Disclaimer: The X-men belong to Marvel. Not me. So don't sue.
Song Suggestions:
Part One – Just Like A Pill - Pink
Part Two – The Fixer – Pearl Jam
Part Three – Shake It Out – Florence and the Machine
Part One - Just Like A Pill
Gambit flipped another card into the waste basket by Jubilee's bed, watching it fizzle away to nothing. With an impatient huff, he dropped his head back against the metal wall. His lungs still trying to make sense of all the fresh air they were being forced to take in.
Screw the girl! This damn no smoking policy was gonna be what put him six feet under. Special thanks to Moira who'd seen fit to relieve him of all three of his stashes while he slept. Just thinking about it made his teeth grind. Forcing him to lock his jaw against all the onlookers in the control room. Not like there weren't better ways to cause damage than a little second hand smoke. Seemed kind of stupid not to take the explosives too.
His eyes drifted towards the IV drip. Again. Almost out, Merci Dieu. Else Moira'd be hunting him down for all the more creative ways he had of keeping himself entertained. And, now that he was actually awake enough to think straight, his brain was coming up with all sorts of intriguing ideas.
Per usual, a day or two of sleep was all he needed to feel like himself again. Not Jubilee though. The girl had been off and on for the better part of a week. Better enjoy it while she could too. 'Cause once she finally woke up, those kid gloves he'd been treating her with were coming off.
Unable to wait the extra five minutes it would take for her to come to, he decided to see how fast it would take Moira to come running if he sped up the process un peu. With a salute to the control room, he began cranking up each card with a bit more juice than necessary. Smiling as they detonated against the can. Loud enough to create a disturbance. Small enough to contain the damage.
In no time at all, the Firecracker's eyelids were fluttering. Words pooling at the corners of her mouth. Moira didn't even make it past the control room door.
Making sure that Jubilee stayed acutely aware of his position, Gambit rose. Calling out as he measured his steps to defend against the inevitable fireworks. "Time ta wake up petite. Gambit t'ink you slept enough for one lifetime." He warned. All the while gaining ground.
The insistence in his tone made the girl crack open a lid. Although the bright lights shining directly into her eyeball made her regret it. Blinking back the watery agony, Jubilee shifted around and slung an arm up over her face – trying to shield herself from the unwelcome onslaught. Far as she could tell, some big brown blur was trying to talk to her. It just had to be her imagination working over time again. Or at least, that's what she tried to tell herself right up until whatever it was was practically standing on top of her. Casting enough of a shadow for her to see without squinting.
"Nice ta move widdout dem wires, eh petite?" A familiar voice roused her the rest of the way awake.
"Gumbo?" She yawned. Gingerly lowering her arm. "Whass goin on?"
Gambit looked down in disgust. Figures her vocal chords would comprehend the situation faster than her brain.
"You tell moi." He spat. Meaning every word, and making it look good for the sake of all the prying eyes. "One minute ya forcin' Remy ta listen t'ya go off like de fool you ain't, an' next t'ing he know, he gotta track down yer unresponsive hide all over de astral plane."
Shit. She should have known better than to hope for pain meds. Or even food. But was it asking too much for a few pleasantries? She didn't think she'd be waking up quite so soon to a pissed off Cajun giving her the evil eye. And bloody hell was he pissed…
Just standing there with his arms crossed. Not saying much of anything unless you counted that 'eat shit and die' look plastered all over his face.
Maybe if she played dumb…. "Seriously? Coulda sworn I hallucinated that part..."
Remy only stared her down. Looking like he didn't believe a word that was coming out of her mouth.
Smart man. She thought as he began to rip her a new one.
"Go play! Dat all ya got petite? Best quit actin' like ya ain't all dere. Dat shit fly past de X-men easy, but it ain' gon' work wit' moi. Merde. Much as Remy like ta t'ink all dis be a dream, he been through enough crap ta know it ain't. Dis Cajun still be tryin' ta recover from dat estie 'wake up call' ya be tryin' ta give."
Crazy as it was, the lengths he had gone through to save her hit her like an oncoming freight train. His sincerity had always been what had allowed him to get as close as he did. But she couldn't help still feeling bothered by it - forever afraid of what was hidden underneath. Whatever he'd done for her - there had to be a better reason than the kindness in his little Cajun heart. Question was: had she really fucked him over with this suicide attempt? Or had she just interfered with some larger plan that for whatever reason happened to involve her?
The guilt of including him at all gnawed on her brain like a dog with a day old bone. Making her take a few seconds to wrap her head around it all, as she tried to put her doubts into words. All that came out was "Why?" Trying harder, she began to formulate a more substantial accusation. Something like: "Why do you give a fuck what happens to me when nobody else does?"
Despite whatever words had tumbled out of her mouth, Gambit heard the meaning loud and clear. He didn't have to think before responding: "Remy apris la voie dure une fois." Though he only translated what was necessary. "He not in de habit of makin' de same mistakes twice."
"In anglaisse si voo play?"
Gambit resisted the urge to knock her upside her fool head. Mostly for the butchering of his parent language. But also because doing business with people was enough of a risk without letting them in on your whole life story. Never mind that that he was being forced to explain himself to someone who wasn't ready for what he had to say. Unfortunately, if he wanted to earn her trust, that's exactly what he was going to have to do. He just wouldn't be doing it all at once.
With a bitter sigh, he tried to appeal to her more common of senses. "It means petite, dat de only difference between Remy an' de X-men is dat Remy be tryin' ta make up fer de mistakes he make. De X-men be traitors too – dey jes don' admit it. Be more concerned wit' dere reputation, dat bunch. T'ink dey can reform de ones dat hate 'em an' control de ones dat don't. So quick to punish dey own, but givin' dere enemies special treatment."
His fists were clenched up so hard, Jubilee began to wonder if he was gonna bleed out right then and there. Even as her heart squeezed up right along with them. The X-men's 'outreach' program was still a real sore spot. Sad thing was, there had been a time when she had believed such interventions could work. She wasn't quite so naive anymore.
It had only taken Magneto – a mutant who had called for the death of all who opposed him (humans and mutants alike) to make her change her mind. Dude got his mind wiped (or so he claimed). And instead of having to answer for those crimes, he was accepted into the mansion with open arms. All because he was a friend of Xavier's! It also didn't hurt that he was endorsed by Rogue (who made goo goo eyes at him instead of the boyfriend he'd sentenced to die). And even that wasn't as bad as when the Professor all but invited Sabertooth into the mansion. Discrediting Logan's instincts over a 'personal vendetta' and damn near killing them all in the process.
Sure, Gambit's experience was way more personal. But damned if she was gonna let him bleed all over her because of it. Only because his fist was so close to her head, did she reach up and work her finger underneath the space between his thumb and forefinger. Staring at a fixed point in space, Gambit was too busy trying to minimize a blowout to notice. Making sure to keep his back to the control room and his face a blank slate, it wasn't until he felt Jubilee push up against the bone of his hand - hurting him to the point of awareness - that he dropped the act. Coming back with a vengeance.
"Much as Gambit deserve what he got, it ain' what shoulda happen. Remy betray a lot o' people chere. Mais he learn his lesson after it come back to bite him in de ass one too many time. De X-men still be workin' on dat. An' Gambit aim ta help 'em along."
"So why not just leave? It's not like you owe me anything 'cause the others are idiots. Hell, ya didn' even really care all that much 'til ya decided to go all MacGuyver with a lockpick."
Gambit shook his head. Willing her to be a bit less self absorbed. "Remy may keep to himself most days, but he ain' blind chere. He be seein' problems 'fore you even acknowledge dey exist. An' contrary ta what ya might t'ink, dis ain' all about you."
"That still doesn't explain...Not after what they did..."
"Much as Gambit love to answer dat question, dis ain' all about moi eider. You ever t'ink about what we really done ta deserve all dis petite? Sides bein' willin ta die fer de ones we love? Mais dat don' even mean much if nobody care what happen to ya. T'ing is, we both be wagin' battles don' nobody else know nothin' about. One be guilty. De other be innocent. Yet we still sufferin' de same consequence. Remy hopin' when all dis get over an' done wit', mebbe ya be willin' ta hear him out."
"No time like the present right?" Jubilee scoffed. More at the X-men's expense than his.
Knowing this wasn't the time or the place, Gambit easily brushed her off. "Askin' Remy ta spill his guts now, be like askin' a dealer ta trust a junkie wit' his stash. Ain't givin' moi no reason ta trust ya. An' til ya do, ya ain' goin' nowhere. Comprends?"
"Like you guys haven't made that painfully clear." Jubilee muttered.
The girl was getting ready to throw herself a gigantic pity party until Gambit leaned in conspiratorially – placing his mouth right up against her ear to hiss: "Den do yerself a favor chere. Tell Gambit what he need ta know so we kin take dis show on de road."
Part 2: The Fixer
His proximity caused her mood to take a sharp U-turn. Despite the obvious implications, it took almost all of her willpower not to paff him right then and there. "What the hell do you need ta know that ya haven't already overheard?"
"Smarter den ya be actin. Dat fer damn sure." Gambit muttered, loud enough for her hear. He pulled back then. Tempering his exasperation so he could spell it out for their audience. Like they hadn't been vigilant enough with all those fucking surveillance cameras they'd had trained on him ever since the day he got there.
"Remy not interested in why petite. More like how. Startin' wit' how long ya been plannin' dis shit. An' ya best come clean now. 'Fore ya start testin' dese people's limits. 'Cause de longer ya have ta stay here, de more o' a problem dat gon' be."
"No one's forcing you to stick around y'know. Oh, and take it from someone whose heard enough 'threats' to write a friggin' manual – you're losing your touch."
The fact that she used air quotes to emphasize threats was really the cherry on top of his sundae. "Or mebbe you jest too thickheaded t'hear what Remy tryin' ta get through dat brique et mortier capachon o' yers. Mais why mince words? Consider the 'threat' (he said, mocking her air quotes) a disclaimer and answer de damn question."
"And if I don't?" She threw back.
"Den Remy gonna work ya til ya crack." Leaning over, he added. "By de way chere, why you t'ink Logan don' bother trainin' one on one wit' nobody else? It not be what ya be t'inkin eider." He quipped, picking up her on her amused sarcasm. "Gambit don' wan none o' dat." He gave a second for that image to sink in before going in for the kill. "Course if ya still wanna hold out, dere's always de added bonus of video chats wit' de mansion."
"You wouldn't - "
"Keep pushin' yer luck, petite. Remy do what he have to ta get de job done."
"Fucking hell - would ya quit callin' me that already? Why do always have to be such a dick about everything?" For the first time since since he'd started interrogating her, that ghost of a smirk of his crossed back over his features. That Southern Fried Swamprat was actually enjoying this...
"Gambit gon' call ya what he want long as you be actin' de part." He rebuffed. An easy enough statement to make since he'd long ago resigned himself to the fact that Jubilee needed to be taken down a notch. "Guess we be doin' dis de hard way, non?"
Before the girl could even register what was happening, the bed did a full 180 tilt. Dumping her - covers and all - onto to a barely padded floor.
"Are you crazy?" She screamed. If it weren't for the searing pain in her legs, she wouldn't have given him the satisfaction. But they had yet to regain their ability to function. And being confined to a hospital bed had done nothing to help with that! Stifling her tortured groans, she threw him an 'eat shit and die' look of her own. "What the hell are you trying to do?" She grimaced. "Maim me for life?" Atleast someone (and so help her, it better have been a woman) had had the decency to put her in sweats. Else she would have been using words that hadn't been invented yet!
Gambit glanced down. Clearly unconcerned. "Not Remy's problem ya cain't move around." He mused, intent on ignoring her distress. Turning his focus instead to shuffling a deck of cards. All this big talk was hurting her more than it was him. Quite literally, seeing as how all that oxygen she was wasting was gonna make her pass out.
Unfortunately for her, Jubilee was only just starting to realize she may have bitten off more than she could chew. This wasn't some combat junkie she was dealing with. Wolverine may have been hellbent on physical torture, but Gambit's brand of training was more like psychological warfare. Favoring intellect over force – and using the latter only when the first failed.'Course, when you got right down to it, he really was just a manipulative bitch. A bitch who wasn't going to be quite so easy to wrap around her little finger.
"Ya wanna ret'ink dat answer petite? Or you be ready ta play?
Jubilee swore inwardly. Trying to determine the course of action that would earn her the least trouble. Why oh why did she insist on shooting her mouth off to someone who would kill her in the danger room and STILL make her sit through an hour of interrogation with - not one - not two - but three - telepaths? It was enough to make her want to murder him in his sleep. Especially since he had the infuriating habit of making her sing like a damned canary every time he opened his mouth.
"Oh for the love of - ! I just did it on the fly okay?"
"Bullshit. Dat hack job ya pulled on de medlab database be almost four weeks old."
"Wait, you were spying on me? That's how you found out?"
"More like watchin' to see jest how stupid ya t'ink Remy be."
"And here I thought you actually cared." She feigned, slapping an open palm over her heart.
Gambit was less than impressed. "Right petite. Cuz Remy go to all dis trouble pour jest anyone. Ya wanna know what make you so special? Well listen good, cuz Remy only gonna say dis once. You de type dat wanna make it all about you. Oui, you get burned. But ya give as good as ya get. Hurtin' oders 'fore dey hurt you, non? Only, you ain't hurtin' nobody. Jes makin' t'ings harder pour yerself when people figure out dey ain' gotta take yer bullshit. Start dishin' it right back to ya. Den ain't nobody tryin' ta help 'cause dey tired o' givin' a fuck. An' by den so are you."
If it had been coming from anyone else Jubilee would have been the first one to give them a fat lip. But the look in his eyes was so hauntingly familiar, she couldn't help but wonder how much of this was his experience. And how much of it was hers.
Gambit forced his hand up under her chin, turning her head up towards his so she could stare into a part of his soul that only she was allowed to see. "C'est vrai. It make t'ings hard when ya don' know who ta trust. But dere be a problem when ya cain' tell de difference 'tween help an' hurt. You ain't got no idea what Gambit do ta de people he ain't got no problem manipulatin'. So, if someone like him be willin' ta tell yer ass when ya bein' une tête dure, AN' stick around when ya fool-headed enuff not ta listen. Ya might wanna start givin' a fuck 'bout somebody other dan yerself. Whatever ma motive be."
What? Was he some kind of a mind reader now too? Cripes, that was all she needed! Gambit may have been as annoying as he was persistant. But even she had to admit that she was grateful he was probably the most perceptive person she had ever met in her life. A thousand insults - already springloaded to attack - flew from her mind as soon as his words hit their mark.
"Yeah – about that - "
Swallowing her pride (and God knows she had a lot of it), she made the simplest concession she could think of. As fast as the words would leave her mouth. "Thanksforhavin'myback." Seeing the skepticism on his face, she tacked on "and stuff." Hoping that would put the issue to rest.
It didn't. But he could still see how determined she was to pay him back for his troubles. His mood softened only to say "Mebbe you remember dat next time ya go lookin' pour a quick fix." By the next breath, he was back to practicalities. "'Course Remy believe dat when he see it. An' jest in case you be gettin' any ideas, Moira's database gon' take more dan dat mignon script kiddie mess.
"Ooo hit me right where it hurts. My subpar hacking skills." She sassed, trying to distract him.
"Need ta learn yer own an' quit rippin' off le petite chat." He threw back. Not missing a beat.
"Oh my GAWD are you ALWAYS this thorough?" She whined, making it as annoyingly valley girl as possible.
She should have known joking around wouldn't work. 'Specially not when he was shakin' like that. And yeah, that could have been for any number of reasons…. Stress…. Personal issues…. Skyrocketing blood pressure from not being able to strangle her… But she'd lived with him long enough to know it was probably just that he hadn't had his daily fix yet. Would it really kill these people to get the man a cup of joe? Maybe let him out for a smoke break? After all they weren't the ones who were gonna have to deal with his detox issues.
There was that glare again. "First rule of thieving chere. Quit underestimatin' yer target."
Jubilee rolled her eyes. "Right. Totally knew that. SO taking notes…."
"Specially when dey tryin' ta protect somethin' dey value more dan you."
Now, that was crossing the line. "Okay, ya can't complain about me stealin' scripts when you're takin' lines straight outta Sean's mouth."
"Long as you get de point." Gambit countered.
He was awarded with a snap of "duly noted" before she finally shut her mouth. Leaving him just enough time to reinterate his original question. "How long exactly?"
Part Three: It's Always Darkest Before The Dawn (Shake It Out)
Jubilee let out a growl. She didn't like explaining herself any more than he did. And the longer she took to mull things over, the more Gambit's self-congratulatory smirk began to interfere with that damn-near-trademarked poker face.
Of course, while he waited for her to fess up, the only thing she could envision was him in one of those old Kodak commercials. Saying something stupid like…Waiting for the petite to wake up? Too many damn hours. Getting the petite ta talk? Fifteen minutes of selling ma soul. Making the petite realize there ain't no point in bein' a snot after she fallen and cain't get up? Priceless.
"Gambit t'ink ya ready ta answer de question, non?" He fished, pulling her out of her thoughts and trapping her, yet again, into a confession. It only made her loathe him more.
"Look, it's not like I just woke up one day and said Life-sucks-I-think-I'll-kill-myself-cause-isn't-that-just-spit-in-everyone's-face-fantastic! I've been toying with the idea for awhile now. Ever since Logan ditched me. I mean it was building way before that. Not like I wanted to end it over his sorry ass. I was just so freakin' tired of having to fake being well adjusted and happy all the time."
"What ideas ya be toyin' wit exactly?"
"Maybe if you'd hacked into my laptop, you could have figured that one out too." She grumbled.
"Quit changin' de subject."
"FINE!" She huffed. Attempting to carry on with this horrific little "dear diary" moment. "If you must know, it started out as – well – daydreams. I don't know how else to describe it. It wasn't anything specific. Nothing really like lame like cutting. I guess it was more like…blanking out. Pretending I didn't exist. Atleast then, I didn't have to fight to get myself noticed in that shithole excuse for a family." Jubilee paused for a moment, reflecting. "I just wanted it to be like that all the time, ya know? If Beast'd let me out of my cage every once and awhile I coulda scored some O.P. Woulda dulled the pain. Helped make the time pass so I wouldn't have gone so overboard with the whole suicide thing. But that wasn't an option."
"You tellin' de truth petite?"
"Well there's no point in hiding it now. 'Sides, it's not like you can't tell if I'm lying."
"Huh." He snorted. "What de tippin' point den?"
"Thought that would have been a no brainer." After the - " Jubilee clenched her teeth right as Gambit give a tiny shake of his head. Willing herself not to think the word that wasn't coming anyways. "I just couldn't deal. Blanking out didn't work anymore. And the more pressure you guys put on me to fix things, the worse it got. Putting myself out of my misery was the only thing that made any kind of sense. So I cracked. Started searching for stuff I could get my hands on."
"Why you not say nothin'?"
"And have you rat me out to Beast? You do the math."
"Den you knew what you be lookin' for when you hacked de database? Right down to de side effects?"
"Yeah, so?"
"So why you in dere so damn long?"
"Why are you making me tell you what you already know?" She was pleading with him now - the only dead give away a slight break in her voice. It was something so uncharacteristic, that Gambit was finally thrown off his game. So she'd finally figured out something was up. The fact that he could not only sense her desperation from a mile away – but now hear the actual sound of it ringing in his eardrum - told him she was ready to be brought up to speed.
Knowing they wouldn't be able to get anywhere without some kind of mutual trust, Gambit knew it was time to level with her. Dropping down into a crouch, he placed himself eye to eye with a body that kept trying to fold in on itself. A face forever hiding from his questioning eyes.
Once again taking her face into the palm of his hand, he tugged it roughly towards him. This time speaking to her and her alone. "Remy need ta know if he can take ya at yer word chere. You be straight wit' him, he be straight wit' you, non?" He bargained, eyes flicking towards the cameras. Instilling it was in her best interest to place nice as it was the only way she had any prayer in the world of leaving this place without incident.
One look at his steely gaze, and she knew better than to fuck with him. There was also no mistaking that he wouldn't be fucking her over either - unless she gave him a damn good reason. Like leaving him for dead.
Despite the massive headache she was accumulating, she forced herself to meet his gaze. Her faith in his overall plan was shaky at best, but he was still the closest thing to an ally she had. And she trusted him more than anyone else here. Adamantly, she projected her own vow into those red on black pupils. Letting him know, in no uncertain terms, that she had no intention of gambling with him like that.
Un peu – a little
Go play! – I don't believe you
Brique and mortier capachon - Brick and mortar skullcap
Estie – Cajun slang for fucking
Comprends – Understand?
C'est vrai – It's true.
apris la voie dure – Learned the hard way
Un tete dure - hardhead
Mignon – cute little