A/N- Twilight is not mine, but I have spread my addiction like a disease to all that know me.

Enjoy and please review, they really help me get focused.

Chapter 21

I knew I needed to take a step back from Edward. I had told him that I loved him but I was still hiding behind the words afraid to feel them. I didn't want to feel strongly; it would only result in heartbreak.

I awoke to the sound of humming. It seemed to be in tune with my skin as Edward stroked my arm. I let out a sigh of contentment as I rolled my head over to look at him. I had never seen him fresh out of bed in the morning and it was breathtaking. His coppery mess of hair was impossibly sexier as it screamed of satisfaction. Satisfaction that I provided. His eyes were dark and sleepy as he stared into my eyes.

"Good morning," he said smirking at me.

"I'm not very good at following my own rules am I?"

"I don't mind," he said chuckling.

I buried my head into my pillow. I was all at once ashamed at my lack of control and proud of my ability to take what I wanted.

"Hey," he said prying the pillow from my head, his tone serious, "you don't regret last night do you? I don't want to do anything that you don't want to do."

"That's the problem Edward," saying his name was almost enough to bring me to orgasm, "I wanted it. I always want it with you. I can't help wanting you and it scares me."

"Don't be scared. I feel the same way you do. Your eyes, your lips, oh God Bella your lips, your sexy bed head," he ruffled my hair and I gave him a playful smack, "it all makes me want you. I feel like I need to touch you all the time."

"I'm going to get hurt," I said under my breath. He didn't hear me.

Edward closed the distance between us and kissed my mouth sweetly. I fisted my hands into his hair which was clearly becoming their new home. Edward seemed to be okay with his new habitants as he groaned as soon as they fisted. His hand slid down my side leaving a trail of icy fire. This pattern seemed to be the story of my life, I try to resist Edward Cullen and I manage to end up attached to him in several places.

We didn't make love that morning, I was trying to go back to my 'let's move things slowly plan'. I knew it wouldn't work now but at the very least we didn't have to act like bunnies.

I cooked Edward breakfast while he was in the shower. I made waffles with my secret ingredient. Okay, it's just cinnamon but you would be surprised how it makes a difference.

Edward came out with the towel slung low on his hips. He looked like a statue of a Greek god. I caught myself imagining him in just a fig leaf when he cleared his throat. I snapped my eyes up to his as the heat filled my face. The worst part is I had no idea how long I was gawking at him.

"Are you making eyes at me Miss Swan?" Edward asked, "cause I remember not even a hour ago something about not filling our time together with only sex."

"Then help a girl out and go put on some clothes, Mr. Cullen." As soon as the words left my mouth I was reminded of the frailty of our situation. As much as I liked to think of him as mine when we were in a lover's embrace, because I had chosen another Cullen first, I had no claim on him. I never would.

Edward noticed the quick change in the mood and he came over to me wrapping me into his arms. I felt safe there, and like a coward I would hide in there forever if I could. I grudgingly let go and plastered a fake smile on my face.

"You. Clothes. Now," I said giving him a pat on his firm rear end.

"Okay, okay," he said retreating to the bedroom.

I heard the front door open as Edward was changing.

"Hey Bells, is that waffles I smell?" Jake called out bounding into the kitchen.

"Yes but you can only have some if you be nice."

His eyes narrowed. "He's still here?"

"Please Jake."

Jake came up to me and put his hands on my shoulders. He let out a large sigh.

"I promise I won't hit him again, that's the best I can do."

"Or kick him?" I asked.

"Sure, sure."

"Thank you," I said hugging him.

For the second time that morning Edward cleared his throat. I let go of Jake and looked over to an angry looking Edward. Jake's eyes met his and they were locked in another stare down.

"I don't like you," Jake huffed.

"Yeah I got that impression when you hit me in the face," Edward replied.

"You're not good enough for her," Jake continued.

"I know. That's how I know I am so lucky."

"Okay enough," I said wanting to stop this before it ended up escalating again, "Jake if you want waffles you can sit down at the table and join Edward and me."

"No thanks, I lost my appetite," Jake replied stomping out of the room.

"Sorry," I said turning to Edward.

"Don't be. I wish that we could go to my place but I have a roommate and I get the feeling you're not much of an exhibitionist," he said smirking.

I gave him a playful smack and then we sat down and had our breakfast. Once we had finished cleaning everything up Edward pulled me over to the couch and sat me down.

"Bella, I would like to take you out tonight to meet my friends."

"I don't know Edward, do they know about me?"

"They know I have this girl that I'm crazy for but they don't know our situation," Edward replied, "please?"

"Okay, I guess so," I relented.

The problem was I was still feeling insecure about Edward and I and I wasn't sure how well I was going to hold up under public scrutiny. I still had so many unanswered questions about that night. I decided to be an adult and deal with them right away.

"Edward I think we still need to talk about Christmas," I said nervously, "I need to understand better why you left."

Edward scooted closer to me on the couch and took my hands in his.

"Bella when I asked you to tell me 'no' that night, I meant it. I wanted you to stop me as I was no longer able to stop myself. When I looked into your eyes I saw the other half of my soul and I wanted nothing more than to be connected to you physically as well as emotionally. You were so insistent on making it…uhm energetic, that I was unable to treat you the way I wanted to. Don't get me wrong it was the most passionate wonderful night of my life, but when we finished I felt so much guilt from taking you in that way. It was unfair of me to come in and destroy everything that I thought it would be best if I just left and you could forget about me. I never expected you to leave my father. I thought it would take some time but you would be able to go back to your life and be happy. I didn't know if it was because you felt for me the way I felt for you or if you were just doing what you thought was right.

"When my dad came and told me that you were separating because you cheated I thought maybe you were so mad at me that you told him what had happened. When I found out that you refused to tell him who, I fell in love a little more."

"Edward, I guess it is only fair for me to tell you how I felt. I had such a strong connection with you right away but I never intended on acting on it. I'm not that person. I don't cheat….well I didn't think I did but with you it felt so right. I just sometimes wish we could have talked about it before we acted on it. I don't know if it would have made our relationship any easier now but at least I wouldn't have hurt Carlisle in that way. I feel disgusted with myself when I think of it. I don't blame you Edward. Even though I felt like I broke apart when you left me there that night, I feel as if it was my fault. I was the married one. I should have stopped it."

"We were both to blame, but if it puts you here in my arms I can't bring myself to regret it."

"Me either," I responded honestly. It was a moment that I could let my regret go and I took it. I would always feel guilty about what I did to Carlisle but I could never regret even one moment with Edward.

"Edward?"

"Yes Bella?"

"I need you to kiss me now."

Edward and I existed in our own private bubble. No one really knew about us and the ones that did never really saw us together, with the exception of Jake. So being thrown into a group situation with his friends was a little more than daunting. I felt that we were going to be in a fishbowl all night and I wasn't looking forward to it but I knew this was a crucial step to see if we were really able to function outside our private world.

"Hey Eddie!" A large man that could rival Emmett in size called out over the noise of the pub. This place never carded and so apparently became Edward and company's favorite place to hang out.

"Hey Felix," Edward responded as we approached the table.

I looked around the table and stopped on a familiar face. Her flame red hair was piled up on her head in two pig-tail buns. She wore a black mesh top with a red tank underneath. She looked up at me and I could see that she was trying to place me.

"Hi, Victoria right?" I asked her extending my hand.

"Hi," she responded still not placing me.

"I'm Bella, I think you know my friend James," I said.

A small smile crept up on her face as I could see her recognition hit her. James and I had spent enough time at the Blockbuster where she worked to have made an impression. I could see Edward out of the corner of my eye looking a little astonished at the connection.

"Everyone this is Bella," Edward said motioning to me, "Bella, this is Felix, and apparently you know Victoria, this is Emily and this is my roommate Rosalie."

Emily was the pretty dark haired, dark skinned girl glaring at me and Rosalie was the drop dead gorgeous blond who was looking rather indifferently at me. I immediately felt self conscious. Alice was the only girl I really hung around and while she was pretty she was a definite type. We didn't attract the same guys so it was never an issue. These two girls were every man's type.

Edward pulled out a chair for me and left to get us some drinks.

"So Bella," Emily's tone was snide, "how do you know our Edward?"

The possessive way she phrased her question was not lost on me. I had been here less than five minutes and I was already sure she harbored strong feelings for Edward. I would have felt threatened if it wasn't for the fact I was terror-stricken. I had no idea what Edward had told them about us and I was pretty sure he said it didn't include the truth.

"Uhm, we met through family." It was vague and yet true. I was hoping she would leave it at that. She didn't.

"How do you mean?" her voice was really grating on me now.

"Who cares Emily. They met, they're dating, end of story," Rosalie chimed in.

I knew that she thought I wasn't worth talking to, but at that moment I was truly thankful for the blonde ice queen across from me.

"Hey what did I miss?" Edward said setting down a drink in front of me and taking a seat.

"Oh Bella was just telling us how you met," Emily said suddenly smiling angelically at Edward.

Edward's face went stark white for just a moment before he recovered. He shot a smile at me but didn't say anything as to not contradict anything I might have said.

After the shock and stress of the first half hour I found myself enjoying being with Edward's friends. Well not Emily of course, she was evil incarnate but the rest of them were the bees knees. Rosalie shocked me the most. After she came out of her shell she was really great to talk to. I could tell that there was zero sexual tension between her and Edward so I didn't even feel jealousy over the fact that she was his roommate.

Felix was a lot like Emmett and so we got along great. It was easy to see why James was so enraptured by Victoria, she was quirky fun. By the end of the evening I was pretty sure I made a good impression on all the friends I wanted to.

"They seem to like you better than me now," Edward said as we left the pub.

"Yeah, they are great. I think I'll steal them," I said laughing.

"You don't have to steal, I'll share. That way I come with the deal," he said wrapping his arm around my waist.

"I don't think Emily would like it if you weren't there," I said with a bit more bite than I intended.

"What do you mean?" he asked, his eyebrows creasing.

"Surely you know that she has it bad for you," I said.

"No, she is just a bit protective."

"No Edward, she is into you."

"You think so?" He pursed his lips together like he was considering this a good thing. I gave him a playful slap on the arm and he laughed.

"Yeah, I know. She has asked me out a few times but I've never really thought of her that way. She gives the hairy eyeball to any girl besides Rose that even looks at me. I'm sorry if she made you uncomfortable."

"Nah, after what we have been through to be together and what we are willing to risk later I think I am pretty secure in us. For now anyways." The smile I tried to hold down crept its way up.

Edward picked me up and swung me around while I tried with minimal effort to escape.

"Well, let's get you home before you turn into a pumpkin," Edward said opening the car door for me.

"Why thank you, my prince," I replied getting into the car.

Edward dropped me off at home and I fought the urge to invite him in. The other half of my soul honked the horn and waved as he drove home alone.

A/N-Don't forget to nominate your favorite stories for the following awards.

The Indie Twific Awards opens up for nominations on 6/16 and remains open until 6/23.

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