A/N: AAHHH! Someone figured out the chapter title secret! Two mystery goos and a serenity crystal for you (lol)! I name them after Yugioh cards because Roxas loves Yugioh (in this AU, anyway).
Demongod, NO Sora and Vanitas do not look alike in this story. I never thought of them being related, and though nothing is impossible, I struggle to see how their relation would add to the story.
Akiie and Sorceress, yes, cracking points are coming! Worry not!
WARNING: Violence, Intense Language, Tragedy.
Ps. *Ma is the name of Cid's wife/ Roxas' grandma. Ma is NOT Roxas' mother. Just in case that trips anyone up.
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Twenty One: De-Spell
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Next week wasn't easy.
The hazing continued ten times worse for Roxas than for the rest of the newbies, mainly because Roxas resisted so hard, and because no one wanted to stand up for him.
Ephemer, who Roxas had pegged as a potential friend on his first day of practice, turned cold. The only person willing to give Roxas the time of day seemed to be Sora, and it was usually to tease him in some sort of way, whether it was stretching lucratively close, letting slip innuendos, torturing him on the pitch, slapping, toeing, or poking him as he passed, or once, jumping on his shoulders and nearly taking him down when he was off in space. If not for his meeting with Mrs. Tui, Roxas would have believed it was all a game of let's-drive-the-gay-kid-insane, played for the entertainment of the rest of the team. But there was something in the way Sora handled the split second before each advance: his determined glower, his twitching, hesitant muscles, the quick way he sucked in each breath, and then the burst of energy that overtook him when he took his chance. The only thing Roxas could compare it to was a penalty shoot out, where every tiny mistake could mean losing the entire match. In this head match, Sora was striker and Roxas was goalie. The brunet wanted a sliver of something; to slip through some sort of crack in Roxas' resolve. All Roxas had to do was keep up the wall.
This was borderline impossible with the way Roxas fumbled during practice. Auron got on his case everyday. When the assistant coach told Roxas to figure out what he wanted from the 'Pride' (a pun on their team name that made Roxas cringe every time he heard it) and take a bite at it, (the Lion metaphors were really starting to get on his nerves) all Roxas could hear was Mrs. Tui's voice, whispering in his head for him to 'test everyone'.
He and Ventus went to hula zumba class on Monday and met Sina's daughter Moana, a beautiful, sun kissed girl with plump lips, dimples, cascading curls, and the same mischievous disposition as her grandmother Tala. It was such a welcoming environment that Ventus decided to continue with it on Wednesday. Well, that and the fact that Sina had extended their free class privileges all the way till the end of the week.
That Wednesday, a woman with a blue bob wandered in saying she was new to the area. Besides having an attractive refinement and sense of humor, she was a great dancer. During one of the room crossing exercises, she ended up on Roxas and Ventus' side and started talking to them. Ventus removed an eyelash from her face and she blushed. When she wasn't looking, he turned to Roxas and did a little thumbs up.
After class ended and Roxas was filling up his bottle at the water fountain, Ventus hid at his side and peeped around for her with glee, wondering out loud where she was from and why she was dancing at a hula zumba class in Twilight Town, aka the middle of nowhere.
"I mean, blue hair?" he whispered in reverence. "You just don't see many ladies around with blue hair. She must be real different."
"Is she going to be your friend date?" asked Roxas.
Ventus gaped, thinking about the idea seriously for the first time. Then the color left him. He shuffled from foot to foot, mumbling that he didn't know if she'd want to go on a date with him at all. "I'm kind of..." he started, wincing and glancing down at himself in dejection.
He was wearing his compression pads, a torn up Jackass t shirt, a pair of tragically shiny, red, and baggy athletic shorts reminiscent of the mid 2000s, and a pair of runners that were brown with age and wear. "I just look like... a hick, I guess," he muttered, reaching behind his head and scratching his messy golden hair.
"Maybe you should get yourself cleaned up," Roxas chirped. "Get a haircut like I did. Wash yourself, I don't know. Get some new deodorant or cologne."
"I used to know how to do this shit," Ventus muttered. "You should've seen me when I was fifteen. I was going out with a different fuckin' girl a week."
"Yeah, but back then you were young, and fresh, and, and, I don't know!" Roxas blubbered.
Ventus scoffed, pushing his face into a grimace as he spat, "I'm twenty fuckin' five, not fifty!"
"Hey, guys, mind if I get some water?" called a female, breathy voice behind them.
When Roxas turned, he was faced with a pink, sweaty face haloed by blue hair.
Ventus jumped out of his skin and hit his hip on the side of the water fountain, wincing and blubbering as he moved aside.
The blue haired woman thanked him with a smile, chuckled, and bent down to fill her bottle. Ventus stared as she did, glowering at her as if she were an alien he had no idea how to handle. Roxas had to hold back a snort as he watched him.
When the blunette rose her glance to meet Ventus', she straightened in surprise.
His ogling was taking an aggressive bent, so Roxas reigned it in by poking him in the side and snapping him to the present.
The blunette chortled and held out her hand for him to shake.
Ventus took it with a narrow, suspicious gaze and slow movements.
"Aqua," she murmured with a nod.
"What?" Ventus snapped.
The blue haired woman lurched back and furrowed her brows.
"Her name's Aqua, Ven," Roxas whispered.
Ventus stuttered that he realized that. Then, blushing, he nodded hello. When Aqua asked his name, he stammered that it was Ventus.
"Ooh," Aqua chirped. "How Roman of us!"
Ventus put on the same plastic, desperate grin he had sported numerous times in his childhood photos and waited.
In romantic comedies and scenes of cute kids falling madly in love with someone way out of their league, the fumbling would have been adorable. But on Ventus, who towered, glowered, and sweated like a motherfucker on a daily basis: tall, greasy, muscular, aggressive, and sheathed in black or stinking of oil and smoke from Cid's shop, it took on a hulking tone. The only things saving him were his piercing blue eyes and Highwind blush, which Roxas had a feeling Aqua liked the look of by the way she kept staring from one to the other. She happened to be pretty tall, too, hovering only an inch or two below him. She seemed muscular as well, and confident by the way she held herself. Her legs looked really strong. Roxas wondered if she did some sort of martial art or kickboxing.
"I'm pretty into keeping in shape," she blushed. "I was in Judo when I was in college."
"Really?" Ventus squeaked, beaming for real.
Aqua nodded and said she was regional champion.
"Wow," Roxas whispered.
Aqua blushed and shrugged that it wasn't anything crazy. "I come from the Land of Departure. There's not much judo out there, they're mostly into BJJ."
"BJ what?" snapped Ventus in alarm.
Aqua's smile faded as she murmured, "Brazilian Jujitsu."
"Oh, shit," Ventus blurted out, rolling his eyes and quipping through a stutter that he hadn't heard her properly. "I'm not really into BJJ anyway because Sambo's totally more effective," he added with desperate, feigned self importance.
Roxas cringed at the tone, but Aqua's expression stayed sunny.
"It would have to be effective since the SEPC came up with it," she smirked. "SOLDIER isn't called the most dangerous military task force in the world for nothing."
"You seen any of the videos?" Ventus balked in excitement, miming beating someone's face in as he shook his head in disbelief. "Just whaling on each other, man. You can see the roids frothin' from their lips like fuckin' rabies."
Roxas resisted smacking his palm to his forehead. Was this supposed to be Ven's version of flirting?
"Tell me about it," Aqua sighed without missing a beat. "We played Midgar's team every once in a while. Some really crazy shit would go down on those days."
"No way," Ventus gasped.
Aqua reeled back, snorted, and gaped. "Oh, you have no idea. I swear, there was a urine test at the stroke of every hour. Blood transfusions here, people wolfing down diuretics there, fake pee, police chase downs... insanity. But you know what?" she added with a smug wink. "Even against roided up SOLDIER wannabes... I still won."
Ventus let out a spontaneous, reverential giggle, purring through a badly concealed blush, "you must be like, a greek goddess, or somethin'!"
"Well, you look pretty sporty, yourself," Aqua retorted, flushing pinker as she glanced Ventus up and down. "So you said you're into Sambo?"
"Well," Ventus swallowed, face twitching as his mind struggled to catch up with his previous lie. "I-I'd say- I'm not, like, an expert, or anythin', you know, not that I..." the explanation devolved into gibberish until he held up his fist and croaked that he had a strong right hook, though. When Aqua didn't laugh, he caved, muttering that his favorite sport was football. "I, uh, I was striker for Twilight Town High," he murmured under his breath, shrugging and averting his gaze. "We went nationwide. I was scouted."
"Oh, wow!" Aqua gasped. "So you got into the big leagues! What college did you play for?"
"I never went to college," Ventus said, strangely cold all of a sudden.
Aqua's smile wiped off. When Ventus started glancing anywhere but her, seeming royally disinterested, she blubbered that she hoped she saw both of them around.
Roxas chirped that it was great meeting her.
She grinned and waved goodbye, staring at Ventus for a moment before giving up, widening her eyes in a "holy shit, what just happened" type of expression, and lumbering away.
As Roxas watched her go, he kicked Ventus in the shoe. When Ventus growled for him to stop being irritating, Roxas asked what the hell he was playing at.
"What the fuck are you talkin' about," Ventus muttered, same coolness he had bestowed on Aqua gliding off on Roxas.
"Was that your idea of a tender goodbye?" Roxas whispered with a grin, imitating Mrs. Tui's bobbling head. Ventus' responding expression wiped the smile right off his face.
"Miss me with that bullshit," the man snarled. "I don't sit through therapy once a week to get psychoanalyzed by someone like you on a daily basis."
It was as if the last month of progress had been wiped away completely, Ventus reverting back to his glowering, hateful self in the blink of an eye.
As Roxas stared after Aqua, the first nice person Ventus had met in most likely years, walking away into the sunset, he gulped, lowered his voice, and asked why Ventus was acting like an asshole all of a sudden.
"Just live your own fuckin' life every once in a while, okay?" Ventus snapped. "Follow Mrs. Tui's advice and go test someone the fuck else."
When Roxas tried getting hold of his hand, Ventus wrenched it away and hissed for him to quit acting like a child.
Roxas blinked in horror as the man stormed towards the culture center entrance, freezing for a moment as if everything would go back to normal if he held his breath. Then, defeated, he slumped over and followed the man to the car, remaining silent with his face to the window as they traveled home.
As they drove, Ventus' shoulders unfurled. His expression cleared. His head bent in something akin to guilt. When he cracked a smile and asked if Roxas wanted to run by the pitch and practice some football, Roxas muttered no, refusing to meet his eye.
For a moment his older brother opened his mouth to say something. Then, he shut it and glowered on the road like his life depended on it.
That evening there was another thunderous argument with Cid, the first in what felt like years. When Ventus tried sleeping in his own room, Cid boomed that since he was back to his old behavior, he was either stuck on the couch or with Roxas, and since he didn't have a car, he wasn't going fucking anywhere.
"Fuck you!" Ventus roared, screaming as he jigged the bedroom lock, succeeding only in wrenching it off its frame and falling back against the floor. The stress on his hand pulled the tendon enough to where he had to soak it in ice for an hour, the appendage trembling of its own accord as he sat on the toilet seat, a bucket in front of him, staring into the wall without seeing.
The next day at school, Roxas felt exhausted. The taunts from the football team felt particularly hurtful, especially when he found a portion of his clothing stuffed down a toilet bowl after showering. Luckily, no one had pissed on them. But it did mean wearing his jersey, football shorts, and no underwear for the rest of the day, which was incredibly uncomfortable and meant he spent his lunch hour begging one of the janitors to put his stuff in the laundry. As he sat near the massive, industrial washers and driers crying his eyes out, he filled in his journal for Mrs. Tui. It was just two days until the long weekend Ventus had promised to take Roxas to the beach, but Roxas didn't see that happening now. As he thought of how Auron had called him a 'peacekeeper' and 'sidestepper', he gritted his teeth and sobbed harder.
In short, nothing was turning out the way it had been advertised when Roxas thought getting on the varsity team would solve his life and stop the team from bullying him.
To make matters worse, the fact that he'd had to switch most of his classes after signing up for varsity football every morning meant sacrificing his old english class with Naminé and Pence for one dominated solely by varsity athletes of all shapes and sizes, including nearly all of the sophomores on the football teams: Kairi, Xion, two newbies named Jasmine and Skuld, Gula, and Neku and Joshua. Of the last pair, only Neku had made the team.
Joshua glowered at Roxas from the back of the class every B day as if Roxas had taken the spot that was rightfully his. Neku probably told him on a daily basis how pitiful Roxas was and how stupid Auron had been for letting him on.
What surprised Roxas the most was Joshua's point of view, which the boy graciously and inadvertently bestowed on him when Roxas overheard their gossip that Thursday.
"He's a Highwind," Joshua snarled loud enough for Roxas to hear. "I think Auron has this dream that he's going to be his national champion and get him a fucking promotion like the brother did that old coach."
"If only he'd pay attention to the team he already fucking has," hissed Neku in return. "Sora is the star, not Roxas. Roxas is fucking useless, you should see him during practice, he can't even dribble the fucking ball properly and he never pays any fucking attention. He won't even shower with the other guys."
"Is he gay?" Joshua asked, peering at Roxas in suspicion.
"Everyone thinks so," Neku muttered. "He hid in the clocktower during the summer and watched Lea hump Larxene, he won't shower with anyone else, and he's totally antagonistic about the hazing."
"I thought they were all too homophobic to let gays on the team," Joshua insisted. "I thought that's why they didn't let me on- that they think I am, you know- but it's just a rumor, of course."
"Roxas doesn't even fucking hide it, though," Neku hissed. "I don't think he's anything, to be honest. I think he's asexual and he just does all this stuff for attention. He's got that star brother of his running around after him like a spinning top. He probably ruined that guy's life, too, and for what? He plays ball like he's trying out for the Special Olympics."
Roxas stopped listening and scribbled furiously in Mrs. Tui's notebook, using it as his last defense against standing up and punching Neku in the face. Now he'd graduated from fagdom to "asexual," which was apparently worse. Did you have to be involved with someone at this school to be seen as a viable member of society?
When Neku and Joshua realized that Roxas had zoned out, they switched conversation points, Joshua explaining in hushed tones the gayest songs in history. A few piqued Roxas' interest, but in all he sat in a daze until French with Hayner, where he watched glumly as the teacher introduced partner exercises. Hayner and Olette welcomed him into their group, but Roxas let them do the entire exercise alone.
After French, he waited outside for Ventus. When Cid puttered up instead, Roxas' shoulders sagged. The man looked livid, so Roxas decided it wasn't a good idea to ask what had happened. He sat in silence nearly the entire way home, wishing he was more articulate, or even more brave, like Mrs. Tui had implied him to be. As they passed through an intersection near the school, he spotted a sign signaling a yard sale. As an idea struck him, he yelped and asked Cid if he could go, making Cid grumble and demand to know if he had any money.
"Yeah, I still have twenty bucks from my birthday," Roxas insisted.
Cid sighed, pulled down the street, and snapped that he had five minutes.
Roxas scrambled out and picked around the CDs. All he ever heard Ventus listening to was heavy metal. Perhaps if he pushed his musical tastes a little wider, Ventus would open his mind in other ways as well.
When he saw a rather fruity looking number by a band named ABBA, he swept it up, along with a Mariah Carey album he remembered Joshua talking about in class. After paying for them, he scrambled back to the truck and hopped in, giddy with glee. When Cid asked what he bought, he mumbled, "CDs," deciding not to show Cid what they were lest they incriminate him any further. Instead, he waited till they reached the shop and charged inside, peeping around for Ventus.
When he bounded up the stairs, he noticed his bedroom door was left open and his room empty. When he looked inside, Ventus' clothes were gone. Furrowing his brows, he stared towards the room at the end of the hall, where metal music was blaring so loud the walls shook. His shoulders sagged as he looked at it.
So Cid had capitulated and given Ventus back his cave.
Summoning his strength, Roxas went up and knocked.
Ventus called that he wanted to be alone.
Roxas refused and knocked again, this time louder. When Ventus wrenched the door open ready to throw a fit, Roxas held out the CDs.
The moment Ventus caught sight of them, he scoffed. "What the hell are these, fag?" he muttered.
When Roxas responded, "yours," the glower wiped away and Ventus looked over them again.
"Really?" he muttered warily.
Roxas nodded and said he'd found them in a yard sale and thought Ventus might like them. "Do you... hate them?" he intoned, frowning up under his lashes.
Ventus shook his head and snatched them up. "I haven't listened to Mariah Carey since high school," he mumbled, turning her CD over in his hands. "Guess I'll have to give her another chance." Then he held up the ABBA CD. "You know mom probably has this already. She loved ABBA."
"Really?" Roxas breathed in shock. He'd never known that.
Ventus nodded with vigor, mumbling that she'd sing and play ABBA all the time. Then, glancing over his shoulder, he caved and turned his music off, shutting his door behind him and muttering that they could probably take a look if Cid let them.
Before the portal closed completely, Roxas caught sight of something thin and metal on the edge of Ventus' bedside table. He furrowed his brows as he looked at it. But Ventus shut the door too fast for Roxas to identify it completely.
Putting it out of mind, he followed Ventus downstairs to the living room, where the man hunted around the TV for an old cardboard box marked, "MUSIC" in block letters. When he found it, he grinned and wrenched it out, wincing as he transferred it from his arm to his knee. Limping along, he slung it from his leg to the couch. Then he plopped down, opened it up, and told Roxas to have a look.
Roxas peeked inside like a kid hunting through buried treasure. It was filled with old CDs, LPs, and cassettes caked in dust and cobwebs. He coughed as he pulled out one named ABBA: Greatest Hits, asking Ventus if he wanted to put it on.
"Fuck, no," Ventus snapped immediately. "Too sad."
Roxas stared at Ventus as he rummaged further, realizing in that instant just how desperately the man still missed their mother.
As Roxas gazed down at the CD he had bought at the yard sale, Ventus squealed and brought out a collection of Cloud's old standards, holding them up and winking in satisfaction. Roxas snatched them with glee, flicking through Britney Spears, Flo Rida, Timbaland, Mariah Carey, Pink, and Jesse McCartney in awe. When he got to the last one, Ventus guffawed, tapped the cover, and sang the refrain of 'Leavin''. To Roxas' surprise, he had a nice voice.
"People used to say I sounded just like him," Ventus sighed, "until my voice dropped like a motherfucker."
Roxas laughed, murmuring that his own voice still had a ways to go.
Ventus shrugged and said that the men in their family had always been late bloomers. "That's why Cloud sounded like such a bitch when he was fuckin' on with Leon about that emo fag Nero wantin' to join the football team, they sounded like a bunch of little girls! Well, not Leon, but Cloud could have passed for Princess fuckin' Peach. They'd be like," he cleared his throat and did an impersonation of a really deep voiced gentleman saying, "hey, what a fag, amiright, Cloud?" Then he beamed and called back in a high pitched, breathy whimper, "yeah, he's like the biggest fuckin' fag on the planet, Leo!"
Roxas burst into laughter in spite of himself, making Ventus warm in satisfaction, rattling off a few more impersonations until Roxas was crying with joy.
Ventus sighed, shrugging that he wondered what Cid sounded like as a kid.
Roxas whipped up and smirked, whispering that there was a picture of him from the seventies upstairs, going out to a dance with a girl. "He was wearing waist high bell bottoms and a short sleeved sweater, he looked like a mess," he whispered, making Ventus snort with laughter.
They rummaged through a few more CDs. Then, they took the pickings they liked and hiked them upstairs, peeping around to see if Cid was lurking. When they confirmed he was downstairs in the shop, Roxas snuck into Cid's bedroom and pulled out the old photo albums from under his bed.
Once Ventus caught sight of Cid's picture from when he was thirteen, he cheered and clapped his hands, committing it to memory as he gazed over it in awe. When they moved onto the picture of Ventus' baby shower, where their mother and her family sat in a coiffed, preened circle with lots of dainty cakes, gauze, and gift wrapping, he pursed his lips and shook his head.
"The Altney-Strifes," he muttered, hissing over the consonants in a whisper. "Always loved Cloud, always hated me."
Roxas stared at the picture blankly, taking in his mother's sallow, hollow expression as if it were his own. He and Ventus had always taken after her, while Cloud took after Cid and their father. When he asked why they hated Ventus, Ventus shrugged and said he was too raw.
"Uncivilized, I guess- but not in the callous asshole way I am now. Just... I was odd," he muttered, slumping in on himself like a broken puppet. "Never excelled at makin' friends. I know everyone says that havin' baby memories are just you projectin' on yourself what someone else told you, but I remember the pain of bein' around her family. It was like a recoil: I'd reach out and they'd lurch away in disgust. An when mom was around them, she changed. She'd be real affectionate at home: huggin' me, kissin' me, lettin' me rub on her cheek- I remember at home, I was fuckin' obsessed with cats for some fuckin' reason, right? But we were never allowed have pets, so she'd let me be her cat an I'd rub up on her an lick her, an then I'd lick my paws an if I was good, like if I behaved when she was washin' me or if I ate all my vegetables she'd give me a belly rub an I'd meow."
Roxas smiled at the thought of baby Ventus rolling around the ground like a kitten, making Ventus sigh in nostalgia, too.
The man's brows furrowed. "She'd get real nervous an awkward around her family," he whispered. Anger rippled across his features. "One time, I was in her sister's livin' room playin' with Cloud an one of our fucktard cousins, an I was bein' a cat an Cloud an whatever fucktard's name was were makin' fun of me- back then I thought they were laughin' with me, but now I see... anyway, I went over to be petted, an the cousin said, 'if you were a real cat, you wouldn't have any clothes on,' an he kept goin' on an on, an Cloud was encouragin' it, too, so like the fuckin' dumbass piece of shit I am, I took off my fuckin' clothes," he snarled, savaging his fingers through his hair as if it would pull off his scalp. "An then I went over an licked the cousin's cheek cause I'm a fuckin' cat, right? An he starts screamin' like a banshee, laughin', tellin' the whole fuckin' world that I tried to kiss him. An all the while, Cloud's right there with a face like motherfuckin' Ronald McDonald. An who should walk in on me, on all fours, buck fuckin' naked with my tongue out, but motherfuckin' aunt Aria an mom," he snorted with wide, listless eyes, jabbering more to the wall than anything else.
"Word spread like fuckin' wildfire. If the Altney-Strifes hated me before, they fuckin' despised me after that. I had to be monitored whenever I played. I got so sad sometimes that I'd just sit for hours in grandma's upstairs bedroom, fetal in the middle of the fuckin' floor, wonderin' what was wrong with me. That bullshit reached its peak next summer. They practically hosted a bathroom exorcism on me without mom knowin'- I can't remember what I'd done, but mom was nappin' an only figured out where I was when she heard me cryin' down the hall in her sleep. Had to break down the fuckin' door, almost."
"But it wasn't all bad," he added as an afterthought, mouth twitching into a smile as he remembered. "Got my first football that year. Best fuckin' birthday ever. After that, whenever the Strifes'd start pickin' on me, dad'd take me to the local pitch an we'd play from sunup to sundown."
Roxas stared at Ventus in surprise; awed, amused, and slightly horrified at the same time. He picked up the picture of the Altney-Strifes himself, examining each foreign face with narrowed eyes, trying to remember them but failing to. By the time he was born, they didn't visit often. It must have been soon after that that his grandmother died. After her passing there was no reason to act like a family anymore.
"Did Cloud never..." he gulped, considering his words carefully lest Ventus blow up again. When he landed on, "stand up for you?" Ventus burst out laughing.
"Unfortunately Cloud's leadership qualities only revealed themselves after his friend fuckin' killed himself," Ventus muttered. "Even then, I'm sure he had someone eggin' him along, givin' him ideas. He's always been a follower. An anyway, after the bathroom exorcism an all that shit, the case was closed. Mom went to a therapist, dad handed Cloud to the Altneys, an he bummed me off on Cid cause he didn't fuckin' know what to do with me. Probably figured bein' around a strong male influence might transform me into a normal human bein'."
"Wait," Roxas stuttered. "Mom and dad took Cloud to the Altneys and left you with Cid?"
Ventus nodded so fast his head blurred. "Summers, mostly," he clarified. "Sometimes dad would stay. But that was rare, because whenever dad an I were doin' somethin' together, Cloud'd pitch a fit," he sighed, rolling his eyes. Even so, a twitching grin overtook him. "I remember some beautiful times in Radiant Garden Forest: skeet shootin', pig huntin', playin' ball in the fields an campin' and divin' near the river basin. Only reason Cloud got to know his Radiant Garden buddies was because he met em on a campin' trip that was supposed to be for me. But after grandma and ma died, things started fuckin' up between mom an dad an Cid was miserable, so the trips pretty much snuffed out."
"Was that before Cid moved to Twilight Town?" Roxas asked.
Ventus nodded. As he stared down at the picture of Cid as a child, clad in bellbottoms and his tragic sweater, he snorted in sadness. Then, his gaze fell on the photo tucked beneath, the one of him treating the neighbor's cat like a pillow. When he saw it, his eyes lit up with glee, making him giggle and clap his hands.
"The motherfuckin' cat!" he sang at the top of his lungs, whooping and falling against the leg of Cid's bed in manic joy.
Roxas tried laughing along, but there was something so unnerving and anxious about Ventus' eruption. When Ventus held up the picture with shining eyes, Roxas gave an encouraging grin.
Ventus cooed and held the picture again, another chuckle overtaking him until he sighed himself to calmness. As he stared, something dark passed over his eyes, drooping his lids and tucking down the sides of his lips.
The silence made Roxas squirm, lean in, and chirp that he remembered that cat, "just a little. It was old by the time Cid bought the shop," he sighed. "Did it die?"
Ventus remained silent but shrugged.
Suddenly, as if for the first time, Roxas became aware of the fan whirring overhead, of Cid's singing down in the shop, and of the drip of the sink in the kitchen, every sound a needle tickling the back of his neck. "I never figured out what neighbor it belonged to," he swallowed, begging in his head for Ventus to come up with something else.
His older brother's eyes remained trained upon the figures in the photo: one a chubby, pink faced, dirty cheeked boy who squinted when he smiled, the other a plump, languid feline with black spots around its eyes that made it look like a bandit. When Ventus' thumb landed on himself, his brow twitched. "Belonged to the old lady who used to own the Item Shop," he explained, making Roxas scoot closer. "Cat died first, then the lady. After that the family took over. Wantz," he added as an afterthought, mentioning a boy Roxas saw manning the counter sometimes, as if only the name was needed to illuminate whatever he had meant to say before switching focus. "Always had muddy paws."
"Probably went everywhere," Roxas breathed, assuming Ventus meant the cat and not Wantz.
Ventus nodded in agreement, muttering that the creature was a nomad. "I followed it a lot," he added, voice a little cooler than before. "Up the Station Tower, down the valley. Through the woods."
"Nice," responded Roxas, hands clasped in such tight fists that they shook.
"They used to host after school camps at the old mansion," Ventus explained. "Kids with developmental issues. Divide you into four 'unions' and make you play games. Build 'friendships'. Load of bullshit, obviously," he chuckled, smile evaporating as fast as it surfaced. "We were like Robin Hood and Little John, runnin' away durin' games, stealin' cigarettes from the camp councilor's desk... well, the cat didn't steal the fuckin' cigarettes, but, y'know... we'd sneak through the hole in the wall and roam... play football in the streets... You know where the hole in the wall is, right?"
"Yeah," nodded Roxas, confused but unwilling to ask Ventus to repeat himself. There was some kind of short circuit derailing the journey from Ven's brain and his mouth: his thoughts were becoming haywire, jumbled, and nearly unintelligible. Still, Roxas listened.
"I tried to get kicked out," Ventus continued through a swallow. "Took passin' around cigarettes to the neighborhood kids to finally get through to Cid an mom an dad that I didn't want to be there. Got the worst hidin' of my life."
"You got beaten for passing around cigarettes?" blubbered Roxas.
Ventus averted his gaze and shrugged, murmuring that he had only been ten.
"That's awful," Roxas whispered, throat dry as his mouth twitched, his whole body yearning for nervous laughter, for some sort of release. The air in Cid's tiny bedroom felt caustic. It radiated and dripped with excess energy. Roxas could feel it from his toes up through his spine and out his head, making him jitter and fidget. "Did you tell mom and dad you didn't want to go?" he half pleaded.
Ventus grunted but nodded. "Never mattered what I wanted," he whispered. "Always what was most convenient for... everyone else. Especially Cloud. They didn't want me around him, especially after I started... just odd stuff, like proof I guess of what I couldn't really say out loud cause I didn't... understand, I guess. But that's always been me, right?" he gulped, savaging his fingers through his hair again. "I can figure out everyone but myself."
Settled, he leaned back against the bedpost and gnawed his inner cheek, narrowing his gaze in a fierce standoff with the opposing wall paper. Then, nodding, he shrugged and said that that was that. "Taught me to make a racket. Make myself strong. Look out for number one."
After that, the room fell silent. Roxas blinked at the pictures spread across the floor, dumbfounded and perplexed at once. None of what Ventus had said made sense, and yet somehow, Roxas' heart knew how to feel. A shiver overtook him and he clutched at himself, biting back tears, begging himself to say something to dispel the curse Ventus' disjointed memories had summoned.
The man watched Roxas out of the corner of his eye, irritation mounting behind his dilated pupils.
When he hissed for him to stop squirming, Roxas blurted out that Sora and the rest of the soccer team had started hazing him. That they made him feel isolated and helpless.
Ventus snorted and shook his head.
Roxas leaned closer and spoke louder. "They're testing my boundaries like Mrs. Tui said," he insisted, continuing in an almost pleading whisper, "I don't like that. But I feel like I'd be a pariah if I didn't do as they asked."
"You would be," Ventus shot back in a hurtfully cool, uncaring voice. "Bullyin' is a part of life. I wouldn't be half the man I am today if it weren't for all the torture I went through as a kid."
"But-" Roxas tried, but Ventus was taking the pontificating, sanctimonious tone that Roxas had grown to hate in him.
"I was hazed, too," he trilled. "I grinned and bore it. Then I hit fifteen goals in one game. Suddenly, I had friends everywhere. I fell in the gutter again. Climbed back out, tooth and nail. Now, no one can stop me."
"I'm not you, Ven," Roxas hissed. "I don't want to wade through shit over and over just to feel like a human being when I crawl out!"
His brother reeled back, revolted and mortally wounded at once. "Oh, so you're too good for a little bit of fuckin' around, now?" he snarled. "You think they're fuckin' hurtin your feelin's or some bullshit? Minerva, fuck! No wonder they fuckin' hate you. An I was just startin' to respect fags, too-"
"So just because I like being treated with respect I'm a fag that's not worth your spit?" Roxas shot back. When Ventus clapped in his face, he shoved the man's hands away.
"That's right, Roxas!" sang Ventus. "You said it better than I ever could! Cause that's the difference between a nancy an a man: you wait for someone to ride your ass to safety, while I fight my own battles an deserve my victories!"
"How fucking sad it must be being you!" Roxas spat back, the energy balled up in his chest sailing out through his voice. "Hating yourself so much that you have to make fun of people whose only wish is common decency. When your own brother- the brother who saved you from killing yourself and tried talking to you and working with you whenever you lashed out and shut your fucking door in his face- comes to you with a fucking olive branch and cry for help-" He could barely hear himself over the sound of Ventus' cackling.
"Cry for help?" the man guffawed, slapping his hands against the floor and kicking his feet as if it were the funniest thing he'd ever heard. "You think whinin' about a little hazin' is a cry for help?"
"Things have happened to me!" Roxas croaked. "Things that for all your fucking 'perceptiveness' you would never understand!"
"An what would those be, Roxas?" Ventus sang in a mocking, baby voice. "Did someone huwt you? Did someone abuse you?"
"Yeah!" Roxas roared, standing up and screaming down at Ventus' face. "As a matter of fucking fact, they did! Multiple people!"
When Ventus rose, he eclipsed the room. Roxas had forgotten how tall he was and the man's anger only made him seem taller. It had been weeks since the attempted suicide. Now, Roxas could see, the man's former, terrifying strength had returned. But somehow, he couldn't bring himself to be afraid. When Ventus advanced on him and demanded to know who, he shoved him back.
"Sora, Riku, Isa, Seifer-!"
"What'd they do?" Ventus snarled, shoving Roxas so hard the boy tripped and fell against the wall. "Poke your ass? Grab your junk? Laugh at the size of your dick? How fuckin' tragic!"
"You wouldn't understand!" Roxas screamed, tears streaming down his cheeks. "You've never been scared of other people! You probably liked getting hazed! You probably liked it because it gave you an excuse to let guys feel you up!"
"You think I liked it when they were watchin' like hawks to see if I was a fag?" Ventus spat. "You think I liked gettin' swirlies, an gettin' hard whenever someone grabbed my ass or toweled me or pinched my nipples?"
"I bet you did it right back when you got your chance!" Roxas snarled.
"You bet your ass I did!" Ventus boomed. "Because I learned somethin' when I was in football. A team is only as strong as its weakest link. All this hazin' an shit is them figuring out if you're worth their time. An you're not strong enough, you can pussy out an try to stumble through life on your own! See how far you fuckin' get!"
"Well at least I'm not twenty fucking five, carless, jobless, closeted, and leeching off my fucking grandpa!"
"Oh, no, wittwe goody two shoes Woxas wouwd nevew take advantage of anyone! Except for Cid, an Cloud, an-"
"At least I have some fucking self respect!"
"You can't respect yourself! Respect is earned, not claimed!"
"Well when did you earn yourself some respect, Ventus?" Roxas mocked through a sniffling coo. "Was it before or after you decided to get fucked on film?"
The slap that sailed across Roxas' cheek busted his lip and sent him tumbling to the ground. When he was lifted up by the scruff of his shirt and made look into Ventus' eyes, he saw they were streaming with tears.
"Don't you ever, ever disrespect me like that again!" Ventus screeched in a voice hardly his own. His rage made him inhuman: a scarlet, bug-eyed specter with popping veins, foam clouded lips, and cheeks glistening with sweat, like scales on a fish. "I've been disrespected an stepped on my entire fuckin' life, an I won't have some fag like you do it, too!" he wailed. "I'm worth more than that! Especially after everything I've done for you!"
"What the hell have you done for me?" Roxas sobbed. "Put me on a team full of assholes? Encourage me to get bullied? Made my life hell until just a few weeks ago?"
"I protected you!" Ventus boomed.
"From what?" spat Roxas.
"Vanitas!" continued Ventus. "At great personal sacrifice I made sure he wouldn't go near you!"
"Well, you failed at that, too!" Roxas screamed. "He got to me without any trouble at all!"
Ventus' face screwed up with a returning insult so fast he hardly heard what Roxas had just said. When it finally registered, his face froze with incredulity. Then, confusion. "Whe- he... He what?" he gulped.
Roxas' face smoothed over, too. Suddenly, he felt sick. Swallowing, he whispered, "well, he... that one day you found him in my room, he grabbed between my legs and... tried to kiss me." His words caught in his throat and he coughed. "And then, when you ran away and tried to, you know, I went to him to figure out where you were-"
"Oh, fuck," Ventus whimpered, collapsing on Cid's bed, pressing his hands over his face, and raising his chin towards the ceiling. He sat like a marble sculpture, a neo-Thinking Man, huddled against the wall so silent he hardly seemed to breathe.
Emboldened, Roxas continued, "I was using his computer and he started asking if I wanted to do coke, and I said no, and he started messing with my neck and stuff, and then he did kiss me, and then he pinned me down and put himself between my legs..."
Roxas could feel Ventus cringing and hear the whimper being silenced in his throat. Still, he went on, "and then I kicked him in the balls."
"Motherfucker," Ventus said in a small, doleful voice. Then, he froze again. Snapped up with eyes open wide. Whipped an incredulous, astounded glare Roxas' way.
Roxas reeled back in shock, wondering if Ventus was going to hit or hug him.
Instead the man tore his hand through his golden hair and let out a relieved, broken sigh. "Wait a minute," he growled, shooting Roxas another furtive, this time hopeful gaze. "You... that's it?"
"That's... what?" Roxas balked.
"He kissed you, sat between your legs, an you kicked him in the balls?"
"Well, I bit his tongue, too-"
"Did you do anythin' else?" Ventus retorted, his voice a little too close to a chirp for Roxas' comfort.
"Uh... I ran because he was about to rape me," Roxas returned in a slow, drawn out voice.
A groan like rolling thunder fell from Ventus' mouth as solace washed over him like sunbeams. His face looked like a baby's: fresh, unperturbed. Roxas stared at him in a combination of disgust and horror.
"That motherfucker," Ventus snorted. A chuckle overtook him. Then a laugh. Then, he was full on busting his balls, crying with joy, clasping Roxas in his arms like Cid would an old drinking buddy. "Fuck me in the ass..." he sang-sighed, slapping Roxas' leg so hard it turned highlighter pink. "Damn. I mean damn."
"I just confide in you an attempted rape and you congratulate me for it?" Roxas spat, too dumbfounded to escape Ventus' joyous, vice like grip.
Ventus shook his head, cheeks pink with giddiness. "Fuck," he whispered, cracking up again and shaking his head. "I woulda never had the strength, even today. Fuck. I was always scared of people like him."
"You... were?" Roxas breathed in surprise.
Ventus snorted like Roxas was an idiot. "Fuck, yeah. I met him at a fuckin' beach bar, Roxas. We got in a fuckin' fight an he beat me to a pulp. My face looked like a split watermelon by the time he was finished with me. But you know what he said?" He added in a pontificous, solemn tone. "When I was blowin' chunks on the sidewalk, hackin' up blood an whatever the fuck I had drank the hour before, he patted me on the back, handed me a cigarette, an said that he'd never seen someone fight like me: that if I had been as sober as he was, I could have really fucked him up."
"Minerva," Roxas whispered in revulsion.
Ventus' expression read differently. Smiling, he traced his fingertips up and down his forearms. "I asked if he wanted to share a line an he said he had a better idea. Then he fucked me behind the rocks. Fantastic but fuckin' terrifyin' at the same time..."
"He beat you up," Roxas clarified. "And then you let him fuck you?"
"See, Roxas, you're takin' this completely the wrong way," Ventus returned with outstretched palms and rolled eyes. He used his forefinger to gesticulate, prodding from one event to the next across Roxas' shin. "This was not domestic violence or some shit. This was two men gettin' in a bar brawl. Then fuckin'."
"While you were drunk?" Roxas swallowed.
"Fuck yeah," Ventus retorted. "Back then I was so fuckin' wasted all the time I didn't know my right hand from my left. You didn't see much of me that year, remember?"
"Not really," muttered Roxas.
Ventus shrugged and continued, "I was hangin' out with some questionable people, I guess. Rould and Lauriam, mostly, aka Coke Man and Mr. Weedy," he guffawed. "But Vanitas helped tone me down, if you can believe it. I was so scared and aroused by him I didn't question it at all. That's why I was so fuckin' angry all the time, I was cold fuckin' turkey. An I tried keepin' up the straight as a rod persona for a little while, until we'd fucked enough that it wasn't worth pretendin' to him anymore."
Sighing in nostalgia, he picked up the picture of himself and the cat again, rolling his thumbs back and forth across the feline's bandit black eyes. "Vanitas was the first person to ever have my back. He was the one who suggested I work with Cid in the shop an get him a job, too. We started bondin' on a friendship level when we worked together. We had a lot in common, lot of common contacts from before we knew each other. Even went to the same middle school, just never noticed each other at the time. Both liked football, fightin', smokin', metal music... went to concerts together, regular friend stuff. He even held my hand at one of them; real sneaky, when no one else was watchin'," he added confidentially, as if letting free a tiny bird that had never seen the sun before. He tittered in remembrance, clapping his hand over his mouth as if he could hardly believe the memory himself. "He was the closest friend I'd ever had. I told him stuff I've never told anyone. He told me... awful stuff. Stuff that bonded us together even further. But..."
When he looked at Roxas, it was with a searching glance. Though the boy gave nothing away Ventus continued to stare, seeking from one feature to the next, tears budding along his lashes with each shallow breath until his cheeks glistened.
"I hated you because he liked you more than me," he said finally.
Roxas blinked at him in betrayal.
No one would want to rape that little fucker, anyway!
So it had been a lie. Ventus had been perceptive enough to know, after all.
When Roxas peered down at his hands, he saw they were balled into such tight fists his knuckles had turned white. Unfurling them, he whispered, "was it just me?"
"What do you mean?"
"Was he into other young boys?"
"He told me he'd looked at kid porn before," faltered Ventus with a wince, "but it was just a nasty habit. Mostly jail bait type stuff, like young twinks-"
"-Like me," Roxas said.
Either Ventus hadn't heard or chose to ignore him. Instead of responding he jabbered on, "but the point is, he told me about that side of him, an he was cryin' an knew it was wrong, so I said we could work through our issues together-"
"Why didn't you report him?" Roxas whispered. "The kids in that stuff are real people. They're being sexually abused-"
"Roxas, you don't get it," Ventus explained through nervous laughter. "He said it wasn't little kids! An he didn't even look at that stuff when I was around, he just confided in me! He wouldn't have gotten better if he'd gone to jail, he would've gotten worse, an I might be dead right now from ODin' if it weren't for his help-"
"You knew he was dangerous and you kept him around-"
"I watched him all the fuckin' time, Roxas. He let me see his history an shit. Most of the time there was nothin on it."
"He probably deleted it!"
"Roxas, this isn't even the point of what I'm tryin' to say!" Ventus whined, wringing his hands back and forth as he cowered, "I just wanted to say sorry! I didn't want to get into a whole big-"
"Vanitas was a fucking pedophile-"
"He didn't even hurt you that bad, Roxas, you fought back! When I was your age, I wouldn't have even dreamed-"
"He tried to rape me!" Roxas thundered, jumping up and roaring over Ventus' averted face. "He tried to rape me and you kept him around!"
"I just thought that I could handle him on my own!" Ventus balked. "I thought if I gave him whatever he wanted I could keep you safe an, an keep everyone else safe, too, I guess. I just saw a chance for him to-"
"Why the fuck would you place a pedophile's future over the safety of your own fucking brother?"
"Because I-"
"You're still fucking defending him!" interjected Roxas, jabbing his forefinger at Ventus' cheek and snarling in abhorrance, "You're choosing-"
"I love him!" Ventus thundered, jumping up and slamming the photographs on the ground.
There was silence.
Then, again: "I love him."
Roxas stared at Ventus.
The man slumped against the wall, exhaustion rendering his shoulders and arms limp at his sides. He bowed his head and didn't say anything else.
Shaking his head, Roxas slid to the floor and gazed ahead of him. "How could you..." he started, but lost his words.
How could one man be this fucked up?
"What on earth made you love him?"
"I know..."
"That he listened to a couple of the same bands?"
"Roxas, I know..."
"He raped you."
"No, Roxas..."
"You were high in that video, right?" Roxas insisted, willing Ventus to look at him. "There was no way you could consent."
"Well, I did, Roxas," Ventus finally returned. "Lots of times. An that's my problem."
"Ventus, what he did is illegal," Roxas pleaded.
"Roxas," warned Ventus, "if I went around categorizing every unfortunate sexual experience in my life as rape, I wouldn't be able to fuckin' cope. I'd go so insane I'd fuckin' kill..."
For a moment both brothers fell silent. Then suddenly, Ventus whipped to Roxas and growled, "don't..."
"I didn't say anything," Roxas murmured.
"Well, don't plan on it."
"I have nothing worth saying to you."
Ventus stared towards Roxas in surprise, searching him yet again.
When the boy remained still, Ventus glanced down and picked the photographs up, trying on a chuckle or sigh as he thumbed through each one, slipping some out, holding them up, and then faltering before he decided on what he wanted to say about them. No words seemed good enough. The pile became bigger and bigger, until they engulfed his lap like an offering: pictures of the Altney Strifes, of Cloud, the cat, and even some of their mother and father when they were young. When he found one of his mother kissing his cheek as he stared into the camera, the happiest baby in the world, he held it with both hands. Then, setting it gently beneath the picture of himself and the cat, he pressed his thumbs together at the pair's center, and in one swift movement, tore them in half.
As Roxas watched him go from those to another baby picture, he cried for him to stop, circling his arms around Ventus as he tried pulling him away.
Ventus' strength became superhuman. The pictures fell in shreds around his thighs, like feathers from a plucked bird. The more Roxas begged, the faster he went, breaking each into tinier and tinier pieces.
When a familiar photo, the one of Ventus as a young man washing Roxas in the sink, emerged from his grip, Roxas cried, "no!" Then, without thinking, he slapped the man.
Ventus reeled in shock. He padded his cheek with mouth agape. The pink tinged skin was starting to swell. When he noticed the point of Roxas' gaze, he peered down, seeing the picture in his hand for the first time. As he examined it, he furrowed his brows. "I don't remember this..." he whispered.
"I think..." Roxas swallowed, hovering over the picture in protection, "I think it was from when I was a baby."
"Well, duh," Ventus snorted, wiping the sweat from his eyes so he could focus. "I just... I have no memory of this."
"Me neither," Roxas gulped. "But it's a beautiful picture, isn't it?"
"Yeah..." Ventus murmured. For a moment he examined it. Then, chuckling, he shook his head. "I really have no recollection of this," he said. "That sink looks like Ma's."
"Huh," Roxas said in encouragment. He couldn't remember Cid's old wife very well, except that she smelled of ginger and jasmine most of the time.
Ahead, Ventus cried out.
"This must have been when we went on that family vacation!" he cried. "No, wait? No- oh maybe this is when dad took Cloud on his personal camping trip an you an me stayed with mom an Ma, wait a minute, no. When did Ma die? Fuck, my memory's all mixed up... For some reason, this picture's givin' me a real beach vibe."
"Look!" Roxas gasped, pointing to the window within. "I see a boardwalk."
When Ventus saw it too, he grinned. "Fuck, you really are a fuckin' detective. How the fuck did I think I'd ever sneak past you? This was definitely some vacation when Ma was alive. It's not her house, now that I really look at it, none of the Tupperware is the same... maybe that wallpaper was just popular."
Roxas laughed and scooted closer to Ventus' side. When Ventus mumbled again what a great picture it was, Roxas agreed. "I didn't want you to tear it up because it's my favorite," he whispered.
"Favorite?" Ventus repeated. "You don't even remember it."
"I can feel what it was like, though," Roxas whispered. "I can feel how happy we were in that moment."
"Too bad we didn't create more memories like that," Ventus murmured. He bit his lip. Tears were spilling over his cheeks again. This time, he failed to hold them in. Curling in on himself, he began to sob, his hand shaking so badly that the picture clamped in his fingers whirred like a fan.
Roxas wrapped his arms around his brother's shoulders. To his surprise, Ventus embraced him back, nuzzling his head into Roxas' neck. The feeling of his soft, thick hair brushing along Roxas' skin felt good.
"I'm so sorry, Roxas," Ventus choked, clutching Roxas tighter and heaving tears. Roxas rubbed up and down his back, lost for what to say in return. When Ventus stared up and noticed the blood dribbling down the boy's chin, he gasped and padded at Roxas' lip.
"Fuck," he swore. "I slapped the shit out of you."
"I deserved it for what I said," Roxas muttered.
Ventus shook his head fiercely. Then, silent, he heaved Roxas up under his arm, took him to the bathroom, flipped down the toilet seat, and sat the boy on it. The man almost seemed giddy as he riffled through the medicine cabinet, but the way his hands shook uncontrollably told Roxas it was a more sinister, desperate nervousness.
"Th-this is what I used to do an what dad taught me to do whenever I got in a scrap," he gulped, cracking a weird, sheepish smile as he glanced anywhere but Roxas. "K-kind of feel like I'm carryin' on the Highwind name with this tradition."
What tradition? Roxas thought to himself. Beating the shit out of each other because there's no way to say how we really feel? He bit the good side of his lip to keep from crying. He felt so sick and strange. So trapped by fate. He didn't even feel the desire to move. As he bit harder, the bad side of his lip separated and oozed more black blood, making Ventus clutch the boy's face and massage down his jaw.
"Don't bite at it, Rox," he whispered in pleading veiled by playfulness. "Here." Jittering, he undid a packet of what looked like thin strips of masking tape and cut them with a cuticle trimmer. Then, setting them gently on one of Roxas' knees, he took an alcohol tissue and swabbed it against Roxas' lip, laughing when Roxas winced.
"This'll just keep it from opening any wider," he mumbled half to himself, taking the back from the tape strips. Then, he pushed the broken part of Roxas' lip together and set the strips over it. After he was done, he dabbed the exposed parts with digestible disinfectant and lead Roxas to the mirror.
"Ta da!" he said, clapping his hands over Roxas' shoulders as he stared at their reflection.
Roxas stared, too, padding at his lip as his eyes reddened. It looked like he'd gotten into a fight. Ventus really did have a monster right hook.
Ventus rubbed up and down the boy's arms in fast, jerking strokes, setting his chin atop Roxas' head as he bit his own lip.
"Don't make yourself bleed, too," Roxas muttered without thinking.
Immediately, Ventus freed his bottom lip and cracked another odd grin, apologizing and stroking down Roxas' hair. When he looked in the mirror again, his eyes grew red and puffy, too. "Gods, we really do look alike, huh?" he croaked, gripping Roxas' shoulders as hard as he could. "Like twins."
It was true. Two miserable, confused twins.
Suddenly, Ventus got another idea, bounding out of the bathroom and returning a moment later with Roxas' laptop. When Roxas furrowed his brows in confusion, Ventus sat him back on the toilet seat and turned the screen to face him. It held the homepage for the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, the pointer hovering over the "make a CyberTipline report" link. Before Roxas could really concentrate, Ventus swiped the screen away and began typing furiously.
"I been goin' back an forth over this for a while, an with you just tellin' me I should have made a report, I think now's as good a time as any..." he blubbered, giving a smug grin and puffing up his chest as he settled on the tub side. "So what instance should I report? Actually, don't answer, I'll make a few." More furious typing ensued. Then, abruptly, it stopped. Ventus sent Roxas another desperate grin.
Roxas stared back without expression. "Well?" he murmured. "Did it go through?"
"Why don't you make your report first, actually!" Ventus gulped, "so I can think about mine while you type."
Roxas took the computer without a word, typing in the details of his first encounter with Vanitas and waiting in silence for it to send. When the empty form came back, he passed it to Ventus.
The man balked with how fast Roxas had sent everything, biting his nails and chuckling feverishly as he tore his hand through his hair. Then, a guilty look. "M-maybe I should..." he swallowed apologetically.
Roxas stared him down with no remorse.
Ventus huffed and typed sporadically. Then, with a final click, he beamed and announced that it had sent.
"I want to see," Roxas responded.
Ventus' smile faded. Caving, he murmured that he had just been kidding. "We'll be here all day with how slow it's takin' me. I'll make it tomorrow, though, I promise!"
"I want you to make it now," Roxas intoned.
Ventus' smile slopped away. He faltered back and forth, biting his lip so savagely it bled. He seemed so weak, even weaker than when Roxas had laid eyes on him in the hospital.
"Remember how you said respect is earned?" Roxas whispered. When Ventus froze he continued, "this is how you earn respect."
Ventus blew out a deep breath as new tears tumbled over his cheeks. He gave Roxas one last pleading glance.
Roxas would not budge.
Defeated, Ventus rolled forward and began typing.
After he sent it off, Roxas asked how he felt.
For a moment Ventus thought. Just as he opened his mouth to respond, he shut it and swept up, staring at himself in the mirror as if in challenge. Again, he opened his mouth to answer Roxas' question. No sound came out. Gripping the porcelain sink edge, he glared fearfully at his reflection, teeth bared. Then, slumping, he stared at his hands and asked in a way that feigned off handedness, "Do you think... maybe Vanitas loves me too, in his own way?"
Roxas stared at the floor, emotionally exhausted. "Honestly, Ventus?" he whispered to the tile. "I don't think you even know what love really is."
Ventus' shoulders sagged as he nodded in resignation. His Highwind blush flowered across his cheeks as his lip tucked out. Then, sucking in a breath, he asked if Roxas thought anyone would ever love him.
Roxas' face crinkled as he hid it in his hands. "Of course, Ventus," he breathed. "You just have to let the right ones in." Tears nearly choked his last words. Curling farther into himself, he let his back shake with silent sobs as his eyes scrunched shut. When Ventus surprised him by sweeping him up in his lap, Roxas collapsed into him on the bathroom floor and shook with tears, allowing himself to be held.
Ventus rocked him back and forth, stroking his hair and whispering that he was sorry over and over. Soon, Roxas clutched at his back and nuzzled into his chest, letting Ventus rest his chin on the top of his head again. It continued that way until long after Cid's truck pulled into the driveway. Once the old man barreled upstairs, cursed his way through his ransacked bedroom, and figured out where his grandsons were, he didn't bother them. Perhaps he sensed that some things were better left alone.
•∞•
A/N:
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I welcome all comments/ theories/ etc.