Chapter 21 No Matter What
Standard disclaimer: I don't own Monk.
Notes: Sorry for the late posting~ real-life & whatever. Also, I know there are a few glitches in this chapter but, sigh, things became muddier with each 'fix.' If you're confused by anything, shoot me a PM.
~~Anywho, this is the morning after Adrian proposed to Natalie and Dr. Bell arrives for an A&N therapy session. Jeesh, any time Bell arrives- expect angst & drama. :(
Also, I'm sure you realize, Dr. Bell's therapeutic approach has been fictionalized to fit the story line. Trauma and mental disorders are very real and require an untold amount of time with true professionals.
After entering the living room, Dr. Bell waited for Natalie to take her place on the couch next to Adrian before taking a seat opposite the couple. As he settled in his chair, the therapist couldn't help but notice that a magazine was slightly askew on the coffee table. Neven was amazed that Adrian was unperturbed by this pesky imperfection. Something was clearly easing Adrian's OCD. Neven opened his notepad slowly, giving himself a moment to discretely observe Adrian and Natalie's body language. He noted their eager eye contact and their easy, casual touches. They seemed lost in their own private world. After a minute, Neven tapped his pen on his pad and straightened in his seat, ready to officially start the session.
"Adrian, Natalie, if I'm not mistaken, you have some good news?" Dr. Bell observed how Natalie took Adrian's hand and shifted in her seat towards him, their thighs touching. Interesting.
"You are not mistaken, Dr. Bell." Adrian laughed and leaned toward Natalie, his full attention on her radiant face.
Dr. Bell watched the couple's fluid, non-verbal communication- they were mirroring the other's movements. Very interesting.
Natalie returned Adrian's gaze, "I didn't know we were that obvious. Can I-?" With a nod from Adrian, Natalie faced Dr. Bell and joyfully gushed, "Last night, Adrian asked me to marry him."
Natalie's happy words hung in the air, begging for a reaction. Dr. Bell remained quiet, an unreadable expression on his face. His intense gaze shifted from Natalie to Adrian, his face frozen. Without looking down, Neven scribbled 'married?' on his pad.
In slow motion, the smile fell from Adrian's face. His jaw clenched and his eyes darkened, "Dr. Bell? Natalie and I are getting married. Isn't that great news?"
Neven sat back in his chair, well aware of Adrian's sudden agitation. Dr. Bell remained calm, "Do you think it's great news, Adrian?"
Adrian's voice was quiet, his anger barely restrained, "Of course it is." Dropping his eyes, he released Natalie's hand and reached out and straightened the magazine on the coffee table.
Placing her hand on Adrian's knee, Natalie shot Dr. Bell a confused look, "Dr. Bell, I thought you'd be happy for us."
Dr. Bell held his hand out in a 'stop' motion, "I didn't say I'm not happy. But-"
"But?" Adrian bolted from the couch and growled, "What's the problem? Can't you be happy for us?"
"Adrian," Dr. Bell offered in a soothing voice, "sit and let's talk-"
"No! All you want to do is talk!" Adrian began to pace the room, needing to move. With his left hand tugging at the sling on his right arm, Adrian barked, "Talk, talk, talk. I'm sick of talking!"
Natalie shifted uncomfortably in her seat, "Adrian, let's hear what Dr. Bell has to say."
"Why? What does he know? Anyway-" Adrian paused behind the seated therapist, glowering at him, "wasn't your license suspended, Doctor Bell? Should you even be conducting therapy sessions?"
Looking over his shoulder, Dr. Bell flashed a relieved smile, "Actually Adrian, your suggestion to Captain Stottlemeyer helped clear me of the charges and get my license reinstated. I was meaning to thank you for your help. You literally saved my life."
Adrian shifted his shoulder and resumed pacing behind Dr. Bell's chair, scorn contorting his face.
"What suggestion? How did Adrian clear you?" Natalie asked, perched on the edge of her seat. Her eyes flicked anxiously between Dr. Bell and Adrian.
Dr. Bell turned to Natalie and his face became animated, "Adrian suggested that the bruises on the girl's arms were too big and in the wrong position. I'm not sure of the exact forensic science but-" the therapist looked behind him, attempting to address Adrian, "The Captain said they took impressions of Ralph Roberts' hands and digitally compared the size and shape of his hands and fingers with pictures of the bruises. They also did some complicated mathematical equation between Roberts' height and the woman's height and figured Roberts was her attacker. When the police confronted the woman, she admitted Roberts made her blame me. All charges were dropped and-" Dr. Bell smiled at Natalie, "I'm back on the job."
"What a relief. I'm so happy for you!" Natalie prompted Adrian, "Isn't that wonderful news?"
Adrian rolled his eyes then glared at Dr. Bell, hissing sarcastically, "So wonderful. Congratulations, Neven."
"Adrian, let me explain why I hesitated in offering my congratulations. Will you please sit down?" Adrian stood beside the couch and crossed his left arm over his restrained right arm, his body coiled fury. Dr. Bell sighed and laced his fingers together, "Adrian, right now both you and Natalie are under a great deal of stress. And marriage is a big decision. I'm sure you remember the last life-altering decision you made while you were under a great deal of stress."
Adrian's breath hitched and his eyes narrowed, rage silencing his tongue.
Dr. Bell redirected his attention and gently asked, "Natalie, you remember, don't you?"
Natalie answered quietly, crestfallen, "He bought that awful house after Dr. Kroger passed."
"Exactly. Stress can cause people to act out or 'over-commit.' It's a common coping strategy." Tapping his notebook, Dr. Bell glanced from Natalie to Adrian, "I just wanted to caution you against rushing into such an important decision right after such a life-altering event. I don't want this to affect your marriage. You should get married but you need to work through this trauma first."
Adrian flinched, awash with anger. He bitterly asked, "You think we're rushing into marriage?"
The therapist tilted his head, "Adrian, I'm sure this experience has led you to reevaluate your life- you almost died and Natalie barely escaped a horrific ordeal. Your newfound appreciation of the good things in your life is admirable. But why did you decide to ask Natalie to marry you right now? It's surely not because of your traditional values- which I admit I'm surprised by."
A puzzled look crossed Adrian's face. "I don't understand. What are you surprised by?"
"Adrian, up until today, you've been very reserved when talking about Natalie and your relationship with her. You've always been respectful and, you would agree, old-fashioned. I'm not judging you but, I was a littletaken aback when I learned you and Natalie are already engaging in sexual relat-"
"Stop-" Snatching the pad from Dr. Bell's hand, Adrian threw it across the room, "get out of our house!"
Adrian was livid, trembling with anger. What the hell was wrong with Dr. Bell, questioning that aspect of his relationship with Natalie? Yes he was a traditionalist but she wasn't, and they had equal say in how their relationship progressed. Adrian felt an overpowering need to defend Natalie, bristling at the thought that Bell was judging hervalues. So she didn't believe it necessary to marry before- Adrian stopped and angrily shook his head. What he shared with Natalie was sacred, how dare anyone question their relationship! Dale Beiderbeck's lurid comments suddenly invaded Adrian's mind and he was crushed by the reality that Natalie, his Natalie, had given herself to other men… "Damn you," Adrian harshly rubbed his brow, purposefully refocusing his hatred on Dr. Bell.
Adrian stopped his pacing and glared at Neven. Seeing the doctor's confused expression only added to Adrian's rage. Did he really have to explain to Bell the horror that was his life before Natalie? When Trudy finally released him to love again, Natalie had been the one to bring him back to life. She had freely given him love and solace and, Adrian confessed, he had needed her healing touch. How could Dr. Bell question that?
"Get the hell out!" Adrian snarled and strode up behind the doctor's seat. Adrian abruptly pushed on Neven's chair, tipping it forward, "Now!"
"Adrian!" The therapist kept his feet planted on the floor, desperately holding onto the arms of the chair. Adrian released the chair and Neven held on as it toppled backward. Trying to appear unfazed, Neven continued, "it's okay-"
"It's not okay," Adrian stalked over to the front door and yanked it open. "Get out before I throw you out!" Pulling his sling off his arm, Adrian approached the doctor, his eyes black and threatening.
Dr. Bell nervously glanced at Natalie and reluctantly stood, "I'll leave and-"
"Don't come back." Adrian stepped behind Dr. Bell and shoved him toward the door.
Natalie placed herself between the men and calmly coaxed Adrian backward, "Adrian, please don't! Let's all sit down and calmly discuss this."
"Natalie! He-" Adrian jabbed his finger in Bell's direction, "He thinks I'm, I'm using you, us, to forget about what happened." He glared at Neven, "You bastard, you've never been so wrong in your life!"
"Adrian, I'm sure Dr. Bell didn't mean that." With her hands on Adrian's chest, Natalie shot the therapist a look. "You didn't mean to question our relationship, did you?"
Neven shook his head, his voice apologetic, "No, not at all. I know you're in love and I do approve of your relationship. Actually, I'm surprised you didn't get married years ago- after that encounter with Dale the Whale and Sherriff Rollins. It seemed like everyone but you two realized your relationship had changed and grown. It's great you finally want to get married, but first you need to deal with this. I want to make sure you don't ignore the emotional turmoil you've experienced. It's fine if you want to get married."
"Thanks for your approval, Neven-" Adrian huffed sarcastically. He stepped away from Natalie, returned to the front door and held it open, "You can go now."
"Adrian," Dr. Bell approached the entryway, "I'm sorry you don't think I'm being supportive. I am. I do want what's best for you, and Natalie." The doctor reached out to touch Adrian, only to hesitate. Physical contact was definitely a trigger for Adrian and the therapist didn't want to further provoke his patient. Regardless of his injuries, Adrian was still a cop, trained in hand-to-hand combat. He was bigger and stronger and was in the midst of a violent mood swing.
Neven folded his hands together and quietly added, "I see you have a lot of anger, Adrian, and I want to help you through it. I'll leave, but I'll be back tomorrow. Feel free to call me tonight if you want to talk."
"Don't wait by the phone, doc," Adrian growled, folding his arms over his chest.
Dr. Bell stood in the doorway and turned to Natalie. Unfortunately, she would have to deal with Adrian's agitation alone. Neven was confident however that Natalie would be physically safe with Adrian. "Natalie, call me anytime." Bell observed Natalie furtively glance at Adrian before she picked his sling up from the floor. Folding it gently and tucking it under her arm, Dr. Bell could tell Natalie wouldn't call.
~~~~~MN~~~~~
Turning onto Natalie's street, Leland braced himself. He hadn't brought Roberts' case file with him and knew Adrian would be upset. The Captain parked his Crown Victoria at the curb behind Dr. Bell's sedan and felt a wave of relief. What a wonderful coincidence. The good doctor could help persuade Adrian that he shouldn't read the case file.
The Captain climbed from his car anda flash of movement on the porch caught his eye. The front door was open and Dr. Bell hastily emerged from the house. Leland stood waiting on the sidewalk as Neven descended the steps. The Captain's stomach lurched when he saw Bell's tense expression. Taking a step back, Leland leaned against the doctor's car and sarcastically quipped, "Hey doc, have a good session?"
"No," Neven shook his head, "I'm afraid I left Adrian in a very agitated state."
"Great. What happened?" Leland rolled his eyes as soon as the question left his mouth. "Wait, you can't tell me. Patient-therapist confidentiality, right?"
"Sorry, you are correct." The doctor's eyebrows knit together, "But I can warn you to be careful, Captain. This experience with Roberts has churned up a lot of suppressed anger in Adrian and he's liable to lash out."
"Thanks for the heads up but I think I can handle Monk. But-" the Captain glanced at the house, "can I ask your advice? Adrian demanded I bring him Roberts' case file. But because of his involvement, I don't think he should see it. He shouldn't, right?"
"At this point in time, I would say he's unprepared both physically and emotionally. But honestly, Captain, doesn't every cop feel driven to solve any crime that touches their families?"
Leland blushed as he thought about how he had acted when Karen was involved in a car accident years ago. He pushed off Bell's car and cleared his throat, "But right now Monk's too fragile, right?"
Dr. Bell walked around his car and unlocked the door, "That's true, but Adrian won't agree. I'm afraid you're in a no-win situation, Captain. No matter what he says to you, please be patient. Even though Adrian will react with hostility, he really needs your unwavering support."
"I can be patient, supportive and unwavering," Leland smirked. After saying goodbye, the Captain trudged up the steps and reminded himself to stay calm, no matter what.
~~~~~MN~~~~~
Leland stood in the living room, his arms folded in exasperation, his patience being tested to its limits. Much to the Captain's dismay, after the initial greetings were exchanged and Natalie went upstairs, Adrian turned manic. Leland watched helplessly as Adrian paced the room, ranting about Ralph Roberts, wanting to see the case file. The Captain tried to reason with his seething friend, "Adrian, when you were in the hospital, I told you that you need to take a break. You're the victim-"
"I'm not a victim and I don't need a break!" Adrian slammed his fist against the mantle, knocking several pictures out of alignment, "I need to find Roberts' accomplice. You can't stop me from working on this case, Leland." He impatiently repositioned the photos, his hands shaking.
"I'm not giving you the file!" The Captain gritted his teeth, wondering if he should yell up the stairs for Natalie to join them. Leland took a step back when Adrian, wild-eyed and shaking, suddenly strode up and invaded his personal space.
Full of contempt, Adrian snarled, "Fine, I'll just go over your head. I'll call the mayor. He won't be happy to hear that you're withholding evidence from me."
Leland's pulse began to race and his hands unconsciously rolled into fists, "Damn it Adrian, I'm your friend, remember? I'm doing this for your own good." Uncurling his fist, the Captain placed his hand on Adrian's uninjured shoulder and lightly pushed him away, "You would go to the mayor? Monk, if you weren't hurt, I'd put you in your place!"
Fury ignited in his dark eyes and Adrian swung wildly at the Captain with his left fist. The punch catching him on the jaw, Leland staggered back into the wall, knocking a picture to the floor. Adrian swung again, but the Captain was now prepared. Leland blocked the blow and returned with a right jab, re-splitting Adrian's lip. As Adrian brought his hand up to his face, Leland delivered a punch to the gut. With Adrian doubled over, the Captain pushed him to the floor and stepped away.
Falling onto his right side, Adrian instinctively put arm out to catch himself. He yelped in pain as his shoulder absorbed the shock.
"Oh, hell, I'm sorry." Full of remorse, Leland reached down to help his friend up. "You caught me by surprise, buddy. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"Get your hands off me!" Adrian clamored to his feet and staggered over to the couch, grabbing onto the back for support. Leland walked across the room, wanting to avoid any more confrontations.
Natalie tore down the steps and rushed past the Captain to Adrian's side. "What happened? I thought I heard fighting!"
"Just a little disagreement between friends." Leland squared his shoulders and clasped his hands together, rubbing his knuckles, "Neven warned me Adrian might take a swing at me, but I didn't believe it."
"What? Adrian, you hit the Captain?" Natalie looked up at Adrian but he wouldn't meet her gaze.
His eyes fastened on Leland, Adrian wiped his bloodied lip with the back of his hand, "You are not my friend. Get out."
"Adrian, this isn't right. Apologize to Leland!" Natalie touched his arm but Adrian jerked away, his bloody hand forming a fist. He immediately froze, the anger draining from his eyes.
Leland couldn't tell who looked more shocked, Natalie or Adrian.
Natalie stepped closer to Adrian, fearless, "Do you want to hit me too?
"Yeah, are you going to hit Natalie too?" The Captain rushed to Natalie's side, snarling, "I'll sure as hell arrest you, buddy! I don't care what you've been through- don't you ever raise your hand to a woman."
"No, I-" Adrian dropped his hand and shuddered, unable to speak. Choking back a breath, he brought a shaky hand to his mouth.
"Adrian?" Natalie reached out to touch him but he backed away. Tears welling in his eyes, Adrian stumbled backward, turned and lurched up the staircase. Natalie and Leland then heard the bedroom door slam.
Natalie turned to the Captain, "I have to go upstairs but, are you okay Leland?"
Rubbing his jaw, Leland smirked, "I'm fine. That was just a little 'love-tap.'" His smile then faded, "Natalie, I don't think you should be alone with him. He's out of control."
"No, you saw how he stopped himself when I confronted him." Natalie forcibly escorted the Captain to the front door, "Don't worry, Adrian would never hurt me."
"Well, I'm going to sit out front and, in ten minutes, I'm going to call your cell phone. If you don't answer, I'm coming in." Leland stood on the porch and his voice softened, "He's not himself, Natalie. I know he's stressed out but I've never seen him this bad. - Is he taking any drugs?"
Natalie nodded, "He is on pain medication. When I get upstairs, I'll check the bottle to make sure he's taking the proper dosage." She quickly hugged him, "Thanks Leland, I'll talk to you later."
The Captain took his phone from his jacket and waved it in the air as he walked across the porch, "In ten minutes- don't' forget."
Natalie waved and closed the front door. Grabbing her cell phone and shoving it into her pocket, she went upstairs.
~~~~~~MN~~~~~~
Standing outside the closed bedroom door, Natalie paused, listening to the silence within. Her stomach knotted; she couldn't decide if the quiet was a good sign. Knocking lightly, she turned the doorknob, "I'm coming in Adrian." There was no response.
He was sitting on the far side of the bed, his back to the door. Hunched over with his face hidden in his hands, he was ever so slightly rocking back and forth. Natalie could see the tension radiating off his body.
"Adrian?" She called softly and, once again, there was no response. Before heading around the bed, she stopped at the dresser and picked up his bottle of pain medication. Dumping the contents in her hand, she did a quick count. He hadn't taken any pills, not a one. Now she was worried. Closing up the bottle, she walked around the bed and sat next him. Adrian stayed hunched over, face hidden, silent.
Natalie placed her hand on his lower back. Immediately his rocking became more pronounced and he began to tremble. Sliding her arm across his back, she rocked with him. "What is it, Adrian? Please tell me."
She could barely hear his voice, "Nat, are you going to leave me?"
Natalie tightened her grip, "Never! Why would you ask that? We're in this together- till death do us part- remember?"
He stifled a sob, "But, I almost hurt you."
"No, you didn't. You were just angry with the Captain. I trust you-" Natalie's cell phone rang, distracting her. She pulled the phone from her pocket and opened it, "I, umh, need to answer this. It's, ahh-"
Adrian glanced at the phone and snorted at the irony, "It's Leland, because he doesn't trust me."
Natalie offered an apologetic smile and answered the phone. "Hey Captain, things are fine- just like I told you-Yes he's calm- Thanks- we both appreciate your concern. Yes, I'll call you later, thanks again." Pressing the disconnect button, she tossed the phone onto the nightstand and turned back to Adrian. "He was just, you know, a little worried."
Reluctantly meeting her gaze, his voice faltered, "I'm sorry Nat. I don't know why I keep lashing out."
"Be patient, I promise we'll figure it out with Dr. Bell's help. - Remember what you told me last night after my nightmare? You said the only way to get over the trauma is to face what happened and talk about it. Adrian, I know you're afraid of the pain that's buried inside of you. But you're not alone, we're here with you. Me, my parents, Julie, the Captain- we love you and we'll fight for you. No matter what." She took his hand and their fingers entwined, "We'll get through this together."
Adrian bowed his head. Burning tears gathered in his eyes and he wistfully murmured, "Together."
Removing his key from the ignition, Dr. Bell looked out his car's passenger window and studied the blue, Tudor-style house. With its well-kept front yard and cozy front porch, it looked normal, it looked homey. But Neven was acutely aware that looks were deceiving. Long before Trudy's murder, this house is where it started. Here was the origin of all of Adrian's problems.
Neven normally went slow and allowed his patients to help guide the pace of their therapy but, as Adrian was spiraling out of control, the therapist felt it imperative to get to the heart of the matter. Ambrose, and the house itself, would be a rich source of information on Adrian's formative years- years Adrian had been unwilling to talk about. Armed with Adrian's past, tomorrow's session would be more than just talk- it would be a full-scale intervention.
After twelve long years of therapy, Dr. Bell was determined to free Adrian from the secrets that tormented his heart. It was time to heal.
A/N: Ya'll got my pre-apology about the dark nature of this story, right? Well, thanks to Dr. Bell, things are about to turn downright grim in the next chapter.-Actually, it's titled 'Troubles will Pass' so maybe it's not all bad…