Chapter Twenty-One

The Huntress

It had been a long time since I'd last been to HQ. I'd nearly forgotten how much I hated it. As Ilsa docked into the impressively large space station, not too large to draw terribly much attention but big enough for its job, I caught sight of another ship. "That's mine," Vund said in my ear, leaning against the consoles like he always did. I'd given up trying to discourage him, nothing was going to work.

Eyeing her sleek design, black and white hues of shimmering metal, I had to admit she looked like a good ship, probably not as fast as Ilsa though. Then again few ships of her class were as fast as her. "What do you call her?"

"Bethany... After my wife." His... What? "She's dead," he added, "been that way for six years."

"Is she why you joined Cerberus?" I asked softly, trying to picture him with a wife. He'd probably been a good husband, certainly the kind that cared. Was he a father too? I bet he'd have liked kids, little laughing rats running around his ankles. Certainly wouldn't have ever been for me.

He shot me a look, eyes still glowing, a sad smile upon his face. "Part of it. Didn't have much place left for me when the Alliance dropped me." He pushed off the console and offered me a hand. Despite myself I took it and we were a few inches apart before I stepped away. I almost wanted to ask him more, every part of myself that'd never cared for him suddenly screaming to know more, but we didn't have time to swap any more stories. It was time for answers instead.

Ilsa sang as the airlock opened, and we stomped through right to the official waiting for us on the other side. Her eyes were glowing too, and I mentally screamed at the sight. If even station attendants or whatever she was had been altered, who wasn't? What was the point of these things? "Huntress Hernan, Hunter Vund," she said with a polite tone as we approached, her omni-tool open as she entered a few things, "We've been expecting you."

"Really now?" I growled, stopping just short of her.

"Of course, most hunters have returned in the wake of the Reapers. I'm sure you have many questions."

"Damn right I do."

With a nod, she gestured down the docking bay. "Well, the answers are right this way, if you'll follow me." While I didn't like being led anywhere, far too many times I've been taken into places I didn't want to be, we were left with no other choice. Vund's boots clacked heavily over the shiny floor, the officer's heels clicking in tandem. Eventually, having twisted and turned several times through the docking bay and the initial screening, we were at a place I was very familiar with. "You two just need to check-in, I'm sure you're familiar with the process."

Glaring at her softly, I shoved past her and went up to the desk where another officer awaited. He glanced up at me with cybernetic eyes, a wry smile upon his lips. "Welcome Huntress Hernan are-"

"Yes yes, check me in, do your thing, hurry up," I spat, swiping my omni-tool and sending him my credentials. After an all too long minute, he nodded his head. "Where now, the labs?" I asked the woman that'd escorted us this far. There were a trio of pathways we could have taken, one leading to the detention block where all our living catches were brought, the training facility, and the labs. I hated that last one, but every so often we needed updated immunizations or we'd gotten hurt and needed to be patched up. Sure it was more hospital than experimental science shit, but it was still uncomfortable to think about.

"Yes ma'am, there will be some doctors waiting for you in order to explain the recent... modifications that have been made to your body."

Vund was walking before I'd even turned around, moving briskly down the corridor to the labs, and I had to jog to catch up. His usual talkative demeanor was absent, replaced by the same ball of rage and unease I was experiencing. Walking besides him, I couldn't lie, it made me feel... Good. Maybe having a partner wasn't so bad, at least it meant you could rely on one person. Being alone, you had to do everything, including watch your back. Despite what I'd first thought, Vund was the kind of person I could depend on and trust not to shoot me in the back. It was... nice.

The labs didn't take long to get to, the Cerberus logo slapped across just about every wall with various directions and information beneath it. The laboratory wasn't just one big place but instead multiple sectioned off smaller areas, a full surgery wing on the far side that I'd made plenty of visits to. The mere thought of my biotic amp made me want to scratch at it. The doctors were waiting for us as she'd said, a pair of them dressed in tight hazmat suits almost, every part of them covered as if they were afraid we could give them some kind of illness by looking at them. I almost wanted to cough at him just to see what he'd do.

"Hernan," one of them called, a tall man, "I'll be seeing you, please follow me."

"What you can't explain to us both?"

"That is not procedure, please follow me."

Looking at Vund who was glancing back at me, I grimaced. "I will see you soon," he said, nodding his head before following the other doctor away. Yeah, soon, I hope... I swallowed my nerves and followed the impatient doctor, heading down some corridor until he took me into a room. It was... almost entirely empty. There was an examining table, and a chair, only a few instruments for medical stuff near a tray with needles and other tools on it.

"First thing's first, I need to give you a quick physical examination," he said, tapping a panel on the wall and a little cubby appeared. "Please remove your armor and store it here." Familiar with the concept, I couldn't even count how many times I'd had to do this, I started to take off my armor. Maybe it was a good thing Vund wasn't in here as well. Passing thoughts of what he looked like under his armor slipped through me and I squashed them swiftly. Once it was stored in the cubby, leaving me in a t-shirt and skin tight shorts, a chill running up my body, I turned around to the doctor who was watching me closely. "Have you experienced any abnormal soreness, weakness, muscle failure or headaches?" I shook my head. "Vision or hearing problems, sudden dizziness, difficulty standing, hallucinations?" Once more I shook my head. "Good," he said, and picked up a clipboard from besides the tray.

"Some hunters having problem with these implants?" I asked.

He gave a grim nod, and walked closer to me. "Unfortunately, yes. Raise your arms above you head," he ordered and I obeyed. "Drop them. Now touch your toes." How much of this stuff was in me for him to need to examine my whole body? Was it supposed to be altering normal functions? Damn even my biotic amp came with an annoying little pamphlet telling me what to expect but they hadn't even told me they'd done this to me. Whatever they'd done to make me forget was especially upsetting. I wasn't supposed to be like Thena, I was supposed to be better. "Breathe normally," he ordered as he pressed a stethoscope to my chest, and I rolled my eyes as I listened. How'd that work through the suit? "Now take a deep breath, hold it... Let it go, and again." Ugh this was wasting time, I just wanted my answers. Why put this stuff in us if it could damage us? Next he put a blood pressure sleeve on my arm, a small bit of me pleased at the reminder of how muscular my arms had become over the years.

After doing a few more routine things, and still not giving me any answers, I was starting to get real frustrated. He was stalling, he had to be. He gestured to the examining table, and without anything else but throwing biotics left as an option, I settled onto it. I was met with a cold metallic touch against my skin that made me want to complain just to annoy the doctor but I thought better of it. My stomach was tying itself in knots as he circled around. I hated doctors, they always creeped me out, and this one was no exception.

I did not like this.

Every instinct in my body was telling me to run, to start fighting them, but why? Cerberus was where I belonged, they wouldn't do anything to harm me. Well, kill me at least. So long as I was loyal I was fine, and I was most certainly loyal. Maybe Vund was right and these cybernetics were supposed to help us, why else would they give them to us? What did the reapers have to do with any of this though, how did they fit in? Reaper based cybernetics? That would make sense if it were possible wouldn't it? Make us stronger and faster, better at our jobs... But why not tell us? Why give it to everybody?

"So is this the part where you tell me what's wrong with me?" I asked briskly. He looked up from the clipboard, and then his omni-tool lit up and restraints popped out of the table and wrapped around my wrists and ankles, a special one around my neck that made my head get fuzzy. A biotic dampener! "What's the big idea!" I shouted, trying to pull against them but it was no use.

"It's just a safety precaution," he dryly replied, "we both know that you have a tendency to lash out."

"Only if there's a reason to!" Something cool shot through my body, a pinprick of pain against my neck, and everything got heavy. My mind fell into a muddled mess near instantly despite my attempts to fight it, but how do you fight something inside of you? "Goddammit, what's... why?"

The doctor grabbed my chin, my head having tipped to a side, and spread one of my eyes before shining a bright light in them. I wanted to jerk away but whatever he'd injected me with was virtually leaving my body inert. Once he'd checked both my eyes he stepped back and jotted a few things down. "Now I know you're wondering what's happened to you, but worry no more." He stepped into view and undid whatever was keeping his face concealed. Glowing eyes. Dammit did everyone have glowing eyes now? "You've been augmented and improved Justine Hernan, Cerberus will make humanity better than before, starting with ourselves."

"I didn't ask to be improved," I growled out.

"You're a hunter, you don't have a choice. You belong to Cerberus."

Sure I was part of it but I was still my own person! "So what's the point?" I managed through the mental cloud descending upon me. "What do they do?"

"Aside from improved eyesight and focus, they're mostly a side effect of everything else we've done to you. We've assured that you will finally be able to catch that runaway test subject."

"And when she kills me because I am like her? When she fries them and my mind?" I growled slowly, slurring. Wasn't the room white when I came in? Why was everything some shade of the rainbow? Dammit, drugs, fuck.

"Some pieces must be sacrificed for the king to win," he replied, holding my eyes open again as he clamped something in place that kept them like that. "Now I want you to look closely," his voice dipped and the ceiling began to shimmer. It was a vidscreen. "Who is this?" He asked as the image formed.

My heart stopped as I looked at it. God... She was as beautiful as I'd remembered.

Ilsa.

How could I even begin to describe a woman so beautiful, so vibrant, so full of life? Long red hair and blazing green eyes, you'd think she was made of stardust and glitter she was so bright. I was holding her in the photo, our hands clasped and my lips against her cheek as she laughed. I loved the way she laughed, sounded like angels. Her smile too, it was beautiful as well. I'd do anything to make her smile or laugh, it was always worth it. The touch of her fingers intertwined with mine ghosted along my fingertips, just out of reach like a teasing mockery.

I blinked, finally tearing my eyes off Ilsa to look at myself. Jeez I looked young, what eighteen? That was the day I'd finally told her how I'd felt... How did they have this photo? I gritted my teeth, pushing against the restraints again. "Turn it off," I demanded.

"Who is she Hernan?"

"I said turn it off!" I screamed, pulling with every ounce of strength I had. Something jolted into my body again, pain and cold fire burning through me. I screamed in pain, back arching as far as it could go before dropping back down. "Obviously you know who it is now turn it off!" I wished I could close my eyes but it was impossible, forcing me to stare up at her.

"I want to hear you say it."

"It's Ilsa dammit!" I shouted in agony as the fire clutched my heart, sweat dripping down my skin. "Ilsa and I! Years ago!"

The doctor was probably smiling, but I didn't care. All I cared about was her, my heart racing as I stared at her. Had it really been so long since I'd seen her? Since I'd touched her, kissed her, made love to her? God... This was- He had no right! What was he trying to do bringing her up? A fire burned up my spine and I gasped as the pain reached a point I rarely experienced, as if every cell in my body was dying and being reborn before dying again. My mouth twisted with expletives as I tried to ride it out. What was the point of torturing me? Why- I was loyal! I fully believed in Cerberus, why-

"How did you meet Ilsa?"

"Go to hell that's none of your business!" I shouted through the pain, legs twitching as what felt like electricity joined the fire. Stars swirled in my vision and I felt as if I might pass out. "Why are you doing this?" I demanded.

"How did you meet Ilsa, tell me."

"Go-" my words were cut short as the pain increased again, shattering my mind in explosions of violence. I only got one pained gasp in before falling into a fit of coughs, blood coming up. My head spun and I wanted to vomit as the pain subsided just enough to where I could see straight. Ilsa stared back at me.

"I must say, usually you're not so vocal... Perhaps we're finally getting through to you?"

What the hell was he saying? What- the world exploded in pain again as another jolt shot through me, and I screamed once more.

"Tell me, how did you meet her?"

My throat burned as I spoke, "I... We knew each other as kids... She was from the same planet... We grew up together..." My vision was swirling but all I saw was her, those beautiful eyes. How I missed those eyes. I missed her so much. "Why are you doing this to me? I didn't do anything wrong! I haven't-" Another jolt of pain, fire burning through me until I couldn't scream anymore. The coldness rushed after it, drugs or something else I didn't know, all I knew was that I hurt everywhere. Each nerve in my body felt fried, and I moaned in agony as it faded.

"Tell me more about Ilsa," he ordered, sitting in that chair watching me, torturing me.

I opened my mouth to tell him to go fuck off, but instead I started talking. I didn't want to and yet I did, some part of me listening when I wanted to do anything but what he wanted me to do. A silent hand moved through my mind, making all the voices but one inside my head quiet too. The one that wanted to obey him. "We... We grew up together. Olor is... it's a salarian world but there's a lot of humans there too. That's where we were born."

"Did you like it there?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"The frogs rule everything there... They make us live in slums and work for them, refuse to pay us more than enough to get by, keep us from... from getting anything meaningful out of life." I stared at her eyes, those shining green eyes while everything else danced in a colorful blur. "Greedy bastards."

"Ilsa was your friend?"

"My only one."

I could almost hear her whispering in my ear, purring suggestive things and making me promise not to make her wait too long. She was always such a tease.

"How did you leave Olor?"

"Alliance. A recruiter would come every few years, we joined up as soon as we could."

"Tell me about it."

I wanted to scream obscenities but instead my mouth went to move without my mind agreeing. No. Stop. Dammit get some control of yourself Justine! You are stronger than this, fight this! Fight him! I screamed as I thrashed, a voice furious for my resisting and the fire and electricity shot through me once more. My vision swirled as I stared at that image as the pain wracked my body, and then it got real dark.

"Justine," purred a seductive voice, fingers intertwined with mine, "come on or we're going to miss the recruiter."

"I'm sure he can wait a few more minutes..." I replied, rolling us over and kissing her neck. Ilsa made a soft noise, and I started working my way up to her lips when a hand pushed me back. "You really want to get off this rock don't you?" I sighed in defeat as stared into those beautiful green eyes. There was no winning with her unless she wanted me to win.

She smiled, as teasing as ever, before sitting up and I nuzzled my head against her shoulder. "There's nothing here for us, but out there..." She waved her hands to the ceiling of our shitty apartment, "who knows what is waiting out there for us! We could see stars and planets unlike anything we've ever imagined! Think of the asari," she grinned at me, nudging my side.

"I think I've got all the ass I need right here," I replied, wrapping my hands around her waist.

"You know I just think you're scared."

"What?" I pulled back, frowning. "The only thing I'm scared of it a pissed off krogan charging at me."

Those damnable eyes narrowed at me. "No... There's more than that. I'm a bit scared too, but just think about it! No salarians to boss us around and tell us we can't even have clean water to drink." That'd certainly be a plus. "We could be free up there in the stars."

"By joining the military? By becoming grunts with serial numbers and buzz cuts?"

"They don't shave your hair if you're female," teased Ilsa, running a hand through my short brown hair. "Though I don't think they'll let you keep the undercut."

I stuck my tongue out at her, and she quickly stole it in a kiss. I grinned as she groped my chest, only to hiss in frustration as she pulled away from me. Goddamn tease. "We'll be trained to fight, you realize that right? They'll ask you to kill someone someday Ilsa. Could you handle that?" I asked, staring at those eyes that never ceased to entrance me.

"I've already done that," she replied with her rare cold side, "we both have."

"A few bigoted frogs is nothing compared to batarians, slavers, krogans, turians and pirates... Hell asari are all biotics! They'll send me somewhere else you know that right? I'm a biotic and you're not." That damn word that made people treat me like a freak or a plague, as if I could kill them all with my mind or a wave of my hand. I mean sure, I could do some damage but I wasn't that good... yet. The only person who'd never judged me was Ilsa, who'd been there for me when I'd first started developing my abilities and helped me get the aid I needed. The one person that I could rely on.

She gave me a sad look, and I almost regretted mentioning it. Ilsa took my hand and rubbed my knuckles with her thumb. "We'll find our way back to each other I'm sure. We can't spend all of our life together can we?" She laughed but I could easily tell how afraid she was of the thought. It frightened me too. "Besides," she bubbled, "there's always the extranet! Just don't start screening my calls because there's some pretty lady in your unit."

"You and I both know you're the only one I've ever felt like this for."

She blushed deeply, and gave a soft nod.

I stared into her eyes, and leaned forward until our brows were touching. "Is this what you really want?" I asked softly, brushing that beautiful hair back behind one of her ears.

"You don't have to do it if you don't want to," she replied, "but for myself... yes. There is nothing here for me. We have no family, just each other, our landlord is about to kick us out and we both just lost our jobs because some protestors decided to get violent and burn the whole factory down. What other options do we have but to leave and we can't afford it any other way."

Looking away, I glanced at our cramped one room apartment, the bathroom off to the side and our bedroom doubling as a living room. It certainly wasn't anything high class, and even still we could hardly afford it. Sighing, I kissed her hand and looked into those beautiful green eyes. "Alright," I said with a nod, "Let's do it. Let's go join the Alliance."

"Really?" She brightened like the whole galaxy.

"Of course, I'm not letting you run off without me."

Smiling brilliantly, she kissed me once more and I savored every last moment of it before she jumped up and started getting dressed. "Let's do it!" She grinned with excitement, my movements not nearly as fast as hers. Pretty soon we were out the door, our hands together as she led the way to a new life.

Ilsa.

I hadn't thought about her, truly thought about her, in years. She was always there, in my mind, in my heart, a ghost that lingered on long after. I managed not to think too much about her sometimes, keeping her at bay so I could work. If I stopped moving she'd creep back in, whisper in my ears before fading away. Some nights I couldn't even sleep because she'd be all I'd thought about.

Eleven years.

Damn I really needed to move on.

Then again how did you move on from the love of your life?

When I opened my eyes everything hurt. Every last part of me was burned. My heart ached as if I'd been stomped over by a krogan again and again until nothing but dust was left. I couldn't move my fingers, barely move my head, and the broken noise my throat produced answered any question of if I could speak either. Why... What were they trying to do? Why would they bring Ilsa up? What could they possibly gain from making me think about her? When her ghost finally broke through my defenses I became a mess, there was no good in me dwelling on her but sometimes I couldn't fight it anymore. I'd finish a hunt, bring in the catch and when I got back to my ship I just... I had to keep moving for a reason. Why make me relive what broke me?

My answer unfortunately had to wait. A cold sensation ran through my body, starting at one point and spreading outwards, before I vomited to the side the best I could. I groaned through filth still in my mouth, trying to spit it out but failing with my neck restrained and needles still injected into my body. God was I going to drown in my own puke? "An interesting dream I hope," came the doctor's voice, "What did you see?"

I gargled vomit at him.

The table tilted to a side before a jet of water was sprayed into my mouth and I sputtered as the stream battered my face. I spat the rest of the vomit out, coughing up water and blood with it. The table returned to its previous position, the ceiling blank now. I could still see her staring back at me.

"Do you know where you are?"

The Cerberus labs at HQ, strapped into a medical torture session that with a fucking prick of a doctor. I gave a mute nod, still unable to find my voice. I heard something whispering in my ear, and what I would have done to have been able to tell it to fuck off. From the corner of my vision I could see equipment had been moved in or maybe I'd been moved. Either way there was suddenly a lot more stuff than there'd been before, which did not bode well for me.

"Start uploading the program," a voice uttered behind me, and a burning sensation erupted in my head. I hissed between my teeth, struggling to breathe as the fire spread to my lungs and heart. Something was screaming in my head, roaring with displeasure as it discovered the mess my mind was. I wanted to tear my own hair off and claw it out. "Start the next stage."

Another image appeared on the screen, a garden planet with an atmosphere that killed. I could never forget that place.

"Nodacrux," the doctor said, "do you remember it?" That slowly growing familiar sensation returned, coldness and pain in my body. How I hated that planet. I wanted to blow it up if it were possible. Bury bombs in its core and watch it shatter from far away. "Judging from your reaction, I'd say that's a yes." I also wanted to break that man in half with a singularity. The image shifted, showing green mountains with grey peaks and long valleys where herds of some reddish brown and white animal with six limbs grazed. Those things tasted like shit.

Oh god.

The next image made me scream.

The destroyed remains of a ship, a small scout class, no larger than a crew of ten. Hardly any defense capabilities aside from speed and agility, easy prey, weak. It was crashed in a crater of its own make, insignificant in size compared to more respectable ships, wings wrenched and speckled with holes. The only plus side of such a small vessel was that there wasn't as much to break up from when it plummeted to the planet below. If the cockpit hadn't held together...

I screamed louder, fire in my blood, trying so damnably hard to use my biotics. Electricity shot through me, zapping my brain and bones, energizing my blood and blurring my vision. I couldn't look any longer. I could hear the ship crashing, the roar of breaking through the atmosphere in my ears. Alarms blared and I reached out to hold Ilsa, only for my hands to move no more than an inch beneath my restraint. "Calm down Hernan, you're going-"

"She's always like this, don't even bother." Their voices were blurry, as if they were on the other side of a wall.

"If she injured herself what will we say to the Illusive Man."

"The same thing we said last time, she's too damaged. We can control her completely or we can turn her into a monster, that is the two endings and with her past it will be a tricky path to tread."

That cold fire was shooting through me again, how many times could they just keep pumping me with drugs? "Dammit she's slipping," one of them muttered as something beeped rapidly in the room. My vision was blurring again, and I groaned softly before it all grew dark. I fell into an abyss where the sounds of engines dying and ships crashing into planets was quieter than Ilsa's screams which echoed for eternity.