21.

"Renewing Old Acquaintances"

When Morrigan awoke, she knew she was in terrible condition. Wracked with pain from her burns, she could barely breathe from all the smoke she had inhaled, but she was alive! How had this happened? And she knew. She knew it must have been her Warden. She tried to look around for him, but her eyes were burning and swollen and she could see little. She only knew she lay in a bed in unfamiliar surroundings and appeared to be alone. The last thing she remembered was Acharne lighting the pyre and the Warden rushing towards the flames. She remembered smoke and fire and pain, but no more. She knew she must heal herself, and quickly, or risk losing consciousness again. She raised her arms, wincing with pain, and cast a healing spell. Better. She cast again and again until her mana was drained. Then she rested. The burns were already healed. She was still weak from the smoke, but after several more spells she felt strong enough to stand. But her back...she had been unable to heal it at the time of the flogging as they had suppressed her magic, and it was still sensitive. She walked to the dusty mirror in the room and turned her back to it, peeling away her robe. Some of the wounds had healed, but not all. She frowned. Morrigan had always been pleased by her body, but no more. She dropped her eyes and noticed the golden hand mirror the Warden had given her resting on the dresser. Her expression softened, and she allowed a wistful smile to cross her face as she lightly traced the figures on the back. Then she turned to the door and went down the stairs to find the Warden.

As Morrigan descended and saw him, her heart leapt with joy. She stopped on the landing, overcome by emotion. The Warden had made a fire which was heating water and what smelled like a stew. She watched him pouring hot water into a great tub. He had still not noticed her. As he tilted the bucket, he suddenly cried out in pain and dropped the pail onto the floor. The Warden sunk to his knees, thrusting his arms away from his body. Then she saw, and she was devastated. His hands and legs were burned badly. He had been brutally injured trying to save her. It had not occurred to her that he might be wounded as well. Her Warden had always seemed invincible to her. She cast a spell of healing on him.

Ryder was stunned. His hands appeared better, and the pain was not as severe. He realized that it must have been Morrigan. He looked towards the stairs and caught her eye. For a long moment they stared intensely at each other, each with a thousand things they wanted to say, but neither able to speak. Morrigan cast another spell of healing, her hands glowing. She walked up to him and, looking into his eyes, took his hands in hers and healed him completely.

The Warden broke the silence, "You are well, then."

Morrigan smiled. "Yes, I will be alright. I have cast many spells on myself," she said.

He looked relieved.

Morrigan looked around. "Where is Brycan? He is safe with Wynne?" she asked expectantly.

The Warden shook his head, "He is with Celene."

"What? I…you promised to take him away from Val Royeaux, to make him safe. I begged you!" she hurled at him, her anguish overwhelming her gratitude.

"Morrigan, Brycan is safest with Celene. She will protect him until Wynne arrives in the city. Then she will send Wynne and the boy here and we will exorcise the Old God. It was the only thing to do, the only way I could…" he pleaded.

Morrigan cut him off, "But what about Acharne? He will stop at nothing to hurt me! He will use Brycan to get to me!"

"No," the Warden said with finality. "He will never threaten you or the child again. I have slain him."

Morrigan stopped her tirade then, her anger broken. So, that monster Acharne was dead. Now, her Warden would be a fugitive, too, because of her. She thought how completely her involvement with Ryder had ruined his life. And she hated herself anew.

The Warden continued softly, in the wake of her silence, "Morrigan, you asked me to let the only woman I've ever loved die horribly. How could I not try to save you both, if it was possible?"

Tears welled up in her eyes. "I know," she whispered, regretting her prior outburst, "'Twas a terrible choice I gave you. I knew it and hated asking it of you. Forgive me. None of this is your fault. 'Tis just that our son is such a wonderful boy. He reminds me of you in so many ways, bright and mischievous and charming. I am certain you must have been the same at his age, my rogue Warden," she said, teasing him. Then her smile vanished. "I…I could not bear it if something happened…"

He took her hands in his and drew them to his lips, kissing them gently, and reassured her, "I will let nothing happen to the boy, I swear it. We will make sure the Old God cannot take him. Celene will send word of events and Wynne will come with the answer, you must believe this."

Morrigan relaxed slightly. She believed in him, and would have to trust him.

"I…I have drawn a bath for you. I thought after you had healed enough…it might make you feel better," he offered.

Morrigan smiled gratefully. She walked over to the bath while he gathered more hot water and poured it in. She began to remove her robe with the immodesty of a former lover. He was behind her then, trying to help her. Then she remembered her back and she stopped, looking over her shoulder uncertainly. She did not want him to see her like this. "There are…marks," she said, ashamed.

"What?" he said, not grasping her meaning. Then he understood, and was outraged. "But Celene said she gave express orders you were not to be harmed in any way!" he cried angrily.

"'Tis true, she did issue such commands, but these men were cruel, and when she was no longer allowed to visit, Acharne had me flogged," Morrigan remembered, a shudder running up her once beautiful back.

The Warden could feel the rage rising in him. He would have slain them all had they been there then.

Morrigan was embarrassed, seeing his reaction, and she said weakly, "I have healed most of them, but…there are some that will never mend. There will be…scars," she said, lowering her head.

The Warden looked at her, grieved by her pain, and gently pulled her robe down to reveal the lashes on her back. He kissed them gently, lovingly, to show her that it did not matter to him, that this savage attack did not change the way he looked at her.

"Morrigan, you will always be the most beautiful woman in the world to me," he declared emotionally.

What had she done to deserve this man? Morrigan thought.

-----

When she had finished bathing he wrapped her in a fresh cloak Celene had left for her. They stood for a moment gazing into each other's eyes. The Warden ached to kiss her, but he dared not, for he knew his desire would overwhelm him. He stepped away, saying, "You should try to eat something and get some rest."

Morrigan looked at him tenderly as he walked away to get the food. She knew he had wanted to kiss her then. And she knew why he hadn't. Even after five years apart, his main concern was for her welfare, not to satisfy his own needs. He loved her. It was not just passion, as she had so long tried to convince herself. She didn't think it possible to love him more, but in that moment, she did.

-----

At first, it was awkward between them. There was so much to say and neither of them could find a way to begin. It had been five long years since they had been together and they were unaccustomed to each other. And much had changed. Morrigan had changed. They would need time to learn each other again - to explore and discover who they were now. They made small talk while they ate, and then the Warden, sensing the floundering, asked her to tell him about his son. Morrigan's eyes lit up then, and she became effusive, telling him everything she could think of about the boy. He smiled, thinking he would love the child as much as she did. Then her face clouded, and he knew she was worried for her son. He reached out across the table and covered her hand, gently squeezing it. Morrigan tried to smile, but it was half-hearted and unconvinced.

After a time, they had begun to feel more comfortable with each other. Morrigan had beamed when he told her of the advancements Ferelden had made and the things that had been accomplished. She knew most of these things were because of him, though he would never think to phrase it so. His lack of self aggrandizement pleased her almost as much as his wondrous achievements. The Warden had learned about the life Morrigan had been leading at the Court of Val Royeaux. He was equally proud of her. She had become the confidante of the leader of the most powerful country in Thedas. She had trained and educated the Orlesians in the ways of the darkspawn and helped to advance their state of readiness, dealing herself with a number of darkspawn incursions. They talked about the ways in which the darkspawn had evolved and they talked of ways to counter it. And finally, when the fire they sat beside was only embers, he wished her a pleasant sleep and sent her up the stairs to get some rest. He stoked the fire, and laid down beside it, thinking of Morrigan and longing to be at her side, if only to hold her, but as he had always done, choosing instead to wait for her.

-----

Morrigan lay in her bed willing sleep to come to her. She was exhausted and knew she needed rest, but it eluded her. For her mind would not leave the Warden. She truly ached for him, and to be so tantalizingly close... She felt her desire rise remembering what it had been like between them. Such memories of him were powerful and she had lived on them for five agonizingly empty years. That had to be sufficient when he was so far away, when she thought he no longer cared for her, but now… No, she knew he was right. She needed the rest and their passion would wait another day. She smiled wantonly. She and the Warden would need all their strength, for she intended to drive them both to exhaustion when the time was right. And at last she fell asleep.

Morrigan cried out so loudly that the Warden heard her, and in one motion he had grabbed StarFang and leaped up the stairs and thrown her door open, expecting to find her under attack. The room was bathed in moonlight, and he could see that there was no one in the room. Morrigan was in her bed, distraught.

"What is it? What's wrong, Morrigan?" he cried, springing to her side and gathering her in his arms to comfort her, for she was clearly shaken. She threw her arms around his waist and let him hold her briefly before she gathered herself.

"I…'twas but a dream," she said, feeling foolish. "I…am sorry. I am alright now. 'Twas…disturbing, and I reacted badly. Forgive me for waking you. It…the fire…" Scowling, she shook her head, trying to rid herself of the memory.

The Warden took her in his arms and held her close, whispering into her hair, "It's alright. It's over now. It's over, my love." He comforted her, stroking her hair, letting her work past the horror of her ordeal at the stake. And after a time, she quieted, and he saw she was asleep. And Ryder sat with her, holding her, until he fell asleep himself.

When Morrigan awoke, she was still in his arms, and it was still night. She was overwhelmed with tenderness towards him, and reached up to caress his sleeping face softly. She kissed him gently, lovingly, intending only to show her gratitude for his kindness and understanding. But as he stirred beneath her lips, so stirred her passion, and she found herself kissing him more fervently, more hungrily. Ryder was conscious of her now, of her lips on his, of the fierceness in her kiss.

"My Warden," she whispered to him passionately, "I have missed you so."

And he knew their time apart was over, and he would resist no longer.

-----

"Love me always, Ryder," Morrigan murmured, clasping his hand, her fingers entwining with his.

He pulled back to look in her eyes and offered her his most charming, tender smile. "I have always loved you…even when I was furious with you. From that first day you came upon us searching for the Grey Warden treaties," he said to her, bemused by the memory.

Morrigan looked at him passionately and ran her finger lightly along his lips, "I had found something special in my Korcari Wilds."

The Warden smiled, "I have loved you from that day and I will love you from this. Do you not yet understand, Morrigan? We will never be free of each other. We are meant to be together, fated to love each other until we die." And he kissed her.

When their lips parted, she pressed her head against his, caressing his face, nuzzling him. "I…was afraid of you," she whispered, confessing what she thought was her long-held secret.

"I know," he whispered softly, burying his lips in her hair.

She looked at him sadly and laid her head on his chest. "I did everything I could to push you away, to make you hurt me, so that I could do what I was told to do, what I found I wanted to do less every day, every hour I was with you. But you would not give up on me. You would not let me go, no matter what I said or did. And after a time, I could not let you go. I could not deny my feelings anymore. I could not pretend I did not care for you. When you told me you loved me that night in the Brecilian Forest, I tried to fight you as I had done all along, but I was lost. I left you because I knew we could not be together. Because I was an apostate, and because I loved you, and would not want you harmed because of me. If you believe nothing else, believe that," she implored him, gazing into the deep brown eyes she loved so.

Ryder looked at her intensely and it sent a shiver up her spine. "I do believe you, Morrigan, and I know what a struggle you have faced, trying to reconcile what you were taught with how you felt. I have ached to see you in such pain, to see you suffer. And I could only wait for you," he said tenderly.

Morrigan pressed him, "But why? In truth, I gave you nothing but pain and grief. I was not worth your effort, your patience, your love. Why would you wait for me, when there are so many others who would gladly have given you their hearts?" She thought of Leliana. "I am not like other women…"

He cut her off, taking her face in his hands, "Because my beautiful sorceress, you are not like other women. You are wild and confident and inhibited and insecure. You are strong and brave and frightened of your own emotions. You are intelligent yet you do foolish things. You are sensuous and passionate, but childlike and innocent. You are everything worth waiting for, and I would have waited forever for you."

Morrigan's eyes glistened. Ryder brought her lips to his and kissed her deeply and passionately. And they made love as though it were the first and last time.

-----

On the fourth day, they heard the sound of a horse approaching. The Warden flew to the door, a weapon in each hand. It was Henri, the captain of Celene's Imperial guard. He told them all that had happened, that the truth was out, and they were free. Wynne had arrived and awaited them at the Empress' quarters. They looked at each other, scarcely able to believe it was over. Their plans to spend their lives running were no longer necessary. The Warden lifted Morrigan in his arms, twirling her about, overcome with joy, and she laughed, arms clinging to his neck. When he set her back on the ground, he kissed her tenderly.

"Now we get our son," he said with determination.

And they rode back to Val Royeaux.