Disclaimer: I don't own ANYTHING mentioned in this chapter. Seriously, all the songs, poems (with a bit of tweaks), characters, and basic overall coverage of Kingdom Hearts are not owned by me.

Author's Note: Oh my God, this took SO long to write! I'm SO sorry, guys! I've had writer's block for so long, I'm just…I'm sorry. It's no excuse, I know. Well, here's the chapter, anyway, I want to finish this story soon…I'm DETERMINED.

Warning: Really creepy thoughts ahead. (AAAHH!! CREEPY THOUGHTS!!! RUN!!! Yeah, not my best warning.)

Quick Author Babble: Happy belated Halloween, everybody! I'm just going to say that now.

Chapter 21: Secret Promise

What have you done?

The voice rang through Sora's head as he fell down onto his bedroom floor. A surge of pain rushed through the right side of his face as it hit a sharp piece of glass. He looked at his bleeding hands and was both disgusted and pleased by how many cuts there were.

Abandoned…That's what you've just made yourself—abandoned.

Sora thought of Kairi with both distaste and sadness. Gone—she was gone. She might as well have just died like his father. Sora couldn't help thinking that his father had taken the easy way out—death.

How are you going to live with yourself after this?

How was he going to live with himself? Sora gave the smallest laugh. It came out sounding forced, because half of him wasn't agreeing at all with what he was doing. Sora laughed again, ignoring the building up pain.

"What's the point of living?" he murmured, before laughing softly again. "I'll be gone too…just like him…"

I hate what you've become.

Sora laughed again. He hated what he'd become too, but you couldn't always get what you wanted in life, especially when it came to yourself. And that's why Sora had been thinking a lot about death these past twenty-four hours, thinking about how his father had died. What had he thought as his plane came crashing down? Had he been thinking about the family he was going to leave behind? Was he scared, knowing he was never going to breathe again?

You need her.

Sora laughed—this time he sounded drunk.

"No, I don't. I don't need anyone anymore, and they sure as heck don't need me. Besides, it was better for me to get rid of her before she saw what I am now."

Kairi was, of course, a very important person to Sora, but it was better if she didn't realize that Sora was slowly turning into a monster with realizations of life and death, of cruelty, of fate.

All those times you've protected her, and the one time she tries to help you…and you push her away.

"Sora!" cried Mrs. Roma, running into the room and pushing aside the glass to pull her son off the floor.

"It's okay, Mom…" Sora muttered. "I'm okay."

He smiled the smallest smile for her, because unlike Kairi, he couldn't push her away, and he didn't want her to worry. The smile hurt, because he was dying inside—withering away like an innocent, rotten leaf.

You're not as innocent as you used to be, are you?

As Sora pulled himself off the floor, he cut his lip on another piece of shattered glass. He quickly rubbed the blood away. He scared himself, yet was pleased that he'd finally realized what life was truly like. He hated himself for hitting Kairi, but still had the pleasure that she was scared of him now too. He missed his father so much it hurt, but at the same time burning with hatred at the fact he'd left him fatherless. He was split—shattered, like the pieces of the picture frame that lay scattered all about.

You're a monster—the worst kind.

Sora gave his father's picture the final kick that he thought it deserved, but a wave of guilt fell over him as he did so. In his eyes, he was a man that abandoned his family, left them to wither and rot. In others' eyes, he was a sweet, innocent man who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, who suffered something that he didn't deserve.

Who is right? Who is wrong?

Sora looked at himself in the mirror. He was horribly cut up, hands dripping with crimson liquid. One side of his face was cut and bleeding, the other perfectly smooth and sun kissed.

Which side do you want to be?

Sora looked at his reflection. He looked pathetic—battle beaten, you could even say. His eyes were red, showing a horrible past. It was only then that Sora realized he was extremely fragile.

One day you had to break.

"""

"I'm sorry, Sora," Mrs. Ire said, standing at the doorway to the Ire household. "It seems that Kairi is sleeping."

"Oh, okay," Sora said, though a ton of swear words echoed in his head right then. "Tell her…I dropped by…And say that I'm really s—"

He ceased from telling Mrs. Ire that he was really sorry. There was no need to get her suspicious.

"Tell her I said hi," he quickly corrected himself.

"Okay," Mrs. Ire said, smiling. "You'll drop by tomorrow, I'm assuming?"

She laughed a little. Sora turned bright red.

"Uh…yeah, I guess," he said.

He quickly turned his head and lowered his voice so Mrs. Ire couldn't hear.

"If she wants to see me at all."

Mrs. Ire smiled at him.

"Well, goodbye!" she chirped. "I promise I'll tell Kairi you dropped by. In fact, it's already dug into my memory."

"Bye."

The door shut and Sora sighed. She was ignoring him, no doubt—like he could blame her.

That voice in his head was right—he needed Kairi more than anything right now. He hated talking to his mom about these things. She'd either start crying or make a huge fuss over nothing.

He'd slapped her—slapped her. He hated himself. He'd had enough of himself, and even the million cuts on his hands and face didn't seem like punishment enough for hating his father for dying, for pushing his best friend away, for hurting her in such a way.

A drop of water landed on Sora's head, then another, then another. It wasn't long before it was a full rainstorm, big rain droplets splashing everywhere. People raced past Sora in a rush to get home before they got too wet, others who had obviously watched the weather channel pulled out their umbrellas. Sora, on the other hand, just made his way through the rain, umbrella-free. If he got a cold, then oh well—he deserved it.

He sat down on a bench under a tree now dripping with rainwater, the cold drops stinging his face as they fell. It wasn't snowing anymore—now they just had freezing rain. Personally, Sora preferred snow compared to the stinging water and occasional hailstorm.

"What are you doing out here?"

Sora looked up at the familiar voice. The silver-haired boy promptly collapsed on the bench beside Sora, hood pulled over his head to block most of the rain from reaching his face.

"Why do you care?" Sora asked rather rudely, feeling no remorse afterward.

"For your information, I was doing it to be polite, but obviously you're not too into manners right now," Riku said, glaring.

Sora let out a little "humph" and turned away from him.

"Not that I blame you," Riku stated suddenly, surprising him. "You haven't been talking to Kairi much recently, have you?"

"If it's any of your business, no, I haven't," Sora replied. "And how did you know? Are you stalking us or something?"

"Sora, I know things," Riku said. "We've been through this."

Sora rolled his eyes.

"So why aren't you talking?" Riku prompted. "Are you mad at her?"

"No!" Sora yelled a bit too loudly. "Of course not! She's mad at me and I'm mad at myself!"

"Uh…run that by me again?" Riku said, bewildered.

"Never mind," Sora grumbled. "You wouldn't understand anyway."

"Well…okay. But I still need to talk to you about something."

Sora looked at him in confusion.

"Now you and I both have our differences," Riku said, "but there's one thing we have in common…we both want Kairi to be safe and unhurt."

"I didn't know you wanted that," Sora remarked.

"Well, now you know," Riku stated, "and let me tell you right now that neither of us are doing a very good job of it."

Sora sighed. Riku was right…for once. Of course, he'd already known that. Why did Riku think he was letting freezing rain fall on him?

"Listen, Sora…" Riku said. "I know you haven't been here for long, but there's one very important thing you should know about Destiny Islands."

Riku hopped off the bench. Sora looked up at him questioningly.

"You don't go back on your promises, no matter what," he stated.

"What are you saying?" Sora asked.

Riku sighed impatiently.

"I'm saying that deep inside you've made a promise to Kairi, and even promises that are unsaid count."

"I…I don't understand," Sora remarked.

"Yeah, you do," Riku said, suddenly sounding bored. "You just don't realize it yet."

More confusion entered Sora's mind.

"But…" he began.

"Shut up," Riku said, cutting him off. "Conversation's over."

He started to walk away.

"Hey!" Sora shouted, leaping up. "Wait! What are you trying to do here? This is important to my mental health!"

Riku stopped and turned with the smallest smile.

"And some things…are more important," he said, nodding in a direction.

"Huh?"

Sora turned to see the very redheaded girl he'd been waiting for, carefully under the shelter of her umbrella. He turned back to look at Riku, but the silver-haired boy was already gone.

Sora was fully ready to throw an investigation, but one look at Kairi made him change his mind. Yes, Riku was confusing—a riddle unsolved, but Sora had a feeling he could deal without figuring things out for once.

"Kairi!" he called, running over to the girl in the freezing rain.

Kairi halted and turned to look at him. Her violet eyes were almost as clouded as they sky—horrorstricken, sorrowful. At first as she looked at him, she looked relieved, but immediately that was pushed aside and replaced by anger and maybe even hate.

"Oh, it's you," she said dryly.

"Kairi…" he began.

"Don't you 'Kairi' me!" she shouted, practically exploding. "I don't know what your problem is! Yelling at me, breaking your father's picture, slapping me! I never want to see you again! I hate you!"

The words echoed throughout the quiet street, and the only sound that was heard after that was the rain making the soft pitter-patter sound that used to comfort Sora.

Sora gingerly touched the place where his heart would be.

Ouch.

Kairi stared at him with wide eyes, but then once again they went piercing.

"If ever two were one, then surely we.

If ever wife were lov'd by man, then thee.

If ever man was happy in a wife,

Compare with me, ye men, if you can.

I prize thy love more than whole mines of gold

Or all riches that the East doth hold.

My love is such that rivers cannot quench,

Nor ought but love from thee give recompetence.

Thy love is such I can no way repay.

The heavens reward the manifold, I pray.

Then while we live, in love let's so preserver

That when we live no more, we may live forever."

As Kairi finished the poem, she looked at Sora.

"That's what I got today from your 'magical vase'," she said. "I ripped it up, because I didn't believe it then and I don't believe it now."

Sora remained silent. Why did every word she said hurt him?

"I hate you," Kairi repeated, closing her eyes. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!"

And with that, she walked away, leaving Sora shattered and confused.

"""

"There's got to be something I can do, Mom."

Mrs. Roma poured steaming hot tea into two mugs, blond hair a little damp from the rainstorm outside. Sora sat in the tall chair on the counter, watching her with a thoughtful look on his face.

"I just don't know how to apologize," Sora said. "She just won't listen! And what would I say? How can I explain what happened when I don't even know myself?"

"Oh, Sora…I really have no idea how to help," Mrs. Roma answered sympathetically. "If I did, I would. Do you want cream and sugar in your tea?"

"Yes, please," Sora replied. "Lots of it."

Mrs. Roma took three sugar cubes from the small sugar bowl, poured some cream out of the jug, and put it all inside a mug. Then, taking a small spoon, she began to gently stir the liquid inside.

This reminded Sora of his grandmother, who always made tea at every opportunity. She'd written a song for Sora when he was little, and he still remembered it. He started to hum the melody, and he felt a lot more relaxed.

"That's it!" Mrs. Roma cried, nearly knocking over the tea.

Sora looked up at her, pulled out of his comforting trance.

"What?" he asked.

"Sing to her, Sora!" Mrs. Roma said.

"Eh?" Sora muttered.

"Think about it," Mrs. Roma continued, taking a sip of her tea and handing Sora his mug. "There's nothing more heartfelt than a song, and you sing beautifully. All you have to do is choose the lyrics carefully."

Sora sighed and looked into his tea, glaring at his reflection.

"What is it?" Mrs. Roma asked nervously.

"It's a great idea, Mom, but how am I going to get the opportunity to sing to her?" Sora said. "I can't even talk to her, let along sing…"

"Do it outside her window," Mrs. Roma stated. "She can't ignore you then, can she?"

Sora smiled.

"You know, you weren't supposed to give an answer that makes me look like a stalker," he said.

"I know, but what can I say? I love romance, and young romance is the most exciting…"

"Ugh…Mom, how many times have we gone through this? Kairi and I are friends, nothing more."

"Whatever you say! Just finish your tea and get to work on that song."

"""

It was after dinner and Sora knew Kairi must be at home. He crept through the night, guitar in hand, going through the lines of the song over and over again and the strings he'd quickly strummed along with the rhythm.

He walked into the backyard, and while he was walking past he saw through the window into the family room, where Naminé was watching him in confusion. Sora waved rather awkwardly and pointed to the guitar and mouthed the word "Kairi." Somehow Naminé got the idea, and she grinned.

Sora smiled and nodded at her before disappearing from view. He positioned himself under Kairi's window. The light was on, just as Sora hoped. Leaning against the hedge, he held up his guitar and strummed a few chords.

"A long December and there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last," Sora began, trying to hold down the doubtful tears that were gathering in his eyes. "I can't remember the last thing you said as you were leaving. Now the days go by so fast…"

The window opened and Kairi's head popped out.

"Sora Roma, what are you doing?" she called down.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Sora yelled back. "I'm making a fool of myself!"

Kairi smiled the smallest bit, but she tried to disguise it.

"Well, stop it!" she shouted. "All the neighbors are watching!"

"Then let them watch!" Sora called back. "I don't care!"

Sora started to strum the chords on his guitar again.

"And it's one more day up in the canyons," he sang as loud as he possibly could. "And it's one more night in Hollywood. If you think that I could be forgiven…I wish you would."

He played the guitar for a long time, until finally he managed to get back into vocal.

"The smell of hospitals in winter and the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters, but no pearls," Sora continued. "All at once you look across a crowded room to see the way that light attaches to a girl. And it's one more day up in the canyons. And it's one more night in Hollywood. If you think you might come to California…I think you should."

"Sora!" called Kairi, turning a very deep shade of red. "Seriously, quit it!"

"Drove up to hillside manor sometime after two a.m. and talked a little while about the year," Sora persisted stubbornly. "I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower, makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her. And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last. I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself to hold on to these moments as they pass. And it's one more day up in the canyons. And it's one more night in Hollywood. It's been so long since I've seen the ocean…I guess I should."

And as the last chord was strung, Sora looked up at the window, the red-haired girl was gone. Confused and a bit panicked, Sora looked around, and suddenly he felt a body collide with his, and arms tightly wrapped around his waist.

"Idiot," Kairi whispered, burying her head in his shoulder.

"That's my newfound profession…being an idiot," Sora said, smiling at her.

"Jerk," Kairi said, giving a weak attempt to hit him.

"I've been worried about you too," Sora remarked.

"Don't force me to hit you with your guitar," Kairi snapped.

"Right…I'll shut up now," Sora said quickly.

Kairi pulled away from him and pulled a few strings on his guitar, making a few offbeat noises.

"Sora?"

"Yeah?"

"Suddenly that poem doesn't seem so wrong anymore."

"""

&&&

- d a y j u a n a: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it! No, seriously, REALLY happy, because this happened…THAT happened to be my favorite chapter! Thanks, I'm glad you're proud of me. I've been reading your stories a lot lately and you should start doing your "drabbles" again, they're really good. Thanks for reviewing!

Sorafanluver: Yeah, well, December isn't SO far off, just about a month away. It IS weird. I kind of felt bad for his mom. I mean, it's like, "Let's mention Sora's mom and then make him forget completely about her!" Ah, well, I guess it doesn't really matter. That sucks about the tripping thing. I usually hurt a lot of people in sports and I feel SO BAD afterward. No, it's not funny how bad I feel. Thanks and here's your update!

KiaraFay: Thanks, thanks, and thanks again! Here's your update!

LOTRchic: I feel bad for Sora, personally, not to judge Kairi…OR YOUR OPINION…No, I would never judge you or your opinion. Anyway, thanks for reviewing!

RikuLuver: Thanks, and unfortunately you DID have to remind me…wow, I'm slow these days…Thanks for r-e-v-i-e-w-i-n-g and here's your update!

Doortolight57: Sorry! I didn't mean to make you cry. Thanks, sorry I didn't update soon, but here it is now!

Angelofsweetness: Don't slap Sora! Okay, go ahead, slap Sora. But don't slap him a second time! Give him a break. His father just died. I'm glad you liked the poems, but I didn't write them. They're from famous authors. (Not Shakespeare.)

Valor999: Thanks!

KairiSakuraTohru: Thanks, I'm sure they will!

Malcolm Yuy: It was kind of sad, but poetic all the same. I'm, like, obsessed with poetry now. I think someone has to slap me. Okay, the poems were NOT written by me, just selected by me. They are written by famous authors, and I cannot take credit for them. I don't write the songs either, they are written by not-so-famous bands/singers. I love Final Fantasy X! Still lost in that blasted place with the butterflies though…Anyway, thanks for reviewing!

Rahi-1: Yeah, it's true…terribly confusing. It is, I suppose. Well, that kiss was a limited edition offer. However, happy super-belated birthday! My birthday happened to be…quite a few Saturdays ago. Thanks for reviewing!

Spam Hearts Zexion: Cool, William Blake is awesome. Okay, maybe not, but his writing is good. Yeah, he doesn't…Wait, yes, he does! Remember the time Kairi nearly got killed? Well, er…still gotta feel bad for him, I suppose. Thanks for reviewing!

Jalllil-Drathir: Yes, it's very un-Sora like. Well, thanks for reviewing and here's your chapter!

Zestychicken2: HA, HA! I actually used your joke in this chapter. What can I say? Riku was bored and he had a little free time. You'll get more. When I started this story I only got three for my first chapter, then it got bigger and bigger and now I have two hundred seventy-nine! I'm sure you'll get to it as well. Thanks and here's your update!

Isler: Really…? The best out of all…? Well, maybe for THIS story, but not for other fics…There are better fics…Like Princess Kairi's or something. (blushes) Yeah, I'm wondering the same thing… (Don't expect me to.) Thanks for reviewing!

Bexmar: It's okay, I don't mind. I haven't written for a week and probably more. Yay! People agree with me on this chapter! He's an emotional, growing boy. Whoa, that came out weird. Thanks for all that! Great! It is…pretty sad. Everything in Kingdom Hearts is sad…EXCEPT FOR DONALD AND GOOFY!!! Those two rock my world! (Holds up Donald and Goofy flags)

SupernaturalFreak101: It's okay! Thanks, I'm glad you liked my selections. Thanks a lot for reviewing!

Heartsword: Thanks.

Wwecat: I will try. Well, I did try, and it didn't exactly work well in the speed category. I didn't come up with them; they were selections from famous authors. Thanks for reviewing!

FallenAngel Kit: Um…yeah! Well, thanks for all the names! (You missed Luxord and Xaldin, by the way.) Thanks for reviewing!

Well, guys, here's the story! I'm listening Sk8er Boi by Avril Lavigne right now, so I'm not in the mood of talking more about anything depressing so bye!

Read and review!