Author's notes

Hi all, long time no see!

There is a longer A/N at the end of this chapter but first I would like to deeply apologize for the time it took me to post it.

And I would like to warn you that this chapter hasn't been beta'd. I didn't get any news from my beta. I hope everything is fine though.

So sorry to all of you!

Disclaimer: Yes, I own Mai-HiME. I like torturing the fans by not including any ShizNat interaction in the anime. Of course, it's false.

Glossary

Imobou: A dish from Kyoto. Shizuru's favourite.

Ookini: "thank you" in Kansai dialect

Time To Grow Up : chapter 21

二一 ...Or is this real? part 2

The cinema was located within a stone's throw of Natsuki's apartment. To her regret the film she planned to see was sold out. The girls agreed to see the "best film of the week" according to the counter clerk.

After buying the tickets, they headed to the projection room. Half an hour later the film finally started.

Twenty minutes after the beginning of the film, Natsuki was wondering what she was doing there. The film happened to be really boring. She grumbled inwardly, "best film of the week" huh... The blue-haired girl wanted to leave and turned to Shizuru. To her surprise, the other girl didn't seem bored at all. Natsuki resigned herself, looked at the screen and rested her head on her palm.

The minutes lasted and seemed like hours. On top of that, the girl had troubles staying awake; she didn't sleep enough the previous night as she was worrying about the diner.

Leaning on one's hand like that wasn't such a good idea for the young lady started to have pins and needles in her hand.

Then she thought of laying her head on Shizuru's left shoulder. Though she wondered herself whether it was a good idea, she wondered what her friend would think about that. In the end, the young woman was tired of thinking and over thinking, Just do it, stop thinking!

And so did she. She timidly rested her head on the crimson-eyed girl.

The latter was stunned at first and then she smiled. It was nice to feel Natsuki that close. On the other hand, it made Shizuru uncomfortable. Being that near and not able to do anything wasn't easy.

She could feel the warmth of Natsuki's cheeks and smell her shampoo odour. The perfume was so heady. She closed her eyes and sighed a little. She had to be strong and bear the soft torture. Even if... she really wanted to get closer.

Natsuki felt uneasy as well. In the beginning, she just wanted to rest but the situation was weirder than she thought. She surprised herself by being appeased by her friend's scent. She felt safe, she felt like she could stay here for hours and hours, she was feeling good and had to put a lot of effort not to dive into sleep.

Shizuru's patience had limits. All these years waiting and now that was the straw that broke the camel back. She strove in holding Natsuki's hand. That gesture wasn't too affectionate and last time she did that, Natsuki was indeed feeling uncomfortable but didn't negatively react. Her stomach was tied up in knots as she slowly put her hand near Natsuki's and shyly held it.

To Shizuru's stupefaction, Natsuki didn't take fright. In fact, the blue-haired girl squeezed the older girl's hand and leaned more on Shizuru's shoulder.

The Kyoto girl was overwhelmed with joy and suddenly relieved. All the tension she just accumulated was gone.

The younger girl was feeling really good and holding her friend's hand was even better. She really didn't like the movie but still, she was really having a great time. All of that was thanks to Shizuru. Whatever the girls would do, Natsuki knew that being with her friend was enough. Memories played in her mind; all the things they did together, all the places they went to, all the help Shizuru provided to her made Natsuki happy. And simply because Shizuru was there and would always be. For all of these things, Natsuki was sincerely thankful to Shizuru.

The biker girl took her courage in both hands and calmly raised her head. She got closer to Shizuru and delicately placed a peck on Shizuru's cheek.

The older girl turned her head to Natsuki and was staring at her agape.

It was dark but the emerald-eyed girl could bet her bottom dollar on the fact that her friend was blushing. She expressed tenderness and leaned her head back on Shizuru's shoulder. She whispered, "Thank you Shizuru. I really like being with you", and closed her eyes.

As an answer, Shizuru rested her head on Natsuki's and they stayed like that until the end of the film.

When Natsuki opened her eyes again, the lights were on. The film ended minutes ago and Shizuru was looking at her. "Did Natsuki enjoy her nap?" jokingly enquired the chestnut-haired girl.

The sleepy girl needed time to process what happened… To her discomfort, she couldn't say if all of that was a dream or not.

The weather was not too cool for the season. The girls decided to go for a walk to the park nearby.

"It is a pity that you fell asleep Natsuki, the film was pretty good", asserted Shizuru.

The younger girl pouted a little, "Well... All those movies... It's always the same: bad guys do bad things blah blah and are always punished by the good guys at the end blah blah blah... It's so boring. I wish the villains could win for once"

"Ara ara. I did not know that evil side of my Natsuki", the crimson-eyed girl teasingly remarked.

"Don't get me wrong. Of course it's nice but it's far different from reality. I mean in real life, the good guys don't always win or the bad ones are not always punished... However evil they can act, they always find a way out. It's unfair. Everyone should be punished for every criminal action they do."

At that instant, Shizuru abruptly stopped and starred at her feet. That was a trivial discussion about some random film but it triggered something in her mind. Those "bad things" she did them as well. A blurred flashback started. She remembered tracking down the First District and all its members. She remembered killing them. She remembered being willing to kill Nao. She also remembered killing Diana, Yukino's Child, and at the same time killing Haruka. She did a lot of wrong deeds but never paid for them.

"Shizuru?" The blue haired girl pulled her out her cogitation.

The preoccupied young lady attempted in vain to hide her sorrow and look happy. She didn't tell anyone and especially not Natsuki that she still felt guilty for what happened months ago. Even if Natsuki forgave her, even if everybody seemed to have forgotten what she did; she couldn't make up for the troubles she caused. The only solution she had was to forget about it, completely forget everything. Then that was what she did. She forgot. She erased the bad memories. The only subject that occupied her mind was Natsuki. And that night, without warning, that topic surfaced again.

Seeing her friend's worried look, Natsuki started to worry and placed herself in front of Shizuru, "Shizuru? Are you okay? What's happening to you?" She patted Shizuru's shoulder.

Without raising her head, the Kyoto girl asked, "Say, Natsuki... Hence do you think that I should be punished? Punished for what I did during the Festival?..."

The emerald-eyed girl frowned, "What?"

"The HiME Festival... I... I..." stuttered the taller girl. She couldn't end the sentence.

Natsuki understood yet she couldn't believe it. She didn't imagine that Shizuru was still thinking about that. That wasn't her who was responsible for all that mess, "It wasn't you! It was the Obsidian Prince!"

As an answer the other girl merely sighed.

Natsuki scolded her, trying to reason her friend, "Everybody went mad during that time! It's not your fault! Do you understand?"

She looked away.

"No Shizuru! Look at me!" She gently put her hand on her friend's cheek and made her face her. "You have to clear those thoughts from your head. This is not your fault! Ok?"

"...Yes", she finally admitted in disbelief.

It was wringing her heart to see Shizuru that sad. She wanted to find a way to soothe her friend. She had to. "It wasn't you, ok?" She paused. "And on top of that if it were you, you'd never settle for third best..."

The Kyoto girl didn't react immediately. She wasn't sure she did understand what Natsuki said, "Pardon?"

"Well placed equal second", carried the blue-haired girl on.

Shizuru was losing track of what was going on. "Natsuki, I don't get you."

"You'd destroy everybody and then you'd marry the Obsidian Prince and you'd live happily... huh... maybe not but you would create your dream world." She started to fantasise, "Yeah, I guess a world where all girls had to wear miniskirt, where everybody knew about imobou and a world where Suzushiro was born dumb..."

Natsuki's stratagem had the expected results; Shizuru was so intrigued that she wasn't preoccupied any more.

The older girl was knocked all of a heap. Then she started laughing. "Natsuki, I think you should stop watching such films. It goes to your head."

"What?"

"A world where every girl wears miniskirt? Ara ara. Natsuki doesn't know me well enough." She made pretence of crying, "I am so disappointed". She paused and realised what her friend just did. She smiled, "Ookini Natsuki".

Even if she couldn't really stop thinking about that she had to try; at least not to spoil the evening with her dear love.

Natsuki smiled back and they resumed their walk still talking about the world of their dreams. Soon they arrived at the park.

"Ok, you might be right", claimed the blue-haired girl, "but I still think this is something that most people pretend they will but when they can choose, they don't!"

"Ma Natsuki. Then I guess I am not like other people", calmly responded Shizuru while sitting on a bench.

The biker girl gave an intended smile. "Yeah, I know."

Shizuru giggled and finally queried, "What about you Natsuki? What would you do if you were granted the wish to build your perfect world?"

"Well..." She sat next to Shizuru and looked at the sky. "I'm not sure..."

If she had been asked that question three years ago, she would have definitely known what would be her answer. However now, that question was kind of tricky. Yes, three years ago the only thing that mattered to her was to take a revenge on the people who caused her mother's death.

So if at that time she had the opportunity, she would have of course wished a normal life, a life of a normal 15 year old girl. But then what would have happened if it had been the case? How would her life be now? If her mother didn't die, if her father never left, if she had never been a HiME...

End of chapter 21

How long has it been? I don't know any more but was too long for sure. I don't really have any excuse except that I had a very huge writer's block. No motivation, no idea any more it was awful. I do have the main storyline but you have to put it into words and yeah I had some troubles with that.

I didn't reply to all review personally (as I used to do) but I did read all of them. It was kind of hard as I was constantly feeling guilty for not being able to carry one with my fic.

You can't help with a writer's block, right? Well... Once Picasso said "Inspiration exists, but it has to find us working." I understood what it meant not too long ago.

In any case, I told you that I'll never give up my fic (even if it takes decades I will complete it). Actually this chapter was completed some time ago already but I wasn't really proud of it and I didn't write for ages. Also I have big doubts about the following chapter. I was wondering if I should combine both or not. Well, you'll see why.

However I will go for the short version (and its alternative end). I will try to post the sequel but not until it's completely done. Don't expect too much of it though.

Another thing I'm planning to do is reworking my fanfic. I don't know if it's because I grew up (huh) but there are many details that I wish to improve. It's also one of the reasons why I didn't like reading my story again.

I forgot how long it took to edit a chapter and how nice it was to write A/N.

Thanks to all readers (yeah, even the ones who gave up this fic!) and thanks to Sayosi who betaed the previous chapters!

I don't know when the next chapter will be up but I'll try to complete it this year (now I have a full year to do so).