An hour and a half later, Lorelai was still sitting curled up on the couch, her chin resting on a pillow, when the doorbell rang. Startled, Lorelai wiped away the tears that had been forming in her eyes. Chris? Could he have driven to his apartment and come back already?
She peered out the window. A familiar-looking vehicle was pulling away—one that looked a lot like Logan's. Suddenly it hit her. Rory! She'd completely forgotten. Lorelai rushed to the hall mirror to check her face. She rubbed it, hoping there were no more signs of the tears she'd spilled an hour ago. Then she opened the door, just as the ring of the doorbell sounded again.
"Mom!"
There stood her daughter, suitcases in tow. Lorelai hugged her. "You're back early!"
"Yep, Logan made good time."
"Just tell me he didn't speed," Lorelai replied, shutting the door behind them.
"I don't know, I didn't have my eyes on the speedometer every single second."
"That means your eyes were elsewhere. Which means you and I have some stuff to talk about."
Rory shrugged out of her coat. "My eyes were closed half the time. Seriously, I was tired."
"Oh no, are you too tired to go Christmas shopping with your dad?"
"What?" asked Rory, stopping in the middle of folding her scarf. "Where is Dad?"
"He, um, he went home to get a few things before you came, but he wanted to take you to the mall later to look for a present for Gigi."
"Oh, okay, I can do that, 'cause my Gigi gifts aren't the greatest."
"Okay, great. How about you give Dad a call and tell him to get over here and pick you up? That way you guys can be done early."
"All right. You want to come with us?"
"No, uh, actually, I've got to run into town to get some stuff myself, so I'll probably be gone before your dad gets here."
"You're not sticking around to see Dad?" asked Rory in mild surprise.
"I just saw Dad. We just watched White Christmas together."
"Ah," Rory grinned. "Okay, I'll dial Dad and you head out before the storm gets here."
"Storm? What storm? Is there the word "snow" before that storm, or is it just rain? Please tell me it's not rain. Or hail."
"It's supposed to snow like six inches before midnight, Mom."
"Ha. I will believe it when I see it."
Lorelai scrambled around the entryway, moving Rory's suitcase and bags until they were lined up against the wall. On the second step of the stairs, she paused. "Seriously, hon, you and I are going to catch up when I get back, okay?"
Holding a phone to her ear, Rory came out of the living room to appear in Lorelai's view. "Dad!" she said, holding up a hand to let her mother know she couldn't be interrupted at the moment.
Lorelai blinked, the animated expression on her face suddenly transforming into a mask. Staring straight ahead, she hurried up the stairs.
Half an hour later, Chris was on the road again, nearing the Stars Hollow population sign. His heart was racing, and he swore his blood pressure was rising. It was all due to Lorelai, and not because of the way Lorelai usually affected his heart rate and his blood pressure.
Chris tried to take a deep breath. His frustration and anxiety weren't completely Lorelai's fault. He was the one who had started the argument. Lorelai, of all things, had been telling him she thought they were right together. At any other moment in the history of their relationship, Chris would have been astonished and ecstatic. He probably would have swept Lorelai into his arms right there.
But Lorelai had picked the worst moment to stage her big announcement. Chris had been sitting on the couch, feeling disgruntled, while Lorelai bubbled about the idyllic Christmas she was enjoying. She was in a buoyant mood (because she hadn't had to endure dinner with his mother two days before). She'd won the rights to Rory's undivided attention, the whole house was decorated exactly the way she wanted it...and Chris was sitting exactly where she wanted him, completing the picture-perfect scene. No matter that he hadn't even had a say in the movie they were watching--no matter that he hadn't actually had much of a say in anything for the last few days. Lorelai was happy, and apparently that was all that mattered.
She'd said the words he'd wanted her to say a year ago--no, twenty years ago. Lorelai Gilmore had actually told him that they belonged together, that she didn't want anyone except him. Yet instead of feeling his heart swell with joy, at that moment, Chris had felt like nothing more than another puppet in the theatre of Lorelai's whims. He'd been annoyed. He'd let his frustrations explode, and Lorelai had been clearly taken aback. Chris knew, with a stab of guilt, that he'd hurt Lorelai.
He hadn't intended to, but she made it so hard for him sometimes. It wasn't just the incidents of the past week; it was all the accumulated frustrations and brick walls of the last year and the last twenty years. They never moved forwards; it felt like they never would.
Yet, somehow, Chris knew that despite what he'd said to Lorelai, he wasn't going to end their relationship. Maybe he was weak, maybe he was an eternal optimist, or maybe he was a fool, but Lorelai was still the only woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. She just made it so terribly difficult sometimes. That was why his heartbeat was accelerating and his forehead felt tight. He didn't want their reunion with their daughter to be strained by the underlying tension between himself and her mother. He didn't want this Christmas to be like last Christmas. Christopher's lips were were set tightly as he pulled into Lorelai's driveway.
His face was grim as he rang the doorbell, even as he tried to prepare his face to smile for Rory. When no one answered the door, Christopher half-believed that Lorelai had decided to lock him out. Nevertheless, he fished in his coat pocket for his spare key. When Rory called, she'd said her mother had suggested she call. Chris had to admit that there had been a look of real alarm in Lorelai's eyes as he'd walked out, and despite his feelings of aggravation, he knew why. He'd only intended to go home to cool off, but the words he said had probably sounded like he was leaving for good. By telling Rory to call him, Lorelai had probably been trying to make amends.
Chris was turning the key in the lock when the door flew open.
"Dad!"
"Hey, kiddo!" Chris answered as he stepped inside, the smile coming easily after all. "You're home!"
"So are you! Here, take this." Rory thrust a wrapped box towards him. Chris stared at it with a befuddled look.
"What?"
"Take it to your apartment and hide it, because there's no way I can keep Mom from finding it for two more days."
"It's wrapped," Chris pointed out.
"That's never stopped Mom before."
"Where is Mom right now?" Chris asked, looking nervously around the house.
"Oh, she went to run some errands," Rory responded, pulling on her gloves.
"Mom went out?"
"Yeah, she went shopping. And I could be wrong, but I don't think she was shopping for Gigi. Speaking of which, I had no idea what to get Gigi. I bought her a Barbie, but I wasn't the Barbie type when I was younger, so I don't want to give her something she'll hate."
Distracted by his own thoughts, Chris allowed a second to pass before he answered. "Okay. Well, your sister has recently gotten heavily into Dora the Explorer."
"Okay. Video store, then toy store."
"Good thinking."
Lorelai had been driving for nearly half an hour, and she still had no idea where she was going. She just wanted to be out of the house, on the road. She kept blinking, trying to stave off the tears that threatened more forcefully with every turn of the road.
Chris had just walked away. His reaction had been like a bolt from the blue. Lorelai honestly hadn't seen it coming; if she had, she would have never been so vulnerable with him, would never have confessed her feelings. She honestly hadn't known that Chris felt shut out or mistreated. His words stung, but it was an unfamiliar kind of pain she couldn't quite define. Whenever Luke had been angry or unresponsive, her heart had dropped like a stone and her imagination had started to spin in fear. Back then, she'd felt real terror at the prospect of Luke leaving her. If Luke ever walked away, it would mean the loss of a constant source of support and security. But Chris walking away was totally different. Lorelai had never relied on Chris the way she had on Luke. Anyway, she'd learned in the last two years that no one, not even Luke, could meet all her needs perfectly. Nowadays, Lorelai felt reasonably assured of her own ability to cope in difficult situations. The broken engagement and the broken marriage might have been partly her own fault, but at least she had survived. She still had her job, her family, and her friends. Miraculously, even Christopher had taken her back.
She didn't feel that she'd drown without Christopher. She'd managed just fine without him for twenty-two years; and anyway, he'd always be around to some extent, because of Rory. Maybe he was right, and maybe they'd never have a permanent relationship. She could handle that. She'd handled it for twenty years.
Then why did it hurt so much? It was the look on his face--that tired, disillusioned look--that hurt the most.
If she didn't stop driving, the flood of tears might come, so Lorelai kept right on going, even though her vision was now blurred. What she and Christopher had together, when it was good, was so good. She knew she'd sold him short during their marriage, and she'd been trying to make up for it. Begging out of his mother's dinner, decorating the tree herself, insisting that the two of them spend time with Rory together instead of Chris and Rory going off on their own--those were all such little things. Luke would have given in on any of those issues without a fuss. He'd always just wanted to see her happy. Chris, on the other hand, apparently only cared about himself.
But for some reason, Lorelai couldn't find it in her heart to be angry with Chris. All she could think of was that, without even realizing it, she'd hurt him. It wasn't a feeling she regularly experienced, but Lorelai felt as though she was feeling Christopher's own pain. Lorelai shook herself. She couldn't keep driving on like this. She had no idea where she was headed, it was nearing late afternoon, and she was wasting gas. She wondered how far she'd gone. She had to be nearly...
...at her parents' house.
The realization hit Lorelai like ice water. How on earth had she ended up here, less than five minutes away from the Gilmore residence? Had she been in her right mind? The first thing she'd done once Rory was old enough was run away from that place, with the intention of never returning. She'd made her home in Stars Hollow. Of all the routes she could have taken, how on earth had she ended up minutes from her parents' house?
Panicked, Lorelai decided to turn around instantly. At the next driveway, she would pull in and back out again. Then her heart beat faster. The next driveway? It was her parents'. She'd have to make a three-point turn. Lorelai signaled to the right and glanced in her rearview mirror, only to see, close behind her, an SUV that had somehow escaped her notice. In the driver's seat was an eerily familiar face.
It was Clara, Emily's maid. Dismayed, Lorelai stared into the rearview mirror for several seconds. She didn't notice her slowing speed until the black SUV behind her began roving to the left, clearly impatient and looking for a chance to pass. Lorelai hit the gas, hoping Clara hadn't recognized her vehicle. It was too late; the vehicle was already passing her, and as Lorelai glanced guiltily to the left, she had a full view of Clara's face, staring wide-eyed at her. Inwardly, Lorelai groaned. At last week's Friday night dinner, she had learned, to her profound disinterest, that her mother was on the verge of firing Clara for her loose tongue. Suddenly, Clara's loose tongue was a matter of great personal interest to Lorelai. Within five minutes of Clara's arrival at the Gilmore house this afternoon, the entire household was going to know that Lorelai had meandered past her parents' house without stopping.
This close to Christmas, Lorelai couldn't risk the fall-out. Wearily, she resigned herself to the inevitable. She allowed Clara to pass her, watched the familiar driveway gradually approach, and finally turned into it.
As Lorelai parked, a thought leapt into her head. Maybe her mother wasn't home. Maybe both her parents were gone. It was probably a vain hope, but she was going to cling to it until someone opened the door. She would rather hope against hope that her parents would be out of the house, than accept the fact that her day was going to turn out worse than it already had.
Slowly, Lorelai walked up the steps. She had barely pressed the doorbell when, to her surprise, it opened. Her father stood before her, beaming placidly. Lorelai drew a deep breath and braced herself.
"Hi, Dad. So, what, do you have a sixth sense now?"
"No, but I have Clara, and she's as good as seven senses," smiled Richard, turning to nod at someone standing behind him. Peeking around the doorway of the dining room, Clara smiled, her eyes narrowing slightly. In return, Lorelai offered an artificial smile that vanished almost instantly.
"So to what do I owe the pleasure of this unexpected visit?" Richard asked.
"Oh, I don't know," said Lorelai lamely. "I was just in the neighbourhood and I thought I'd stop by."
"Well, that was very thoughtful of you, although I have to say that this neighbourhood is quite a distance from yours."
"Yeah," Lorelai muttered. She nodded lightly towards Clara, who hadn't moved and was watching with a sharp eye. In a low voice, she said to her father, "Can you…"
Richard turned. "Oh. Clara, Emily wanted you to have a look at the Christmas tablecloths. There may be an epidemic of moths in the attic. "
Pursing her lips, Clara turned and began ambling away. Lorelai's face twitched into a brief smile. Richard called after Clara, "And if we have moths, Emily would like us to switch to a different brand of mothballs. Perhaps you should empty all the boxes entirely."
Clara didn't turn her head, but apparently realizing that Richard meant business, she began clicking her heels more quickly towards the stairs. Richard turned back towards Lorelai, his expression unreadable.
"Now, what were you saying, Lorelai? Why don't we go into the living room?"
Meekly, Lorelai followed her father and, at his gestures, sat down across from him. Her father's expression was still inscrutable, and Lorelai couldn't discern whether he was in a mild or severe mood.
"So," she began, looking at the floor.
"So, Emily and I are looking forward to seeing you and Christopher and Rory for Christmas dinner tomorrow night. "
Lorelai shuffled her feet, too spent to cover up the truth or pick an argument. "Yeah, well, you might want to stop looking forward. Chris and I had a fight."
His brow darkening, Richard rose for a second and then, apparently thinking better of it, sat down. Lorelai waited. Richard took a deep breath. "All right, you had a fight. Now you go home and patch things up."
"No, I don't think Chris wants to hear from me. I think it's over."
Richard rose decisively this time, exasperated.
"Why is it that with you and Christopher, the first fight, the first upset, is the end of the relationship? Is it too much to ask after twenty years that my daughter and the father of her child actually stay together?"
Lorelai twisted her fingers. "No. Yes. I don't know."
"Of course you know something," Richard rejoined impatiently. "You're the second party in this marriage."
"But I don't know anything. I don't know if Chris wants to be with me."
Richard sat down on the edge of his seat. "Well then, that makes two of you."
"What?"
"Those were the exact words Christopher said to me when we were golfing. He said, 'Lorelai doesn't want to be with me.' "
"You played golf with Christopher?"
"No, don't derail the subject. I'm not finished."
"Who's doing the derailing? I didn't bring up the topic of this secret golf tournament."
"There were no secrets. I simply thought that you and Christopher had spent enough time playing these high school games. It was time for someone to intervene."
"Intervening, hmm. Yeah, that's something you and Mom know a lot about. Well you can stop intervening, Dad, because apparently it doesn't matter whether I try or he tries or we both try, we just can't make it work."
Richard appeared not to have heard. "I used to watch you and Christopher together and I used to be proud because I thought, 'My daughter loves a boy I'm not going to be ashamed of giving her to."
"Yeah, because he was a Hayden."
"Hayden or no Hayden, Christopher was good for you."
"I know you love Chris, but that love wasn't showing when he got me pregnant with Rory."
"I won't deny the two of you made an enormous mistake, but Rory was no mistake. You and Christopher should have waited ten years and married first before you had her, but that's water under the bridge. You and Christopher are married now, and I wish the two of you would get past your newlywed problems and make it last."
"Because you can't bear to see your daughter become a divorcee?"
"No, because you're my daughter and I want nothing less than the best for you."
"What's best for me, Dad, or what's best for you?"
"Lorelai, we may disagree on some things, but I've watched you and Christopher since before you could read the labels on my wine bottles. And from the time you two went out on your first date I thought Christopher was the one for you. When the two of you are together, it looks like no one else in the world could make you happier, and it's a pleasure to watch. I know what it feels like. I felt that way when I met your mother."
From behind them, Emily spoke. "I've never heard that."
Both Richard and Lorelai—who was far more startled than her father—turned to look at Emily, standing with her purse in hand in the doorway of the room.
"Well, it's true," said Richard with a smile.
Emily looked to Lorelai. "Hi, Mom," said Lorelai with a feeble wave.
"Lorelai. What a surprise."
"Yeah, I'm surprised too, and I am not kidding about that one."
"You're somewhat early for the Christmas party," Emily remarked drily.
"Emily, Christopher and Lorelai had a fight," said Richard.
Lorelai rose to her feet. Her voice, though raised, verged on tears.
"Okay, that's it, I'm walking out. For God's sake, Dad, couldn't you have cut the intervening for five seconds?"
Emily spoke sharply. "Lorelai Gilmore, come back here."
In the hallway, Lorelai turned, tears in her eyes. "Why, Mom? So you can give me another endless spiel about how Christopher is good for me and I belong with him and I'm throwing him away? Well guess what? I know Chris is good for me and I know I could have been happy with him and I know I probably blew it. So there's your consolation. You were right. I should be with him. I should have married him when you told me to. Chris and I aren't ever going to stay together now, but at least you, Mom, were right."
Lorelai walked quietly to the door. Emily stood behind her for a second, then followed.
"Lorelai."
"What, Mom?"
"You shouldn't have married Christopher at sixteen. Your father and I were wrong about that."
"What?"
"It's difficult for me to say this, so I'm only going to say it once. I should have said it sooner. You were right. You weren't ready for marriage at sixteen, and you never belonged in Hartford. "
"You could have said that a lot sooner, Mom. I know I'm not fit for classy old-school A-list Hartford."
"Well, you lack decorum, but it's not that. I don't understand you, Lorelai. I didn't agree with your choice to live in Stars Hollow and I still don't understand it, but I was wrong to try to make you live a life you simply can't lead. "
"I know I let you down, okay, Mom? I have heard it since I was three years old and I wanted my hair in pigtails instead of ringlets. I really don't need to hear it again right now."
"Lorelai, you're not listening to me. You haven't let me down. You've become what, only God knows why, you were made to be. "
"And guess what, Mom? I had to leave Hartford to be that person."
"I know that. I'm well aware that all children have to fly the nest eventually. I've accepted that you've flown." Emily's voice, to Lorelai's astonishment, trembled slightly. "I suppose I just want to know that all those years I spent raising you weren't completely in vain."
Lorelai sighed. "Mom. I'm your daughter. Much as I used to wish it, I didn't just spring fully formed from U2's drum kit. I ran away to Stars Hollow twenty-two years ago, and every day I still hear your voice echoing through my mind telling me how to be a lady."
"You made me sick with shame when you left, Lorelai. But I also missed you."
"You don't have to miss me, Mom. I'm never going to be completely gone. Somehow, call it the destiny of the gods or what you will, I keep finding myself back here in Hartford."
"I hope you and Christopher both find yourselves here tomorrow night, along with that incredible daughter of yours," said Richard, appearing beside them at the door.
"You and Christopher and Rory have never celebrated Christmas together with us," Emily added.
"I wouldn't count on this being the one," answered Lorelai gloomily.
"Lorelai," Richard said, "your mother and I aren't asking for your presence every single minute of every day."
"But tomorrow night," added Emily, "you and Christopher, come home."