A/N: Hey all. I know it's been a while since the last update, but you get one that's quite a bit longer than normal to make up for it; 8.5 pages instead of the usual 5 or so. :)
This is again a bit of a bridge chapter, dealing mostly with character interaction between our heroes, but there's an appearance by some other recognizable (if different) faces, too. I'm sure you'll enjoy it. If not... well, I'm sorry, but it's gotta be this way.
There's another copy of the "review form" after the AN2 and Glossary. Please use it if you're at all tempted to make a review. It's really not that complicated, even if it is long. Just ignore (or delete) what you don't want to answer. Thanks again, and enjoy the latest chapter!
Chap. 21 The Clouds move in
"How long do we have?" Sasuke asked, leveraging himself to a standing position.
Ino thought for a moment, looking back over her shoulder, "Maybe ten minutes, tops. I got lucky and had a scout go right past me without noticing me while I was cleaning the beaker. I checked up a tree and saw them coming. We need to move!"
Sakura was already throwing her medical supplies into it's case, sealing the more fragile items as she went, when Naruto's weak hand caught her arm on her third pass. She looked questioningly at him, but he only shook his head.
"What is it, Naruto? Are you saying you can't move, yet?"
His head shook again, a little more vigorously, then his mouth moved. Why haven't we thought of lip-reading before this? We're all ninja, aren't we trained in that?
"Oh... okay, so you want to get caught? But we aren't in Kumo yet. They might think we're from Yu."
He nodded and rolled his eyes, then continued to silently explain his plan, while the others paid rapt attention to his mouth.
Two minutes later, the three that could easily move were scrambling to finish packing their remaining supplies, while Naruto slowly crawled- the best he could do without tiring himself out almost at once- toward the cave entrance.
Ino was honestly glad for the stress of the situation, or she'd probably have been quite annoyed with Naruto's idea. It was basically what they'd discussed and used in Yu. She would masquerade as Sasuke's girlfriend, and Naruto's cousin, while Sakura and Naruto's relationship wouldn't be faked at all. If she were totally honest with herself, she didn't exactly mind the idea. The Uchiha was a handsome enough guy, or at least, he would be if he did something different with his hair. It was his attitude that she didn't think much of. He was smart, she could tell, probably on Sakura's level. However, that intelligence seemed to hardly ever be used, not because he was lazy like Shikamaru, but because he believed he didn't need to. There was an innate arrogance to Sasuke that made him see everyone not Uchiha as inferior. While Ino might (often) feel the same way about most other females, someone feeling that way about her didn't exactly warm the cockles of her heart.
I hope he's a good kisser, at least. At least I've finally kissed a boy now, so I wouldn't be giving away my 'first'. I doubt that cold fish could hold a candle to Naruto-kun, though.
"Hey, Sasuke," she asked as she threw her last few belongings into her pack and shouldered it, "you going to be able to handle this? I don't want them to figure it all out just 'cause you can't act the part of a proper boyfriend."
All three of her teammates snorted, though only one was without amusement. Naruto winced in pain after his, causing Sakura to hurry over to him with her own pack in hand and gently massage his throat with a few blue-glowing fingertips.
"I'm a shinobi, I can play the part. How hard can it be?"
"Well... you know, we're probably going to have to kiss. You any good at it?"
He turned beet red almost at once, a color to match his sharingan. "Uh, I... er-"
Ino sighed in exasperation. "Well, it's a little late now. Just follow my lead, okay? And try not to slobber to much."
His eyes narrowed. "And how much experience have you had with kissing?"
"Oh, I've never kissed a boy before."
"So what makes you think you'll do so much better than me?"
She smirked, taking her place he and Naruto, "Easy. All the girls I've kissed tell me I'm quite talented."
Her rival and crush turned a little pink as well, just before the first wave of ninja broke from the forest. Heading directly toward them in a loose dragnet five deep and several dozen wide, the Kumo ninja spotted them at the entrance to the cave at once.
"So remind me again," Ino asked in a nervous whisper, "who's bright idea this whole plan was?"
"More trouble with Fugaku?" Jiraiya asked Tsunade as he looked up from his own day's desk work.
She nodded curtly, brow furrowed in concentration and annoyance. He knew that look well, it was usually directed at him. "Anything I can help with?"
The slug sannin froze for fifteen seconds, blinked twice, and then blushed. "N- no, not really. It's just more of the same. He thinks they need ten more acres of land in their Clan holdings than the Hyuuga have, because they have two more members. Two. Five acres each. Like they'd even stoop so low as to farm it themselves or anything. At least the Hyuugas generally grow or trade for their own food."
The white-haired man nodded, understanding that gripe all very well. They'd started to take it in turns to handle the minor squabbles between the two large clans, who together still made up about eighty percent of Ootori's shinobi population, even counting in the swell of returning shinobi from Konoha's old clans. "You could always cut down their land by ten acres. Maybe then he'd figure it out."
Tsunade thought about it for a moment, then simultaneously shrugged and shook her head. "It'd never work. He'd get the message, but I'm not sure the rest would, and I really don't think he's even the problem, here. We just haven't codified the laws enough, so there's loopholes everywhere. I've put Shikamaru on it, but until we get the rest of the Nara to join up, it's a pretty big job for just one person. Do you realize, we have an entire filing cabinet full of rules and laws for Ootori, and we've been here for a little more than half a year? If you think about the job of going through Konoha's old laws and taking what we want from them, it's even worse. They had more than a hundred years, and rooms full of this stuff. Makes me want to take up drinking again."
Jiraiya snorted, "Since when did you stop?"
Her glare would have killed a lesser man, but, as he would be happy to tell you at length, Jiraiya was no 'lesser man'.
"I mean it, you were drinking last night. With me. You might not remember it, but I do, I always remember our dates."
It was her turn to snort now. "You think, just because we share a drink over dinner that it's a date? Why would I ever date you, anyway? You're a pervert."
"Ah, hime, you wound me... just a pervert? You must not know me as well as you think you do."
The medic scowled. "Fine, a super pervert, then. That doesn't exactly help your case, here."
Jiraiya's eyes rolled. "Yeah, but that's not what I was going for. I... you know what, never mind. You don't want to hear it right now anyway." Bait on the hook...
One blonde eyebrow twitched. "Fine, I won't ask then. Now get back to work, we're supposed to have this done before we stop by the Academy this afternoon, remember?"
Faking a depressed sigh, the sage bent his head back to his own thrilling and exciting paper work. Nothing like dividing up cleaning detail to battle-hardened ninja to liven a day! Oh, and 'line'...
It took six minutes, which actually impressed the Toad Sage.
"Okay, what? What are you too worried about me hearing? What's had you mentally derailed all day? For the last week, really?"
… crap, I didn't think she noticed that!
"Um... well..." he gulped, suddenly afraid for his life. "It's about the, uh... the kids. They were captured in Yu."
Tsunade was halfway out the door before he caught her arm, "Hold on, 'hime. I got a message from Gamakichi a couple days later, he said Sakura dispelled him so she could go back for Naruto. I'm sure they're fine, if she's still fighting."
The look in her eyes reminded Jiraiya all to well of why he'd fallen for Tsunade all those years ago. Compassion, worry, and yet, under all of that there was a quiet determination so much like his own. And, if he were to admit it, so much like the children they'd raised as their own. "I know you're worried, 'hime. I am too, this is a big mission for basically rookies. But we trained 'em both right, and as far as I can tell, the Uchiha and Yamanaka are worth their weight as ninja too. They'll be all right. No news is good news, huh?"
Tsunade slowly turned around and grabbed his haori in two tight fists. "They'd better be, you old pervert, or I'm never ever going to forgive you for getting my kids killed."
Hesitantly, still fearing for his life, Jiraiya's arms came up around Tsunade, pulling her close. This time, for the first time, there wasn't a moment of resistance. "They will be. If something comes up, they'll get a message to us. Somehow, some way."
She nodded against his chest, but didn't say anything.
"Oh, and 'hime..."
"Stop calling me that."
"... they aren't just your kids, you know. They're mine, too."
She looked up into his eyes, her own glinting on the borders of real anger. "You aren't trying to tell me we may as well get married, are you? Because if you are, that'll be what I put on your epitaph."
He shook his head, grinning, "Nope. Not even close."
"Liar."
"... maybe. But I didn't say it. I'm a pervert, not an ass."
"A super pervert."
He nodded, pulling her closer still, "Yeah, but I'm your super pervert. Always have been."
Tsunade surprised herself, simply because she did not have the urge to deck him across the jaw for that one. Maybe I'm getting soft... or maybe it's just because I think he really means it, even after all these years.
The swarm of Kumo split apart, with at least thirty, probably closer to fifty, passing by on each side of the cave, while ten more surrounded the group of Ootori ninja.
Ino was the first to speak, "Please, don't hurt us. We're not trying to fight Kumo! We were actually trying to get there when we were captured by Yugakure. My cousin was hurt escaping, and he can't talk- we need to get to Kumo quickly, or he could die."
Sasuke was impressed, she really was a good actress. The sincerity the blonde portrayed, terror laced with anxiety and spiced with a dash of worry, was perfect for the situation. "If you're planning on capturing us, we'll come quietly. None of us want to fight you, we really were on our way to Kumo when Yu caught us."
The apparent leader, a large-busted blonde woman with short, straight hair, gave the four an analytical look. "Bind them in chakra binders. It means a few less captives from Yu, but this is probably the team from Ootori we heard about, so they're worth it. The Raikage will be pleased."
Her tone was borderline emotionless, but Sasuke could see the scorn in her eyes. Great, there's one person we won't convince easily.
True to their word, the four did not resist being bound, and only Sakura spoke to let them know that the collar they'd placed around the other's necks would probably kill Naruto, since his larynx had been broken. The dark-skinned, red-haired woman who was about to put it on glanced at her superior, who gave a slight nod. The red head stood straight and moved over to Sakura, placing that same collar around her own neck.
"Chakra suppressors," the blonde said after the four were tightly bound, "so don't bother trying. If your conduct is good, you're likely to be placed in low-security cells while we 'debrief' you. If you try to escape, well... the bindings also have keyed alert seals. We'll know, and it won't be pleasant."
The four nodded, Ino once again reassuring her that they wouldn't try to escape.
"You, Uchiha."
Sasuke looked up, meeting the blonde's eyes, but said nothing.
"Have you awakened your eyes?"
He hesitated, the nodded, "Just recently."
She gave a cruel grin, "Good, that might be useful. We haven't had a Sharingan since the Raikage's father died. And you're a Yamanaka," pointing at Ino, "and you two are the students of Jiraiya and Tsunade."
Surprised by the obvious Jonin's knowledge, the four only stared blankly until Sakura stammered out, "H- how- how did you know?"
The older woman grinned again, but it was just as un-reassuring as the previous cruel one. "You think you're the only ones who do recon? We know all about your mission. We even knew you escaped from Yu. Congrats, by the way. It's not every day some maybe-chunin level ninja can come up with a story so based in truth, and yet be a total lie."
Naruto grinned at the praise, but the others only seemed to grow more worried.
"Well, then you must be willing to at least partially go along with it," Ino said after a moment, "if you're taking us back to Kumo. Even if you're interrogating us, we still have a chance to learn something."
The blonde nodded, still smiling, "Oh, you'll have your interrogation. But I doubt you'll be able to report back. Not after Yugito is done with you."
Naruto was still the only one grinning, "Nee-chan? We get to be interrogated by Nee-chan! This'll be fun!"
The tall, blonde woman's face fell in shock. "What- who's this 'nee-chan'?
"Duh," Naruto said, his voice now starting to shake with the strain of talking, "Nii Yugito. Nee-chan. I met her last time I was in Kumo. She's nice. Scary, but nice."
"Take them away," the Jonin growled, choosing not to respond as she turned away. "Karui, Omoi, you three will reinforce team Tono and escort our captives back to Kumo. I will continue on with the rest to rejoin the assault team."
The largest one present nodded, "Right, Samui. Should we return when that's done?"
The blonde shook her head. "Neg. I doubt we'll take very long in Yu, if our information is correct. If Hidan really has gone to Taki, then it should be easy pickings for a force this large. We'll probably be on the way back before you reach Kumo."
He nodded, "'kay. See you in a few days, then."
One of the Kumo shinobi put a hand on the chakra binders holding each of the Ootori's hands behind their backs, and the four, plus the large dark-skinned man, dashed down the hillside and into the trees, pushing their captives ahead of them.
Well, Naruto thought a few days later after they'd been placed in their cells, I guess things could be a lot worse. I could be in a cell with Sasuke. Poor Sakura... At first, the medic had actually insisted on being placed in Naruto's cell, due to his continued need for medical supervision. However, since Omoi- the large, dark-skinned man who had been in charge of the group that had brought them to Kumogakure, had been adamant in not letting 'the lovebirds' have an enjoyable time all alone in their cells, had given them little choice in the matter. With nothing else for it, Sakura had been forced to instruct Ino on what to watch for in the other blonde's condition, and what to do if those things happened.
Of course, they were still banking on Kumo not knowing exactly how good Naruto's ability to recover was, exactly. They were sure, given the information displayed by Samui, that their information was good. However, since the only people who knew exactly what the Nine-Tailed Fox did to and for Naruto's physiology were himself, Jiraiya, and Tsunade, with the possible additions of Shizune and Sakura, they were hoping that at least some surprise would be had if needed.
I guess it proves it that they were willing to carry me from the cave all the way here, even though I was able to walk just fine the next day, and probably ninja-move after that by the end of that same day. Even though I hate thinking that red-furred bastard is good for anything, I can't deny that being near-invincible really helps sometimes.
"Hey, Ino-chan," he said softly into the darkness.
Her response was equally quiet, from the opposite corner. He thought he could make out a catch in her voice, as if she'd been crying, but he hadn't heard anything beyond the distant screams of a man being tortured elsewhere in the prison complex. "What, Naruto?"
"Come here."
At first, she didn't move. But after a minute or so, he heard shuffling and then felt her sit down next to him, leaning against the wall directly facing the door. "What?"
He slowly, wincing as if the action hurt, slid an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. At first, the pretty blonde resisted, but after only a few seconds gave in and started sobbing on his shoulder.
"Nice act, Ino-chan."
She didn't respond verbally, only snuggled up closer to him, still crying. After about twenty minutes, she seemed to quiet some. "Th... thanks, Naruto. I needed that."
"Don't mention it," he muttered uncomfortably, "I know I'm not Sasuke, but at least I can do this, right? I don't even think Sakura would be jealous. You seem pretty upset."
She shrugged awkwardly against him. "I am. I know you said you knew this Yugito person, but their leader said she was a really dangerous interrogator. What if... what if she breaks me? I mean, I'm a Yamanaka. I'm trained to resist... but if I do break, what secrets can they get out of my head? They'd know all about you, for starters, and everything I've learned about Ootori, and my family, and..."
"Ssh," he murmured, moving his hand up to stroke her hair above one ear, "don't worry too much about that. Nee-chan is a good interrogator, but she won't mess with us, not after she finds out I'm here. They probably won't torture us at all."
"You sound pretty sure," was her only response.
"I am. She's my friend."
"Why? How do you know her?"
He smiled at the memories. "Well, she's like me."
Ino looked up to examine Naruto's face in the dark room. "You mean she's an idiot?"
He chuckled, "No, she's a... a Jinchuuriki. The Two-Tailed Demon Cat, Nibi. Her element's Fire, with a secondary for Lightning. She's got a blood type of A, her birthday is July... 23rd? Maybe 24th. I can never remember. She's gonna be...thirty-two? Older than us, I know that. She had the Nibi sealed into her right after she turned two. She can control her beast much better than I can... she can even transform into it if she needs to. I... I kind of can, but it's really dangerous, and I kind of... well, lose control. When I do, I mean."
Ino was silent.
"So... she's blonde, it was long when I met her last. This was... oh, about five years ago now. I was still with Ero-sennin at the time, on our training trip. She's got darker hair than you and me, about like Tsunade-okaa's. Hmm... she's really nice. Likes ice cream a lot. She even plays with string. I laughed when I saw her doing it the first time, and she scratched my face up- she said the cat makes her, and she can't help it. I think she just does it to have fun. She... she didn't have a very nice childhood."
"Oh."
Yeah... 'oh' doesn't cover it, Ino-chan. I don't even want to think about the kind of childhood I'd have had if I wasn't raised by Ero-daifu and Okaa-san. But Nee-chan's childhood gives me a good idea anyway. "So... that's why she's my Nee-chan. She's blonde like me, but older so it's Nee. And she's... well, we have something in common."
"You really think she'll help us?"
Naruto nodded against her head, pulling her in even closer. "Yep. Even if she doesn't, Kigahen-Kirabi will. He's the Raikage's brother, and... he's like us, too. Even older, and he's really scary when he wants to be, but he's okay. Mostly I just can't stand the way he talks. He always tries to rap, he's just so bad at it."
"Like you? Another Jin..."
"Yeah. I think he's got the Eight-Tails. He's got his well trained, they even talk to each other without fighting all the time. He can transform, too. I think he's the one that taught Yugito-nee to do it."
"And he's a rapper?"
"Well... he thinks he is. That's why I call him crazy."
Ino giggled. "You don't seem like you think very much of him."
"Oh, no!" Naruto answered loudly. Ino jumped at the volume, it was close to his normal speaking voice, and in the quiet of the cell, it was surprising. "No, I think tons of him- Nee-chan, too. He's just... eccentric, that's all. People think I'm a bit crazy too, so what's wrong with me seeing the craziness other people get up to as odd?"
She shrugged against him. "Hey, Naruto..."
"Hmm?"
"Don't tell Sakura... but I kind of like this."
"What?"
"Just... sitting here. With you. Talking. Even if we are in a cell about to be tortured."
His free arm moved across his chest to take her hand in his. "I know. Don't worry, I won't tell Sakura-chan... unless she asks. I can't lie to her. But I like being her with you, too. Almost... well..."
"Almost what?"
She could feel his cheeks heating up as they rested against the top of her head, but he refused to say more on the subject. Once she figured it out, though, she couldn't help but smile.
Not out of the game yet, Sakura... even if I said I'd back off, that doesn't mean Naruto won't notice me anyway!
Elsewhere, Sakura and Sasuke were in a similar room, though decidedly less comfortable with the arrangements. Their chakra binders had been removed when they were placed into their cell, so Sakura had been able- she had even asked the guards, who shrugged and said it wasn't there business- if she would be allowed to access chakra to finish healing the Uchiha's injuries.
It had taken her another two hours of work to finish knitting his bones together, but with little else to do, she was able to push his system harder than normal, since he wouldn't be able to train. In fact, the most strenuous thing she could think of that might be in their future- hard-core interrogation- would likely not cause damage to his bones unless it was deliberate.
"Sakura," the Uchiha muttered in a low voice, breaking her out of her bored reverie, "isn't it about time to escape?"
She shrugged. "I don't really see the point. I could see a little through the blindfold as they brought us in. We're basically right in the middle of Kumo. Even if we got out somehow, we wouldn't be able to find the others before we were captured again, or worse. Much less escape the village."
He nodded once in the darkness. "Hm. You don't suppose the others are in any better shape?"
Sakura scowled. "Knowing Ino, she's probably enjoying the chance to be alone with her 'cousin'. He... well, I don't know about Naruto, but as hyperactive as he is, he's probably going stir-crazy locked up. I hope he was right about this 'nee-chan' of his."
Only half listening, it was a few seconds before Sasuke nodded. "I might be able to get us out. All of us, I mean. If I use the Sharingan... I'm a lot faster than they would be. If I could hold off the people in Yu for as long as I did..."
"It's not worth the risk," was her response, "besides... they haven't done anything to us, yet. Just threats, and what are those worth? We're shinobi."
Reluctantly, he fell back into silence, slouched against the wall facing the door. "It's just... that screaming is starting to get to me."
"What scream- oh. It's a Genjutsu. I got rid of it before we even got to the cell."
She could see his dark eyebrows quirk on his pale face even across the room. "A Genjutsu? How come I didn't notice it?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. That's why I didn't even think to mention it. I figured with your eyes, you'd sense it right... off... oh." She gave a little giggle, prompting Sasuke to look directly at her again.
She clarified, "It's a purely auditory one. There's nothing to see with your eyes. That's why."
He nodded, focused a moment, and pulsed his chakra a small amount. A moment later, he grinned. "Good... that was really getting on my nerves."
"So you're sure about this, Naruto-kun? It's been like, six days already."
He shook his head. "Nah... just three. They're screwing with our clocks by bringing us food more frequently. I can hear the people walking around outside talking about shift changes and stuff like that. But don't worry, they're talking about the Cat Demon coming in today. I'm pretty sure that's Nee-chan."
"And you're sure she's really nice? She won't... you know, torture us?"
He shook his head, grinning. "Nope. You know Ibiki-san, than former interrogator guy?"
She nodded, "Yeah, he's one of my dad's good friends. It's actually through him that we heard you guys were setting up Ootori again."
"Well, he thinks there's better ways to get information out of someone. He only uses torture if he has to, even though he's supposed to be really great at it. These guys? They're good, too. So they don't actually use the hard stuff very often. Usually, just the threat of it- that, and making people stew in a cell for a while, thinking about how they're gonna be hurt- is enough to break most people. But Sasuke and Sakura can handle it, and you've got me to cheer you up, so what's to worry about?"
Ino sniffed. "You make it sound like I'm weak."
"That's not what I mean, Ino-chan! I mean, even if it does get to you, I'm here. That's all. You're here if it gets to me, right?"
She nodded. "Right... I guess. Still, this is getting old. Do you think I should try my techniques on her?"
Naruto thought about it for a moment. "Well... you were able to get into my mind fairly easily, so I don't think it'd be that much harder. But both of the Kumo Jinchuuriki I'm aware of have much better bonds with their Demons than I do. I'm not sure how that'd affect things. They might be able to... well, if you'd stuck around when you saw him, Kyuubi might have been able to kill your mind. If they're prepared... and they know you're a Yamanaka, remember, they'll probably have defenses up. I wouldn't risk it unless you have to."
"But it's the easiest way to get information on them I know of."
He shrugged. "Don't worry about it. You're here for that reason, but I'm pretty sure there's easier ways. We just need to wait for the opportunity to present itself."
The kunoichi frowned again. "You don't sound much like the Naruto Sakura remembers. I mean, for as long as I've known you, at least, you've been pretty smart, but you don't talk like a smart person."
He grinned. "I've had some practice lately. I hate being formal, that's all. I don't mind being smart. But since I'm the leader of this mission, I have to act like one, right?"
"I guess," she said with a chuckle. "So... what're you and Sakura going to do if we ever go back to Ootori? With Tsunade- and Jiraiya-sama both mad at you two, I mean. Where will you live?"
He shrugged. "Haven't thought much about it. Maybe we won't even try living with them any more. Sure, we'll try and make up... but if things don't work out, it's not like we can't make it on our own. We have friends, each other. Maybe we'll get married."
"Married?" she returned, quite surprised, "I didn't think you guys were that close. Aren't you, I don't know, a little young?"
"Maybe... but we've known each other our whole lives, remember. Sure, we're only eighteen, so I don't really want to get married yet, but if we had to, we could. The option's there."
She was quiet for a long time. "And... you're sure it's Sakura, then?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well... you're sure, if you marry anyone, it'll be her?"
He didn't respond for an equal amount of time. Ino's heart fluctuate with incredible relief and profound anxiety. She knew she was well behind the rosette in Naruto's thoughts and heart, but still, there was always that small glimmer of hope...
"I guess?"
"You don't sound very sure," she probed, still trying to get a better answer. She wasn't quite sure if she could take it either way, though.
"Well... we don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, do we? If she dies... I would hate it, but I would want to move on. I think she feels the same. And... maybe we'll have this huge fight, or something, and just not be able to make up."
"Hm, maybe. I think your relationship is strong enough to get past things like that, though."
"I want to agree, but I just don't know. I've only been in the one, so I don't have anything to compare it to except the old man and woman, so... and it's not like their relationship is healthy, if you know what I mean."
She giggled again, moving over to lean against him once more. "Yeah... if my parents fought like they do, I'd never have been born- my dad would've been unable to bear children, if you know what I mean."
Naruto winced.
"I hear someone coming," he said a few minutes later, "Two men and a woman. This might be her..."
"Nee-chan?"
:"Yeah... Nii Yugito."
A/N2: Not much to say I haven't already typed in below. I have a job now, which is why the updates are slower. It's not 'great', but it's a lot easier than the last job I had that paid the same, so I'm not complaining. Especially since it's been more than a year that I've been unemployed. Not complaining at all!
So, hopefully I won't be as long this time, but I'm also working (read: sidetracked by) on a huge 'secret project' that has nothing to do with any anime fandom, but is a fanfic (it's actually a game one, but I won't say what game until I release it- when it's complete).
As always, please please please review, folks! It's not that hard, but it means tons!
Glossary: (Japanese terms were researched at nihongodict(d0t)com)
Daifu: Godfather. There is another variation of this (kyoufu) that means something very similar, however, it carries mobster connotations- where "aniki" or "oyabun" refers to a higher up or a 'boss', this refers to the Godfather as in "The Godfather", the man on top of the pyramid. Daifu is simply the familial term, ie, what Jiraiya is to Naruto aside from being his pseudo-grandfather/father and sensei. In other words, it's godfather in the traditional sense.
Nii Yugito: Yep, this is the regular Yugito. She's not much changed from canon. If there are any changes, they'll be explained in story, but I'm not planning anything now- except that she's still very much alive and well at this point. (Since Naruto's location was unknown/on the move, Akatsuki has been on hold for some time, so they haven't really started on anyone yet.)
Team Samui: Again, not much changed from canon- this is the one and only Genin team that Kirabi trained. They are now lead by Samui. Like many fanfic authors have done before, I'm going to be giving them all a familial relation, given their similar names- however, they will not be brother-sister types as is most common. Omoi and Karui are cousins, Samui is one of their aunts, although only 2 years older. They call her 'auntie' to be insulting, or 'cousin' if they're happy with her. Aside from that, consider them canon- Kirabi's students, and more loyal to him than the Raikage or even Kumo.
Samui: Cold, calculating, even vicious while on the job, Samui is a soft-hearted person outside work. Basically, consider her canon, although of course the events surrounding them are quite different. Remembers the war against Konoha/Hi quite well, despite being fairly young at the time. She was a seven-year old Genin at the time, but still saw some combat in the reserves when Konoha launched an unsuccessful counterattack against Kumo's forces. She actually respects Konoha a fair bit because of that, but doesn't know what to think about Ootori. She was Kirabi's first apprentice, but later was on the Genin team with Karui and Omoi when they graduated from Kumo's academy at the ages of 9-10 respectively.
Karui: The youngest member of Team Samui, and the one most outwardly devoted to Kirabi (though she really only shows it more). Like the others on her team, a very proficient swordswoman, she has some ability with Lightning and Fire jutsu, but generally just prefers the sword. Her skills when fighting alongside her cousin, Omoi, are even superior to Samui's great swordsmanship. Otherwise, canon- she's hot tempered and brash, as well as physically quite strong.
Omoi: The middle member of Team Samui, and the only male. Quiet, controlled, and thoughtful. He's essentially Kumo's version of Shino in personality- though he worries out loud, instead of in his head. However, he's very hard to beat since he's usually planned things out several steps ahead due to that same propensity for worrying. A very skilled swordsman, like Karui, with her at his side he can even beat Samui. However, he uses jutsu a little more readily than his cousin and aunt, though he focuses solely on Lightning jutsu.
Kirabi: Yep, it's Hachibi! Basically canon. I don't anticipate him being different at all. And as a slight spoiler... yes, he's going to be teaching Naruto a thing or two, though not (necessarily) what he's been doing in canon.
Kigahen: It means "crazy". Also insane, mad, 'light in the head', etc. Yes, Naruto did call Kirabi crazy. If I recall, he did so in canon, too, shortly after they met. Wouldn't you?
This is the afore-mentioned Review Form. Use it if you want, but at least leave 'some' kind of review, please. Like all authors, I thrive on 'em. :) Also, feel free to review the form itself. I know it needs toning down, and I'll be getting to that soon, but what are your thoughts on it?
Instructions: Simply Copy-Paste this into your text box after hitting the "review" button (and either signing in or putting in a name, if necessary), and fill in the blanks. Simple stuff, really.
As always, it's all strictly optional, though most useful if it's filled out completely. If one has reviewed multiple chapters, it's considered perfectly acceptable not to answer the 'story as a whole' questions more than once. No need to be redundant. But if you see something new... of course it'd be nice to mention it. There are 19 total questions, and as I said before, only answer what you feel like. This is just to give you some thoughts as to what I'm (and probably other authors, which is why I say it's fine for anyone to use it) looking for in a 'perfect' review. That'd be answering each of these with specific information. And if it doesn't make your life easier, if you think it's a pain... don't bother. Just review anyway, please.
1: On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate the overall plot flow of this chapter?
2: Of the story as a whole?
3: If possible, name one specific example of a strength or weakness in plot for this chapter?
4: Of the story as a whole?
5: On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate the characterization in general of this chapter?
6: Of the story so far?
7: If possible, name one specific character and trait of that character you feel was portrayed well, and
one portrayed less than perfectly.
8: Again, of the story so far?
9: Same scale of 1-10, how would you rate the grammar/typing skills of the author in this chapter? This
includes punctuation as well as sentence structure and spelling.
10: You know the drill by now, the whole story?
11: Any specific typos or spelling errors (especially repeated, such as the common 'definatly' and
similar, or you're/your) that you can think of? Being specific helps to identify a problem better, but
should not feel like a requirement.
12: 1-10 for each; please rate the general word choice skills of the author. Is the author using words that
are too complicated, or too simple? Do the descriptive sentences bring images to your mind, but
not bog down the pace of the story, or even the scene? Is the wording too flowery, or too dull?
1=Simple/10=Complicated:
1=Jolting/10=Vivid:
1=Dull/10=Flowery (for this only, a "5" would be perfect, since either extreme is bad):
13: How do you feel about the balance between action and calm? Do you prefer more action or more
emotional tension ('fluff')? For this question only, 1=More action, 10=More 'fluff', and 5=Good
balance.
14: How would you rate the effectiveness of any non-antagonist OC's? Be specific, if possible. If
Matsumi Karuugi, the princess of the Land of Crickets was a love interest for, say, Shino (hey,
genius idea!), is she interesting? Developed, not flat? Is it fun to read about them, or do they just
get in the way of the main characters? 1=Waste of text/10=Adds a lot to the story, well done.
15: Similar question, but for OC antagonists? Are they just bumps in the road, or do they actually
threaten the protagonist(s) in some way? Do they have well-thought out goals and plans? What
about their lives outside of total world domination (or whatever)? 1=Waste of txt/10=Good bad guy.
16: Does the author use antagonists effectively in try/fail cycles? 1-10, and as always, be specific if
possible.
17: Does the author display knowledge of the subject matter? 1/10. As an example: Me trying to write
a fic about, say, Trigun. I've watched the series... once. I probably won't watch it again. It was
funny, yes, but didn't hold my interest due to it's sheer inanity- it was just too much. I know the
main four characters- Vash, Milly, whats-her-name (the tall one? Or is that Milly and I can't
remember the short one's name? Was it Meryl?), and the priest with the big cross-gun-thing,
what's-his-name. I will not ever (I can say that with some certainty, yes) be writing a Trigun fic-
because I don't know it that well, as proved above. On the other hand, I know Harry Potter like
the back of my hand- or better. I know Naruto well, I know Bleach pretty well. If I don't, I can look
it up and get the information that brings it all rushing back- so yes, I know those and can write
about them.
18: Other positive remarks? Anything else that struck you as good or well done, but that doesn't fit into
the above categories?
19: Anything negative? Remember to be constructive here, don't just flame. Real, or even semi-serious
authors generally want to be told what they need to improve, as well. Don't hesitate, don't worry
(too much) about hurting my feelings- you won't, as long as you're handling it with some maturity.
Even if all you can come up with is something general like (using One Hour as an example, since I
had complaints about this), "I can't read this any more because you're making it a 3-way and I find
those degrading". I may not agree (and I have argued my point at length, trying to get people to see
my point of view as well as I like to think I can see theirs), but at least now I know that some of my
(some former) readers don't like that sort of thing, and are in fact strongly against it. It's all relative,
and any little thing can help.