasley was wrong for her and he fancied he had a bad feeling about Rex Forthright, but had he really? It seemed every man was wrong for Hermione. Was it because he was secretly thinking they were all wrong for her? But who was he…

That wicked little Gryffindor had admired his arms, called them impressive, whatever that meant. She had touched him too, not in the caring dutiful way she did when he was recovering, but curious and tenderly. She had said his arms were beautiful. She had admitted she still wanted to kiss him. She felt safe with him, and he supposed the way he had kissed her and manhandled her left her curious at this time in her life...

So she felt she needed him, she had said. But that was bad, wasn't it, for her to feel she needed him for something? He should make her feel stronger, more independent not weakened. He sighed, arms resting on the fence post as he watch the growing unicorn frolic. Hagrid's heavy footfalls pulled Severus from his musings.

"Alright there?" Hagrid asked.

Severus stood upright and commented thoughtfully, "She's incredible, isn't she?"

"Professor! I didn't know you admired unicorns." The half giant exclaimed, clapping him on the back.

"I was speaking of her namesake." He muttered darkly.

"Oh." Hagrid seemed conflicted for a moment, fiddling with some dirt on his fingers and looking out at the grounds. "Almost time to let her go, I'm afraid." The bigger man sighed.

"Excuse me?" He turned to face him.

"Well, I'll have to see if the herd will take her back. Course it's best if they do but," The man was talking about reintroducing the beast, Severus realized, and worse he was beginning to get weepy about it. "I'll miss her somethin' terrible! And with Dumbledore and now 'Arry and soon 'Ermione gone too… it's just too much." He blubbered, pulling out an ugly handkerchief. "It's just too much."

Snape grimaced. "Well, there are many new children, more than one I'll bet who could use a friend or who likes animals as much as you."

Hagrid balked at him. "Y-you know, yer right, professor. That's just what Dumbledore would say. Whenever you lose someone, there's more life out there, more who need ya'. That's the way the world works, old makes way fer new, jus' not always when you want.

"'ahgrid, he'd say, you can be lonely, but it won't bring 'em back, and it won't mean you miss 'em any more than if added someone new to yer life. Hearts don't have a fixed amount of love to give, Dumbledore used to say, they grow to make room around the spaces. Smart man, Dumbledore."

"Indeed." Severus commented, thinking on the words he too had been told so many time by the former headmaster. For the first time, it sounded less like gibberish and sentimentality and more like … something else.

He turned and strode towards the castle.

Granger seemed to understand this concept, filling the gaps in her life where people had been lost –people who were irreplaceable – by expanding her already tender heart. But how long could one go, he wondered, letting people in and losing them before one was more riddled with holes than they could stand? What happened when the emptiness outnumbered the people left to care for, he wondered as he strode down to the dungeons.

Was he guilty then as Granger had accused, of pushing her away when she got too close? If he continued this habit, it may be indeed time to let her go. Granger did not often force her presence on others. If he did not let her know she was welcome, that he considered her his friend, she may not return.

He walked directly to his private chambers, pouring a little drink and settling into what had been his favorite chair for some years.

Was he being a coward as the headmistress implied, so afraid of his attraction he was overcompensating by acting unconcerned? Or was he being sensible? He could lose his position, his reputation. But did he want to teach any longer? It was not his strong suit. It was no longer necessary, and it was, as Hagrid pointed out, difficult to be there without Dumbledore yet with so many memories….

There was simply no point in wondering about it any longer. He would have to talk to her. They were adults, after all. He would just sit her down and ask her. He would not cross the line, just talk.

For the time being, he removed the stupid book from his shelf, rolling his eyes even he continued through it, failing to see how it was enlightening or how it hinted at the meaning behind the rose Albus had given him. Yet again, he read the words, "Once upon a time, there was a little boy and little girl…" He sighed.

Hermione Granger sipped her tea seated on the green and cream-colored settee where she had been laid when she broke her ankle, where she had stood in her bathrobe, dripping, asking Snape to kiss her. It was same settee on which she sat during many meals. She laid not a foot from here nearly dying, burning alive in an invisible fire, choking from a curse. He had saved her, of course. She had faced him from this very seat, fire crackling behind her, as he examined her after Rex attacked her.

Strange this room had been here like this her entire first six years at Hogwarts, yet she, like most students, had never seen it. Now as she looked around she thought how much she was going to miss this room.

Severus Snape had invited her for an after exams lunch. Her head twinged with a headache, but she sipped tea anyway, worrying over her transfiguration results.

"Stop worrying." He told her. "You'll do fine."

She offered him an unconvinced smile and took a sandwich, not really hungry.

"My intent is asking you here," he shifted, still very stiff. "Is to ask you what your plans are after graduation."

She stared at him. The way he began his sentence did not match the way he ended it. Even he sounded dissatisfied with it.

"Well, er, Harry has been asking me that as well, and professor McGonagall." She set down her cup. "I'm not sure. I've been offered the chance to understudy Magical Law Enforcement at the ministry. I could see my friends a bit more, and it's a flattering offer. I don't want to offend him by turning it down."

"The very fact you are considering that tells me it's not what you want."

She sighed. "I don't know that it's not what I want."

"The first job you get outside of school need not be the perfect job for you forever. It can be an experiment, a useful experience, a stepping stone. On the other hand, if you choose wrong you can allow yourself to get trapped in field that you do not want or where you can't go any further, effectively wasting your time." He offered his advice, then sat in silence. She considered it. Then, she sighed again, retrieving her cup.

"Yes well, I'm just not sure. I've looked into possibly going to a muggle University. McGonagall has prepared some papers for me, in case."

"Really? To study what?"

"Can't really decide about that either. I'd like to study lots of things, but it's all rather expensive just for the sake of learning."

"You know, Miss Granger, just because you are intelligent does not mean you are obligated to take on an ambitious position. You had already accomplished more than most, so you have nothing to prove."

"What are you getting at?"

"Picture yourself getting up and ready for work. You're smiling. You feel proud about the work you're going to be doing. The place you are headed, you feel as comfortable as in your own home, maybe more so." She closed her eyes, picturing herself wrapped her scarf around her neck, grabbing an umbrella and walking out into the grey day.

"You walk there. What do you see on your way?"

"Er, streets?"

"Good. Full?"

"Well, it's very early, but there are lots of buildings. I'm on the pavement. There's some traffic…"

"Now you've arrived. The familiar scent of your comfortable place surrounds you." She was taking off her scarf in her mind's eye. "You say good morning to the first person you see. What sort of person are they?" He asked.

"A calm looking person, in tweed." She felt herself smirking. "Looking up from their work. Friendily."

"Is it loud, busy? Are there many people there?"

"No. Not yet. It's quiet. There are—" She bit her lip.

"Yes?"

She shook her head. "Nothing. It's just my imagination, you know."

"That's the point." He said blandly. "What is it? What there?"

"Books." She opened her mind. "Books don't hurl curses. Or gossip."

"There you have it."

"Have what? It just looked like a book shop." She laughed.

"Books, Miss Granger. Speaking of," He reached forward and took a bun. She noted it was the kind with strawberry jam. "I wanted to ask if you intend to or will have the time to continue working with me on the possible text? It would not be a job to speak of but might continue to advance you."

"Of course." She sat up straighter.

"I won't have you overwhelming yourself. You may only if you have the time." He told her firmly. She nodded. "Good. I should very much like your help."

"You would?"

"Naturally."

She looked surprised down at her lap. Was it so natural?

The man was still pretending the moment had not happened, the kiss on her cheek, the way he had said he could deny her nothing she needed…did he mean because he felt some sort of paternal protection? She was running out of time, and he had yet to make his position clear. She tried to be patient, not eager to be rejected.

"We should make a plan, hence my curiosity as to your schedule."

"Yes, sir. Shall we continue Saturdays?"

"I daresay you may want some of your Saturday evenings free."

"Oh. Well, er,"

"Shall we say every other then?"

"Oh well, yes that should work."

"Good then. Glad we worked that out."

"Perhaps I'll see you more often than that?" He eyes snapped to her. She cleared her throat, suddenly very self-conscious. "I mean, I'll be staying with Harry, for a while. You will drop by other than work, won't you?"

He tilted his head back, expression unreadable. "If you like."

"Well, we would." She told him, but her head really was throbbing and she had promised some people some answers. "I'm sorry, I have to go."

"Of course." He stood quickly. "I'm sure you have lots to do. Before you go," He went to the desk by his bed again and retrieved something that piqued her interest. "I wanted to give this to you now. I imagine at graduation you will be surrounded by well-wishers. I may not be able to reach you."

He turned and found her standing directly behind him. The man lowered a small bag into her hands.

"Thank you." She stared at it more than a little surprised. She looked up to ask if she could open it then. He indicated that she could.

There was a small black box and inside her Gryffindor ring Rex had sent her, the ruby crystal clear.

"Just returning it really, but it is safe now."

"Thank you." She had to touch it, admiring it, but did not dare put it on.

"The curse was different, by the way."

"What was it?"

"Drowning."

She shuddered. "I don't know what's worse."

"Will you have to testify?"

"If Rex does not plead guilty I may." She nodded staring into the red at the rippling gold.

"You will be fine." He reassured her, even though she had not asked. She smiled vaguely. He cleared his throat. "There's something else."

The bag was small, but she stuck her hand back in and pulled out an object that should not have fit inside, an undetectable extension charm, just as she was fond of; she removed a book. Or it seemed like a book. Upon further examination, she found it was actually an organized series of lists—a book list. A book to keep track of books—to read, on certain subjects, etc.

"Perfect." She laughed lightly.

"And you'll also find a couple copies of your letter of recommendation in there." He noted.

It was her turn to snap her head up and look at him.

"You did not think I'd not give you a recommendation?"

She opened her mouth to say something, but could not. Instead, she threw her arms around him again. She had grown rather attached to the man and somewhat attracted to him. His own inclinations remained a mystery, so she worried their friendship might dwindle after she left. That and leaving her home of seven years… made the goodbye all that more difficult.

His hand tentatively held her waist, fitting around the side of it. "Have I upset you?" He said into her hair, pretending to be annoyed. She looked up, finding his face much closer than she expected. His eyes widened a little at that.

"It's just hard to say goodbye." She smiled sadly at him.

He let go of her waist, but did not step away. "H—Miss Granger," He said deliberately. This time, she was pressed against his chest and the rumble ran all the way through her. She swallowed as he looked into her eyes. "This is not goodbye. If after you leave Hogwarts," he seemed to struggle. "There is anything you want from me, you need only ask. Now that I need not protect the integrity of my grading it is possible I may be able to…be available to you in ways I have not been."

She could not believe her ears. What was he saying? She frowned, staring directly ahead at his chest. "So you're saying, like, if I still wanted to kiss you—"

He stepped back, his voice firm and distant again. "Miss Granger, this is not an appropriate conversation to have with your potions master."

"Yes, sir." She took her things, not daring to look at him. "Thank you again, for everything."

"Congratulations, Miss Granger." He said cordially and she shut the door on the rooms she may never see again.

'If I still wanted to kiss you…' If. IF? What was she playing at?

Severus Snape laid in bed awake, wondering if he would more or social pariah than he was before the war if he were to kiss Hermione Granger or slightly less of one. He could hear Minerva's scandalized gasp already, he thought sourly. Mr. Weasley would almost undoubtedly punch him again. He did not even know that he wanted to kiss the woman!

After hours of trying to fall asleep, he convinced himself that the moment had inevitably came to a head. It began when he kissed the hell out of her. She had been too shocked to panic and the kiss itself was not…terrible. Then she had barged in, sopping wet and hardly dressed, begging him to kiss her. He'd kissed her cheek.

She had admitted to a psychosomatic effect—she believed herself to still be functioning under the potion when she wanted him to kiss her again. She admired his arms as they worked together, a sexual curiosity emerging within the young woman, he reasoned. She'd needed something from him she could not even articulate. He was a man she trusted, so she wanted it from him. They were both lonely and she pretty young woman. It was a natural physical reaction, he told himself, to look at her—an adult— this way, as long as he did not act on it.

But he had kissed her cheek again.

Pulling away may have further built the tension. They had been so close, her body growing more mature and more attractive every day. They brushed against each other just enough to tease him into wondering what more would be like. At the same time her connection with him grew so did her fascination with him, feeding that delusional desire which would completely dissipate with one awkward date. He sighed aloud.

A kiss was inevitable, it seemed, due to their past riling, thanks to the potion, and both their imaginations. Eventually, if her curiosity persisted he would kiss her and it would be over: the urge, the tension, the romanticized forbidden idea.

'Kiss me…' Fragments of the damned dream, brought about the exoticness of their first forbidden kiss, flashed through his mind. Her small wrists in his hand, his lips pressing against hers, needy. 'I need you.' He heard her.

"Damn, Granger!" He cursed, throwing off his covers and going for a cold shower.

Hogwarts graduation was a jovial affair. Harry and Ron, her family, were there cheering her on as she accepted her diploma. McGonagall hugged her tightly. "So proud of you." The woman whispered.

"Thank you!" A tearful Hermione managed before moving to make room for the others. Ginny was last. Everyone stood, thundering applause; even Snape was clapping loudly. Smiling broadly, she tossed up her pointed hat with the others. Her heart rose with it—she had done it—and fell with it back to earth: it was over.

Overhead crackled then exploded the fireworks, George smirking in the crowd. There was laughter and cheering, professors pretending to be annoyed.

Snape was right; it was nearly impossible to get through the crowds to her. Harry was insistent, given the recent threat, she collect her things and head straight for the apparition point, going to Grimmauld Place. He'd taken to acting like her personal bodyguard. Ron did the same for his sister, helping her with the trunks.

"Ready?" Harry asked, heaving it into the fireplace to floo instead thanks to McGonagall. She looked wistfully around the room. "You'll be back." He said quietly. "I know you will."

She wiped a tear and followed him into the flames.

The moment they arrived lights, explosions, and shouts filled the air. Hermione had her wand trained on Mr. Weasley's surprised face when the room became clear. She put it away at once. Crookshanks scampered off with an angry cry.

"Congratulations!" They all shouted.

"Harry?" She blinked. Harry looked pleased with himself.

"Surprise." He shrugged.

Stepping out of the fireplace, she entered the crowd. Some Order members were there, most of the people she should have graduated with, and the Weasleys. Ginny was holding a glass, a celebratory hat on her head. The girl stepped forward and popped one on Hermione's head too, making them both laugh. Everyone was there. Well, practically everyone.

"Thank you for coming!" She hugged Neville, who was nearest.

"Of course. Wouldn't miss it."

"It was our idea—" Harry grinned, looking tired from work, but happier than he had in a while. "Ron, George, and mine, but we needed Luna to plan it."

"And decorate it." Ron admitted sheepishly. Hermione noted the streamers around the room had various animals on them and everything was black and gold.

"And basically she did everything." George appeared, his arm draped around his brother. "But it was our idea." He kissed Hermione's cheek.

"Thank you, all of you. I'll just go thank Luna." They nodded. She worked her way through the crowd, accepting their congratulations and a glass of strange punch that changed color as she held it. She eyed George apprehensively. He winked and raised his glass to her from across the room, drinking it. Hermione tried it, finding it pleasantly sweet and tangy, with the warm burn of alcohol after. Her glass was red where George's had been lime green. Luna's, she noticed as she reached the girl standing on her own, was a light purple.

"Hello, Hermione." Luna smiled. "Enjoying your party?"

"I am. Luna, these decorations are amazing. Thank you." They were certainly interesting. She was not sure why she chose all the animals…

"Oh, it's nothing. I like to help."

"I wanted to talk to you about something else as well."

Luna waited for her to explain.

"Well, I'm going to continue helping Snape with something, but I was thinking, I would like to do some work with you at the Quibbler."

The former Ravenclaw did not hide her surprise.

Hermione quickly explained. "You're very nice and very bright, one of the few people I can trust, so while everything there might not be my… cup of tea, the idea of doing a column or two like you offered, helping with some editing and production, well, it sounds like a fantastic experience. I'm sure there's tons I could learn from you, and we might just balance each other out—you being so, well, intuitive and me being so logical."

"I'd really like that, Hermione." Luna said genuinely.

"Me too. Oh, but I might be doing some part time study as well. I've gotten into a muggle program."

"That's wonderful."

"You think?"

"Of course." She looked at her, puzzled. "It won't be a problem. You're going to be very busy. You'll be staying here?"

"Yes, with Harry. You really should come visit often. We'd all like that."

Luna smiled again, looking up at the spinning paper lanterns lighting the room. "Me too."

"Hermione," Kingsley offered her hand.

"Thank you so much for coming, Minister."

"Please now, Kingsley." He insisted. "I'm still waiting on your answer. Will you be joining us?"

"Yes, Hermione," Mr. Weasley clapped her shoulder, smiling. "Be seeing you at work now?"

"I'm honored to be asked, but I'm just not sure which direction to head in yet, and until I do I don't think I'd be much of an asset. I hope I'll be applying in the future when I know what department I'd fit with."

He nodded in understanding. "I see. If you change your mind, don't hesitate to come to me."

"I hope to be coming to you, minister." She eyed Luna who was staring off into space, but listening she knew. Hermione gently tugged the other girl over. "Luna and I will be working on her publication. And I'd really like to be available to clarify any ministry statements the Prophet …misinterprets."

"Any ally in the press, ladies, would be very good."

Hermione breathed a sigh of relief.

"Very good indeed." Mr. Weasley agreed.

"We'll be in touch." The Minister nodded. "I need to go."

"Of course, minister."

"Arthur. Miss Granger. Miss Lovegood."

"Minister."

The party was fun, even she had to admit. There was not a face there she did not want to see. She even had a couple of drinks, delicious as they were. Her face was even warmer than the room, everything gleaming. She was not as interested in dancing as Ginny was or Neville for that matter.

"How are your parents?" She asked him, munching on some of the puffs Luna brought.

"I never thought I'd say this, but…worse."

"What?" She panicked.

"In a good way," he tried awkwardly. "See, they couldn't remember anything really, before. The potion is bringing them back a little. Some of the healers are occlumens, so they help with the memories. I've contacted a muggle psychiatrist."

"How?"

"He believes they usually stay at a private facility."

"And it's helping?"

"They won't be themselves, but they might be less…"

"I hope so."

"The point is, it worked. It, you know, reached them. Good aren't they?" Neville happily tried a puff. "Luna made them."

"They are great. I didn't even know she could cook."

"Yeah I guess all those years cooking for her dad..."

"Oi! You had these SPINACH CHEESE PUFFS?" Ron shouted excitedly.

"I'm right here, Ronald." Hermione laughed.

"They are soooooooooooo good." He proceeded to shove several in his mouth. "'arry! I got four."

"Sweet."

She rolled her eyes. Her friends were ridiculous, but that felt pretty good right them, ridiculousness. Most people had gone home, save the DA group and a couple new aurors. In fact, everything felt pretty good. Her face was tight from smiling, and she felt elated, like the whole room floated a little.

And then, in the corner, Ginny was kissing Harry, hard. He seemed surprised, then kissed her back enthusiastically. She moved up and down; the crowd cheering and jeering was exciting her. Harry blushed. Ron gagged.

Hermione looked away and slipped out the door into the silence of the hall, going downstairs for some water. The little black dress she'd had under her graduation robes reached halfway down her thigh, her black heels, short and skinny, matching the small dangling earrings. The dress was fitting and low cut but then black lace went up to her neck and shoulders to retain her modesty. Her hair was twisted up, a few strands falling about her face, curling a bit with sweat, but most of her make up was still intact; she had to hand it to Ginny, as she caught sight of her reflection in the china cabinet glass, that smokey eyes trick really did work wonders.

Even George had said she looked hot, much to the chagrin of his younger brother. But Hermione found herself uninterested. And not because of Rex's attack, she realized the moment she saw Ginny kissing Harry. She was only interested in kissing one person. The thought of it made it hard to swallow, but she already missed Snape.

What if the man avoided her, continued to pretend like nothing happened between them? The thought both infuriated her and scared her. But, she assured herself, he had basically said that after graduation …well he had not said he was interested, but he said he could at least, well, answer her.

She walked out to get some air, clear her head. Before she knew it, she had apparated to Hogsmeade. She was not even sure if the professor would still be at the castle when she found herself knocking on his door.

"Sir," She said the moment it opened. She tried to think of a lie. This was really happening. Breathe, she told herself, breathe.

"Miss Granger." His features flashed with concern. "Is something wrong?"

"No, no." She shook her head, bit her lip. She let go, standing up straight. She refused to be nervous. "You said to see you again when I graduated."

"Indeed." He said carefully, crossing his arms. He was still in his black robes.

"I want you." She blurted. It was instinctual, thinking of the night he'd kissed her. Maybe she should have said need… She wanted to cover her mouth, but she did not. She thought of obliterating his memory, but did not. All she could do was stand rooted to the spot and wait for his reply.

"Excuse me?"

A/N: Well really though, how could I not pause there? Not to worry, it was just a pause. Next up: Hermione has to answer that question. Gulp. Please, please do take a second to leave a review. Spinach cheese puffs.

Yours,

Elsie