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Chapter 21

It had been just over a week since Virgil had collapsed due to a panic attack and he was grateful he was starting to feel more like his old self. Well, as much as he could considering that Avery was still on the island.

Her presence was still making him feel a little uncomfortable, so he had done the best he could to avoid spending too much time alone with her. Although it had proven difficult due to her taking on the role of medic and she had been the one who had taken care of him while he had been sick. At first it had been easy enough to avoid having to interact with her as he had either been sleeping or pretending that he was; but as the days progressed and he was beginning to feel stronger he couldn't continue to use it as an excuse.

The reason he had been trying so hard to avoid her wasn't because he didn't like her, but because he liked her to much. Plus he was feeling embarrassed by the fact that he had admitted to her that he was attracted to her. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but now he found it had just made things awkward between them. Another reason he was trying to avoid spending too much time with her was because every time he did it seemed like his presence just made her upset.

Under the circumstances it was understandable why being around him upset her-he was a constant reminder of what she had lost. But Virgil was beginning to suspect that Avery was also trying to avoid spending any more time with him than she had to recently too. Her visits had become less frequent and she had begun resorting to sending either one of his brothers or another member of the island to check up on him instead. He suspected that she was probably feeling embarrassed by what had happened after he had had his panic attack.

As well as Virgil admitting how he felt, Avery had gone on to tell Virgil more about what had happened when her Virgil died. She had broken down and had as good as admitted that she felt guilty for surviving. He had held her as she cried and eventually she had been able to regain her composure; and although nothing had happened between the two of them, he knew they had both felt that same attractions that same pull as when they had nearly kissed.

Virgil was sat in his art studio thinking about everything that had happened when he had come to the conclusion that his feelings for Avery had been the reason why he had had that panic attack in the first place. He felt like such a fool for getting so worked up like that, but he couldn't help the affect she had on him. Although he had always come across as someone who was confident and sure of themselves, Virgil had always found it difficult to be around women he was attracted to. He remembered how that awkwardness he felt had resulted him in missing out on a few dates with girls back in his teen years because he couldn't get up the courage to talk to them.

But with Avery it was different. Despite the growing attraction he felt for her he felt strangely comfortable around her. The problem he was having this time was being around her and trying to act like his feelings weren't an issue when they clearly were.

Today was an important day because Virgil was going to find out when he'd be able to return to duty...well light duties at least. Truth was he would just be glad to be allowed off the island, he had missed being out there helping his brothers. But today was also important for another reason too. Since both Jeff and Virgil were feeling better and no one else on the island had gotten sick, it was determined that it was safe for John to return home. So both Alan and Scott had left in Thunderbird 3 to retrieve him. Although Virgil was looking forward to seeing his oldest blonde brother again, he was also nervous about his return. He was nervous because John had been the only one Virgil had confided in about what had happened between himself and Avery. He also knew that John still wanted to talk to Virgil about it as he had tried contacting him from Thunderbird 5 but Virgil had made up excuses to either avoid it or to end the conversation when the topic had turned to Avery.

So once Thunderbird 3 had launched, Virgil retreated into his art studio. He thought that hiding in there would be the safest bet as his brothers knew not to disturb him while he was working. He has taken a seat at his desk working on a sketch. It had only been just over a week since he had felt up to doing any drawing, to Virgil it had felt like an eternity. It felt good to be doing something normal without everyone else looking at him like he was going to break. Although no one had said anything, he had a feeling his brothers knew the reason why he had ended up having a panic attack. Every time any of them came in to either check up on him or to spend some time with him he could see the sympathy in their eyes when they looked at him. He knew they meant well but it was starting to become irritating.

So to get some time to himself and away from the pitying looks he decided to hide out in his studio. But he hadn't taken in to consideration the Tracy stubbornness or that fact that John hadn't been home in just over two months

"Dad said I'd find you in here" John said as he entered the studio, looking around the room curiously. It had been a while since John had been in there and he noticed several new pieces that Virgil was in the middle of working on; each at different stages of completion, either hanging on the wall or propped up on an easel

"Needed a change of scenery after spending so much time in my bedroom" Virgil told him as he closed up the sketch pad he had been drawing in when John walked in. Virgil put it aside and stood up, making his way over to the table on the far side of the room so that his back was to his brother. He was having a problem dealing with the fact that John had entered his space without permission

"Sorry to just barge in on you like this" John told him as if he could read his thoughts "but I have tried talking to you over the last few days but you've been avoiding me"

"I haven't been avoiding you…I spoke to you a couple of days ago…" Virgil exclaimed credulously

"I know you did. Come on Virg we both know that's not what I mean"

"It's complicated"

"I bet it is" John replied. That was when Virgil turned back towards John and saw what he was doing…

"Hey" he snapped, rushing forward to snatch the sketch pad from his brothers hands

"It's good" John commented indicated the pad "you've certainly captured her likeness"

Virgil looked down at the pad and the picture that John had been referring to. After entering his studio, Virgil had picked up his sketch pad and a piece of charcoal and began to draw. He didn't even have anything specific in mind as he began, but what he had realised that without even thinking about it, he had begun to sketch Avery.

"It's….it's not what you think" Virgil stuttered as his cheeks flushed

"You don't have to pretend around me" John told him

Virgil let out a deep sigh. "I told her how I felt about her" he confessed.

"And?" John asked when it was clear that Virgil wasn't going to say anything else

"And nothing. She said she appreciated my honesty but…" he ended his sentence with a shrug.

"But what?" John pressed, gently. He could tell from Virgil's posture that he was feeling uncomfortable, yet he also knew that his brother needed to talk about it.

"I don't know…she said that it was difficult being around me, yet when I went to leave…she stopped me"

"And that confused you?"

Virgil gave John a look that could only be interpreted as 'you think?'. "Of course it did. I understand that she's going through a difficult time, but how am I supposed to know how to act around her when even she doesn't know what she wants"

"Did you tell her that?" John asked

"I was going to but then I had that stupid panic attack thing…so I never got the chance" Virgil explained. He started messing around with some painting equipment that were on the side, just to give himself something to do with his hands.

"And you haven't said anything since?" John walked over to where Virgil was standing and took a seat on the stool that was placed next to the workbench that Virgil was facing. He looked up at his brother in concern. It had been several minutes and Virgil had yet to answer him "Virg?"

"She's been avoiding me" he admitted, his voice quiet. "She has barely spoken to me since, except to ask how I'm feeling"

"She just needs time" John told him "you both do"

"I know"

Silence fell between the two of them and John knew that he wasn't going to get anything else from Virgil about what he was feeling. So he decided to change the subject to something he knew his brother would be more likely to talk about.

"So when will you be back on duty? I bet you're itching to get back out there?"

Virgil nodded and John saw the tension leave his brothers shoulders. He was glad that the change of subject had worked. Virgil was suddenly more relaxed

"I am. Hopefully not much longer, I'm getting sick of our younger brothers complaining about how slow Two is"

Although they had been lucky that International Rescues services had only been required for a couple of minor rescues, Virgil hated that he had been stuck at home while his brothers went out without him. He especially hated the childish comments that Gordon and Alan would make about Thunderbird 2 when they knew Virgil could hear them. Yet he also knew that when I came down to it, the two of them would do everything they could to genuinely avoid hurting their brother by causing any damage to his green lady.

"Yeah I heard" John admitted with a chuckle. "It won't be long before you're back where you belong, behind her controls…Virg are you okay?" John asked concerned when Virgil visibly paled.

"What?...yeah it's nothing" he said shaking off his brothers concern.

The raised eyebrow that John gave him told Virgil that he didn't believe him.

"Ok, it's just something that Avery told me…the way she talked about her Virgil and how…" Virgil paused and took a deep breath. He had no idea why talking about the death of the other Virgil was suddenly so difficult for him.

"About how he died" John finished for him. Virgil nodded

"He died at the controls of Thunderbird 2…did you know that ?" He said to John, although he knew that it wasn't possible for him to know because no one else had been told. "I don't know, for some reason since she told me, a part of me feels a little weird about being back behind her controls"

"Just cos something happened to him doesn't mean it will happen to you" John said trying to reassure him. "Have you spoken to Dad or Scott about this?"

Virgil shook his head. "You're the only person I've mentioned it too. It's not that I have any doubt in my abilities or anything like that…it's just Avery told me that he such a strong connection to his Thunderbird 2…"

"And you think because you're the same that you'll end up the same way?. Avery and her family are living in different circumstances, it's doesn't mean…"

"But it doesn't mean that it won't happen to me…" Virgil interrupted cutting John off mid sentence

"We all know of the risks we take doing this job"

"I know, I understand that. But I'd be lying if I said that her story hadn't unnerved me" Virgil confessed "and knowing that he died like that. I don't know, it just makes the possibility feel more real somehow"

John nodded understanding what Virgil was getting at. They all knew the dangers involved in doing what they did, but finding out that it had actually happened to one of them, even if it was an alternate version, made the fact more real. But it hadn't only made it feel more real for just Virgil…John felt it too.

"Was it on a rescue?" John asked curiosity getting the better of him

Virgil gave a small chuckle "I see you're as curious about it as I was". John shrugged but Virgil knew why John had asked. He liked to learn and understand things but from a scientific point of view whereas Virgil liked to learn about things from the engineering side. Virgil then proceeded to tell his brother everything that Avery had told him about the rescue that cost her Virgil his life.

"Wow" John whispered as he let out a long breath, once Virgil had finished speaking "I can't even begin to image how hard that must have been… for any of them"

"I know…but I can understand why he did it" Virgil admitted, earning a nod of agreement from his blonde brother. "I know I'd do the same for any of you" he added his voice barely more than a whisper

"I know Virg, we all would" John told him as he placed a comforting hand on Virgil's shoulder.

At that moment there was a knock at the door and Scott entered the studio.

"Sorry to interrupt" he told his brothers as he realised that he has walked in on some serious. He could tell, not only because he knew his brothers so well, but the tension that was hanging in the air was a clear indication that they were talking about something important

"What's up Scott?" John asked tearing his gaze away from Virgil to look over at their oldest brother as he approached them. Virgil was grateful to John as he didn't know if he could trust his voice at that particular moment.

"Dad sent me to get you, apparently Brains has some news he wants to share with all of us"