{For some reason I cannot explain/Once you know there was never/Never an honest word/That was when I ruled the world/ ~Viva la Vida, Coldplay~}

Chapter Twenty-One

"Ashley?" I said, disbelieving.

"Bella, oh my God, I hadn't known about Elisabeth and Jacob, I really hadn't! I wish I had known. I wish…I wish I could have helped. And then you left Edward…it was too confusing. And now you're here…Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry!" Ash cried.

I frowned. "Yeah, and I'm the Mona Lisa."

"Bella!" Ash shrieked. "How could you not believe me?"

"I stopped believing you when you betrayed me. You knew. You're lying!" I screamed. I saw an official-Garrett-pass by the door.

"Ashley, I told you not to stress her!" Gar yelled. She whipped around.

"Me?!" she asked incredulously. "Me?! You were the one who decided not to tell me you were the coordinator!"

"Ashley, why don't we go out for a little while, let you and Bella cool down?"

"Fine by me," I cut in.

Ash rolled her eyes and left the room. Garrett followed, but not before he shot me an apologetic look.

I sighed. My life sucked, badly.

I turned on the radio to only hear the best song in the world, Free To Be Me, by Francesca Battistelli.

Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans

True…

Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy

Psh, me, not perfect? Only on days that end in 'y'.

On my own I'm so clumsy

Not anymore…

But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

I felt like this could only relate to Edward and I (although it was a Christian song). Edward's been with me when I've screwed up. He helped me try to figure a ton of stuff out. He knew I wasn't perfect, and loved that. When I fell, he caught me. He made me see how happy I could be with him. And with him, I could be myself.

I just didn't get it.

I just didn't get Edward.

I just didn't get me.

**

Now that I was truly and happily fine, I got onto my black Dell laptop. I checked my email quickly – nothing new there. Just some crap from Ashley, and something from an unknown address. I checked that message, but it turned out to be from Edward.

A pleading note, that's what they'd call it, I guess. I read through it quickly.

Dear Bella,

I'm sorry for all that's happened. I wish I could see you. I miss you like nothing I could have ever imagined.

Remember that one day when we were 10, and you asked me what an institution was, like a mental institution? And we played that we were in one? Esme was so surprised. We thought it meant college – smart person school to us. When Esme told Carlisle, he laughed so hard I thought he might pee. And I told you, and then you laughed hard. I miss those days. I can't help it.

Esme called yesterday. I haven't told her yet…but Carlisle knows. I told her that you were busy and you'd try and get back to her. She has your phone number…please don't tell her.

If anything, please come back. I'm sorry. I really am. I sometimes lie awake at night, wishing it was you next to me instead of Tanya. I don't like her much.

Bella, I've realized something while you've been gone. I can't live without you. Really, I'm about dying inside right now. Please…just answer me. Just once. I love you so much,

Edward

I started hyperventilating. I missed him so, so much. I wanted him back. I quickly logged onto the IM part of Yahoo!

Edward, Angela, and Alice were online. I was invisible.

I typed a message to Ang.

Me: Hey, Angela. Can you help me?

Ang: Yeah, what's up Bella?

I started typing out what happened with Edward and I…and I got a message from Edward himself.

Edward: Bella…I know you're on. Please…answer.

I sighed. Should I?

Me: Edward, I'm sorry. But we've made too many mistakes. I can't…I can't fathom what would happen if we were together again. I wish I was with you, Edward, I really do. I miss you so much. But please…understand my problem here. I love you.

Edward: Then come with me. I love you, Bella. I can't help it. And you can't either. Please, please, please Bella. Can we try?

Tears streamed down my cheeks.

Me: Edward…I take that back. I may love you…but I can't. Goodbye, Edward…I love you.

I signed off, but I said, "Sorry, got to go" to Ang first.

I got a text message.

Bella…Please?

It was Edward.

I deleted the message quickly. I couldn't reply. I couldn't even pretend I'd never gotten it. I need help, or something. Because this was getting ridiculous. I couldn't stop loving Edward…well…I'd have to.

Even if I became someone different in the process.

AN: Originally, this was a painfully short chapter. But I wanted to write more. I just…completely skipped everything! Can I help you get Bella's emotions?

Imagine this. The guy you've liked since forever is gone from your life because of something you did. And he wants you back just as much (if not more) than you want him back. And you have to keep denying him. You don't really have a choice.

That's what she's going through. She doesn't want Edward to die trying to save her. She's always known she's responsible for her own actions and she can take care of herself – she doesn't need Prince Charming. And she's afraid if she lets go for just a second…everything will be gone.

So, please, don't judge her actions. She's irrational at the moment. Sort of.

QUESTIONS!!!

If you could ask Taylor Lautner one thing…what would it be?

If you could ask Kellan Lutz one thing, what would it be?

If you could meet any of the Twilight stars, who would it be?

Yay!

So pretty please review, and make it 300 so I'll update? 12 more reviews and you'll be there. You already got 21 reviews for chapter 20…you can totally hit 12 reviews. (If not more!)

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