Author's Note: I was surprised at how easily this theme came, because it looked problematic at first. But I thought of "mystique" and "Edward Elric" side by side, and realized immediately what the point would have to be. The specifics were actually inspired by a guy at my church who's a real jokester, and did this very thing one Sunday (though he imposed the impossible time limit of one minute). Then the pastor came in, and filled the role of Mustang XD

Timeline: Midseries

Theme 21: Mystique

The Full Metal Alchemist was one of the most famous people in Amestris; gossip and speculation followed him wherever he went. It was all because he was the youngest person ever to become a State Alchemist, of course, which no one seemed to realize wasn't actually a cause to celebrate. No one should be lauded for putting a twelve-year-old in the military, but that was just the way Amestris was.

Ordinary civilians found a certain mystique in the young alchemist. They'd never seen him, unless in a blurry photograph in the paper, so they were left to their own imaginations to figure out what he must be like. He must be so dedicated, so somber and grand, to pass the exam at such a young age, the men said. He must be strong and handsome; he must be such a charming young man, the women said. I bet he's really tall and cool; I wanna be just like him! the boys said, while the girls added, And I bet he's nice and gentle too, since he helped all those people last week.

Whenever he heard these comments, Roy Mustang had to turn away and force down a chuckle. There was no way these people could know differently, but after knowing Edward for four years and working alongside him for three...well, it became surprisingly easy to forget that the boy was even a State Alchemist at all.

Once such instance of forgetfulness came when Roy innocently walked through the door to his office after a ten-o'clock meeting and immediately wished General Frasier had waffled on a bit longer. But when everyone in the room turned around and looked at him guiltily, Roy figured he couldn't just turn around and walk back out. The men were crowded around Edward, Havoc holding the boy's pocket watch. Breda was trying to hide a package of crackers behind his back, which did a little to explain the astonishing number of crackers currently poking out of Edward's mouth. Alphonse stood behind him, looking as frustrated as a suit of armor could, and Falman and Fury just looked nervous. Hawkeye was nowhere to be seen, which was probably why this had happened in the first place. "Do I...want to know?" Roy asked cautiously, trying to look stern.

"Mmmgthbbm-" Edward started to say, spraying crumbs over the nearest desk.

"Um, maybe you shouldn't talk with your mouth full, Brother," Alphonse suggested timidly, and Edward commencing chewing as fast as he could – which, under the circumstances, wasn't very fast.

Roy averted his eyes from this disgusting spectacle and glared around at his subordinates. "All right, what's going on here?" He glared at each of them in turn, waiting to see who would break first.

Predictably, it was Fury who winced under the force of his glare and mumbled, "We were...trying to see how fast Ed could eat five crackers at once, sir."

Roy gazed around at them all incredulously. Here were four grown men and two teenagers who were probably smarter than he was, people who had fought in wars, performed human transmutation, and were now embroiled in an illegal struggle for their very lives...and they were betting on whether Edward could eat five crackers at once. He looked down at the Full Metal Alchemist, who had finally managed to at least close his mouth over the ends of the crackers, and now tried to look defiant while his cheeks bulged to either side.

Swiftly, Roy turned aside and crossed to the door to his inner office. "I apologize, sir!" Havoc called after him nervously. "It was my fault; I called him big-mouthed, and-"

Roy held up his hand without turning around, and Havoc fell silent again. "I don't want to hear it," he said shortly as he opened the door. "Get back to work immediately, all of you. Full Metal, go get a glass of water or something and meet me back here in ten minutes."

"Yes sir!"

"Yshhur."

Roy managed to make it over the threshold of his office and close the door firmly behind him before he cracked up. He muffled his snickers in the crook of his arm and moved away from the door because he didn't want the men to hear – they needed to think he was angry with them, or they'd keep slacking off and then somehow Hawkeye would manage to blame him for it.

He tried to compose himself with the sobering thought of how angry Hawkeye would be if she found out, but as soon as he sat down behind his desk, the thought of Edward's bulging cheeks threw him into hysterics again. So much for the mystique of the Full Metal Alchemist.