Chapter 21

The rest of the week sped by in a blur of familiar faces and long loved places. Hermione had shown Draco everything from her old school to her teenage angst hiding places. She had loved catching up with old neighbours and having her mind flooded with long forgotten childhood memories, but Draco had seemed distant and quiet since they had arrived. His old cool demeanour locked firmly back in place. He had been pleasant enough around her parents and they really seemed to like him. As they were leaving they had informed him that he was welcome at any time. They had told her she'd found a charming young man and at any other time she'd have been inclined to agree. However, when alone, he'd barely touched her, and their conversation had been limited. Not at all like their time spent at his house. She didn't know if it was something she'd done or if he was uncomfortable being in the muggle world for so long. She was still trying to figure out why he was acting so standoffish as they made their way through the crowds at Platform 9 and ¾.

"Come on, Draco. I know going back to school isn't the most thrilling thing in the world for you but you could at least stop scowling." Hermione huffed dragging her luggage behind her.

"I am not scowling." Draco stopped. Hermione stumbled trying to stop her heavy luggage cart from wheeling away from her. She began tapping her foot impatiently. Why was he acting like such a child. In the distance she saw an arm shoot above everybody's head and frantically begin to wave, followed by a quick flash of red hair.

"Look, I see Ginny. Let's go and catch up with her." She grabbed his hand but he pulled it back. Hermione teeth ground together as though his act had caused her physical pain.

"Why don't you go with your friends?" Draco smiled weakly, "I'll find somewhere else to sit." Hermione felt a lump rise in her throat and the threatening prick of tears beginning to form,

"Oh. Two weeks with me was too much, wasn't it?" She was suddenly disappointed in herself. Since when had she been the kind of girl that let a boy make her feel this weak so easily. Upset perhaps, angry definitely, but not unwanted, not pathetic. Draco's arms shot out to hers and began stroking it, the sadness on her face punching him in the gut,

"Of course not! I'm just...not very good company right now. I'm tired and I don't want to snap at your annoying friends. But I don't want you to have to sit in silence the whole way there. Just...have fun with your friends. I'll see you at dinner, Granger." He pecked her swiftly on the cheek and began to walk away.

Feeling rejected and only mildly comforted by her words she began to walk towards where she had spotted Ginny's fiery head a few moments earlier. She furiously wiped at her eyes and plastered on the best fake smile she could. She reached the young Weasley and was swiftly enveloped in a tight hug,

"Lover boy not with you?" She smirked.

"No." Was all Hermione offered. Ginny grimaced at the look of thunder in her friend's eyes and decided it was best not to ask. She may be smiling but Hermione couldn't fool her. She knew trouble in paradise when she saw it. They made their way to the train in silence.

Draco had turned and watched Hermione leave. His guilt threatening to bowl him over. He couldn't help it. All week he had wondered what he had got Hermione into. Had he put her in danger simply by loving her? And why hadn't he thought of that possibility? He had known it when he had come back at the beginning of the year. He was toxic and he deserved nothing good. And now he might have ruined Hermione's life by simply daring to be a part of it. If pushing her away now could save her should he do it?

He felt sick to his stomach as he searched for a compartment to sit in. He found an empty one and settled himself in for the long solitary journey. A few minutes later a group of first years had tried to join him but his best Malfoy scowl had sent them running. He pulled a book out of his trunk and began to read. An hour into the journey the compartment door slid open, he looked up from the pages to see the unwelcome presence.

"Draco Malfoy, by himself? Honeymoon period over with Granger?" Astoria smirked, her infuriating school girl giggle hanging in the air long after it had finished.

"Not that it's any of your business, but everything is fine." Astoria sat down uncomfortable close and Draco immediately moved to the other side of the compartment.

"Really? Is that why I saw her ranting and raving at that pathetic Weasley girl? Because everything is fine?" She swung her legs around so she was say with them across the bench, her back against the side of the train.

"What do you want, Astoria? I'm bored of your ridiculous attempts to taunt me. Jealousy doesn't suit you." A flash of anger seared behind her eyes but she quickly composed herself.

"Oh, Draco. I'm not jealous. I'm just trying to get you to do what's best for you. Neither or Granger will last long if you keep this up."

"What are you talking about?" Draco sneered, trying to act bored and ignorant, but he could hear the edge to his voice that would give him away.

"Don't you see. You're little girly would be much safer if you weren't with her. Maybe not safe mind, she is a disgusting mudblood after all." Draco's fists clenched at his side, "But you know this, Draco. You know you two were never right for each other. What's that saying? If you love something you should let it go. So let it go, Draco. Because if you don't, someone will get hurt."

Draco couldn't keep his composure any longer. His fear and anger had been building since the dream, and he couldn't remain calm any more. He bolted from his seat and lifted Astoria from hers, pinning her against the wall. His tall frame towered over her slight one, but he stooped so that his eyes were level with hers.

"Again with the threats," he hissed through gritted teeth, "you need to tell me what you know, or I swear to Salazar I will make you wish you had." He slammed his hand against the wall next to her head.

"Draco!" His head snapped sideways to the sound of the startled voice to see fear and regret plastered all over Hermione's face. She had looked at him in many ways over the years, with disgust, disappointment, hurt. But she had never looked scared of him. Draco stood back and Astoria slipped away, a triumphant grin on her face. Hermione watched her leave and turned to follow her, breaking into a run as she heard him walk behind her.

He couldn't bring himself to follow her and so he stepped back into the compartment, slid onto the seat and pushed his hands into his hair.

"You don't know what you saw, Hermione," Ginny sighed sitting down on her friend's bed, "Astoria's a bitch. She could have been winding him up the entire time." Hermione had avoided Draco for the rest of the journey back to Hogwarts. The pair had quickly made their way to the Gryffindor tower where Hermione had immediately began panicking about what she had seen on the train.

"But he doesn't have to react like that."

"I don't have to tell you this is Draco Malfoy we're talking about right? You knew what he was like when you got with him. You looked past it then, why not now?"

"I don't know. Honestly though Ginny, you didn't see him. I think he could have killed her."

"He looked like he was going to?"

"Not like he was trying to but...like he wanted to. Like if he let himself, he would have."

"Come on, Hermione. You've looked at Ron and Harry like that plenty of times over the years." Ginny laughed.

"I don't know how to describe it, Gin." Hermione's fingers were going crazy in her lap, she just couldn't get them to keep still. She fell back on the bed, "He's never looked like that before," she sighed.

Ginny turned around and looked at her friend's face, screwed up with worry,

"Why don't you just talk to him? Ask him? I may not be his biggest fan in the world, but I think he at least deserves the chance to explain himself, don't you?" Hermione looked at her friend,

"I suppose so." After all, she was used to needing all the facts, why should this time be any different.

"Anyway," Hermione sprang up and turned so she was sat next to her friend, "how was your break? How are the boys."

"Ron is still as much of an idiot as always. He kept asking whether you to had broken up yet. He really can't stand him you know? I think it's hilarious."

"And Harry?"

"He's...stressed. Auror training is really taking it out of him and he barely gets a chance for a break now it's getting close to exam time. But we did have a lovely evening towards the end there. We put the tent up and spent the night under the stars."

"It sounds perfect, Gin."

"It would have been if Ron hadn't kept interrupting because he was bored." Ginny rolled her eyes and got to her feet.

"Seriously?" Hermione laughed, "That boy needs other friends."

"Tell me about it."

The girls laughed and talked some more before heading down to dinner. Just as they were about to reach the Great Hall, Hermione noticed Draco leaning against the wall by the door, looking worn down. She paused, telling Ginny to go ahead without her. Hermione could tell he'd been worrying. His tie was loose, his top button undone, and his hair was sticking out at all angles from pushing his fingers through it repeatedly. All signs that he'd been pacing and panicking. Hermione was startled by how much she knew about him now. The boy who she'd spent seven years avoiding, the boy she thought was shallow and an egomaniac, the boy she never really understood. She knew so much about him now. Things she never would have expected to. She could tell from looking at him how he was feeling. Not just when he was stressed, but when he was tired, annoyed, hungry. She could sense his emotions in the way he touched her, and she'd seen parts of his soul nobody else had. But had it all been a lie? Had she caught a glimpse of the real Draco Malfoy back on the train, and the one she had fallen for was just make believe? Was it just a slip up? She couldn't understand why he would ever act that way.

Draco stood straight as he felt Hermione's eyes on him. He flattened his hair and straightened his clothes, clearing his throat nervously.

"Hermione, look..." He started, but his throat seemed to close up. He'd spent hours trying to think of what to say, but everything he thought of would either scare her or make him look pathetic and paranoid.

"What was that? On the train? What could she have possibly done to justify you behaving like that? She's just a girl."

"I know. It's just." Draco couldn't get the words out. Nothing sounded right in his head. He didn't know how to explain it to her. He could hear the voice telling him to just tell her the truth. About Astoria, about the note, about the dream. Everything. But he'd kept it from her. Would she see why or would she just see the lie?

"Draco, I need you talk to me. No excuses. Just tell me." She kept her distance and Draco realised she had been scared of him. She had never looked at him the way she was looking at him now and he realised what he'd done. Through all those years he'd tormented her she had never feared him. But he was insignificant to her then. Now she loved him. And he loved her. And she shouldn't have to fear him now. But she did. His stomach clenched as the realisation hit him. What he'd already know. What he'd known all along.

"Draco. I thought you'd moved past all this. This anger and hatred. Or was that a lie? Was it just pretend? Because I can't deal with this Draco. I want my Draco back. Not the thug you were before, I want the man you've become. Please. Just talk to me. Tell me what's going on."

Draco swallowed hard. He was this man. And Astoria was right. He needed to protect her. She was the light in his world, and he didn't want to be the darkness in hers. He walked across the hallway and sat down on the bench as his brain formed the words he needed. Hermione followed. Draco hung his head, his hands clasped in front of him. He felt Hermione kneel before him and place her hand over his own.

"Draco, whatever it is, you need to talk to me. I'm here for you. You know that. But you need to help me understand. Why would you do what you did back on the train-"

"Because, it's who I am." He whispered. He lifted his head and looked into her curious eyes. She was waiting for him to elaborate and so he did,

"You're right. It's all pretend. I can't be what you want me to be, Granger. It's too much. I'm clearly not the man for you so I think we should just call it a day. Don't you. Because i'm too tired to keep it up anymore." Hermione moved her hand from his, her eyebrows furrowed together in confusion.

"I don't understand. What are you saying? Whatever it is, Draco, we can move past it. We've done it before, we can do it again. You've come so far. Don't give up now." Draco's heart hammered around his chest. He had hoped this would be easy, he had hoped that would be enough. He didn't want to hurt her. He stood up, nearly knocking Hermione over, but she soon regained her balance and joined him on her feet.

"What is there not to understand? It was all pretend. All of it. I thought if I could act like I'm all better now, and the good little boy, life would be easier. And bagging the Gryffindor princess was the icing on the cake. If you could believe me, everybody else would have to. Wouldn't they?" He glanced at her quickly, but the pain written all over her face made it hard to bear and he turned away just as fast, "But i'm bored of it now. It's not worth it. I just want to go back to being me."
Hermione grabbed his arm and spun him to face her,

"You can't mean this, Draco." The tears were spilling over now and he could tell she was trying not to release the sob held in her throat, "You can't tell me that everything was a lie. I know you, remember. You've done so much that can't be explained away by this. The first time we kissed wasn't a lie. You bringing my parents home wasn't a lie."
"I had to do something to convince you, didn't I. You weren't as easy as I hoped you'd be."

"Tell me, then. Look me in the eyes and tell me it wasn't real." She stood firm, a resolute look on her face. Daring him. She almost won. But he had to do it. He knew now that he should never have let it get this far. He should have left well enough alone. Left the fantasy in her head. But there was no going back now, only forwards. And this was the safest path for her. He wished though that he could have held her one last time. Kissed her goodbye. But it was too late now.

"I don't love you, Granger. I never did." He shrugged off her hands and straightened his clothes, "We're done here."

He sped away, but not before her sob echoed through the corridor, punching him in the gut on its way past. He heard her fall to her knees. He wished he could go back and comfort her, but that would be up to someone else now. He didn't want to hurt her. But hurting her was worth saving her. Wasn't it?

A/N: I'm sorry it's another short chapter, I'll try and make the next one longer. I hope you like it anyway.

Just a big thank you to the new follows/favs. It means a lot. Especially after having been away for so long.

Anyway, review if you want to. Or don't if you don't. Until next time!