Dear Readers:

My apologies for sounding like a caffeine-addicted newscaster, however, stay tuned for the longer update coming later today (or possibly tomorrow)! I wanted to post this online before I continued merely because this seemed like a sufficient, short, chapter in itself. With a little over 1000 words this chapter is truly an addition to the previous chapter, though its final line (do not scroll down, it shall not make sense!) I felt it deserved some space of its own. Once you do finish you will probably be able to glean what will inevitably follow. Also, on a random note, what do you think of the new New Moon trailer?

Reviews have been, are always, and will be much appreciated.

Most sincerely,

Itaque

Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer. Bella, Edward, Victoria, and others mentioned in this story are not my creation(s).

Ruminations

To say I ran until I could run no more would be a lie, my ability to withstand fatigue, breathlessness, and physical pain was one of the better side effects of my immortality. Unfortunately the less joyful side effects, i.e. thirst, were just as prevalent in my life. Thus, after running about 70 miles my already worn body was sane enough to realize that I needed sustenance, quickly. After locating a nearby group of deer I fed greedily. I was ashamed to admit it but I was far from satiated.

The thirst had only be farther agitated by the close encounter with the humans that coupled with what seemed to be almost a month—surprisingly I could not recall how much time had passed—without any blood made me ravenous.

After taking down the four deer I stood in the woods shifting my weight and slowly turning in a circle as my ears and nose took in the sound and scents around me. About a mile to my right I could hear the dull rustle of a larger predator moving through the brush, but I could also sense the scent of a lone moose. I made my choice instantly, turning to the right and darting closer. As I approached the animal I could smell its pungent odor, and identified it as a Canada Lynx. It was a bit of a disappointment; I could tell that it was only at only about two and a half feet long, effectively offering the same nutrition as a large house cat. Orienting myself again, I could tell that more miles north were some mountains, and thought perhaps I might be able to catch a cougar.

I started running again. The decision was instantaneous, so rapid that I barely remembered how it felt when I was a human. The human response of thinking, possessing, and finally moving seemed sluggish in retrospect. I passed my time idly, if I could ever be idle when away from her. The intrinsic part of my long gone heart wished to be pounding my feet in a completely opposite direction, a dangerous direction. One that would take me unreasonably close to a town named for articles of dinnerware. Was there a reason why I suddenly cherished the thought of dinnerware? Yes. Of course there was, but that reason was what needed me to find Victoria. I refocused on my feline-tracking task at hand. The hunting was so mundane and routine that the time passed like a blur. If time could ever move so quickly. In reality what transpired was an avoidance of seeing my surroundings. An attempt to shroud myself from the pain I knew would undoubtedly follow if I allowed myself to open my aching mind. Thus, I spent my time with part of my mind locating and the other half planning what I would need to be doing. It felt strangely normal for once, this hyper- compartmentalization of my actions. The planning was simple, after hopefully locating a cougar I would need to start acting.

Though the past few months had seemed like the longest in my life I had little, if anything, to show for it. That fact was about—no, would—change. Confidence is key, I reminded myself, ignoring the annoying seemingly omnipresent voice that said, confidence about what? A harebrained mission relying on information garnered by a rare fluke of luck? Confidence, I internally repeated. After traveling and searching for about another half-hour, little time for a human and usually immortal, but eternity for a hunting vampire I came upon a cougar. I attacked swiftly and easily taking care not to make a mess, though my clothes could hardly be further worsened at this point. It seemed as though my goal was to infuriated everyone in my family—Rosalie with my beaten car and Alice with my battered clothes.

The realization hit harder that one would superficially assume. The reason behind every pretense that we set up before humans was ultimately selfish. We, Cullens, prided ourselves in being more "civilized" than our sanguinary counterparts. And we tried to show our difference through a variety of things, primarily abstaining from human blood, but also maintaining a proper façade. This façade included taking care of our clothing (for me, after living a hundred years fashion seemed to be changing incessantly and unnecessarily, for Alice on the other hand…), our house, our car, and our overall demeanor. A lapse in any of these would only bring us closer to the monsters we all wished to be free from. Here I was, clearly failing all of the structured points our coven had prided ourselves for, I wondered whether that, in part, had led me so close to the humans.

I couldn't bear to think about my previous actions. To have been that close, I cringed at the memory and lashed my hand out pummeling a near by tree. This only incited more frustration. Could I only keep destroying? Sardonically I reminded myself, I was not an actor. As much as actors chose to indulge in method acting for a performance, my conquest for Victoria would not need me to turn in to the monster she was. That would be the least productive thing, I reminded myself. The more animalistic I allowed myself to become the farther from my conscience I would become. Since in essence, this was a moral battle between Victoria and myself the prospect of sharing her scruples seemed unproductive at best.

My mind quickly saw what I needed to do, not only to solace the memory of my family but to also clear my mind. I began to run towards where I had left my things, driving my feet farther forward, propelling myself even faster. I smiled a tight inward grimace; I had never thought it would come to this. Even after searching for Victoria for a mere few months, would could have thought that my entire trust would be put upon such a small object? Perhaps I was exaggerating, slightly. The upcoming "battle" was far from the sole determining factor in my search for Victoria. If anything it would only prove to be a useful ally in my journey. Yes, the time had come. I was going shopping.