Aquarius – Chapter 21
Charlie went home – straight home. He'd found or created enough trouble for one day and still it felt like earthquake weather. No telling what might happen next. He needed to meditate and find his center now more than any time in the past month.
He seated himself facing the setting LA sun as it appeared to dip into the Pacific like a shiny pen nib dipped in ink.
What story would the sun write when again she rose?
He breathed deeply and his eyes slipped closed. The orange of the sun burned through his lids coloring his thoughts. He thought about oranges and love and what that meant – or more appropriately what it had meant to him. He loved oranges. He loved Dani. Love meant good things, like sweetness, juiciness, sex, kissing, release and then flashes of her, her hair, her body, her skin, their rhythm together came to mind. Those were fleeting, transitory, like lightning illuminating a dark sky.
Only bad things endured; betrayal, pain, anguish, heartbreak. But those were neither oranges nor his partner, those came from the deep darkness that pervaded. He began to wonder if he'd ever really known the love the poets and playwrights spoke of, the one they wrote love songs and ballads about. He knew romance, lust, pursuit, but perhaps not and perhaps never… love. Until now.
He loved her…and yet. His love was also tarnish by jealousy and distrust. Had she done anything worthy of his reaction?
She'd gone to Rayborne's boat, so had he.
She'd been with other men, so had he….well, not men, his mind corrected, but plenty of women and it was the same difference.
She'd never betrayed him and in his heart he knew she never would.
What he feared was in the past. The ghost of Jennifer haunted him.
So was the fault here hers or was it his? He wasn't good at relationships, not experienced at them either. She didn't have a stellar track record, but she seemed willing to try. Was he pursuing her or pushing her away? Or both – simultaneously?
He settled himself again and strove to push her, them, everything else from his thoughts. It took time and great effort.
Beads of sweat collected on his brow dripping into his eyes, salt stained his lashes like tears he refused to shed they found their way out despite him. Sweat rolled down his neck soaking the t-shirt collar and creating a pattern like a Rorschach on his back. He sat still and quiet as the sun slipped from the sky and the moon rose. He breathed deeply and tried to think of nothing and no one.