Chapter 21: Aftermath
Dream On by Aerosmith
~Agent Cullen~
"Oh E, we need to do this more often." Eric kicked back in his lounger.
"Damn right we do. School sucks right now."
"What are you talking about 'Mr. I've got a photographic memory'." He chided me.
"Doesn't matter how good your memory is when you have to write papers and shit."
"Whatever. You already got in to Columbia, why are you still busting your ass?"
"Because I, dear brother actually care about my grades." I joked and adjusted my sunglasses. Why couldn't I always be in Mexico?
He snorted. "Excuse me but I had good grades."
"The amount of chicks you banged and drinks you consumed doesn't count Eric."
"Fuck off E. I kept it above a 3.0, that's all Mom and Dad required. Besides, I was already in line for my life anyhow…" He trailed off.
"Dude you didn't have to take the job at Reycon. You could have worked somewhere else."
"I know…" He sighed. "But you don't know how it is, being the first Cullen grandchild, and the first boy…you'll never get it E."
"I think you're just being a drama queen." I smirked.
"Ass." He threw his napkin at me and I laughed as he drank his foo-foo drink. I on the other hand continued to sip my Corona.
"You'll find out. Someday you'll find out it's all not what it seems…"
Warmth pulled me from my memory and I looked down to find its source. Her hair was draped across me as she let out sweet little sighs. I should have been warm. She was so warm…so loving…and so protective. I should have felt the heat emanating from her body and her warm breath as it blew over my chest.
I should have felt it all.
But I didn't.
I was cold.
Empty.
I had been empty for the last three weeks.
I had been frozen for the last three weeks.
I knew what tomorrow was.
Thirteen years.
Thirteen years from the day he left.
Thirteen years from when my life was irrevocably changed forever.
Thirteen years from when he betrayed me.
It seemed like a million years ago and three seconds ago all at the same time.
But now I had no concept of time. I had no idea how long I had been awake thinking about our Spring Break trip to Mexico my senior year. When Eric talked his boss into letting him have the week off so he could go party with me, chase girls and sit on the beach.
His boss.
The same boss involved with the Draconis, the scum of the earth.
The last three weeks had been…trying. More than trying. Impossible. Unbearable. Excruciating.
And yet I felt…cold. Betrayed, and angry and guilty and frustrated and most of all…sad.
I wanted out. I was done. The FBI held nothing for me anymore. My life had meant nothing up to this point. Before Eric died I idolized him. He was my best friend, my older brother, my almost twin by only 16 months in age difference. And yet, he lied to me. He consorted with the most black and vile evilness this world holds.
And what did I do? I spent the next years avenging his death, proving how much I would make him proud. And all for what?
For nothing.
The only thing I had left was her. And to top off the miserably shitty three weeks I had, someone broke into her apartment. The thought that she could be taken from me—that she was somehow a target of the vile blackness that I was investigating—made me sick. I was beyond distraught when I received her message. I wanted to kill anyone or anything that threatened to hurt her.
Because I knew.
I knew if something happened to her then the tiniest bit of humanity that I was holding on to would be gone. I would be gone forever, and I already decided that as soon as she left this world so would I.
I couldn't survive without her. If the last three weeks had made anything so blaringly obvious it was that ultimate fact.
She was everything to me.
And for that reason I was done.
I wouldn't subject her to my undercover missions anymore. I wouldn't expose her to the evilness that I dealt with on a daily basis. I promised to protect her and I would die trying if I had to, because this world shouldn't and couldn't go on without her living in it.
She had awakened in me the deep-seeded desires that I had for so long oppressed. I wanted it all with her. I wanted to be married, to have children, to spend the rest of my life with her. And I wanted to forget anything that existed before her—because it didn't matter any way.
Now I didn't even know who I was. I knew I wasn't myself. The Edward Cullen I had been for so long was a lie.
So I could only be something else, for her…with her.
If the only thing I did for the rest of my life was to devote it to her, then I would; because nothing else mattered. Everything else was a lie.
I shifted and lightly ran my fingers through her hair and down her back. It was Sunday morning, September 10. The day…before.
The day before the anniversary that would be so hard for both of us for so many reasons, the day our lives were irrevocably changed forever.
However, we would be remembering very differently this year. For the last thirteen years I agonized over this day. I wallowed in my heartache and drank myself into oblivion until I couldn't see or smell or think of Eric anymore; until I pushed him out of my mind so I wouldn't have to face the pain.
But not Bella, she would go to Brad's memorial yet again. She would honor his memory and laugh and cry while she regaled tales of their childhood to him. She would work through her pain and her grief and come out sad, but refreshed.
But not me. As she said to me only a week ago, I was in a constant state of torment. And I knew now that I had been in that state for the last thirteen years.
What did she call it? The seven stages of grief.
I hadn't experience them until now. Yet, I knew over the last three weeks they had washed over me like a tidal wave. I started out in disbelief, not knowing what had happened, not wanting to believe what I found out.
After the night I showed up at her fire escape, drenched and freezing, I couldn't get warm again. I went to the headquarters the next day and robotically informed Garrett of everything I found out—about Reycon, and Kebi and the Anthrax and the forgery.
He submitted it to the analysts and so for three days I had a fleeting thought of hope, a tiny speck of belief that maybe, just maybe, Eric didn't do the things I thought he did.
When I went back on Thursday they only confirmed my deepest darkest fears: he had in fact accessed the file from Reycon. Since then my father had been cooperating with the FBI analysts. Even though he could get fired for divulging company information he released it without a subpoena. I think he was just holding out the same abject desire as I was.
It was all for naught.
And so with the realization that he was really involved came the intense pain and guilt.
Why?
Why would he do such a thing?
Why would he get involved with something so abhorrent?
I wracked my brain over and over and over to try to figure out a reason or a connection—but nothing. It was only money. It was only fucking money that my family had more than enough of.
I felt like I should have seen something, noticed something, realized something. Maybe I could have stopped him or talked him out of it. Or maybe I could have helped him if he had a problem that I didn't know about.
I was angry at him, disgusted by him and then intensely guilty about feeling that way about Mijn Broer. I wanted to resurrect him from the grave and tear into to him and demand an explanation but then give him a hug all at the same time.
That was part of the problem.
There was no grave, and there would be no explanation.
So my guilt over feeling like I should have known or done something and over feeling ill towards Mijn Broer turned into a deep, raging, furious anger.
I was pissed.
I was pissed at him, pissed at Kebi, pissed at the Draconis, pissed at the FBI, pissed at my father—though I knew it was unfounded, pissed at Masen for, I was pretty sure, involving Bella in this mess and mostly…pissed at myself.
I was motherfucking mad. More mad that I had ever been in my life.
Bella tried to draw me out, she forced me to talk. I was able to share with her my pain and my guilt. But I couldn't share my anger. I couldn't let her see that the monster I had tried so hard to repress was waiting, lurking beneath the skin of the agent. The assassin sat at bay and glanced at the clock every so often until he would say "it's time."
I couldn't let her see him. I couldn't let her know how angry I was because then…then she might realize I wasn't worth it. And I knew if I lost her that would be the end.
If someone else didn't take her from me first.
I shuddered and pulled her more tightly to me as she hummed in her sleep. She had been very tired and not felt well lately. I hoped it wasn't because of me. I knew she was worried about me. She was so strong the first night and so empathetic. But I knew it was all taking a toll on her—the investigation, the connections, and now the fact that someone was clearly after her.
My mind went back to Thursday night when I received her message…
I was out at the same bar in Clinton that I went to the night of my first assignment in New York. Seth and I were scoping out a few of the mid-level Dracs. We were chatting and taking in the scene to see if we could pick up on where they were distributing the drugs in this area and peg some of the dealers.
I had just found out earlier that day that my brother and Alec had both been tied in to an account in Geneva, Switzerland. It was with the same bank that Bella saw the receipt for—Banque Privee. We couldn't track who the account belonged to because the Swiss were very good at keeping the strictest security. It was why they were the financial dominants of the world.
Eric owed over $200,000 to someone, as he had a credit line set up and it was gaining interest. Alec owed more. The only thing I could conclude was that whoever he owed the debt to was probably the link between the four key organizations, the four stock signs that Bella saw on the newspaper in Alec's apartment.
VRC: Van Rijn Corporation. RPI: Reycon Pharmaceuticals, Inc. MIH: Masen Industries Holdings Corporation. BBG: Buxton Group Incorporated.
I glanced over at Seth and noticed as he tensed in the booth and started to shrink down. I quickly looked around and tried to determine what he was doing.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck." He muttered.
"What?"
"Jake, 2:00."
I glanced over and noticed Jacob talking to the three guys we were watching. I was still confused as to why they brought Seth on when Jake was involved. The only thing I could suspect was that he got involved after we started our mission or the FBI didn't know about him yet when we started.
Well, I had seen him at the club a few weeks ago as well so I knew he would probably recognize me. But at least seeing me could be pure coincidence. I knew I needed to provide Seth cover for a getaway. Jake knew Seth was on assignment and it would seem suspicious for him to be out with me.
I quickly got up from my spot in the booth and walked up to the bar to get a beer. I gave Seth a nod and he knew to leave as soon as I provided the cover.
"Whatcha havin' mate?" The bartender had an Aussie accent and looked like he walked straight out of Crocodile Dundee. I gave him a smile and threw ten bucks on the bar.
"I'll take a Guinness."
"Irishmen are ye? S'alright. Comin' right up."
I smiled and nodded again and pretended to wait for my beer. Jake was standing to my left with his back to me so I figured I might as well take a moment to listen in on the conversation.
"Man, that was such a bag. Il Leone ought to be happy about that." One of them said.
Il Leone?
"Fuck man, we got a long ways to go. Nobody even knows who it is. Not even Nelo." Another added.
"I don't care as long as I keep getting paid." Jake said.
"Here's yur beer mate." The bartender interrupted me and I nodded.
"Keep the change."
I knew I had to say something now and I turned to catch his eye.
"Hey man. Weren't you at the club with Phil Dwyer last week?"
He eyed me speculatively and so did the rest of his group.
"Yeah why?"
"Ah no reason. Just thought I recognized you. So how do you know Dwyer? He was one of the best back in the day." I sipped my beer and lazily leaned against the bar.
"Yeah he was." Jake smiled boastfully now. "He's an old family friend."
"Cool. So you from Jersey then…isn't that where he's from?"
"Nah. I'm from Brooklyn, he's my best friend's step-dad." Jake took a drink, but I saw a fleeting look of darkness flash through his eyes. He missed Brad. He was his best friend.
"Who's your friend? I didn't know Dwyer had any kids." I tried to push it. I didn't know what I was looking for but I thought maybe he would give me some info.
"Oh uh…he's actually not…he's dead. But I've known Phil for a long time." He furrowed his brow at me then and swallowed.
"I'm sorry man. I didn't mean to pry. Well I'll let you get back to your fun."
I turned to leave when suddenly he said something to me.
"Wait. What's your name man?"
I was surprised he asked me, but I kept my composure.
"Emil. Emil Mazzonn." I offered him my hand again and he shook it.
"Really?" His eyes widened.
"Uh. Yeah. Why?" That was a strange reaction.
He looked around quickly and lowered his voice as he stepped a bit closer.
"I just never thought I would meet someone like you. They say you're the best. Never miss a step. Never get caught." He took a sip of his beer and stepped back.
Well, I wasn't expecting that. I had to keep it discreet. His buddies were starting to really eye us now and I knew I needed to leave. Seth had more than enough time to make his exit.
"Well, that's not really public knowledge eh? But thanks. I am." I winked at him and spun on my heels to leave. As soon as I stepped out the back alley I could see Seth's form hidden in the shadows.
"What took so long man?"
"Nothing." I sighed. I didn't want praise for being an assassin. I didn't care anymore about being the best. Being the best killer—what kind of a title is that? But I knew I had to act all cocky so that Black would keep that shit to himself. I was supposed to be somewhat disguised and only known in the upper echelon of the organization. Apparently, it was known throughout the ranks now. Fuck.
He eyed me quizzically and we began to walk back to my loft. Once we were inside I filled him in on the encounter. Seth just shook his head.
"Jake just doesn't think sometimes."
"How do you think he got roped into this…I mean other than Phil?"
"I think he overextended himself financially and then either Phil or someone loaned him the money based on what you said. But as a return he had to give them cover at the port. I think he stayed involved because he found he could make some cash on the side and because he's naïve enough to think he wouldn't get caught, he kept at it."
"Hmmm." I pondered that for a moment when I suddenly heard a beep from the bedroom.
"I need to go check something." I strode into the bedroom and pulled open the drawer to the night stand. I never took the phone for Bella when I had to go out on a stake or assignment. That was way too risky.
I flipped it open to see I had a voicemail. As soon as Seth left I was planning to go to her, but she must have called for some reason. I dialed up and listened to the message.
"Um. Hey, it's me…I just wanted to let you know I'm staying at John's. Someone was uh… in my place when I got home." She paused. "I love you…I miss you." She sounded so frightened and alone.
The blood in my veins instantly stopped running for a moment and I felt as though a tight fist clenched around my throat.
Someone was in her place? Oh my God.
"Fuck!" I shouted and hurried out to the living room.
"What's going on E?" Seth looked startled as I was racing to throw on my dark jacket and find a hat and glasses.
"Someone broke into Bella's place. She's at Emmett's. I have to get over there."
Seth's eyes widened and I tossed him an extra jacket and hat and we took off into the night.
When we arrived at Emmett's an hour later I called up from the street. It was close to 1:00 A.M. and I looked around to make sure it didn't seem suspicious that we were there. I heard Em groggily buzz us up and I was practically running to the elevator.
The entire way over I had been thinking about the most horrible situations. Did she see the person? Or did someone ransack it? What happened?
It scared the fuck out of me no matter what. When I arrived at his door he opened quickly and I noticed that even though he had been sleeping, he had on jeans, a dark shirt and his holster. He must have been on alert and this instantly made me more worried.
Just as I looked past him I saw Bella sitting on the couch, still in her clothes from work. She looked so tired and without saying a word to Emmett I was in front of her.
"Oh Liefje." I pulled her tightly to my chest and I felt her sigh into me. I kissed her hair and squeezed her to me as I felt her body lightly rock with her sobs. She was terrified and I couldn't blame her.
Suddenly I looked up and noticed Rose in the doorway to the bedroom and the sad look on her face. I knew this was not good. He didn't do something to her did he?
Shit. My mind immediately began racing with the most horrible thoughts. What if he touched her? Hurt her? I would never forgive myself for not being there.
I pulled back for a moment but she clutched me to her. I could see how physically and emotionally exhausted she was. Finally I lifted her head to mine and looked into her deep brown eyes, they didn't hold their usual glimmer.
"Bella, he didn't…" I said thickly. My gut was turning with thoughts of what could have happened to her.
She furrowed her brow. "No." She shook her head and then said quickly. "I stepped inside and noticed something was off and saw movement, I turned and screamed and ran out the door. Emmett heard me right away and came rushing past. Then I came here."
I exhaled in relief. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there." I kissed her forehead and pulled her to me again. My body was tense and rigid. "Thank God Emmett was here."
"I'm okay. Just startled a bit." She tried to reassure me, but I couldn't get past the horrible thoughts that were racing through my brain at the moment. We just sat there as I held her to me. She was my lifeline, I couldn't imagine if anything had happened to her…
"Stop." She whispered.
"What?"
"Stop berating yourself. I know you're doing it. You can't be here all the time. I'm okay." I finally breathed deeply. She knew exactly what I needed to hear, as usual. It wouldn't make me feel any less regretful, but at least I could think straight again.
I looked around and noticed Seth, Rosalie and Emmett speaking quietly in the kitchen. They had given us a few minutes and some space. I turned back to Bella and gave her a soft kiss on the lips.
"You should go back to sleep Liefje. You look so tired." I rubbed my thumbs over the circles under her eyes and held her head in my hands.
"I don't know if I can."
"Please. You look exhausted."
"Will you lay with me, until I fall asleep? I don't know if I can go back…tonight."
"Of course." I kissed her again and then stood up and grabbed her hand.
Emmett must have known what we were thinking because he immediately offered up his bed. He knew we would be up for most of the night trying to figure this out anyhow.
I lay down on top of the covers and wrapped the quilt that had been at the foot of the bed around Bella. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close, just breathing her in. We didn't say a word, I just held her and in a matter of minutes she was breathing deeply.
I remained there for a bit longer, running through what this meant in my head. I got a sickening feeling in my stomach when I thought of how the intruder could have potentially gotten in.
The fire escape.
Had I left it open?
But I always locked her fire escape when I left, and only I knew how to get in it.
Which meant whoever was in it was trained to do the same?
Oh God.
Demitri?
I sat up and made sure she was asleep before I stepped out to the kitchen.
The three of them looked at me and I just nodded. "She's asleep."
"I'm going to go try to get a few more hours too." Rosalie said. She turned to walk past me to the bedroom and stopped and put her hand on my arm. "It's not your fault Edward."
She patted my arm and headed for the bedroom and closed the door behind her. I instantly turned to look at Emmett and he had a dark look in his eyes.
I scrubbed my hands down my face and took a deep breath. Then Emmett replayed to me what he found when he went into her place. Whoever it was must have just come in and didn't get very far. He locked up the fire escape but said we should put in more protection. He also said exactly what I was thinking: I needed to be more careful when coming and going from her place.
The three of us made our way over to her apartment and scoped it out. Nothing was out of place as Emmett said and then I thought of something else.
None of us had spoken since we walked in and I instantly turned and put my finger over my lips and motioned to go back to his place. As soon as we stepped inside I spoke.
"We should re-sweep it for bugs. McCarty how far away is your kit?"
"Mine's probably closer than yours. I'll run and get my gear. You two sit tight."
He left and I mulled over everything. We both thought it would be best if Bella didn't stay there for a while. We thought maybe she could stay with Rosalie, and then cab to work.
Once McCarty returned we quietly swept her place for bugs and any other sort of clues. Thankfully no bugs turned up, but there was also no evidence either. We reinforced the lock and put a sensor on it. That way if someone were to try to break in again we would know. By the time we were done it was almost 5:00 in the morning. I walked back into the bedroom and noticed her sleeping peacefully, Rosalie was on the other side of the bed and Bella was curled up in a ball clutching a pillow to her right where I usually laid. My heart ached to look at her, to hold her. I thought her place was secure now, especially as long as I was there with her. I hated the fact that she wouldn't even feel safe in her own home for a while. But at least for today she could go back and sleep, clean up and pack to go stay at Rose's for a few days.
I picked her up and carried her back across the hallway. She was still fast asleep as I laid her in her own bed. I pulled off her skirt and blouse knowing she couldn't be very comfortable still in her work clothes and she woke slightly as I slipped a t-shirt over her head. I stripped down and climbed under the covers with her. I knew she had to be up soon and wouldn't be able to sleep much longer, but I wanted to have just a few moments with her in the early hours of the morning…
As I lay here now, in a not so different position only three days later, I thought about what it could all mean. Someone was definitely after her. I thought about my nightmare the night that I found out about Eric. It had repeated itself each night and I woke up in a cold sweat. I hadn't screamed and woken up again scaring her, thank God. But it terrified me nonetheless. It was always the same. I was running after her, chasing them as they took her. She was screaming my name but I could never get to her. And then I would stop and I could see various people, Demitri, Eric, Jacob, Laurent—all of the people connected to the situation. I would stop and they would laugh at me sinisterly, because I was helpless. I was a highly trained, lethal assassin, yet I couldn't get to her. And they knew it. They knew she was my weakness.
I wanted so much to protect her that now it fueled me. I was channeling it. I knew I wasn't dealing with it all yet again, but after the night someone was in her apartment I couldn't. I used it to move me forward. I let it push me, and I knew part of what was propelling me was that anger, that absolute seething rage I had boiling just under the surface.
"Use it. Let it drive you." She said.
And so I did. And I was even more adamant about solving this puzzle and completing my mission. I had to figure out the connection to her. Even though I knew it wasn't my job, it had become my priority. I had long given up my job as my priority. I didn't know if it was for information, leverage, or what the exact reason was that she could be a target. I knew it had to somehow be tied to Masen, or potentially Phil.
After she told me about Leah's revelations I was positive Jacob's connection was to Phil and I thought Seth was probably right. I didn't know what the symbol was, but somehow I suspected that the entire thing was connected by one person, or group. Someone was behind the shadows running the show and we had to make sure that when we went to take it down, we had enough dirt on that someone or something to put them away for a very long time.
As I looked down at her once again, I knew one thing for certain. I would protect her with my life. I would do anything for her. I was nothing without her. And I had to do something soon. I had to make a break in this case before something happened to her.
A shiver ran down my spine at the thought and Bella stirred beside me. She looked up at me sleepily and blinked. But I must have worn my concerns on my face because she instantly furrowed her brow at me.
"What's wrong?"
I kissed her head and turned into her, not wanting to show her the worry I was feeling inside. She worried enough as it was, she had been sick for the past week with worry.
"It's nothing Liefje. Go back to sleep." I could tell she wanted to argue, but I silenced her with my lips and pulled her down onto my chest. Exhaustion won out and she fell back into a peaceful sleep.
Yet I continued to stare at the ceiling, trying to determine some way that I could make my life different.
*&^%$#
After I left Bella for the day, she decided to go to Jasper and Alice's for lunch. I didn't like her being at home alone a lot, even if we did check her condo and reinforce it. But after she stayed at Rosalie's on Friday and Saturday she insisted that she had to get used to feeling safe in her place again. I knew she was right. We really couldn't protect her much more at Rose's and it was probably actually better with Emmett across the hall.
I began to wonder if that wasn't also the reason for his placement there. Maybe he was put there not to watch her but to protect her?
Regardless, the whole mission felt off to me. In Romania I knew exactly what I needed to do, my orders, my targets, my assets—everything. But since starting the New York mission I felt as though we were being left out of a big piece of the puzzle, and I didn't like it.
I had an assignment tonight and I needed to focus. I hoped I would be able to since tomorrow would be a trying day. I wished I could go with Bella, but of course I couldn't.
I quickly ran into my apartment and changed and headed down to the gym. Felix was there and I nodded to him as I started up the treadmill. I could see him working his way through a few sets on the weights and decided to cut my run short today. I needed to get back to talking with him.
"Felix, what's up man?"
"Emil. I haven't seen you as much lately. You been busy with work…or something else?" He eyed me.
Shit.
"I haven't felt very well. Kind of hard to work out when you're puking your guts out." I covered.
He scrunched up his nose and stepped back. "Stay the fuck away from me my friend." He covered his mouth and laughed.
I chuckled in response and he nodded to the ring.
"Want to spar?" He asked.
"Yeah." We quickly wrapped our hands and pulled on our covers. I pulled my shirt over my head, for some reason I liked to be shirtless when I sparred. I felt like it made me quicker, because it hurt a hell of a lot more if my opponent landed a punch on my bare skin.
Felix obviously wasn't as good as me, but I would let him land a few to keep his ego intact.
He jabbed at me and I ducked out. I spun and landed a kick to his side and jumped back. We continued as I landed punch after punch and kick after kick. I was focused and sweating profusely as the salt dripped into my eyes and down my back and chest. But it was relieving. So much of the last few weeks pent up anger and frustration was coming out in force.
"Ooomph." I let Felix land one on my side. I knew I would feel it later.
I instantly struck back and swept his legs from under him as he landed like fallen lumber on the mat.
"Fuck." He spat as he got back up. I stepped back and readied again as he came at me. This time I spun and caught up right under the rib cage and he groaned. I landed another punch to his side and finally one on the side of his head when he finally doubled over. I knew he was done.
"Emil. Jesus Christ my friend you killing me here."
"Sorry Felix. I've been pent up from being sick." I lied. I really could just have killed you, in about ten different ways if I wanted to.
See the monster was back.
Fuck.
He spat into the bucket next to the old ring and grabbed for his water.
"We should send you out for a shipment. No one would fuck around then."
"What are you talking about?"
He shrugged. "One of the…merchandise gave us some trouble last weekend. But Demitri took care of it. She fought hard, but of course she couldn't do much."
Vomit rose in the back of my throat as I was still breathing heavily from our sparring match.
"Who was it?"
"Does it matter?" He laughed. "She won't fight again…if she lives that is."
They killed her? Or at least beat her so badly she would want to die.
Those sick fucks.
Okay now I really wanted to just end him right here in the middle of the gym. I didn't care anymore. I could make something up, say he tripped on his own spit or something and broke his neck.
The anger was building inside me like a volcano and I clenched my fists at my side trying not to show it in front of him.
Some day.
Some day I'll take you out too.
If I was going to give in to the monster inside of me, I might as well channel that also. I would take them all out before this mission was over. Screw prison.
I turned away from him, not wanting him to see the internal battle through my eyes and began to take off my tape and my gear. At last I calmed enough and spoke.
"Well. I don't think that's my role anyhow." I said. "I tend to work on more…discreet things no?"
He laughed then and nodded. "True. You are much too valuable for a little bitch anyhow Emil."
You disgusting pig.
I clenched my teeth and gave him my best grin and nod before I walked over to the bench.
As I pushed my way through a few sets on the bench, incline, squats and dead lifts, I tried to again let the anger fuel my actions. I knew it was only a matter of time before it came out. But for now this would have to work.
When I was finally done I left to get cleaned up at home. I spent the rest of the day researching and preparing for my assignment. There was nothing new on the shipment front. But to ready for tonight I had to scope out a map of the neighborhood in the Bronx where my subject would be. The problem was he tended to only run with a pack of friends and I had to figure out a way to separate him.
My assignments had become fewer, but more difficult in the U.S. In Romania there were so many more dark corners and the persons I was assigned to take out were often low level.
But here, they weren't. Instead they were opponents, or mid-levels that crossed the brothers. I suspected a few of them were even old Volturi who had come into the organization but then refused to work with the brothers' demands.
Or whoever's demands they really were.
As I analyzed the maps and formed a plan in my head I began to think about tonight. I was hoping to arrive in the Bronx right at night fall. The subject owned a seedy strip joint off of Boston Road. I was hoping in a dark establishment like that I could get him separated from his buddies, or maybe even figure out a way to spike his drink.
I wasn't as familiar with the Bronx as other parts of New York. And I needed to figure out a backup plan if I couldn't get to him in the club. So I had to scope out the route to and from the club to his home and different places I could catch him.
At 7:00 I pulled on my standard black pants, black shirt, boots and hat. I quickly made my way to my stash and loaded up with a variety of weaponry for the night. As always I had my knife banded to my leg, but tonight I also took my silencer, my lethal serum and a drug that would make him woozy. But since I was going to a club tonight I donned a black leather jacket, which would also protect me from knife wounds should I get in a fight.
I cabbed it to the North side and then hopped a train into the heart of the Bronx. After doubling back once, I found myself outside the dirty joint at a little past 9:00. It was officially fall and dark in the city and I was able to keep myself relatively disguised when slipping in. I walked through the crowd undetected and, even though it was a Sunday, the place was crawling with low-lifes ogling the dancers on stage.
I shuddered at the filth. It was a dirty place, the type one would instantly think of being associated with the underworld. I found a place at the back of the bar and ordered a bottle of beer. I needed to keep my mind clear so I wouldn't have more than a few sips but I stood there leaning casually against the bar checking out the scene. It only took me a few minutes to spot him. He and his buddies had a line of dancers around their table along with bottle after bottle of alcohol.
I watched and I waited.
And as the vile animal that he was groped and fondled the dancers and leered at them with his buddies, I wanted to cross the bar and just take him out point blank. All of the anger, all of the frustration and the unyielding rage channeled into my sole assignment before me. It became my personal mission to end him. For all the girls I had seen, for all the crap I had seen, he represented the evilness that was the Draconis even if he was bucking against them right now. And I wanted to kill him. I wanted to drain him of his blood as he screamed for mercy.
The monster had officially returned.
Just as I was considering the different ways I could take him out, I watched as he grabbed one of the girls by the throat angrily. She tried to back off but he slapped her and I felt my hand coil around my beer bottle and my other fish clench at my side.
He stood up abruptly and pulled her toward the back. Surely this was the type of place that had the proverbial back rooms. I carried my beer with me, following at a decent distance and then moved into the bathroom which was just down the hall. But I waited a moment to emerge. I tossed the beer, readied my provisions and snuck back out. I checked the hall for cameras and silently slinked along the stinking hallway as close to the wall as possible.
I came up on a black door and I could hear her screams on the other side. It took everything in me to not bust through the door at that moment. But even before I took another breath the door swung open and she ran out, tears streaming down her face with the blackness of her mascara and her already tiny costume in shreds.
The door swung shut behind her and I knew it was my turn. Before it clasped I stuck my hand in it and held it open. I ever so quietly stepped inside and locked it behind me.
The room was dank and reeked of alcohol and sex. The subject was apparently pleased with himself as he zipped up his pants and lit a cigarette.
Right, you lasted all of what, three minutes fuckwad.
The haze of red appeared before my eyes and I knew the girl wouldn't be going back out front for a while so I had some time.
"You enjoy raping women you sick fuck." I said menacingly.
I didn't usually speak to my assignments. In fact I spent as little time with them as possible. But for some reason I wanted this guy to know that I took his last breath.
"Who the fuck are you?" He spun around.
"Who do you think I am?" I said in a dark even voice as I stepped toward him, but still careful to stay between he and the door.
"I don't fucking care." He spat.
"You should." I answered darkly.
I opened my jacket and pulled out my gun. I made a production of turning the silencer as his eyes widened in horror.
Now I had his attention.
"You know…" I started. "There are so many ways I could kill you right now."
I heard him gasp and I looked up.
"You see, I could point this gun at you and fire, right between the eyes. No pain, no torture. But that almost doesn't seem fair."
"I don't know who you are, but please don't kill me." He trembled then, completely changed in his demeanor.
"Begging now are you?" I tsked. "You should have thought of that before you raped that woman. How many times have you done that? Ten? Fifty? A hundred?" I stepped closer to him now and I could see his hand gripping the chair beside him. His cigarette had burned all the way down in the ash tray and the spiral of smoke was now seeping up around us.
"Or I could shoot this off." I pointed the gun at his dick. "Since you seem to think you have such a big one. Let you bleed out after I've gagged you and die a slow and painful death."
"Please." He whimpered.
"Shut up." I snapped. Then I stepped back again.
"Or maybe a gun isn't messy enough. Maybe I should pull my knife out. Should I do that?" He shook his head no.
I knew I was almost out of time. I really wasn't going to do the things I said. I was just going to put one in his head, but it was worth it to see the sick bastard sweat a little. After what he did to the woman, after what I knew he had done to several others, including killing them, I didn't care about his whimpering or whining or suffering.
"No. I think I'll just do this the old fashioned way. Turn around."
He slowly turned shaking.
"Now get down on your knees and put your hands on your head." He did as I said, all the while once again begging to be spared.
But the red haze had taken over, and the monster was roaring to life.
I paused for another moment making him sweat a bit more when suddenly he said something that surprised me.
"I know what you want. I know about Il Leone. That's why they sent you, because I figured it out."
"What are you talking about?" I stood there with the gun over his head as he shook on his knees before me.
"Il Leone. The master, the one in charge, it's why they sent you—because I saw him."
"You're full of shit. You think I care about that?"
"I know you do. The brothers sent you didn't they?"
I didn't respond I just picked him up by his shoulders and slammed him into the wall across the room. I pressed the gun into his temple and smashed his face against the concrete.
"No one sent me. I work alone."
"You might but you're here because of him."
"Who him?"
"Il Leone."
"If you're so smart what does he look like?" I sneered. The monster was subsiding for the moment as the agent returned. Maybe he did know something. Even so, I would still have to kill him. I would still have to fulfill the assignment.
"He's American." He gasped.
I laughed dryly. "Oh that's fucking helpful in a country of 260 million people."
"No. I mean, he's not what you would expect."
"Whatever. You're just trying to buy time. And your time is up."
"No wait!" He stuttered. "He's blonde, very blonde. Like he's American but almost looks foreign."
"Great a blonde American. Do you think I'm stupid?" I knew he was spilling now, and if I continued he might give me more. "If you're so smart, then how come he wants you dead?"
"Cause no one can know what he looks like."
"And you knew it was him how? I don't believe you." I clicked my gun and began to pull the trigger back as he cringed.
"That's all I know I swear." He cried.
"Well it's not enough. Time's up." With that I pressed my gun to his temple and pulled the trigger.
I didn't look to see the blood splatter across the wall or hear the sound of his body crumple to the floor. Instead I tore out of the room knowing that I already took way too long.
I raced out of the back of the club into the night and took off in a dead sprint toward Dyre where I could catch a train.
I was panting and gasping for breath. My lungs were screaming at me as I plunged my feet forward.
Did he really just tell me about Il Leone?
The same one Jacob and his buddies were talking about?
Was it really true? What did it mean?
I was no longer in a haze and overcome as I was before. Now my mind was racing along with my heart as I tried to put the pieces together.
Suddenly I stopped a few blocks from the subway stop. I had sixth sense I was being followed. I jumped into the shadows of an alley and listened behind me.
Then I heard it. Two sets of footsteps following me.
Shit someone saw me leave.
I took off running down the other direction of the alley when the footsteps hit the opening.
"There he is!" I heard one of them yell. Now I wished I didn't have to wear the leather jacket as it was restricting me at the moment.
My eyes darted ahead to the other end of the alley when a car turned down it.
Fuck!
This is what I got for not just doing my job and leaving.
This is what I got for letting the monster take over.
But part of my job was to be an agent, and even though I spent too long I somehow knew I got powerful information.
The car shined its lights on me and I jumped into a doorway of the alley and yanked at it but it was closed.
In a matter of seconds I pulled out my gun, and slipped the knife from my leg. The car came screeching to a stop and I waited in the doorway.
"I know he's here, he couldn't have gotten far." One yelled.
By the sounds of their steps I knew there had to be at least another two. But I was betting on five, total.
I heard him try a door a few yards down and I held my breath. I needed the element of surprise.
A moment later another one was in front of me.
"Well what do we have here?"
I didn't even respond, I just aimed and pulled the trigger. The silencer pinged and he dropped in front of me. One more was right behind him and met the same fate. Just as I was about to emerge from the doorway the first two came from the side.
I spun and kicked the first catching him in the rib cage as the other charged forward. I threw him over my shoulder and caught him in the throat. The first one began to try to come at me again, but this time I caught him with a left to the face.
In two more swift moods he was down with a broken neck and the second one was lying in a heap in the alley. I took off again when I heard a cold voice and the click of a trigger.
Fuck. The fifth one.
"Where do you think you're going?" I knew that voice. I was instantly trying to place it in my head and figure out who it was.
"Drop the gun."
I let my piece fall to the floor of the alley and put my hands up, but not behind my head. I could feel him moving in closer behind me and I knew if he came just a few steps closer I could sweep his legs.
"Who are you?" He said then.
"No one."
"Turn around."
I turned, not sure of what I would find when I was met with a ghost from my past.
My first kill.
Or so I thought.
How the hell was he alive?
"It's you." He spat and I could see the anger boiling behind his eyes.
"You should have finished your job." He said then.
"I guess I'll have to do it now." I knew being cocky would make him mad and possibly make him lose focus. But I also knew a man scorned was much more dangerous. And this guy could fight, I'd give him that. But I was also much better since my first mission.
As any bruiser couldn't resist he dropped the gun pointed at me.
"You want a second chance. You better finish the job this time." He taunted.
He tucked his gun in his holster and began to circle me in the alley. I stood on the balls of my feet, awaiting the attack. But at the same time, I fingered the knife up my left sleeve and waited for the moment to use it.
Suddenly he lunged and I didn't even think I just reacted. We were a swarm of arms and legs, fierce punches and kicks. He caught me in the side as I landed one on his face. I spun and kicked him in the chest and he grunted. He came at me again and we fought, punch for punch, block for block, step for step.
He got me again in the mouth and I felt my lip bust open and blood trickled down my chin.
I stepped forward again, pursuing, eyeing my target. It was so natural now it was almost instinctual. And in one fatal flaw he lunged too far at me. He was good, but I was in much better shape and not nearly as tired. I caught him in the kidney and took his legs out. In a second, I had him pinned to the ground, knife in hand.
"Well just so you know. I don't give second chances, but I definitely take them." I slit his throat and this time I waited as his eyes rolled back in his head.
And with that, I was off once again.
*&^%$#
My mind was still spinning and the adrenaline was still coursing through my body as I raced to Bella's. I shouldn't have been high after a kill, but I was. I was on a high from finding out the information, from taking down not one, but six Dracs. It was like a euphoric feeling, coming full circle. I hated it and I loved it at the same time.
I had been doubly careful in making my way to her place and for that reason it was almost midnight. The whole interaction with my subject and his thugs only took an hour even though it seemed like a decade.
I rapped on her door lightly not wanting to scare her, but at least she knew I was coming. I had a key now, but on nights of my assignments I didn't want to take the chances of having it on me.
Just as I was about to knock again, the door swung open and what met me on the other side both surprised me and made my blood race even faster.
She had been waiting.
In lingerie.
Very naughty lingerie.
In that moment, the blood, the adrenaline the excitement from the night spilled over and I didn't even say a word as I stepped forward slamming the door behind me. My mouth caught hers and I threw her back against the wall.
It didn't matter that I could have died tonight, it didn't matter what I found out, everything was now channeling into the goddess before me. I had so much pent up energy, so many emotions coursing through my body that it was dying for a release—a release the right now only she could give me.
Her lips were blood red and tasted of chocolate and peppermint. She fisted her hands in my hair as I clutched her roughly to me. I plunged my tongue into her mouth tasting her divine flavor over and over as she fought me for dominance. We were a mess of lips and tongue and hands feverishly pressed against one another until I gasped for breath.
I stepped back and really took her in this time as I noticed the dark red, almost crimson lace covering her body. Her succulent long lean legs were adorned in garters and stockings and I let my eyes travel down to the five inch black heels she was wearing.
I licked my lips as I could feel my pulse racing.
"Jesus Liefje."
I bent before her skimming my hands down her sides, feeling the lace and the smooth porcelain skin underneath.
She moaned and pressed her head back against the wall as I roughly squeezed the back of her legs and her calves down to her ankles. I pressed my hands back up the front of her legs my thumbs grazed along the tendons right at the juncture of her thighs and she whimpered at my teasing.
I stood up, tracing my fingers up her stomach and over her breasts, not touching the sensitive pert nipples pressing against the lace. Her breath hitched and when my eyes met hers I saw an intense burning need matching only mine in that moment.
Then she furrowed her brow. Her hands had been pressed flat against the wall, but she raised one to touch my split lip.
"Don't." I shook my head.
She began to speak.
"No." I stopped her. I didn't want to think about that right now. I only wanted her. I grabbed her hands and lifted her arms above her head instantly attacking her neck with my lips. I was biting, licking, sucking on her tender skin as she gasped and writhed against me.
I didn't know what overcame me, the adrenaline, the built up tension or the fact that my goddess was standing before me in her naughty attire.
"Uh…Edward." She moaned again as my hand gripped her ass and pulled her into my painfully hard erection. I dropped her hands and pushed the short silk robe she was wearing off her shoulders, exposing her completely to me. My mouth went dry at the site of her and I was sure she could feel me throbbing against her. It was then I noticed she had something in her hand and grabbed it. It was a silk tie. From her robe?
"What's this Liefje?" I asked with a gravelly voice.
Her eyes were hooded and she took on a smoldering look. "I was going to use it…on you." She smirked at me.
I gave her a devilish grin in return. "Were you now? Well I think you missed your chance." I pressed harder against her into the wall and her eyes widened.
I bent to take her lip in my mouth roughly and she groaned. Every line of her body was against mine and I was on fire from the inside out. My pent up aggression and energy nearly at a boiling point and waiting to erupt from me as I kissed her passionately. I tore my lip from her mouth, my mind now racing with the possibilities. I couldn't keep up with my thinking, the adrenaline was still coursing through my veins so fast. The red haze that I slipped into earlier had now turned purple with lust.
"What were you planning to do to me Bella?" I whispered in her ear as I let my hot breath tickle her neck and she shivered.
"Blind fold you." She said huskily, pressing her lips to my pulse point.
"I think the tables have turned." I licked her ear and began to trail my tongue down her neck as I ripped the tie from her hand.
I stepped back as I looked at her before me. Her beautiful breasts, which were seemingly bigger now for some reason, were straining against the material. My eyes followed her luscious curves and once again down her long legs as I let myself drink her in. She looked like every guy's naughty fantasy, but she was mine—Mijn Zon, Mijn Lief, Mijn Schoonheid—and I was impossibly hard with my need for her.
I saw the look of excitement and anticipation in her eyes as I brought the tie up and covered her blazing brown orbs with it and tied it in the back. I ran my hands lightly down her arms and she quivered again at my touch as I brushed my lips right to her ear.
"I want you so fucking much Bella. Is that why you wore this? To make me want you?" My voice was laced with need as her body shook from my words and my hands continued their trail down her arms.
She moaned and for some reason, the dark side of me came out and I decided to play with her.
"Answer me." I ordered.
"Yes." She breathed.
This time I let my thumbs graze up her rib cage and over her perfect mounds. She groaned and threw her head back against the wall as my lips locked on her pulse point.
"You look so naughty wearing this." I kissed her and ran my hands through her hair. "What do you want me to do to you?"
She turned to where my voice was even though she couldn't see me and licked her lips.
"Anything you want Agent Cullen?" She said with inflection.
Oh fucking hell.
"You really are a bad girl aren't you?" I smirked into her neck as my tongue traced circles across her collarbone and the tops of her breasts. She moaned again and squirmed against me as my hands worked their way lower and lower.
I squeezed her thighs roughly then and spread her against the wall and quickly ran my hands back up over her body, locking her arms with my left hand.
Painfully slow I ran my right hand once again down her perfect body, building the anticipation. When I reached the point at the apex of her thighs I found that her panties were crotchless and she was soaking wet.
"Yes, a bad girl indeed." I growled into her neck. "But I don't want you here. I want you where I can see you."
With that, I picked her up and she gasped as I carried her to the living room window. The moonlight was streaming through the curtains. I could see out but I knew no one could see in. We were too high for the alley and the window faced a brick wall.
The light now illuminated every line of her perfect body before me as I spun her around and pressed her against the glass.
"Oh." She squealed as her warm body met the cool glass and I roughly grabbed her hands once again and placed them above her head.
"Stay there." I commanded as I let my hands burn a trail of fire through her hair down her back and over her perfect ass. Then I turned her head and I kissed her, hard, driving my tongue into her mouth as she moaned in pleasure. I could tell by the way she was squirming that the coolness of the glass and inability to touch me was killing her, but it was making it all the more arousing.
I released her lips and slowly grazed her center once again from behind and she bucked back into me.
"What is it you want Bella?"
"You." She said quickly. I continued my slow ministrations and brought my other hand around to feel her nipples against the glass. I slowly tweaked one and then the other as I brought my lips to her shoulder gently sucking on the skin there. She was breathing heavily and her body was quaking in my hands.
"What part of me?" I pushed her as I let one finger dip inside of her.
"Ugh…you fingers. I want your fingers." She groaned.
"Is that all?" I said as I pressed in another and she mewled and tried to shove against me.
"No." She said and I removed them and she whimpered. But it wasn't for long as I reached around her drawing her to me and I pressed them into her from the front. She gasped again and I slammed my body against hers and roughly into the glass.
I began to work her over and over with my fingers inside of her and my thumb against her sensitive nub. She threw her head back so that it was on my shoulder and cried out. My other hand roughly massaged her breasts as I pressed my hardness into her back. I couldn't get enough of her. My mouth found her throat tasting, devouring her sweet flavor as I brought her to the brink.
"Tell me what you want Bella?" I slowed my hand and she cried out again, this time in frustration. I knew she was close, but I didn't want her to come yet.
"Oh God Edward. I want you…buried inside of me. From behind."
She gets right to the point doesn't she?
"Do you now?" I kept my hand at her center lightly stroking her, making her buck and whimper in anticipation. I was entirely giving in to her yet.
I freed my left hand from her breasts and quickly undid my belt and my pants and pulled them down along with my underwear, freeing myself to take her. I removed my hand from her and brought it down to coat myself with her. This wasn't going to be gentle.
She stood, splayed against the window, not seeing me and squirming in expectation. I let her wait for just another second and I could see her chest heaving and hear her labored breaths.
Without another moment, I moved my knee between her legs and wrapped my arm around her waist as I whispered darkly in her ear.
"As you wish Liefje."
I drove into her.
"Ahhh!" She cried out.
I instantly felt like something burst inside of me and I couldn't get enough of her. I couldn't feel enough of her even though she was wrapped around me completely.
All of the pent up anxiety, anger, anticipation and adrenaline came pouring out of me as I connected to her. I set a pounding rhythm and she pressed her hands against the glass trying to steady against me. But her hips met me thrust for thrust causing stars to dance behind my eyes.
I bent over to move her hair off her shoulder and bent her at her waist a bit. I rained hot wet kisses down her back and let my tongue dart out to taste her and she moaned. I gripped her hip more forcefully as I sped up my pace and I could feel her clenching around me, trying to hold out until I did.
"No Liefje, let go. I want to hear you…I want to hear you scream my name."
With that she shattered, crying out as I drove into her. "Edward!"
"Yes Mijn Zon. God you're fucking beautiful." I pressed her against the glass and brought my hand around to her center to try to get her there again as fast as possible.
"Oh God, oh God!"
I was gritting my teeth and my body was screaming for release but it just felt so good to be inside her, to consume her. I moved my fingers faster but slowed my pace just a bit. Her legs were shaking and her hands were sliding against the glass trying to find something to hold on to. I brought them back and wrapped them around my head exposing her long neck to my mouth.
I bit down on the juncture of her neck and shoulder and she growled at me.
"Ah. Oh fuck. Edward. I'm…Oh, I'm…" She couldn't even form a coherent sentence and I knew she was close once again. I picked my pace back up and pounded into her relentlessly, wanting her there again. I had to feel her again.
In a matter of seconds she screamed so loud I thought it could shatter the windows. But I was soon joining her over the edge.
"Oh fuck Bella!" Anger, rage, intense desire exploded out of me over and over. I felt like a tidal wave of emotion washed away from me and I crumpled to the floor with her in my arms.
I brought her face to mine and ripped off the blindfold and kissed her fiercely, the emotion and sensations spilling out of me still. Her tongue moved with mine and we were both panting and breathing heavily from our exertion but neither of us wanted to give our lips away to take a breath.
At last I pressed my lips to her soundly and brought my forehead to hers as I stroked her now damp hair away from her face. We were still taking labored breaths and I could feel myself slick with sweat and I hadn't even taken my shirt off.
At last, she sighed contentedly into me and then cringed as she moved her leg. I realized we were a tangled heap on the floor after I brutally took her against the window.
And in the aftermath of my desire I was intensely regretful that I harmed her. Reality came crashing into me and I moved her into my lap.
Oh no, what had I done?
"Mijn Zon, are you okay? I didn't hurt you did I?" I pulled her close to me and kissed her hair as my sickening realization dawned on me.
I had let the monster consume me…when I was with her.
Oh God.
I felt like I wanted to vomit, the euphoric haze no longer here but a deep dark monster laughing at me wickedly through smoke. I was no better than the man I killed tonight.
I sat there reeling and trying not to run frantically away from her for what I had done.
Bella must have sensed my predicament as my eyes went wide scanning her face for fear.
Surely she had to be terrified of me after I did that. I had never been that rough with her.
"Baby what's wrong?" She whispered as she put her hand on my face. I gasped trying to get air in my lungs as the rock set in my stomach from my realization.
She pulled my face to her with both hands now and I felt like she was looking right through me.
"I'm so sorry." I sputtered.
"What are you sorry for? I don't understand." She shook her head at me and then a knowing look came over her beautiful face.
I tried to speak but she cut me off and crawled over me.
"Edward, no, no, no, don't do this." She shook her head and placed her hands on my face.
"I loved…that. I was incredibly turned on. I love it when you get all…commanding." She bit her lip shyly. "I thought you would have figured it out by now that I…I like it kind of rough. I love it when your sweet but lately you've been so…distant, I wanted to do something to bring back that spark…that fire I love so much about you." She kissed me gently and I pulled her to me tighter.
"Oh Liefje. I want you so much all the time. Don't ever think that's not the case." I hugged her to me realizing we were sitting on the cold floor of her condo and shifted to keep her in my lap.
"Then don't you ever think you would hurt me. I know you never could." She kissed my neck as she held me just as tightly to her.
A moment of silence set in until I could feel myself breathing more evenly with her in my arms. I was finally coming down from the intense high I had been on the entire night.
"Please talk to me. What's going on? Did something happen tonight?" She finally murmured.
How did she always know?
Yet, what could I say to her? I didn't want her to know. I didn't want her to see how truly awful I could be, what was at the root of my taking her like that even if she did enjoy it, and I apparently enjoyed it immensely.
"Edward." She prodded.
No. I decided. I couldn't tell her that.
I couldn't tell her that I just killed six men and felt good about it. I couldn't tell her how angry I was at my subject and how it consumed me.
I couldn't let her see that.
"I had an assignment." I finally said, hoping she could leave it at that.
She pulled back and looked at me. "And?"
"And it got…dirty."
She frowned and I could almost see the wheels spinning in her head. Finally she looked at me square in the eyes.
"You don't want to tell me."
"No."
She nodded and sighed. "Why won't you just tell me?" She whispered. "Not about your mission, I know you can't tell me that…but about what you're feeling." Her eyes pleaded with me.
My throat ached as my voice caught in its box. I wanted to. I wanted to spill everything to her but I couldn't. The rage, the anger, the frustration, the fear, it was all so powerful that I didn't want her to know. I didn't want her to see that.
"Because I…" I looked down and she brought my eyes back to hers with the tip of her finger.
"You what?"
"I don't deserve you Mijn Zon. I never have." I said quietly and her eyes danced across my face. She put her hands on both sides of my face again and rubbed her thumbs over my cheekbones. Then she looked me straight in the eye with the most piercing stare I had ever seen.
"Yes you do." She annunciated. "And even if you think that, well that's too bad because I'm not going anywhere." She was resolute. And even though she deserved so much more, she deserved my thoughts my worries, my dreams and I wasn't giving it to her, she was standing beside me nonetheless.
"Oh Liefje." My lips found hers in a reverent kiss. I needed her to know how much she meant to me. In the three short months I had known her, she was everything I had. She was the only thing that kept me going and the only thing that made my life worth living.
I pulled her into my arms once again and pressed my lips to her hair as she held me to her. Tonight was a roller coaster for me and tomorrow would be no better. But I knew, regardless of whether I deserved her or not and regardless of the rage that was still boiling inside of me, she would be here, always.
*&^%$#
I stepped out of my Contracts class and glanced at my watch. I was still fucking tired as it was only 9:30.
Damn 8:30 classes.
I looked down the street and began to walk home for my break between my Contracts and Civil Procedure classes. I hated Tuesdays, because to top it off I had my writing seminar in the afternoon.
I began to walk toward Claire and I's apartment when I suddenly heard a siren screaming past me.
Three fire trucks as well as an ambulance and two police cars were racing down the street. The cars were pulling over trying to let them through and my eyes followed them as they sped away. I looked to the south when I noticed a plume of smoke way off in the distance.
That must be one hell of a fire.
It was then that I looked around me and everyone seemed…off. Students weren't walking to class or talking on their cell phones, they were all huddled in little groups across the lawn and looked…frantic.
What the hell is going on?
I continued to head toward home when I heard someone cry out.
"Oh my God my brother works there!" A blonde girl to my right screeched and she instantly began crying. Her friends tried to soothe her and it was then that I noticed the absolute panic that seemed to take over everyone around me.
I grabbed one of the guys standing helplessly by her as her girlfriends tried to console her.
"Hey buddy, what's going on? Why's everyone freaking out?"
"Haven't you heard? Two planes hit the Towers?"
"What Towers?"
"The World Trade Center Towers."
My blood instantly ran cold and I think I lost all feeling or color in my face.
I stood there motionless as his words sunk in, but they never did.
My Dad.
My Brother.
What the hell is happening?
"Dude, are you okay? You look like you're going to be sick?" He stepped closer to me and my eyes went wild.
"No. I'm sorry. I…" Before I could even finish I took off running. But I didn't want to go home, I needed to get to my parents, I needed to see my family and find out what was going on.
I raced down Broadway and noticed it was packed with cars. Nothing was moving. There were people standing outside of their vehicles and horns screeching wildly. It looked like a scene out of a movie, a horrible end-of-the-world kind of movie.
I was running in a dead sprint and turning toward the park. I knew I wouldn't be able to catch a cab. It was probably over three miles to home but I didn't care. I dropped my bag with my law books inside and pumped my arms faster.
My Birkenstocks were giving way to the ground beneath me, but I couldn't feel a thing. I could only think of getting to my parents place.
Maybe my father wasn't at work yet. Maybe Eric wasn't. Alice was at NYU. Hopefully my mother wasn't on an assignment.
I ran faster and faster not seeing the groups and throngs of terrified people as I sweat through my Polo shirt in the warm September sun.
At last I reached the townhouse and rushed through the front door.
"Mom! Dad!" I called out and I heard sobbing from the kitchen.
"Mom!" I raced into the kitchen to find my mother watching the small TV perched on the far counter, her cell phone trembling in her hand and tears streaming down her face.
"Mom. Oh my God. What happened?" I ran over to her and bent before her.
She couldn't speak. She just looked at me with her startling green eyes. They were haunted and swimming with tears.
"The Towers, they think…Oh God." She sobbed.
No, they couldn't be dead. They couldn't both be gone. This was a mistake. They were fine. They would get out, whatever happened.
"Mom, was…is…have you heard from Dad or Eric?"
She shook her head. "Your Dad's okay, he's in Philadelphia, but Eric…" Her shoulders were shaking now and the blood that had been pumping through my veins from running almost four miles at a dead sprint was now tearing through me and piercing me like icicles.
No. It couldn't be true. It just couldn't.
I shook my head as I hugged my Mom to me.
Eric's alive.
Mijn Broer is not dead.
He can't be dead.
It's not possible.
No.
No.
"No!"
"Edward?"
"No!"
Someone was shaking me.
Who was it? Was it my mother? Was it my father when he finally made it home from Philadelphia? Was it Alice with her vice-grip around my shoulders as she cried?
"No!" I shook my head. "It's not possible."
"Edward." A calm, even voice woke me from my dream and I looked at the pair of deep espresso eyes that were behind it.
"Bella." I rasped.
"I'm here." She said quietly and placed a kiss on my temple.
I grabbed her hands and pulled her to me as I tried to steady my breathing.
The pain in my chest was as strong as thirteen years ago. Thirteen years ago today and it never subsided. Thirteen years and I still had the same dream. I pushed the memory out of my mind every other day of the year. But my subconscious trudged it up each time and it came rushing back like a waterfall.
Bella laid her head on my chest and wrapped her arms around me. I knew this was no longer just about me. She knew how I felt. She knew how much it hurt as much as anyone did. Brad meant as much to her as Eric did to me.
I laid there in the morning light trying to calm my breathing and steady her against me as well. The mood was somber, as could be expected, but I didn't want to think about it anymore. I didn't want to relive my dream…because now it was such a distorted reality. The reality was my brother was nothing of who I thought.
And just like that the anger and the rage came back to me along with the crushing grief. But I pushed it down once again.
No.
Today I would be here for her.
So I held her tightly to me, hoping to at least ease some of her pain when she suddenly stiffened and jumped out of bed for the bathroom.
I was only steps behind her and I pulled back her hair as she wretched into the toilet.
"Liefje, are you okay?" I said and stroked her hair until she finished.
She gasped and closed her eyes as she laid her head back against my chest. She had been sick for over a week and I was starting to get concerned about her on top of everything else that was going on.
"Ugh." She finally said. "I hate being sick. Why can't I kick this?"
I ran my fingers through her hair and held her on the cold bathroom floor.
"Maybe it's stress." I offered as a tinge of pain shot through me.
Was I doing this to her?
She shook her head. "I think I have a bug. I think I picked something up and I just can't get rid of it."
I nodded and held her until she determined she was okay to get up. She brushed her teeth and I went to the kitchen to make us some coffee. I didn't want to see the paper today and neither would she. I didn't turn on the TV or pull up the news on the internet because I knew what it would say.
I didn't need to see it.
At last she emerged from the bedroom in her robe. Her hair was brushed and cascaded in thick waves down her back and her face was still flush, but she looked every bit as beautiful as she always did.
"What are your plans for the day?" I asked as I poured her some coffee and made her some toast with butter.
"I took the day off so I'm going to Brooklyn and I have a volunteer thing with Alice at 3:00."
I nodded.
"You?" She asked as she sipped her coffee.
"I need to meet up with Seth and Emmett today. I need to go over a few things I learned…last night." I said vaguely.
She nodded as well and we ate in silence.
"Are you coming by tonight?" She finally asked.
"Yeah. What time will you be back?"
"I should be back by dinner. I can make something." She offered.
"Okay." I smiled, but I felt like things were tense this morning. I couldn't figure it out. Was it just the anniversary or was it something else?
"Are you okay?" She asked then and I took a deep breath. I walked around the breakfast bar and pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head.
"I'll be fine Liefje."
"Okay."
We stood there for a moment until she said she needed to get ready for the day. After I walked to the door and kissed her good-bye I felt a strange sense from her as if she wasn't telling me something this time. I didn't know if it was just the day bothering her or something else.
*&^%$#
"McCarty." I nodded as I took my chair at the conference room table.
"E. What's up man? How ya doin'?" He eyed me. I was a bit of a mess on Monday when we met and he knew it was a tough day for me, Seth too. We had ended up cutting our session short. I didn't drown in my sorrows as I had for the past thirteen years. Instead I beat the ever-loving shit out of a punching bag for a good two hours in the afternoon and then had a quiet dinner with Bella. I held her as she cried and I tried not to. I didn't want to shed any more tears for Eric—not now. I was done with that the night I found out about his betrayal.
But now that brought us back to why we met in the first place.
I had been pondering the new information I learned over the last few days—Il Leone, the involvement of my first kill with my subject and the connections to the investigation.
What concerned me more was the fact that the subject used my first kill as a crony. That made me think the link between the Volturis and the Draconis was stronger than I originally thought and that there was definitely someone behind the entire scheme. Someone who knew to use the same people once the smoke cleared after the fallout.
As we sat down for our briefing I relayed the events of the past two weeks to everyone. When Garrett mentioned something to Emmett about contact with his asset, my ears perked up. But he seemed to let it fly. Apparently he and Kate were out now anyway. Either he didn't know why Emmett was assigned to Bella either or it wasn't worth it to call him out in front of everyone.
Eventually, I told them about my assignment and the information I learned. When I said I took out six guys Ivanova, McCarty, Clearwater and Morgan's eyes all went wide.
I shrugged. I had fought off more before.
Then I told them about Il Leone. I knew Il Leone was "the lion" in Italian, but it could easily be applied to anyone. As far as I knew there wasn't anyone Italian high up in the organization and if this person had blonde hair, as the subject mentioned, then it was unlikely that he was Italian. But we would keep that possibility open.
"So if this Il Leone is the person behind it all, he still has to be tied to an organization right? He can't just be one man?" Garret posed.
"I agree. It's got to be more than that. What kind of organization could or would link the four majors that we know about?" I asked.
"I would say real estate, but Buxton kind of covers that…" Seth pondered. "What about finance? How closely have we looked at the finances of these organizations?"
"Closely. The analysts haven't turned up anything because everything here is on the up and up and everything else is abroad—locked up tight by the Swiss." Garrett piped in.
We all fell silent.
I was getting frustrated. Whoever Il Leone was knew what he was doing.
I sighed and ran my hands through my hair and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Maybe the key isn't to look at the now. Maybe we should look backward."
"Vat do you mean?" Tanya asked.
"I mean, he might be careful now because he's been doing this for a while. But he had to get into this somehow, and he couldn't have been this careful in the beginning right?"
They all nodded, but I didn't know if I was getting my point across.
"Look, we know whoever it is connects the four major companies. But we also know that this man, started at some point to get these groups together. When did Buxton come into existence?"
Emmett looked through one of the briefing books. "1991, so actually long before Dwyer or many of the heavy hitters who are involved now were in it."
"Who was the founder?"
"Jim Buxton, former Giants player."
"Then we start there. Who was Buxton friends with? Who did he run with? Let's find the connection, because we know Thomas Masen is the owner of Masen Industries. Van Rijn is a large Corporation, but Laurent hasn't been around long enough to be the tie there. We need to go back to that '91 time frame and see who could have been connected with Buxton from Van Rijn back then."
"What about Reycon?" Seth said.
"Same thing. I don't think Kebi's that old but…there has to be something there. And I also think we should cross check everything with Volturi."
"Well that's going to take some time but I'll give it to them. It can't hurt." Garrett stated.
I scowled. Where the fuck else were we with this? All of our other connections were coming up short. We had to try something didn't we?
We broke from the briefing and I was still agitated that the things I found out didn't really gain us much, at least not yet.
"Cullen!" I heard Ivanova call from behind me. I knew what she was doing. She always was able to call me out when I was upset.
"Vat's going on? You seem pissed." She crossed her arms and glared at me.
"Nothing."
"Yeah right. You might be able to pull zat shit vith your girl, but not vith me." She peered at me.
Yeah right. You obviously don't know my girl.
But I returned her stare and realized she wasn't backing down either.
"I see the same or vorse zan you everyday. I know it's tearing you up inside. So spill it." She motioned with her hand and gave me that steely look that she had perfected so well.
"Fine. I am pissed. I'm pissed about Eric, I'm pissed to be on this mission and I'm pissed we haven't found anything."
She eyed me carefully. "Zat's not all, but it vill do for now." Then she sighed.
"Look. It vill come. I have been under for five years. Five." She held up her hand. "I haven't seen my girl in four months. So I know. Don't sink I don't know how much it fucking sucks." She raised her eyebrows at me.
Girl?
Wait is she?
"Vat you didn't know?" She quirked again and laughed loudly. "Sometimes men are so blind…just because I don't have short hair and a low voice." She gave me shit.
I smiled and laughed along with her, glad for a relief in the tension.
"Guess that makes it easier to stay away from those pricks at the club then huh?"
She laughed dryly. "Yes, it does. Not zat I vould ever let any of zem touch me vith a ten foot pole." She punched me in the arm lightly.
She sighed again and then stepped closer. "But my point is, see it through. I am done for a vhile after zis too. But see it through." She patted my shoulder and turned to walk out.
I took a deep breath and got what she was saying. We were all burned out. We were all tired and frustrated. I wished I could just channel mine better along with the pent up fury I had from the fact that my own brother was involved.
But before she walked through the door to catch her ride, I thought of something else I wanted to ask her.
"Hey Tanya."
"Da."
"Felix told me that a girl caused some trouble…about a week ago. He said they…" I blew out a breath. "They hurt her. Do you know who that was?"
Her face darkened and she looked down.
"Da. I do." She whispered.
"What happened to her? Do I know her?"
She let out a long breath and looked up at me then. Her blue-grey eyes were no longer fierce but now intensely sad.
"I sink you might. It vas Marie." She said quietly.
Marie.
Oh no.
My heart sunk to the floor.
"Is she…I mean…is she going to be okay."
Tanya shook her head sadly.
"No E. She's gone."
XXXX