A/N: Sooooo... um. What can I say about this chapter? Beware the lime, people. I would say I don't know what happened, but I do, and it happened, so I guess enjoy it?

Thanks so much to my lovely pre-readers WolfGirl1335 and ReneeFF.

A million hugs, kisses, and warm thanks to all of you amazing readers. I love you all!

In This Skin

Chapter Twenty-One

Broken English

My words get lost
Can you read the look that's on my face?
Wires get crossed
In communion with the human race

-Broken English – Adam Lambert

Josie

My legs shook with nervous anticipation as I waited for the nurse to come back into the examination room. She would either tell me that I could get the cast off or that I had to wait another week. I wasn't sure I'd survive another week. I'd already tried to take it off myself and told Dad I'd resort to his power tools if I had to.

I looked up expectantly when the door opened. The nurse smiled warmly. "Good news, Josie," she said happily. Her brunette hair pulled up in a clip bounced as she nodded. "The doctor says the cast can come off today."

"It's about damn time," I mumbled. I smiled at her and half-hoped she'd heard me. If she did, she didn't let it bother her.

I was a little fascinated with the cast saw. Once it and the padding underneath were gone, I tried to flex my wrist. I inhaled sharply when it hurt.

"Be careful," the nurse said. "It may take a while for your wrist to be back to normal just because it's been held immobile for so long. Just give it time and work on it slowly."

I nodded and sighed in disappointment. So much for having my right hand back today. I got a brace to wear at nights and when the pain would get bad. I scowled at it as I left the office.

Wednesday night Josh came over for dinner. He laughed at me when I told him I still had a brace. I hit him in the arm and grimaced when it hurt. He laughed again before he made me show him my wrist so he could kiss it better.

Mom and Dad were still fighting. Even though they tried to act normal when everyone was around, it was impossible to not notice the cold glances they'd give each other or the irritation in both of their voices when they'd talk to each other. I tried to get Josh to talk to me about it, but he could only say he didn't know what was going on. The whole thing annoyed me. Eli kept asking me if I was sure Mom and Dad weren't going to get a divorce. Although I was confident they'd work things out, Eli's constant asking caused my stomach to ache with worry.

I didn't feel like I could talk to Mom or Dad while they were arguing. They were both irritated even when they weren't together. A part of me really wanted to know what was going on, but another part was too nervous to ask. So instead, I talked to Josh when I could and texted with Hannah and my other friends.

The situation at school wasn't getting much better. I'd found out Trish had spread the word about me going to therapy after she heard me talking to Kyle about it. She was lucky my wrist was still sore or I'd beat her ass. I dealt with it mostly by ignoring the shit out of anyone who wasn't important to me. I had my real friends, and they were all I chose to care about.

Lily and Jennifer were making things difficult for me. Jennifer and Jason were doing a lot better together, but they hadn't made any decisions yet about the fate of their baby. It was almost a near-daily basis that her pregnancy came up in conversation at school, and Lily would put in her two cents about God, sinners, and going to hell. I could tell Jennifer really tried to put it behind her, but she couldn't hide how much it affected her. I didn't want to tell Lily to shove it because when she wasn't being preachy she was a great friend. I tried to keep my mouth shut and be supportive of Jennifer in other ways.

Kyle and I had all but failed our biology project. Thanks to my weird issues and being suspended from school, I couldn't help him finish the project. He did what he could on his own and thankfully the teacher was nice about giving him credit. I apologized more times than I could count for my shit, but Kyle wouldn't hear it. He kept telling me it wasn't my fault and he was fine. We were still going to study together on the weekends and some days after school. Being around him was getting better and better. I really looked forward to our study dates simply because I got to be alone with him.

I looked over at Kyle, sitting on his bedroom floor next to me reading the chapter we were studying. I just stared for a few minutes. He was so beautiful. My eyes followed the contour of his forehead down the straight line of his nose to his lips that moved slightly as he read. A few strands of hair had escaped the clips I'd forced on him earlier. They hung over his forehead and a few mingled with his long eyelashes. I smiled and reached out to tuck a strand behind his ear.

He smiled at me. "Thank you," he said sweetly. His blue eyes met mine, and I found myself getting choked up. My throat thickened while my chest and stomach both tightened in a strange way. I felt so full of emotion all of a sudden.

"Sure," I whispered back.

He put the book down and turned so he was facing me more. "Everything okay?"

Was it? I didn't know. I felt so strange. I had the strongest desire to curl up beside him and ask him to hold me tight and never let go. I didn't want to read or write an essay or go home or talk to friends or even sit here so far away from him. I just wanted to be in his arms.

Instead of answering him, I just shrugged. I didn't know how to begin to explain this. "I guess."

He took my hand and held it gently. A flicker of something passed over his face. A moment of doubt or hesitancy or some kind of worry that I wasn't sure I understood seemed to linger in his eyes before it disappeared. "Are you sure? You look depressed."

I got it then. He was nervous to even ask me in case I started to freak out again. My heart hurt at the thought of him being afraid of me. I thought of Dad and how I'd promised him I'd give people the chance to prove me wrong. I really didn't want to think about what would happen if they all proved me right.

Instead of getting angry, I only wanted to crawl into him even more. I wanted to be sheltered. I felt so small and vulnerable, and I just wanted him to protect me. Was that so wrong?

I sighed and looked down at our hands. "I might be. I don't know." Was this new feeling a part of being bipolar? I'd never felt so low in all my life. But I wasn't sure how low I really was. Maybe I was just feeling intimate. I didn't want to shut myself away from Kyle; I wanted him to be with me wherever I went. I wanted to tuck myself inside him so we'd be together always. I looked up at him. "If I ask you something, will you promise you won't laugh?"

He nodded. "I promise." His fingers tightened on mine.

My eyes began to water thanks to this terribly strong new emotion. What if he did laugh? What if he thought it would be pathetic for me to want to just lay down with him with his arms wrapped tightly around me? Well, I'd never know if I didn't open my mouth and say something.

I took a deep breath. "Will you hold me?"

He smiled, but it wasn't mocking. It was a soft, understanding smile. "Sure." He started to wrap his arm around my shoulders, but I stopped him.

"No, I mean . . . I want to lay down."

"Oh. Yeah, okay."

We put our books down and got up. Just before he laid down beside me, he stood up and went to shut the door all the way. I raised an eyebrow.

"Won't that make your mom come check on us?"

He shook his head. "No. We talked about it, and she knows that means we just want some no-mom time. Don't worry; I know nothing will happen. She knows it, too." He laid down and opened his arms for me.

I fitted myself against him and laid my head on his shoulder. He hugged me tightly and pressed his lips to my forehead. I closed my eyes and smiled. It felt so good to be like this.

"How is this?" he asked.

I sighed contentedly. "This is wonderful. Thank you." I snuggled a little closer and brought my arm up over his chest. "Are you comfortable?"

"Yeah, I am." He started to rub my arm lightly.

I closed my eyes and relished in the feel of his body so close to mine. It felt so nice to lay here and not be stressed out about something. School and doctors and journals could fuck off for a little while and let me be happy with my boyfriend. I smiled to myself when I felt his fingers slip over my shoulder toward my neck. Instead of tickling the way I had been sure it would, it just felt so good. Everything in me seemed to melt the more his fingers explored around my neck and shoulder and down my arm.

I reached up and lightly touched his throat. I loved the way his Adam's apple stuck out. He swallowed, causing it to go up and all but disappear before it settled back down where it belonged. I smiled and touched it with my index fingertip. My eyes traveled up to his chin where he had the cutest little hairs growing. He thought I was making fun of him when I pointed out his mini goatee, but in all actuality I thought it was sexy. I touched it as well, and his lips pulled up in a smile.

"You like that, don't you?"

His voice did something to me. It reverberated around me and in my guts and I liked it way too much. That low but not too low, sort of grainy but sort of not, perfectly pitched voice.

I reached up and kissed his jaw. "Yes, I do."

He tilted his head to look down at me. "My dad told me to shave. Facial hair isn't respectable, he says."

My finger made its way to the corner of his lip. I tapped lightly and shook my head. "I think I would cry if you did."

His smile spread even wider. "That's what I told him."

I couldn't help but kiss his lips. His arm tightened around me, and my whole body seemed to sing with want. I simply wasn't close enough yet.

"What did he say to that?" I asked as I found a way to squirm just a little closer. Our legs were all but tangled together already. I wasn't sure how I'd get any closer without getting on top of him.

Then he turned on his side, and suddenly the most glorious of pleasures washed over me. He was so close. I could feel his body pressing against me from my chest to my knees. His face was only inches from mine. His arms wrapped around me much more evenly. Both hands were on my back and held me securely against him.

"He said a girl was no reason to look like a hobo. I told him to fuck off."

I reached up and took the clips out of his hair. It promptly fell all around his face. I tossed the clips somewhere off the bed and pushed his hair out of his face with my fingers. "You don't look like a hobo, though. You look so handsome."

He smiled again. "I'm glad you think so."

Everything in me was screaming to just keep getting closer. There was no need for even a sliver of space between us. My hands pulled him toward me, and I pressed my lips against his. One of his hands slid up my back a little. We both opened our mouths to deepen the kiss. My lower stomach rejoiced with every stroke of his tongue against mine. His other hand skimmed down toward my ass, but stopped just before, right on my tailbone. Something in me whimpered with disappointment. Then he pulled my hips into him, and I suddenly understood everything.

On my hip I felt the pressure from his dick pushing into me, and it seemed in that instant my whole body was engulfed with desire. It was like everything before was hidden under a layer of naivety that kept me from seeing what it was I really wanted. In that moment, that layer was ripped right off and I was left with an urgent need that seemed so tight and harsh and demanding that I'd never be able to satisfy it. I almost wanted to cry.

I broke the kiss and took a deep breath. How was this even lust? It was so overwhelming. I didn't know what to do next to make it better.

"I'm sorry," Kyle said softly. "I, um . . ." he sounded so embarrassed.

I shook my head and looked up at him. "No, don't be sorry. It's okay."

"Are you sure?"

I nodded. How could I tell him what I wanted? I still wasn't going to have sex with him because we were only sixteen. My guts didn't like that thought at all.

His hand on my lower back pulled again, bringing me back to the pressure on my hip. My body tensed up as I stared into his eyes. His were so full of lust and it only made me even more eager to get what my body was craving. What if I rolled onto my back and let him . . . what? Move against me. Would that even help? I felt so stupid and young and naïve.

My legs were aching to part and let him between them, so I took a chance and lifted one over his. His eyebrow rose, disappearing under his hair, and his hand slipped even lower onto my ass. I licked my lips and managed to keep from hyperventilating.

"Kyle . . ." My voice was barely a whisper.

He leaned down and kissed me roughly. My hands in his hair tightened their grip. I took a chance and moved my hips slightly. He hissed, and his hips bucked into me. There were no words for the pleasure that ripped through my whole being. I heard myself moan. I gripped him tighter and leaned back, trying to pull him over me.

He broke the kiss and pushed me onto my back. He hovered over me, between my legs but holding himself up, and swallowed thickly.

"Josie, what are we doing?"

I didn't know. The only thing I seemed to know for sure was that my insides were going to find a way to strangle me if I didn't get some kind of release. I licked my lips again and tried to think of something to say. I didn't have any words. I didn't want to have sex; that was a given. He knew that. He respected that. But there had to be something we could do that wasn't sex that could make me feel better.

And then it hit me. I felt like such a dumbass. This lust was serious business; it clouded my head so heavily I couldn't even think to tell him we could just touch each other.

I swallowed and reached up to put my hands on his face. "Can we just touch?" I asked.

He kissed me softly and moved to lay on his side next to me. "How do you mean?"

I couldn't remember a time in my life when I didn't have the words to say what I meant. I could always figure it out. At the very least, I could ramble on until I found the right words. This time, it seemed my ability to speak and think and form words was so far gone it may never come back. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. If I wanted anything, I was going to have to figure out a way to let him know what I meant.

I took his hand and pulled it over to me. He rested it on my stomach and kissed my cheek. He was about to say something when I moved it up to my breast. I put my hand over his and showed him it was okay to squeeze. His fingers spread out and he did squeeze lightly. I closed my eyes again and let the sensation wash over me. The way each of his fingers put their own pressure on a different spot and his palm pressed against my nipple felt so good. If only I wasn't wearing so many layers.

He pulled back suddenly and sat up. "Hang on just a second," he said quickly. He stood up and went to check something on the door. I wondered if maybe he was locking it. Then he turned on his stereo to some radio station before he came back to me.

He laid back down beside me and kissed my lips. "Just in case," he said softly.

I nodded and turned on my side facing him. I thought maybe I understood a little more about my situation and could figure out how to get what we both needed. I kissed him, deepening it immediately, and let my hands begin to explore his chest. He continued to touch my boobs, and I continued to enjoy it. It only lasted a few moments before the lower half of my body started to cry out in pain again.

I moved my hips closer to him and let my hands wander down to his waist. Thank God he got the hint and did the same to me.

I was nervous to do what I knew I was going to do next. Some distant part of me wondered if I really wanted to do this. Then his hand gripped my hip, and lust roared up and blocked every single doubt in the world. My hand slipped down over his jeans, right over his hard dick. He groaned into my mouth and thrust his hips toward me. His fingers slid down over my jeans and between my legs. Stars and lightning bolts and rainbows exploded everywhere. I gasped and immediately spread my legs to let him touch me more.

"You're really warm," he commented. "It feels good."

Good didn't even begin to cover it. I shook my head and reminded myself that I needed to breathe. Was this how he felt when I rubbed his dick? I rubbed a little faster. His breath hitched and his hips bucked before he kissed my shoulder and put more pressure on my body.

"Does it feel good to you, Josie?"

I looked at him and nodded. I still couldn't speak. I wasn't even sure I remembered what words were.

He kissed me hard and rubbed my body until it seemed I couldn't breathe anymore. My legs shook and my insides tightened up so hard and everything in the world but his fingers disappeared until suddenly it all exploded in a fiery burst of fireworks and sparkles.

We both relaxed. I sighed a huge sigh and looked over at him. I felt like I'd melted into a puddle of complacency. Nothing in the world could be better than this relief. The look on his face told me he'd gotten relief, too.

"Thank you," I said softly.

He smiled and leaned in to kiss me. "You too."

My lips pulled up in a small smile. Now I wished I could go to sleep. A few minutes passed before I realized we still had studying to finish.

"Time to get up," I said softly.

He kissed me one more time before he got up. He opened the door and peeked out quickly before he grabbed something out of his drawers and went down the hall to the bathroom.

I felt so much better as we picked up our textbooks. We sat on the floor to continue studying.

I wasn't sure how to act when I went home that evening. I still felt like I was on cloud nine whenever I thought about Kyle. I had to make sure nobody found out about it. I played it safe and stayed in my room until Mom called me down for dinner.

"Your mother and I are heading to Arizona next week," Dad announced as we ate. He shot Mom a look I wasn't sure I could decipher. It wasn't exactly angry, but it wasn't very loving either.

Eli perked up excitedly. "When are we leaving?" he asked before I could.

Mom shook her head. "I'm sorry, honey, you guys aren't coming."

I dropped my fork on my plate. "What?" I demanded. "Why the hell not?"

"Josie," Dad scolded. "We're only going so your mom can see Grandpa Edward's grave. It will be a very short trip."

"What makes you guys think we wouldn't like a very short trip? I'd get to see Hannah and Kaylie."

Dad shook his head. "Not happening."

Mom sighed. "Can we not fight about this anymore, please?"

So that's what Mom and Dad had been yelling about. I wondered if Dad was on our side.

"Can I be done?" Eli asked sadly. Mom excused him, and he took his plate slowly to the sink before moping his way up the stairs.

Dad gave Mom another look. "I told you they'd be disappointed."

Mom glared at him. "Yeah, I heard you the first time."

Dad shrugged. "We could stay here," he said as if it was the first time he'd suggested it. I was pretty sure it had come up before.

Mom slammed her hands on the table, making me jump, then she stood up and left the room. I swallowed and looked after her for a second before I looked at Dad. I wasn't sure if I dared open my mouth. After a few seconds of strained silence, I decided I couldn't keep it shut.

"So what's going on?" I ventured.

Dad huffed. "She's freaking out about her dad's grave. I get that it's April and a bad month for her, but fucking hell. It would be stupid to drag you kids out of school for a week, so she wants just her and me to go. With all this shit going on with you, it's a terrible time to leave."

What he said felt like a slap in the face. I knew he wasn't saying that their fighting was my fault, but it sure felt like it. If I wasn't having so many issues, it wouldn't be such a terrible time. I licked my lips and swallowed.

"I'm sorry, Dad."

He groaned and shook his head. "Don't do that, Josie. It's not your fault."

I just nodded because I didn't want to piss him off by arguing. Sure, it wasn't all my fault, but nobody could deny my situation was making things worse. After a few moments, I decided I was done pretending to eat.

"I'm kind of tired. I think I'm going to bed early. Love you." I got up, took my plate to the kitchen, then I went upstairs. I changed into some pajamas then laid on my back on the bed and stared at the ceiling for a while to think about shit.

A/N: I think this chapter was all over the place. Most of the events will make more sense in the coming chapters. Big events are just starting to unfold :)

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