Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.

Enter Valenthyne Farfalla and his second year class.

Luke. [aside] Ever since the Vagaari incident, Farfalla has not brought live creatures into class. Instead, he reads passages from his books and sometimes reenacts the more dramatic parts. He usually picks me to help with these demonstrations; so far, I've been forced to play a simple Ruusan villager whom Farfalla cured of Force Insanity, a wampa with a head cold, and an Anzati who was never able to eat anything but lettuce after Farfalla dealt with him. Now I am forced to act like a Shistavanen Wolfman. I would refuse, but I have a very good reason for keeping Farfalla happy.

Farfalla. Nice loud howl, Luke.

Luke howls.

Exactly. And then, if you'll believe it, I pounced like this, slammed him to the floor, and with one hand, I managed to hold him down. With my other, I put my lightsaber to his throat. I then screwed up my remaining strength and performed the immensely complex Art of the Small. He let out a piteous moan. Go on, Luke.

Luke moans.

Higher than that.

Luke moans higher.

Good. The fur vanished, the fangs shrank, and he turned back into a man. Simple yet effective, and another village will remember me forever as the hero who delivered them from the monthly terror of wolfman attacks.

The bell rings.

Homework: compose a poem on my defeat of the Shistavanen Wolfman. Signed copies of Blazing Rockets to the author of the best one.

Exit all but Farfalla, Luke, Han, and Leia.

Luke. Ready?

Luke, Han, and Leia approach Farfalla's desk.

Leia. Er, Master Farfalla? I wanted to . . . to get this holobook out of the Archives, just for background reading. But the thing is, it's in the Holocron Vaults of the Archives, so I need a Master to sign it. I'm sure it would help me understand what you say in Gadding with Ryn about slow-acting venoms. . . .

Farfalla. O! Gadding with Ryn. Possibly my very favorite book. You enjoyed it?

Leia. Oh, yes. So clever, the way you trapped that last one in the tea-strainer . . .

Farfalla. Well, I'm sure no one will mind my giving the best student of the year a little extra help.

Farfalla takes the note and pulls out a feathery stylus.

Han looks at the stylus with disgust.

Yes. Nice, isn't it? I usually save it for book signings.

Farfalla signs the note.

[to Luke] So Luke. Tomorrow's the first smashball match of the season, I believe? Revan against Kun, is it not? I hear you're a useful player. I was a seeker, too - for Shan. I was asked to try out for the National Squad, but preferred to dedicate my life to the eradication of the dark side. Still, if you ever feel the need for a little private training, don't hesitate to ask. Always happy to pass on my expertise to novices.

Exit Farfalla.

Luke. I don't believe it. He didn't even look at the book we wanted.

Han. That's because he's a brainless di'kut. But who cares? We've got what we need.

Leia. He is not a brainless di'kut.

Han. Just because he said you were the best student of the year . . .

They lower their voices as they enter the Archives.

Enter Jocasta Nu.

Nu. The Lost Secrets of the Jedi?

Nu tries to take the note, but Leia holds on tight.

Leia. I was wondering if I could keep it.

Han. [gives the note to Nu] Oh, come on. We'll get you another autograph. Farfalla will sign anything if it stands still long enough.

Nu holds the note up to the light, checking for forgery.

Nu enters the Holocron Vaults and returns with The Lost Secrets of the Jedi.

Leia takes the holobook.

Exit Nu.

Luke, Han, and Leia enter Lorana Jinzler's refresher.

Enter Lorana, who ignores them.

Leia opens the book.

Leia. Here it is. I've never seen a more complicated potion. Bogwing flies, leeches, rootleaf, and knotgrass. Well, they're easy enough. They're in the student storage cupboard. We can help ourselves. . . . O! Look . . . powdered horn of a gundark . . . I don't know where we're going to get that. Shredded skin of a crystal snake. That will be tricky, too. And of course, we'll need a bit of whoever we're changing into.

Han. Excuse me. I'm not drinking anything with Evazan's toenails in it.

Leia. We don't have to worry about that part yet, though, because we add those parts last. . . .

Luke. Do you realize how much we're going to have to steal, Leia? Shredded skin of a crystal snake - that's definitely not in the students' cupboard. What are we going to do, break into Vader's private stores? I don't know if this is a good idea. . . .

Leia. [slams the book shut] Well, if you two are going to chicken out, fine. I don't want to break rules, you know. I think threatening mundane-borns is far worse than brewing up a difficult potion. But if you don't want to find out if it's Marek, I'll go straight up to Master Nu now and hand the book back . . .

Han. I never thought I'd see the day when you'd be persuading us to break rules. All right. We'll do it. But not toenails, okay?

Luke. How long will it take to make, anyway?

Leia. A month.

Han. A month? But Leia, if Marek is the Heir of Kun, he could attack half the mundane-borns in the Temple by then.

Leia. I know. But it's the only plan we've got.

Han. [aside, to Luke] It will be a lot less hassle if you can knock Marek out of his ship tomorrow.

Exit all.