Just a teeny tiny little chapter as a thank you to everyone who said such nice things about the last one :)
Chapter 21
Aaron lay listening to Jackson's heart beating steadily beneath his ear. Half an hour ago the older man's breathing has evened out, his body relaxing as he'd drifted off to sleep. Aaron couldn't sleep though; he was way too wired to even close his eyes for more than thirty seconds at a time.
Moving carefully so as not to disturb his lover, the teenager slipped out of the arms that encircled him and sat gingerly on the edge of the bed. He ached in all sorts of unusual places, but not unpleasantly so, it just made him remember exactly what he and Jackson had been doing only a short while ago. And that made him grin to himself like an idiot.
He'd done it. He'd actually had sex with a bloke. And it had been great… Better than great actually, it had been fantastic. He still couldn't quite believe it. The way that everyone seemed to go on about it, you grew up expecting sex to be some amazing thing. But when he'd been with Victoria and Holly it had just felt weird and uncomfortable, it hadn't even been fun. Yeah he'd gotten off, but he could've done that on his own without all the awkwardness that seemed to come with sleeping with a girl… It had just seemed wrong somehow, and he knew from the way that they'd looked at him afterwards that they had felt it too.
But tonight… He was still buzzing from it even now. He finally understood all those stupid sayings about the earth moving and seeing god. Not that he would ever use such cheesy lines himself. But there was no denying that the world seemed somehow different. Getting to his feet he went to the window, drew back the curtain and looked out over the darkened village. It had started to rain, but there was the phone box same as ever, same buildings, same trees, same sky... Everything was the same. So why did it feel like he was seeing it all for the first time?
Looking back over his shoulder he could see the shadowy shape of his boyfriend stretched out on the bed, oblivious to this strange new world around them. Aaron felt himself smile tenderly at the sleeping figure and it was that tiny action that made him realise just what had changed. It was him. The world was the same as ever but he was different. It wasn't hard to figure out what it was about himself that was different, he'd even said it to Jackson earlier without realising what it really meant. He was happy. Not the sort of 'my team won the footie' happy, or the 'someone just bought me a pint' kind, this was something he'd never felt before. He was happy in himself happy.
For the first time in as long as he could remember he couldn't hear those nagging voices in his head telling him that he was worthless, that nobody wanted him, that being gay was disgusting and wrong. Jackson must think that he was worth something because Jackson, who could have any man he chose, wanted him. And how he felt when they were together, how he felt after what they'd done tonight... Well there was no way he could ever think that that was anything other than completely right.
Climbing back into bed he curled up by Jackson's side, finally feeling at peace. Here in the darkness with the rain gently pattering against the window and his lover breathing softly beside him, he could at last accept who and what he was. Maybe the feeling wouldn't last, but for now at least it was enough.