Beautifully Broken

(Chapter Twenty One: Solitude)

Olivia reached over and turned off her buzzing alarm clock. She had barely gotten any sleep at all the night before and now had to go into work feeling like hell. She had a feeling that something like this would happen when she allowed Courtney to talk her into going out on a Sunday night, but she had no idea it would be for this reason.

She climbed from the bed and stumbled to the kitchen to push the button on the coffee pot and start some STRONG coffee, it was going to take everything she had to pull her through today. On her way to the bathroom to get ready for work, Olivia pushed open the door to the guest room to see Courtney passed out and hanging half way off the bed. At least she was alone, Olivia thought as she shrugged her shoulders.

"So much for you making breakfast," she mumbled softly with a smile as she pulled the door shut once again.

Olivia stood under the hot water of the shower and just let it stream over her body. She felt like shit. And she wasn't exactly sure how much of that was the quantity of alcohol she had consumed the night before and how much of it was due to this lonely depressing void she called her love life. Whatever it was, it sucked!

She stepped out as the water began to run cold and wrapped a towel around herself as she made her way to the bed to slip into a comfortable pair of jeans and a nice blouse. No way in hell was she dressing up today, she just didn't have it in her.

Olivia blow dried her hair and smoothed a brush through it then poured herself a cup or coffee. She returned to the guest room and climbed onto the bed beside Courtney.

"Court," she said softly as Courtney groaned. "I know exactly how you feel," Olivia said looking down at her friend. "How did it go last night?"

Courtney moaned and pulled the blankets back from over her head to look at Olivia. She smiled and combed her fingers through her hair as she took the extra cup of coffee from Olivia's hand taking a sip.

"Good," she said with a smile. She reached beside the bed and picked up her cell phone. "He asked for my number. And he called me last night to make sure I made it home alright."

"That was sweet."

"He is sweet. Where are you going?"

"Work. It's Monday."

"Oh, shit. Liv, I'm sorry. I promised to fix breakfast."

"It's cool. I'm not a big breakfast person anyway."

"Well, what if I make dinner then. Tonight?"

"Now that sounds good."

"Okay," Courtney laughed.

"There are a few things I think we should talk about anyway," Olivia said pressing her lips together nervously.

"Like what? Liv, what's going on?"

"Rick and I broke up last night."

Courtney looked confused. "When?"

"He was here when I got home from the bar. It's a long story and I don't really have time to talk about it now. But he handed me the ring and said he couldn't wait anymore. He needed an answer right then. Yes or no?"

"You said no?"

"I am not ready to get married, Courtney. He knows that. Then he picked up his bags and he left. It's over."

"Liv, I'm sorry."

"I really have to go or I'm gonna be late for work. I just wanted to tell you before you spoke to Rick and had no idea what was going on. Help yourself to anything. Call me if you need me, I'll be home around six."

"Okay," Courtney said with a yawn as Olivia climbed out of the bed.

That afternoon Elliot returned from court to see Olivia sitting at her desk trying hard to concentrate on the stack of paperwork in front of her. It was obvious she was more than a little distracted.

"What are you staring at Stabler?" Fin asked catching him watching her.

"Is she alright?" Elliot asked. "She's not acting right."

"She said she's a little hung over from her night out last night. Not that it is any of your business. She'll be fine."

Elliot watched as she smoothed her hands over her face and combed her fingers through her hair. Olivia stood and made her way toward the ladies room. Elliot stood to go after her.

"Where are you going?" Fin asked.

"She's been crying," he said pulling away from Fin to go and check on her.

Elliot waited outside the bathroom for a few minutes, then tapped on the door.

"Liv? Is everything alright?"

He pushed the door slowly open to see her sitting in the floor crying. She wiped her face and looked up at him with tears in her big brown eyes.

"Are you alone in here? Can I come in?"

"This is the women's bathroom. What are you doing here?"

"I thought maybe you could use a friend. I'm a really good listener," he said as he stepped inside and locked the door behind him. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She just stared at him for a few minutes, then he turned to go.

"Wait," she said softly. "You can stay."

Elliot watched her as she drew a staggered breath. He sat down beside her in the floor and handed her a bottle of water from the machine.

"What is this?" She asked gazing into his eyes.

"A peace offering," he said and she forced a smile. "Liv, I know that things are different now, than they were. And I understand that you have moved on with your life. But you know, we were so much more than just lovers. We were also really good friends. I miss that. I miss my friend. I came back here after all of these years and everything has changed. You were gone, Courtney moved away and got married, twice." Olivia smiled. "And I have no idea what happened ever to Steve."

"He is a lawyer in Chicago."

"He is?"

"Yeah," Olivia said with a smile. "I hear from him now and then. Last I heard he and his wife had a baby boy. It's been a few months."

Elliot smiled. "It's just strange. I don't have any friends anymore. I was hoping that would change once I settled back in Manhattan and started work. And Munch is cool, but Fin hates me. And no one else will even speak to me. It's lonely, you know?"

"Yeah. I know," she said staring into his eyes.

"I guess I was hoping that we could still be friends."

"I'd like that," she said with a soft smile.

Elliot exhaled as he stared into her eyes. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She looked down at the floor for a moment. "Rick and I broke up last night. He took his things and went back to Boston. After five years together, it's just over."

"I'm so sorry, Liv."

"You are? I figured you would be happy about it."

"Of course, I'm sorry. Olivia, you cared about this guy. And the last thing I would ever want is for you to get hurt. I might have this crush on you, but I that doesn't mean I want you to have bad relationships because we're not together. The one thing I want more than anything in the world is for you to be happy. Even if that happiness is shared with another guy."

"That is sweet."

"You are my friend. I don't want to see you cry," he said tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "You're beautiful, Olivia. You are a sweet, caring, wonderful person. And you deserve to be happy. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't want the best for you?" Things were quiet for a few minutes then Elliot opened his hand as she placed hers into it. "Was this because of me?" He asked as he looked at her.

"No. It's been coming for a while, now. We just don't want the same things anymore. He has asked me, probably twenty times to marry him. I keep asking him to wait. Trying to explain to him that I am just not ready for that right now. When I got home from the bar the other night he was sitting at the kitchen counter. I was a little shocked, he wasn't supposed to be home for another week and a half. But I was so happy to see him. He said he saw us at the bar and I told him nothing was going on. I'm not sure he believed me. He said he bought us a house in Boston and he wanted me to go back with him and marry him. That we were going to build a life together there. But I am just not ready for that. He didn't want to listen, so he told me goodbye and he picked up his bags and he left."

"He bought a house without you seeing it first?"

"There, that is what I said. He just didn't understand why I should be hurt by that."

"Well, I understand how he thought he was doing good for you guys getting everything lined out. But if this was supposed to be your life together, your dream together. He should involve you in the important decisions as well."

"I try to talk to Courtney about all of this, but she is kind of caught in the middle. She's my best friend and his sister and I am not sure she is the best person to take relationship advice from."

"I'm sure she learned a few things from being divorced twice."

"From the same guy, Elliot."

"Oh. She married the same guy twice?"

"Yes."

"Maybe she isn't the best person to ask for advice on this."

Olivia smiled. "It's nice to be able to talk to you again."

"Well, I am always here if you want to talk. I want us to be friends, Olivia."

"So do I."

"You gonna be alright?"

"I will, I just needed a moment. But talking to you really helped."

"Good," he said kissing her forehead. "I'm gonna head back out here and get to work before I get into trouble with Cragen."

"Elliot…"

"Yeah?"

"I really am glad that you are okay. And I didn't mean to be harsh toward you. I just didn't know how to react."

"It was a lot to handle."

"I just can't help but think how different my life would have been if you hadn't…." she stared at him for a minute. "If you had come back home, if I hadn't lost you, everything would have been so different."

"I know."

"We should get back to work," she said as he helped her up from the floor.

"I meant what I said, Olivia. About us being friends. If you ever want to talk…"

"Thanks El," she said with a smile as he watched her walk back to her desk.

That was the first time in eleven years that he had heard her call him El. Elliot smiled as his new friend grinned at him from behind her desk. Together, neither of them had to be lonely anymore.