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CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE.

Kathy came back a short while with a glass of water and placed it on the table. I leant forward and picked it up before taking a sip.

"Look, you're probably sick of hearing 'bout my life when it's not as bad as some people."

"Things affect everybody differently. What one person may cope with another person may not. We're all human, we all have emotions and we have all things we can and cannot deal with."

I nodded. I still felt guilty for being upset. I mean there were people out there who were dying and yet they were still able to smile and think positively. I picked up the glass of water and took another sip, "I-I need to tell you things I've never told anyone, not even my parents. I'm just not sure which is the best way to come out with it."

"Well there are plenty of ways to tell people things. Drawing a picture may help, even writing a letter for some people. Others find it therapeutic to write their thoughts down in a diary entry."

"What would you recommend for me?" I asked and there was a pause on her behalf, "Everyone is different but for you, I'd recommend keeping a diary because of your previous achievements."

I sighed, "Listen carefully because I'm only going to say this once."

She nodded and I continued to speak, "Lauren we've been over this."

"I know." I swallowed hard, "I just, I can't seem to get it out of my head that Louis and my father blame me for my mother's death. After all I was the one who sent her the text message saying it was urgent."

Kathy sighed, "Lauren, you didn't cause your mother's death. You sent her a text message. That message didn't kill her. What killed her was a drunk driver. That drunk driver was the person responsible for your mother's death. Not yours. Not your mother. That driver was, understood?"

I nodded, "Yes but—"

"But nothing! It was a freak accident. Even if she hadn't received that text message, do you think your mother would still be alive?"

I often wondered the same thing. If only I'd sent the message five minutes earlier, ten minutes later, who knew whether my mother would be alive today? However, I often came to the same conclusion. My mother would still be dead whether she had received the message or not.

"No, no she wouldn't have."

"There's your answer, it wasn't your fault."

/

An hour later, at nearly half past eight, I left Kathy's and began to make my way to work. Although I wasn't due in until ten; I didn't mind starting an hour earlier. It would give me something to do.

I decided to walk down the notorious Farmead Estate, an estate that was quite frankly rough. I kept my head down as I walked through trying not to draw attention to myself although on a place like Farmead, people could sniff new blood a mile off.

As I turned into one of the estates alleyways, I noticed a girl, alone, clutching her stomach. I could tell just by her body language that there was something wrong and at this point, most people would've walked away. Not me. For some reason if there was trouble, I wasn't far behind.

"Hello?" I called and slowly began to walk towards the girl. The voice in the back of my head told me to walk away, head further out of Farmead I could then dial an ambulance for the young girl. Of course if I did that, I'd be showing the Farmead crew I was scared. And I was far from scared.

"Help, I've been stabbed." She whispered and removed her hand from her stomach. I noticed the large slash in her skin tight top, the white silk soaked with blood and the liquid dripping from her hand. I bit my lower lip gently as I answered back, "I'm a Doctor okay? Sit down and hold this to your stomach." I took off my tee-shirt and handed it to the girl. She couldn't have been more than fourteen at a guess, her eyes, an unusual shade of blue, wide in terror.

"I want you to press it to your stomach okay? As hard as you can."

The girl nodded, swallowed hard and began to press my tee-shirt to her stomach. I took out my phone and dialled 999. Telling the operator on the other end of the phone my location, I hung up at the end of the girl and put on my jacket. Despite being exposed in just my jacket and bra, I didn't feel cold and I wondered if this was the adrenaline kicking in.

Kneeling down to my knees, I took over pressing the wound from the young girl. As our eyes connected for a moment, I smiled gently and asked; "What's your name?"

"Karly." She whispered and closed her eyes. I knew I had to keep her awake even though I knew she probably wanted to go to sleep.

"Karly, I'm Lauren. I need you to keep your eyes open for me, can you do that?" I asked and she nodded but didn't verbally reply.

"You should go." She whispered, "If you don't, he'll kill you too."

I smiled sadly at Karly. She seemed a pretty girl, most likely a crew member of one of these gangs that was always in the newspapers, "Nobody's going to kill me, I promise you. They'd have to get past my heavies first."

She smiled weakly, "So Karly, how old are you?"

"Fourteen."

"Do you go to Holby High?"

"Hmm." She answered back and I looked at her. Despite not knowing what kind of person she was, to me she seemed an innocent girl caught up in the wrong crowd. Then again, anyone who appeared innocent was most likely not.

"Does Mr Grady still work there?"

She smiled softly at the memory, "Prances around the drama room like he owns the place."

"I don't stalk him by the way." I answered and she smiled, "I went to Holby High a good couple of years ago." There was a silence and I was relieved to hear the sirens of the ambulance in the distance.

/

"Hello princess." Jeff said as he knelt down beside Karly. I smiled softly as he took over and Greg handed me a blanket and told me to keep myself warm. I was grateful that my stomach was still as flat as it was when I was a child especially after giving birth to a child.

I took the blue blanket and wrapped it around my shoulders, instantly feeling the heat. I slowly made my way to the back of the ambulance and sat down on one of the seats. Now I didn't expect this to be the start of my morning, being part of a stabbing.

The movement from the Farmead Estate to the Hospital was silent. Well, more so on my half than theirs. Greg was chatting nosily to both the patient and Jeff whilst I was just sat there, absent-mindedly staring into space. When we reached the hospital, I clambered out of the back and Jeff gently took hold of my arm.

"You alright?" He asked and I nodded. Forcing one of my usual Lauren smiles, I answered back, "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

He didn't say anything else and I wondered if people had started talking. Now, it wouldn't really surprise me being in a place like this but these people were meant to be my friends weren't they?

I followed Jeff and Greg in through the doors of the Emergency Department with just my jacket and the blanket to cover my modesty. There was a spotty teenager in the queue waiting to be seen by TC who, once he laid eyes on me, whistled and said I could check his pulse anytime.

I laughed, flashed him two fingers and told him to get back to me once he'd been laid. Now he didn't seem too impressed at that as he blushed a deep red colour and his mates began to take the piss out of him! I actually felt quite good about myself. I walked towards the staff-room and upon seeing no-one inside, I walked to my locker and took out my locker key.

I let the blanket drop to the floor and pulled out a scrub top. As I was about to put it on, someone woof-whistled behind me and I turned around, instantly blushing red. My eyes fell upon someone who I didn't recognise which made me more embarrassed.

He seemed to notice my discomfort at the situation as he apologised, "Sorry, I don't believe we've met, I'm Adam Trueman; the new Consultant."

"Lauren Fairhead, F2." I pulled on my scrub top and extended my hand out for him to shake, "So you're the wonderful Doctor Trueman, the one with the nice pair of legs as all the ladies like to say?"

I smirked, forgetting my discomfort at being caught in my bra by a male colleague, "Oh yes, would you like to see?"

"No thanks, I'll just take their word for it." There was a silence between us before I excused myself and told him I'd better start work as I didn't want to be late. He nodded his head and smiled as he left the room.

He was handsome but I knew there was something about him. It was probably nothing but I knew I had to be careful around him. He was most likely one of those lads who broke everybody's heart. And anyway, I wasn't remotely interested. I had Toby remember.

jottings — i'm on holiday at the moment so replies may be a little late. i will try to update every day but i'm not sure as the internet connection round here is terrible. if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review. :3