Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

Dilemmas

Justen was aware that his parents were arguing, despite the fact that he could not hear what they were saying, as the expressions on their faces gave the game away. He hunched further down in his hiding place, not wishing them to catch a glimpse of him. If he watched closely, he could just make out some of the words they were saying but they didn't make a lot of sense.

You could use magic to hear. The thought popped into his head, like so many thoughts recently. He stopped watching Verrin and Syma, to concentrate on that particular thought. He knew a lot about magic, and he was learning more each day, but he didn't know how to make himself hear.

Why don't you do this? A sequence unrolled in his head, with a series of steps he could follow. He focussed inwardly and looked at each step in turn. The first two or three stages were simple enough, but he could not understand what he should do next. He tried several times, but nothing happened. He got to stage three easily, but nothing after that worked at all. He tried different ways of following the instructions, but eventually had to admit defeat. By the time he gave up, his parents had gone somewhere else. He wriggled out of his hiding place and sneaked back into his room.

He lay down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He thought about all the odd things that had been happening to him in the last year or so. He was sure that someone with strong magic borrowed his body sometimes. That was why he had those gaps in his memory. He still had no idea who that someone might be or what he or she wanted. Then there were the occasions when he found himself staring at page after page in a book, unable to lift his eyes or put the book down. At first, he had thought he was meant to find something in the book, but after it had happened several times with a random selection of books, he dismissed that thought. He couldn't think of any reason for such a thing, no matter how hard he tried. More recently, he had noticed that his parents sometimes looked at him strangely, as if they were afraid of what he might do. That was really odd because both Verrin and Syma had strong magic, much more powerful than anything he could do, so why would they be afraid of him?

He thought about that for a while and came to the conclusion that perhaps his parents had met whoever borrowed his body and that person had done something which frightened them. There was no indication of what that might have been, and his parents never gave any hint that they had seen this other person, but Justen did understand that it was impossible for him to say anything about the things which had happed to him. He had tried to tell Syma, but although the words he wanted to say were in his mind, he could not send them not matter how much he tried. The same with Verrin. Whoever controlled his body, also controlled his mind. That was the most frightening thing of all. Somehow, Justen knew he had to fight to be free.

000ooo000

It was much more familiar now. The fear, the strange sounds, the compulsion not to look. Sonea made every effort to discover what exactly was happening in her dream. She had to remember. As the dream played out to its usual conclusion, she was aware that once again she had failed to make much sense of it. Already, despite the fact that she kept her eyes closed and concentrated with all her strength, the fleeting images were fading and, just like all the other times, she was left only with vague impressions of what had happened.

She was drifting towards wakefulness now, conscious of Akkarin's body lying draped around hers, his arms cradling her, his hands drifting across her body. He was awake too, but she gave no sign of her own alertness. She needed time to think

She saw clearly that Akkarin was very angry with her over her refusal to cooperate with his plan, despite his best efforts to conceal it. She had listened to his arguments and part of her wished desperately to comply. Indeed, she had opened her mouth to agree to his proposal, but the words which actually came out were ones of refusal. The part of her that wanted to give in felt that she could finally let go of all her secrets. Akkarin in her mind would see her guilt over Justen and that would be the end of it. No more lies or evasions, no more worry about him finding out, peace of mind at last. But she couldn't do it and the reason was perfectly clear. Akkarin would despise her for allowing their son to be damaged. He would turn away from her and that was what she couldn't live with. No, if she were to live without him, it would be on her terms, not his.

She felt Akkarin slowly disengage himself from her, but she continued to pretend she was still asleep. He slipped from their bed and she heard him dress quietly and leave the room. She rolled over to where he had been lying and spread herself along the warmth. She breathed in to remind herself of his clean, masculine scent. How had it come to this? But she didn't need to ask the question, she knew. It came from her deception and the longer the deception went on, the harder it became to confess. Deep down she was increasingly aware that the day was coming when she would have to reveal everything and take the consequences.

As slow tears slipped down her face, she remembered those giddy days, while they were still exiles, when her feelings for Akkarin were revealed to her, the excitement she had felt, the plans she had made and the joy when finally he became her lover. Later, after terrible struggles in Imardin, after thwarting the Guild's plan to make them both prisoners, after finding him again after he tried to set her free, came the elation of knowing they would be together forever.

But it all went wrong because of her. The problem they both faced today with Justen was all her fault, she knew it as surely as if the Eye of Heaven had told her personally. What she didn't know was how to put it right.

OOOoooOOO

Akkarin slowly built up the fire in the library. He avoided using magic, time was not important and the simple task of laying and starting the fire took his mind off his problems. Once it was blazing as he wished, he pulled out a chair and sat down at the table. There were piles of books lying haphazardly all over the surface, he pulled the nearest towards him and began to read. While his mind was occupied with the material, he didn't have to think about Sonea. He had been aware she was awake, but as she made no movement even when he brushed his hands against her, and kept her breathing regular, he knew she wanted to be left alone. So he left her to her thoughts, but he really wasn't in the mood for study. He forced himself to concentrate as he read page after page. But like so many books before, he found no answers in the material described.

After an hour's fruitless reading, he pushed the books aside and stood up. It was still early, the sun barely showing above the peaks, but he felt like some wine. He opened the cupboard and pulled out a bottle and a glass. He poured the dark red liquid into the glass and took a long swallow. He could feel its warmth spreading within him, lightning his mood. He emptied the glass in another long swallow and refilled it. He stared at the now half empty bottle for a moment, before putting it back and slamming the door on it. Takan would not approve! He pulled his chair over to the fire, sat down and stared into the flames, periodically sipping his wine.

For the first time he freely admitted to himself that there was no answer to the problem of the Other to be found in books. He might be lucky enough to come across a reference to something like dream walking, but there would be no procedures for separating another entity from his son's mind. He was not used to feelings of failure. Even living in wretched conditions as an Ichani slave had not entirely dimmed his confidence that he would escape and go on to do great things. But now, faced with the reality of Justen, he could not see how the problem could be resolved.

You will have to tell Sonea. He brushed that thought aside immediately, but his mind refused to be silenced. You will have to tell her and deal with the consequences.

"All right! I know!" He spoke aloud and winced as his voice seemed to echo round the room.

He put his empty glass down. He could hear Takan moving about in the kitchen. It wouldn't be long before Justen was awake. He glanced again at the piles of books, he had hardly scratched the surface of the material he had already collected. He sighed and settled again at the table, reaching for the nearest pile.

He ruthlessly shut out everything around him except the work in front of him. He forced himself to carefully read each and every page, before putting the book aside to select a new one. He lost awareness of how much time had passed, only the growing pile of rejects giving any indication.

He was conscious of a pair of slim arms sliding around him from behind, then Sonea's voice whispering, "I'm sorry, Akkarin."

He twisted his head to look at her. She had pulled a cloak around her sleeping garments, and her hair was loose around her head like a curly halo untouched by brush or comb. She was smiling but her mouth trembled as if expecting an angry response from him. He felt miserable seeing her so upset. He reached for her, pulling her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her, holding her close to him.

"It's all right, Sonea," he said. "I understand."

"You do?" She sounded surprised.

"Yes," he replied. "It was a big thing I asked of you. It was not an easy decision to make."

She was quiet for a moment, then glanced up at him, "I have been thinking about my dream and how we could perhaps find out more about it. We have discovered that Justen can dream walk. Perhaps he has seen my dream. If we ask him, he may be able to tell us something I can't quite remember."

A broad smile crossed Akkarin's features as he bent to swiftly kiss her cheek. "That's a good idea, Sonea."

"We could enter Justen's mind and….."

"No," he interrupted, "you must not venture into his mind again. I've a better idea. We will ask Justen about dreams and if he has seen any lately and gradually bring the conversation around to what we want to know. It shall be our morning's lesson, dreams and what they can tell us."

There was a noise from the other room of plates rattling as Takan set out breakfast. Sonea stood up quickly, "I need to get washed and dressed."

She ran lightly from the room. Akkarin felt as if a heavy weight had lifted from his spirits. After time wasted looking through books and papers, they had a new plan. He wasn't sure if it would work or if Justen would understand what they wanted, but it was worth trying. And, of course, it delayed the inevitable final plan.

"Well done, Sonea," he murmured out loud. "What would I do without you?"