Epilogue

During the next few weeks Adam and Tommy became very close. They didn't say that they were together but they didn't deny it either. The singer was not ready to have a real relationship with someone. He loved Tommy, he really did, but he didn't want to go further yet; he needed more time to feel more comfortable with himself first. He was glad to have the blonde around to kiss and touch him when he wanted to. He was able to touch someone else, but it was still difficult for him to be touched, even by Tommy. They had a lot of discussions about it, because Adam was feeling guilty about not being able to go further with the bassist. But the blonde was patient and he didn't want to rush anything.

Two months after the night where Adam had joined Tommy in the guest room, the singer decided that he was ready to go further in their sexual relationship. Of course, as usual, he was toping. He thought it would be easier for him than if he had preferred being the bottom. But it was not as easy as he thought. He didn't know why, but he needed to be rough, to be aggressive. It was his first time with Tommy and he wanted to be perfect. But it was very hard for him to control himself. He wanted the blonde so badly, but he didn't want to hurt him. He was really gentle in the beginning but with the increase of the pleasure, he lost it. When Tommy began to moan not from pleasure but from pain, Adam realized what he was doing and stopped. He was feeling really bad about it but he wasn't able to explain why he needed to "take" the bassist like that.

They talked about it and of course Tommy wasn't mad at him. After a few days, the singer decided to call Dr. Spencer to ask her if he was going crazy. She told him that nothing wrong was going on with him and that he probably needed more time to get back to a normal sexual life. She proposed him to talk a lot about how he felt with Tommy when he was intimate with him. That was what he did. Each time they were having sex, they communicated more than usual. It took Adam about 4 weeks to lose his need to be aggressive. But at Tommy's request, he was still able to be rough, sometimes.

About 2 months later, after several appointments with Dr. Spencer, decided to talk to the media. Because she had always been nice and respectful with him, he wanted to do it at The Ellen DeGeneres Show. Before the interview, he had called Ellen to discuss about what he agreed to talk about and what was off limits. He wanted to do it himself to make sure there was no misunderstanding. She was really glad to have the chance to be the first person to receive Adam at her show since his kidnapping. She promised him that she would respect his wishes and that she wouldn't ask him questions he didn't want to answer, too.

The interview lasted the entire hour of the show. He talked about what happened the night he was kidnapped and the events that happened before that night. He didn't say anything about what happened to him while he was missing, except the fact that his captors had hurt him. He talked about his rescue and used that moment to thank agent Miller and his team. Ellen asked him a lot of questions about the aftermath. He had told her before the show that he was okay to talk about it because for him it was important to show to other victims of crimes that even if it's really difficult, there was always a way to get through the trauma they had suffered. He used that moment to encourage them to reach for help and to hold on.

Even if he knew he would have to talk about it, some moments were more difficult for him. At three or four times, he had to take a break of a few seconds before being able to answer Ellen's question, and his eyes had filled up with tears twice during the show. Some people in the audience and even Ellen had to dry their eyes a few times too.

Ellen asked him what would happen next with his career. Adam said that he didn't know yet and that he was not ready to go back on stage now. He needed to take some time to think about what he really wanted to do. He explained that for now, his priority was to take care of himself.

The whole week after the show aired, everyone in the media was talking about Adam, what he said and if they would have the chance to see him singing again in public. There were a lot of speculations about what he kept to himself and what really happened while he was missing. He received a lot of calls to ask him to do other interviews, but he always answered that he was not interested and that there was nothing left to say. He had to change his phone number twice. The paps bothered him about it for a few weeks, when they were seeing him in public places, but, surprisingly, they abandoned about a month after the show was aired. They were still asking him different things, but it was never about the kidnapping anymore. Adam didn't know why they abandoned so quickly, a month was really a short term for paps, but he was not complaining about it. He knew his fans had sent a lot of tweets and messages to ask the paps to leave the singer alone about that subject, so maybe it helped.

About two months later, Adam learned that he was nominated for two Grammys: best pop vocal album and best male pop vocal performance. He was really happy about it and also very surprised. But even if he hadn't sung in public since the night of the kidnapping, millions of copies of his album had been sold all around the world, and his songs were always requested in radio stations.

Lane had received a lot of calls from the Grammys organization to ask her if Adam would want to perform during the ceremony. She talked with Adam a few times about it. But each time he was telling her that he didn't know if he would be ready to go on stage even for only one song and if he would be able to do it. He knew he was doing better, but the Grammys were in a few weeks; a lot of things could happen before that date. Adam told Lane to ask them to give him more time to think about it and they agreed to do so.

It took him about 3 more weeks to decide it he wanted to perform at the Grammys or not. He had talked a lot about it with Tommy and Dr. Spencer, and decided that he should do it. He missed the music, he missed singing and going on stage, but he was so scared to do it. He knew it wouldn't be easy, but he wasn't able to stay home and do nothing. So he called Lane and told her that he wanted to perform, but only if he would have a lot of security. She called the Grammys organization and announced to them the good news, two weeks before the ceremony. Even if they had only a short period to change their schedule, they were very happy. They decided to keep secret Adam's performance; it would be a surprise for everyone. They told Lane that they would arrange all the security the singer would need and that he could have his own security staff, too.

Two days before the Grammys, Adam wasn't sure about his decision anymore. He wasn't getting much sleep and had some trouble eating. In a few weeks, his nightmares had calmed down; he didn't need to take his sleeping pills anymore. But two days ago, the bad dreams were back and they were always the same: he was performing at the Grammys and someone kidnapped him, hurt him or shot him.

During the rehearsals with Tommy, Monte, Isaac and Cam and even at the sound check at the Staples Center where the ceremony was being held, it was really difficult for Adam to concentrate. His friends kept encouraging him and they were very patient and understanding.

The day of the Grammys, when Adam woke up in the morning, he thought about canceling his performance. He was really tired because, like the latest nights, he didn't sleep very well. He was also very anxious. He could feel his heart beating really fast.

"Good morning!" Tommy said, waking up and giving a quick kiss on Adam's cheek. "Are you okay?" he asked, when he saw that the singer seemed to be bothered by something.

"I think I shouldn't perform tonight…I'm not ready yet."

"Hey baby boy, you are ready," the blonde assured, wrapping his arms around the dark haired man and getting closer. "You just need to relax and take deep breaths. Everything is going to be okay."

"I think I've never been so stressed in all my life," Adam began, shifting a little to rest his head on Tommy's shoulder. "And I know it's going to be worse tonight. So I won't be able to sing…"

"Of course you are going to be able to sing. You braved stressful events before and it's going to be the same thing tonight. And I'm sure you are going to be perfect!"

Even if Adam wasn't sure about it, he didn't say anything. He just closed his eyes and took the comfort Tommy gave him.

After dinner, they had to go to the Staples Center where the ceremony was being held. Adam arrived at the red carpet with Lane, framed by three body guards. Tommy knew with the circumstances that it was better if he wasn't with Adam at that moment. They were not ready to go public yet. So the blonde quickly joined Monte, Isaac and Cam inside. When the singer arrived and got out of the black SUV, there was like a brief silence. The crowd, the journalists and the paps were so surprised to see him that they needed a few seconds to know how to react. But of course, it was not quiet very long. Everyone started to call Adam's name and all the journalists wanted to have an interview with him. But the singer didn't give any interviews; he just smiled and posed briefly for a few photos. When he was finally inside, he was glad that the red carpet was over, because he was feeling really uncomfortable. But it went better than he thought.

Before the beginning of the ceremony, some people came to talk to him, to know how he was and what was going on with him. He was glad to meet some of them that he hadn't seen for a while. But he was not really in the mood to discuss about himself, so he was happy to hear that the show would begin in a few minutes.

After about 45 minutes, it was the presentation of the best male pop vocal performance category. He didn't win. But it didn't matter for him; he was too stressed because he knew his performance was coming soon. About 30 minutes later, it was the best pop vocal album category. To his big surprise, he won. When he heard his name, it took him a few seconds to realize it was real. After Lane had given him a little pat on his thigh, he stood up and walked to the stage. Everyone in the assistance stood up to applaud. He hadn't prepared any speech, too busy thinking about his performance. So he just improvised.

"Thank you…I really appreciate it," he began after he had taken a few seconds to calm himself. "I wasn't really in the picture during the last few months, so I wasn't expecting to win something tonight. I didn't prepare anything…" he confessed, taking the time to think about what he wanted to say. "I just want to thank all the people I worked with during the creation of this album. They deserve it probably more than I do because they had to endure me the last a few months…well I can say that I'm a bit stubborn…" he added, glancing toward Lane and smiling. "I also want to thank my family and my friends who are always there to support me…and of course…thanks to all my fans who are there for me, who request my songs and who gave me all their support. Thank you!" he said again, raising his Grammy in the air.

While he was walking back stage with the sounds of the applause, he could feel his heart beating really fast and his legs shaking. Getting on stage and receiving that Grammy was a challenge, but he knew the biggest challenge was coming. He didn't have the time to go back to this place; his performance was in less than 20 minutes. He was quickly joined by Tommy, Monte, Isaac and Cam who congratulated him. They knew that receiving that kind of honor after what Adam endured was an important solace to help him get better.

"Are you okay?" Tommy asked to the singer when he noticed that he didn't seem as happy as he was supposed to be after receiving a Grammy.

"Yea…It's just…I'm so stressed!" he said, raising his hand and showing to the blonde how much he was shaking.

"I'm sure you are…But I'm also certain that everything is going to be just fine!" the bassist assured, stroking Adam's arm gently.

The singer didn't say anything else, he just nodded. He saw a couch not far away and decided it would be safer to sit down right now; his legs were still trembling. While he was leaning in the couch, he took deep breaths and started to feel the same kind of excitement he was usually feeling before going on stage. "It's a good sign," Adam thought, feeling suddenly more relaxed.

About 10 minutes later, someone came to tell them to get ready to go on stage. Monte, Tommy, Isaac, Cam and Adam gave each other some encouragements and walked on the on the stage where big red curtains where keeping them hidden from the public. They took their respective places: Cam at the keyboard, Isaac behind his drums, Adam in the middle, in front of Isaac, Monte, his guitar in his hands at the singer's right side and Tommy with his bass at Adam's left side. They nodded at each other to inform that they were ready. Just before the curtains opened, Tommy winked at Adam who smiled in return; he was ready for it now.

When the audience realized it was Adam Lambert on the stage, they couldn't believe it. They knew he hadn't given any public performance since the night he had been kidnapped. So they were really surprised to see him, since no one had said anything about it. He was singing the song he was nominated for, it was a ballade. So everyone was listening carefully; it was really quiet in the Staples Center. Only Adam's voice with the music from his band could be heard, and it was amazing.

When the song was over, everyone in the audience gave to the singer a standing ovation which last a few minutes. Adam wasn't prepared for this and he was hit by the emotions of the moment. He could feel a tear running down his cheek. At this moment, he felt really great, and he knew that he still wanted to be a singer and performed in front of people. It was where he wanted to be, it was what he needed.

When he got off the stage, he took his cell phone and called Lane.

"Adam? You were amazing!" the blond woman assured, still really excited by Adam's performance. "Why are you calling me? What's going on?" she asked, wondering suddenly why he would like to talk to her.

"Lane, it's done! I finally decided what I wanted," Adam began. He was in a trance-like, still feeling the high of his performance. His heart was beating really fast and he was almost breathless. "I want to go back on stage. Call RCA, I'm ready now!" he added, excited to say it out loud.

Three months later, Adam was back on tour. It was not like the same tour he did a few months ago that he had to cancel, it was a different one. With a few new songs and with a difference ambiance, but with the same dancers and of course, the same band. Adam knew it wasn't going to be easy, he would have to face a lot of challenges and he would need a lot of help from his friends and family. But he knew it was the right decision, because the moment he walked on the stage in front of his fans at the beginning of the first show, he knew he was finally free and it was a wonderful feeling!

*****The End*****

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