Emma peeled her eyes open slowly before blinking repeatedly to clear her foggy vision. Her surroundings came into focus and she realized she was in Grace's house, recognizing the always burning fire and the rug of earthy tones beside it.
She noticed the blanket drawn over her and looked around but the room was empty. She felt a twinge of disappointment, hoping that Killian had been close by while she slept. Her head was throbbing and she felt disoriented as she tried to remember what had happened. She pushed herself up into a sitting position just as Killian walked in carrying a mug.
'Emma, you're awake.' He smiled, putting down the mug onto the first surface he reached and kneeling down beside her.
'How long was I out?' She asked roughly, her voice croaky from sleep.
'About 9 hours. I'm glad you woke up now actually, Grace said she would be concerned if you slept for more than 10 straight hours.' Killian told her before scratching his ear nervously.
'Why, what happened to make me fall asleep anyway?' She asked with a grimace as she tried to stand, but Killian gently pushed her back down.
'You shouldn't stand right now lass, you still look a little pale and dizzy.' Emma glared at him but he didn't back down and draped the blanket around her shoulders.
'Hook, what the hell happened?' She demanded, making him stop abruptly and sigh. Recently she had only used his real name, and her angry use of his moniker reminded him of the day they met and she ambushed him in the street after discovering who he really was.
'You were pushing yourself with your magic, forcing it to create a more powerful fireball in your hands. You then fell into what Grace called a magical trance, where you harness so much power at once your brain struggles to process the reaction in your body. You weren't responding to us, so Grace had me talk to you to bring you back before you fell into a coma. I managed to do it, but you were unconscious. Grace said you needed to recover during sleep, and here we are.' Killian spoke softly, trying to simultaneously tell her how severe the situation was without scaring her.
Emma's eyes widened and she chewed her bottom lip. 'I don't remember that. I remember last night, with you.' She looked away then, rolling her shoulders and hunching over. 'I remember coming here, and finding Grace's book, and then everything after that is hazy.' She rubbed her temples with a groan, the extra excursion on her brain to remember everything making her headache worse.
Killian sat down beside her and despite her efforts to minimize their contact since the previous night she found herself desperately wanting his warm and comforting embrace.
'Emma, don't worry, you're not going to hurt me again.' He told her, reading her as well as he always did.
'You can't know that.' She whispered sadly.
'Just trust me on it. And you can't keep pushing yourself the way you did, love.'
'But I need to control my magic.' Emma said forcefully.
'Yes, but progression is a gradual process, you can't force your magic to bend to your will straight away.' Emma frowned indignantly at him and he chuckled.
'You are so stubborn.' He said with a shake of his head and an affectionate smile. She let out a shaky laugh herself and moved to rest her head on his shoulder. It was cautious and she still held back, but it was a start.
'What time is it?' Emma asked, sounding sleepy again as she tucked her legs underneath her and wiggled a little closer to him.
'It's 10 at night, but don't worry lass, while you were asleep I went back up to the castle to inform your parents that I was taking you to dinner in the village so they wouldn't be concerned when you didn't return. I wasn't really sure how long you be asleep.' Killian told her, his fingers brushing over hers softly as he spoke.
'Thank you for that. I just feel so confused and… fuzzy.' Emma laughed and Killian moved to put his arm around her, feeling more confident with his affections now that she seemed more comfortable.
'I know, love, it's okay.' He told her quietly, looking up to see Grace smiling at them from the kitchen. He smiled back, savoring these quiet moments when Emma was safe in his arms.
It had been three days since her magical ordeal and Emma was still recovering. She had slept off most of the physical strain but she was still trying to process what had happened to her. Once she had gained some strength Grace had talked to her about it, making sure she knew the severity of entering a magical trance.
Emma felt like a child being scolded for putting their hand in the fire or talking to strangers, but she listened to Grace's warnings and promised (as best she could anyway) to not put herself in that position again. They had only focused on levitation and seeking spells since then, with Grace chaperoning her the entire time. She didn't like that Grace watched her like she was going to burst into flames at some point, but if it stopped her from hurting herself again she accepted her mentor's watchful gaze.
She had also been recalling small parts of that moment, the sting from the sparks of fire in her hand and Killian's voice bringing her back. He had asked her if she could remember what he had said to her and her heart tugged when he looked disappointed that she couldn't. He had dismissed it however when she asked what he'd said, saying it was just nonsense that luckily worked in bringing her back.
They were sitting in her library, dozens of books on the laws of the various kingdoms scattered around them. Emma had asked him to help her prepare for her time in court, although the study session had mostly consisted of Emma spacing out and staring blankly at the books.
'Emma, do you want to take a break?' Killian asked, putting his hand on her arm gently. She flinched and he winced in response. She hadn't avoided his touch as much as she had initially, but since that moment in his cabin they had only kissed once when they said goodnight the day of Emma's haywire magic.
'No, I'm fine.' She replied, pushing her hair behind her ear and turning the page of the book she had barely read.
'Lass, I don't think it's wise to exert all your energy into something else right now. In the space of four days you've been kidnapped by pirates, seen a man killed in front of you and experienced two different cases of crazy magic. You need to process and recover, not tire yourself out again.' Killian told her softly, moving is hand off her and scratching behind his ear.
'Maybe this is what I actually need. It's boring and mundane and the exact opposite of everything going on in my life right now.' Emma sighed, although she closed the book on her lap and tossed it onto the desk disinterestedly.
'Perhaps I would believe that if I didn't know you were using these books to not deal with everything else, to ignore your problems and-' Killian stopped himself, turning away to look out the window.
'I'm not ignoring you Killian if that's what you were going to say.' Emma folded her arms across her chest defensively even though he had his back to her.
'Maybe not but you're doing your best to avoid me.' Killian answered after a long pause and Emma stood up and walked in front of him to get his attention.
'I'm not avoiding you. I wanted you to come with me to Grace's, I asked you to come here today and I've even asked to you to attend dinner with my parents tomorrow, how is that avoiding you?' She asked incredulously. His eyes softened but it was from sadness rather than affection.
'It's not about you wanting me around. It's about the way you recoil from my touch and the way you barely look me in the eye anymore.'
'Killian, what do you want me to do? Magically be okay with the fact that my touch almost killed you? Because I can't seem to control my magic enough to make a fireball these days let alone keep my emotions in check. Believe me I want to be able to kiss you without being scared of what I will do to you, but I can't. I don't want to be kissing you and worry that it will be our last because I couldn't control my magic.' Emma raised her voice, surprising Killian as his eyebrows shot up, but he didn't say anything.
'Look, maybe you should just go somewhere with your crew for a few days. You've been docked for weeks now and they're bored. I'm sure there are some things you need to take care of with your new duties and such.' She sighed, turning away from him to sit in the bay window, pulling the cushion from behind her back to hug it to her chest.
'Why do you do that?' Killian asked, his voice quiet but firm as he moved to stand opposite her.
'Do what?' She replied innocently, but the flutter of her eyelashes gave her away.
'You act like you're doing me a favour by pushing me away. If you want time away from me all you have to do is say the words and I will be gone, you don't need to pretend to have another motive.' Killian anxiously shifted his weight from one foot to the other as Emma twisted her hands in her lap and stared out the window.
'Then I would prefer it if we spent some time apart.' She muttered, not even turning her head to look at him. A tear rolled down her cheek and he desperately wanted to wipe it away and pull her into his arms but he restrained the urge to hold her.
'As you wish.' Killian answered with a small bow. He could have poured all the sarcasm and hurt that he felt into the words, but he didn't. Instead they sounded empty, void of emotion as he scrambled to find his jacket under a pile of books and leave the castle.
The second the door closed behind him Emma burst into tears, hugging the cushion even closer as she sobbed. On the other side Killian slumped his head against the door and sighed, wishing he could just turn back time to when they were laughing and cuddling in the tree-house a few days ago.
He could tell her the truth of course, that the reason her magic hurt him was actually because of something Grace did and not her. But a terrible part of him, a small part but terrible nonetheless, was actually scared of her magic. She had created so much power that she physically couldn't handle it, and that was dangerous. Maybe she did need the distance from him to focus more. He knew she was pushing him away to protect him, but he was only accepting it because she needed to do that to protect herself too.
He said a silent goodbye to Emma in his mind and left the castle, immediately making plans to set sail when he returned to the Jolly Roger. This was what she wanted and needed, and he would do it, only for her.