Ranting and Hope

AN: Wheew. Chapter 21, written and posted. Unbelievable! This chapter is mostly dialoug, and honestly, not much happens. Just an in-between chapter to get Van to re-think his decision not to talk to Hitomi about coming back to Gaea. Well, mostly, it's about Annie's ranting about how stupid she thinks he's being. Oh, well. I wrote this very quickly, so please forgive the blandness and grammatical/spelling errors. Falconstar-- I couldn't reply since you reviewed anonymously, but if you're still reading this and still interested in beta-ing, I think I may need it!!

Thank you!! to all my reviewers, both old and new! You inspire me to keep going with this story. If I could, I'd give you all super-cute Van plushies! So- on to chapter 21!

Van wasn't sure how long he'd been watching Hitomi sleep. The morning sun had yet to rise; he could only make out the vaguest of features as she lay cuddled up to him. Van's thoughts chased themselves around in circles, and he wished he could've slept longer to avoid the nagging pit of doubt and sadness in his mind.

Curse his internal clock! Fanelians rose with the dawn to work in the cool morning hours, and apparently he couldn't fight a lifetime of habit. Sighing, he pulled himself up to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Where're you goin'?" Hitomi muttered into her pillow groggily, wrapping the blankets tighter against the sudden chill from the absence of his body heat.

Van shrugged. "To take a shower. You should go back to sleep."

She snuggled deeper into her cocoon, already more than half asleep, and he eased himself silently out the door and down the steps. He needed time away from her to clear his mind and come to terms with reality. When he was around Hitomi, the truth of their doomed relationship just didn't matter. But now, he knew for certain that he couldn't ask her to share her future with him, and he just didn't know what to do. Every time he thought of his looming departure, of touching her for the last time, his throat was gripped by such an intense desperation that he almost physically choked. He had to pull himself together.

Van crept around the corner of the dining room and stopped short at the sight of Annie seated at the table. Her face was illuminated by the glow of another one of those laptop-things, and she sipped on a steaming cup of tea.

"Does everyone on Gaea get up insanely early?" she demanded. "Al was clattering around in here almost an hour ago already. Why didn't anyone ever teach you the joys of sleeping in?"

In spite of himself, Van lips quirked into a tiny smirk. "A wise man once told me that the first cow gets the best grass."

"Yeah, but the second mouse gets the cheese," Annie retorted. "And if you're heading for the shower, don't bother. Allen's apparently the first cow today, Mr. Second Mouse."

Van sighed and sank into the chair across from her. "So what cheese am I getting, then?"

"You get to spend time in my awesome company. Oh, and a warmed-up bathroom, I suppose."

"I'd rather be the cow."

Annie sniffed disdainfully. "Just for that, you can get your own cup if you want tea."

Something hot sounded good in the chilly light of pre-dawn, and Van obediently got himself a cup. The tea was a bit to hot to drink, and he stared unseeingly at the curling steam rising from his cup, lost in his melancholy thoughts. It was nearly cold by the time he shook himself back to reality to find Annie watching him thoughtfully. Her penetrating gaze made him squirm uncomfortably in his chair.

"What?" he asked defensively.

"That's what I'm wondering. Something bothering you? 'Cause that didn't look like a "I'm in a happy place" zone-out."

"It's nothing," Van returned quickly. He took a sip of his cooled tea and pulled a face. Annie reached over and took his cup from him.

"Uh huh," she said as she walked to the sink and dumped it out. "Are you feeling guilty about spending the night with Hitomi?"

"No- yes... It's complicated."

Annie handed him back his refilled cup. "How so? I mean, you are planning on marrying her, right? So what's the problem?"

Van's stomach twisted, and for a moment he felt physically ill. The blood drained from his face, and he looked evasively away from her eyes. Annie set down the teapot carefully, watching his face intently.

"Van, you are going to ask her to come back with you...aren't you?"

Van felt a fist close over his heart, tight and hard. "I...can't" he forced out through a dry throat.

Annie stared at him with impossibly huge eyes. "What do you mean, you can't? Don't tell me you're already engaged to some princess or other! Or that your council won't let you or something, because I know you love her enough to fight them for her."

"No, no. It's nothing like that. My council is probably hoping that I'll bring her back with me," Van returned miserably. "But I just can't ask that of her. Hitomi has a life here, and a family, two families. She has friends, and hopes, and goals, and a life. I cannot ask her to give all that up. I won't make her choose."

Annie stared at him for a long, long moment. "Van, I think that may be one of the sweetest, most selfless things I've ever heard anyone say. And it's definitely the stupidest."

"Wha-?"

"I mean, how dumb are you? Don't you gotta get married and produce an heir and all that? And have you ever had even a passing interest in another woman since you met Hitomi?" When Van shook his head dumbly, Annie continued her rant. "Well, neither has she. I mean, ya' know, with a guy. Or a girl, whatever. She loves you. She loves you, you brainless idiot! How the hell do you think it's gonna sit with her someday when you've gotta marry some other woman? I'll tell you how! It's gonna break her damn heart, and it's gonna tick her off, too! I mean, didn't you love her enough to want her to be the one you do that heir-producing thing with? Or wasn't she good enough 'cause she's not royalty?"

Van sat listening to her wild rant, his mouth hanging open. Annie looked like she was about to throw the teapot at him, scalding tea and all. He thought it might be safer to keep his mouth shut and let her tell him off. Her words sparked off a tiny glimmer of hope deep in his veins.

"Van, listen to me. It's gonna to be a hard thing for her to go through, but you've got to at least give her the choice. I know you're just trying to protect her, but you're making the decision for her. And it's the wrong one."

Van gave her a hard glare. "How do you know that?"

"Something like what you two have doesn't come around very often. Maybe once or twice in the history of the world, no matter what Hollywood wants us to believe. And it's worth fighting for, Van," Annie returned earnestly.

"I'd be asking her to give up everything. What can I possibly offer in return?"

"How about yourself?"

"That's not enough," Van replied bluntly.

"It will be," Annie insisted, her face intent. They could hear Allen coming up the stairs then, and she gave his hand a quick squeeze. "Just think about it, okay?"

Van gave a terse nod as Allen came into the dining room and Annie stood up to make more tea. Gratefully, he slid silently downstairs and headed for the shower. His thoughts swirled so wildly that his head ached. What if Annie was right? The tiny spark of hope had grown to a roaring fire that raged through his very bones. Was it possible that Hitomi might want to go back to Fanelia with him?

Upstairs, Allen watched Annie uncertainly from his seat at the table. She paced furiously around the dining room, occasionally muttering under her breath and cracking her knuckles. She was beginning to make him too nervous to enjoy his tea. On her fifth pass around the table, he reached out and grabbed her arm, effectively pulling her to a halt. She turned to glare menacingly at him.

"Did something happen when I was downstairs?" he asked. "You were relatively normal before I showered, and now you're..." he paused, searching for a delicate way to say 'scary'. Nothing came to him, and he just left the words hanging.

Annie threw her hands up in exasperation. "He's not going to ask her! Can you believe that? After all the effort I put into it, he's not even going to ask her!"

"Who's not going to ask who what?" Allen asked, hoping his assumption for what exactly she meant was wrong. Annie gave him a look to shrivel his skin.

"Van, obviously, you squid-brain. Van is not going to ask Hitomi to go back with him, because the stupid moron thinks he just can't ask her to give up everything for him. Ugh! I mean, it's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!"

Allen frowned. "Not really. He doesn't want to hurt her. In his own way, he's merely trying to protect her."

"Yeah, I figured that out for myself, thank you," Annie retorted. "This is another one of those 'chivalry' things, isn't it?"

"I- I suppose you could call it that."

"So, apparently, chivalry makes you stupid," she huffed as she resumed her pacing.

"It does not," Allen ground out. "Van's decision is caring and honorable-"

"It's dumb," Annie cut in. "Allen, it's just dumb, and you know it. And it's wrong, too!"

"I think it shows how selfless he is when it comes to her. He's putting what's best for her above his own desires."

Annie gestured wildly. "Oh, is he? She loves him, Al! I mean, she really really loves him. If he asked her, I'm know she'd give up everything for him! To stay with him-"

Annie stopped at the flash of pain that crossed Allen's face. He looked quickly away, and she paled slightly.

"Oh, god, Allen. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have- lord, I'm such a bitch!" she wailed, smacking herself on the forehead.

"It's alright, honestly."

"It's my big mouth. I'm always talking and not thinking..." she bit her lip. "I didn't mean to be cruel. Really."

"Annie, you weren't cruel," Allen replied evenly. "It's not about Hitomi. At least, not specifically. I want them to be happy. Truly happy."

"Oh," Annie replied uncertainly, clearly not fully understanding his explanation. She chewed on her bottom lip again, and Allen sighed.

"So, you think it would be wrong of Van not to give her the choice?" he prompted. He'd rather see her pacing and furious again than looking awkward and sad. Besides, the fact that she felt so bad for possibly causing him pain had started a warm feeling spreading through his chest. He wasn't altogether certain that he was comfortable with that, or how he'd had the impulse to reach out and smooth away the worried wrinkle on her forehead.

"Huh?" Annie blinked twice, and then swung back into full-force indignation mode. "Oh yeah! Of course it's wrong! He shouldn't decide for her. Or is that another chivalry thing, making decisions for people?"

"In order to protect someone, yes."

"You can't protect someone from everything," Annie persisted, resuming her pacing. "And this is just gonna end up hurting both of them in the long run. This is so stupid! After all the work I did to get them back together! They're gonna screw it up! The whole trip, wasted! A complete waste!"

Allen frowned, irrationally stung by her comment. "I wouldn't say that. Wait- Annie, are you wheezing?"

"No!" she responded instantly. Allen gave her a look, and she wrinkled her nose at him. "Alright. A little. What do you expect when Van drops this bomb on me?"

"Shouldn't you be taking your medicine?" he asked , concerned in spite of her seeming nonchalance. "And we shouldn't talk about this until you've calmed down."

Annie rolled her eyes, but she headed out of the dining room. "Yes, ma'am. You'll make a good mother someday, Princess Alice."

Allen resisted the momentary urge to punch something. She wasn't going to let that embarrassing episode die, was she? He sipped at his tea through tight lips. For Jichia's sake, he was merely concerned for her health! He didn't want to see her looking like she did the night of dancing, so pale and struggling to breath. It just didn't sit right with him.

Hitomi wandered into the room, rubbing her eyes and yawning. He gave her a polite good morning, and she smiled sleepily at him.

"I'm always the last one up, aren't I?" she said as she plopped herself down across the table from him. "What was going on down here, anyway?"

Allen schooled his features into a polite but bland mask. "What do you mean?"

"It sounded like there was an argument," Hitomi replied with a shrug. "Was Annie being impossible again?"

"We were...disagreeing over the merits of chivalry," he answered after several moments of quick thinking.

"Again?" Van asked, catching the end of their conversation. Hitomi turned to smile at him, and he felt that glimmer of hope leap up and bang against his chest. Could there be something more for them? Could he see that smile from her every day of his life?

But what if Annie was wrong? It was too good, to big to hope for. Van moved like an automaton through the motions of getting breakfast ready as his thoughts swung back and forth. Did he risk knowingly causing her pain now by asking her to make a choice? Or did he say nothing and possibly cause her pain, and definitely cause pain to himself, sometime in the future?

"Van? Van," Hitomi waved a hand in front of his face to get his attention. "Is something bothering you?"

Van snapped back to reality. He really had to remember to school himself so he wouldn't give away his inner turmoil. He gave her what he hoped was a convincing smile. "No, nothing's bothering me. I was just...wondering what we're doing today."

"I declare this our official "lounge around and do nothing useful day". Any objections?" Annie exclaimed as she entered the kitchen. "Dear lord, you're not letting Tomi cook, are you?"

She rescued the pancake batter from Hitomi before showing Van how to keep the bacon from turning into little crispy pieces of ash.

"And you're going to spend some time thinking about what I said, right?" she said in an undertone to Van after Allen and Hitomi left the room. Van gave her a sharp look.

"I'll think about it," he muttered back. "But I don't expect to change my mind."

Annie smirked. "Oh, I think you will, Van."

Hitomi came back in to grab a few plates, and Van couldn't help but watch her. He'd always watched her, even back when he was a gawky, angry, fifteen year old boy that didn't have a clue how he felt for the strange, green-eyed girl from the Mystic Moon. He'd gone five years without seeing her when she'd returned home after the war. But then, he'd always believed they'd be together again somehow, sometime. Could he live with the knowledge that he'd never be able to watch her just going about her life again?

Annie gave a knowing nod. "You're definitely going to change your mind, Van. No doubt about it."