Previously;

"Good night," I whispered, slipping her into bed.

"Good night, Jasper," she yawned, turning over to gift me with a smile.

"Sweet dreams, Bella, you deserve that and more."

Memoirs of Her Scent

Ch19: I. Qualm of Serenity

Two Months After

All was serene and swayed in a playful wind that in a child-like manner came and went sporadically, as if content in a game of hide and seek; meanwhile, the rustling leaves represented its joyous laughter.

Bella had gone back to something relatively akin to the normal routine she had before Edward left her, soon after my return. The weeks leading to this ease had been excruciating but worth it. I've begun to feel like I might have reached that pivotal moment where I might have finally found my road to atonement, and for once I felt something close to hopeful.

"Jasper?"

"Yes Isabella?" I smiled at the way she reacted to her full name, a bit of embarrassment wrapped up in a bundle of annoyance. She should have never provided me with that bit of information, it was much too tempting. "Sorry," I apologized, not really meaning it. "Yes Bella?" She scuffed, looking sideways at me, a small but definite smile playing at the corners of her mouth.

"What's your favorite story?" she asked. I laughed. It seemed that Bella was always coming up with the most of unexpected questions the more I got to know her. "What?" Bella scuffed, crossing her arms over her chest, looking slightly flushed. I inhaled.

"Sorry, sorry," I apologized. "It's, just, I didn't expect you to suddenly ask me something like that."

"Excuse me for being curious…" she mumbled, her blush deepening. I exhaled.

"No, Bella, please, don't be like that," I begged, standing from my place on a tree branch and descending to the ground in one lithe and fluid motion. Without losing a step, I stalked closer to where Bella sat at the foot of an old tree in the shade. "It was unexpected, is all."

"You've already said that," she pouted. "If you're not going to tell me, just say so and get it over with…" She was getting defensive now. I wouldn't bother trying to ease her. It would only result in a figurative bloodbath.

Hmm… always something to think about… right, back on track, Jasper.

I sighed. "Bella, really, I think there's very little I can refuse you at this point," I pointed out, startling myself by how true my statement was. It felt… like a very dangerous revelation to stumble upon –like a landmine. "It's not something that most people bring up in normal conversation, so it surprised me. But then again, you are not most people, Bella. I still have trouble coming to terms with that, but I'm growing slowly used to it by now and it's not so bad."

"So everyone keeps reminding me," Bella said, laughing lightly as a blush presented itself once more. I inhaled her in, reminding myself that I was the one in control and not my bloodlust.

"I… honestly, don't mind telling you, Bella. In fact, I want to tell you what my favorite story is."

"Really?" Bella beamed, looking up at me from where she sat cross-legged on the grass.

"Really." I too sat on the grass with Bella's back touching my own. I inclined my head backwards, until the top of Bella's head touched the back of mine. I sighed, content as Bella leaned onto me. "Now, my all time favorite story is a simple love story." Surprise and a bit of shock surged from Bella. I smiled sadly as pain followed shortly after. Leaning further into her, so that we were more comfortably balanced, I said, "This love story is about two lovers. A man and a woman that …even though they were deeply in love with each other, had to part ways." I felt Bella stiffen behind me, felt her saddened pain, and her anticipation. Suddenly I wasn't too sure I should tell her the story after all.

"Do you still wish to hear it?" I asked quietly.

"Yes," she breathed out. I could feel her determination and resolve. "Why did they part?" she asked almost too quietly, sounding so heartbroken I wanted her to forget about listening to my story.

However, her anticipation was the only reason why I decided to continue with the story. As time pass, I know I won't be able to always shield her from the pain of what she's had to endure. "He had to go out to sea, but he swore he would return someday."

"Did she–"

I smiled at her eagerness and continued, "She cried and vowed to wait for him until the day he'd return. So deep was her love and trust in him that she was more than willing to wait." Bella shuffled and listened intently behind me as I said this. "Twilights a plenty wove themselves into her hair, her lips… and so that he could recognize her immediately upon his return, she kept on wearing the same dress he had last seen her in. Time passed and crabs bit at her clothing, at her illusions, and time simply scurried by until her eyes were filled with sunrises alone. And it so happened, that as she waited for her lover to return her body and soul became rooted to the dock upon which she waited, and she fell in love with the sea. Forgotten and alone her hair began to whiten and still no ship returned with her lover. With her spirit and love for company, she remained in solitude. Meanwhile, the town's people began to call her the crazy lady of the docks of San Blas and tried to send her to a madhouse–"

Bella gasped at this, shock coursing through her. "That's too much!"

"No worries, no matter how hard they tried, they couldn't separate her from the sea… it had become her sole lover, so she remained, alone with the sea and the sun until her end came and she was washed away into the sea she loved so much, finally reunited with her lover."

"Amazing…" Bella breathed and I could feel her empathy for the woman of my story.

"Yeah," I agreed. "So that's my favorite story."

'It's a great story. Where did you hear it?"

"Long ago, in San Blas while passing through. We weren't very welcome there, but I remember being so enthralled by this story that it remained in my mind for days, even while I hunted," I mentioned. "The waters in San Blas hold this mythical air about them, due to this story I presume. Also, one version I stumbled upon one claimed she became a mermaid." I grinned at Bella as I felt her enthusiasm growing with every bit of information I provided.

"It's not a biased assumption though, it makes sense to make that a sort of twist," she observed.

"Indeed, I thought the same the first time I heard of it," I agreed. "Also, if I'm not mistaken, I believe it's been made into a song."

"I would really enjoy listening to it, if it's been made into a song."

"I'll find it for you," I promised, "but I have a nagging suspicion that it's in Spanish, if I remember correctly."

"Oh," she said, a little disappointed.

"We can listen to it together and I can translate it for you," I offered and I felt her smile, which made me smile in turn. "It's settled then?"

"Settled!" she said and laughed. "I can't wait."

"I'm sure you'll also fall in love with it too."

"I already have," she assured me. "It was sad, but I think in the end she couldn't have felt that lonely after all." I was slightly surprised by this statement, because that was something that I always thought of as well and no one else, until now, had shared my same perspective. There was no possible or logical way in my mind that allowed for me to believe that after all that waiting she was lonely in the end. She had the sea and the sun for company, new lovers. She didn't need to feel lonely.

"What makes you say that?" I wanted to know.

"Because, if you think about it, she ended up obtaining something more valuable than a lover, she ended up with a new constant love. Even though it never remained the same, it always remained unchanged, because it was the sea after all, and she got to see so many sunsets... and sunrises, each one as different as their predecessors." The girl was a true romantic.

"I agree. The reason I love this story is because it can be interpreted like this, to the point of being, in some sense, controversial. Some might think her to be someone so pathetic, but in the end she got to make a lover out of the sea… that just blows your mind, wouldn't you say?"

"Yes."

Once again we were silent, but content in the companionship that the other offered, just listening to the wind play chase among the leaves once again. With Bella, I was beginning to realize that there was something more to moments like this that made me want to be over zealous of them. I don't think I had shared so much of myself with someone before and though it was all new I found that, speaking about myself wasn't as difficult as I thought it would have been. Bella had taught me that. For the first time I wasn't the only one listening and taking in all the pain. With Bella, it was an equal trade –give and take, take and give. It was easier than breathing and still so very complex, to the point of being vexing.

"Bella, I think we should head back," I interrupted after a while of tumbling musings. Bella stirred, slightly surprised, she had dozed off. The sun had began to cast a rosé gold hue over everything, signaling the final moments before its full descent. "Your father might worry if we don't."

"Only if you promise to bring me back," she wagered.

"I promise."

A Week and a Half Later

Bella and I lay side by side with our eyes closed and shielded from the glare of the noon sun. While resting in shade, the feel of the cool grass under us felt soothing. I could breathe in its earthy smell, bathed in the warm sunrays that danced between twirling leaves and shifting shadows –all was serene in our private place.

At least, it was for Bella.

I, on the other hand, was too aware of our almost touching fingertips and the warmth that radiated from her making a crawling trail over my cold skin.

I could sense her warmth warming me, more than the rays of the sun from that almost-connection. Her presence was more pressing than the ground beneath my clawed fingertips. The call of her blood lazily shifting and rushing within her blood vessels was more soothing than the rustle of the playful winds caressing the leaves in mellow passing –a song so thunderous in my ears that I found myself swallowing slowly in an attempt to not salivate at the thought of tasting.

I was suffocating, trying to chase away the thoughts of leaning over her and getting a taste. Maybe then, I could quench the sudden slam of thirst currently burning a winding path down my fevered throat.

Trying to escape my spiraling thoughts I shifted, causing contact.

I heard and felt Bella's entire frame tense and her breathing still along with our previously mocking serenity in the background.

Even so, I did not dare make any sudden movements. The beast, the demon in my view was in its prowl, waiting to pounce. I had to regain full control before it was too late.

Tracing a path that connected each shattering chard of control at a gather, I began to slowly sow a seam of resolve into the restless rage of the thirsting demon.

Still, not daring speech, least my voice shake, I exercised a gentle caress of reassurance, allowing it to travel through Bella's frame, and eased her enough to breath and relax once again.

"Sorry," I mumble bashfully.

"Do that again," she breathed, her entire frame relaxing and vibrating with sudden ecstatic emotion.

"What?" I asked, confused by her spiraling emotions. As her emotions stormed around me, I tried to relax by listened to the bristle of swaying leaves to distract myself from the sway of Bella's tantalizing bloodstream quickening its tempo. I smiled lazily, both corners of my mouth lifting as I felt her gravitating herself to me, her warmth encompassing me in its consuming entirety.

"Touch me," she whispered, her warm breath now ghosting over the exposed skin of my right shoulder and neck.

"Bella, what? I–" I was a damned flustered vampire! My head turned to look at her. Bella's hair was spread with an idle sort of chaos around her shoulders and over the slightly yellowed grass inking it with soft shadows, fluttering in the slight midmorning breeze.

If I were an artist, I would be rushing to get a hold of my sketchbook and pastels to try and capture this moment of imperfect perfection, all the while wondering the reason behind that thought-provoking blush.

But, alas, I am not. Therefore, I simply contented myself with staring at her, willing her to look at me. I couldn't distinguish one emotion from the other as they spiraled and continued to blossom and extinguish within her, it was making me nervous.

As if compelled, she looked into my eyes then, only looking away as she said, "I've noticed, you know… I mean, how can't I?" She chanced an anxious look at me. I simply stared, trying to make sense of her flooding emotions and words. "Lately, it seems like you go out of your way not to touch me, Jasper. It's like you don't want to be near me, but you have no choice but to be near and so you opt for shutting me out altogether…"

I looked at her, really looked at her, with a slight sense of disbelieve radiating off me. This was true. I had been trying very hard not to go near her, unless it was absolutely necessary, but even I had not been aware of this behavior until recently.

"Is it still hard for you," Bella questioned, barely above a whisper, "being near me?" I smelled her tears before I saw them and they tore at me, at a part of me that I had always assumed dormant after so many years of being one of the living dead.

This maddening awareness was the main reason behind my wanting to distance myself from Isabella, sometimes it became too much. It was as if suddenly, after so many years my heart had suddenly begun to pump and I'd realized just how heavy the weight of my heart was. At first it was like a little poke, but now it was scaling into a full out constant hammering that just wouldn't give. I just never intended on her being aware of my putting distance between us and much less to suffer from it.

Slightly agitated I sat up and knelt before her and carefully had Bella mirroring my position. "Darlin', please don't cry," I pleaded, but her tears seemed to double. "It still is hard," I confessed, "because for some reason you make it impossible for me to adjust. And being around you just doesn't help either. Not that I'm blaming you. I can't very well blame you for being delicious…" As soon as the words were out I felt like an idiot, I wanted to crawl into a very, very, very deep hole and never come out. The way I phrased it made it sound like I had already had a taste of her, which I had not. And I wasn't planning to any time soon, or ever for that matter, if I could avoid it...

Bella blushed furiously and I practically moaned from the assault. "I'm sorry." This girl was as sweet as the smell of her blood and just as ridiculous.

"What are you apologizing for, Bella?" I asked her incredulous. "You have nothing to apologize for. It's not your fault that I am what I am. That I crave for what I crave and can't help but run different scenarios in my head of how to obtain what I want, even when I'm telling myself that I'm the one in control."

"I know, but it's my fault that you're here." She shook her head stubbornly. "Even though it's painful for you, you're still here… allowing me to be selfish–"

"You're anything but–" I began to argue, but she silenced me once more with a furtive rod hot finger on my lips. I gasped quietly at the sudden heat spreading there, halting my breathing altogether. I wanted to close my eyes and bask in the sensation, but her eyes compelled me otherwise as I stared into them.

Bella seemed not to notice as she continued, cheeks fever red, "Jasper, you're away from Alice," at the mention of Alice's name my breath left me in a rush, like I'd been kicked in the gut, "–away from everyone you love. And I haven't asked because I'm a coward and I'm afraid you'll be gone as soon as I do, but–" She took a shaky breath, letting it out she finished, "shouldn't you be getting back to them, to Alice?"

"Do you want me gone?" I questioned. My voice sounded harsh and hollow, even to my own ears. I felt a sort of foreboding at the thought that she might say yes, that she would tell me that she did not need me anymore. I was terrified by the prospect of her rejection.

"No!" she bellowed in a panic that had her heart drumming a sinister call with her blood, curling and unfurling just beneath her film of delicate, easy-to-break-through, flesh. "Never... I know it's not fair, but I need you, Jasper."

Satisfaction ran through me, an emotion solely mine. I shivered, euphoria making me reckless.

"Then, Isabella," I leaned into her, our foreheads touching as I closed my eyes, inhaling her, "stop questioning and just… accept." I opened my eyes to the sight of Bella's quickly rising and falling chest. I smirked. Putting a breath's distance between our close proximity, I sought her eyes, wiping away her tears, and whispered, "Can't you do that for me, darlin'?"

She nodded slowly, causing our foreheads to touch once again as my fingers molded gently around her delicate neck. My thumb caressed her jaw line lazily before tilting her face slightly up, just at the right angle so that I could read her lips. "Yes," she finally whispered and as the word formed, her voice became a delicious quiver that I had to trace with my thumb.

"Good." My hands moved on their own, caressing. Bella's eyes closed, surrendering her senses to the feel of my touch, so trusting. I watched my fingers, ghosting over her heated skin, under her jaw and traveling to the column of her neck, while my left untangled and knotted her hair at her nape. And enjoying the feel of her, quivering under my touch, I looked to her, seeking as her eyes fluttered open for me once more. "Trust me. I'm here not just because of the promise I made to you, but because I want to. You are worth it, Isabella." For the first time I did not feel Bella's reproach or annoyance at the sound of her name. Instead, there was confusion and a sense of satisfaction in its place. She was staring at me with a look I could not quite discern within those gentle brown eyes, but could not turn from. "The struggle for control and being away from Alice and the family, you are worth all of it… and so much more, Isabella," I continued. I could only hope for her understanding. "Besides, you became family the moment you entered our home, so I'm not away from everyone I lo–"

"Jasper," came her winded whisper, "why are you really here?"

A/N: A nice, long-ish chapter to make up for my long absence, I hope. Truth is, it had been sitting on my laptop, long finished… a while ago, but I didn't have time to update. Reviews please –it's like FUEL, or no update. That's a promise. It's sad not being shown some love or appreciation peeps.