Confessions on Hotel Paper: Chapter 21
The sun crept through Shane's curtains, waking me up from my sleep. My hair was strewn out and Shane had his arms wrapped around me. He looked so peaceful as he slept and I couldn't help but watch him, completely captivated by him.
I bit my bottom lip as the events from the night before flooded my mind. Shane and I slept together and I was actually feeling happy, despite everything else that was happening in my life.
A small smile was on his face and I buried my head into his shoulder, just wanting to lay with him all day long.
He began to stir a few moments later and let out a yawn.
"Good morning." I greeted him, lifting my head up to kiss him softly.
"Morning." He smiled, "How are you feeling?"
"Wonderful."
"I feel the same way."
"This is really happening..." I trailed off.
He smiled warmly at me, "I'll never leave you."
He placed his hand on my cheek, kissing me tenderly as I felt his bare body press up against my own. I felt a small patch of coldness on my cheek and realised what it was as he pulled his hand away from my face. I opened my eyes to see the purity ring on his finger, his hand moving to wrap around me again.
He had broken his vow because of me.
"What's wrong?" He asked, sensing something was on my mind.
"We had sex." I said rather plainly.
"I know we did." He replied, kissing my forehead.
"You have a purity ring," I reminded him, "I made you break your promise." I freaked out sitting upright, bringing the sheets up with me against my chest.
He sat upright with me, "Hey it's okay." He assured me with a soft voice, trying to calm me down.
"It's not; almost every person in the world who knows who you are, knows that you wear a purity ring. You made a promise to God and now I'm the tramp who has gone and ruined that."
He let out a small laugh, "You are not a tramp, this was my decision too. I don't regret it."
"Shane." I sighed, "I'm sorry."
He brought his lips to mine, kissing me passionately. He ushered me back on the bed so I was laying down with him on top of me.
He pulled away breathlessly a moment later and stared into my eyes, "I love you and really don't regret anything."
"I don't think I was really thinking clearly at all last night, I didn't even think about protection. You are lucky I am on the pill."
"Oh, I am lucky?" He teased.
"Actually I would be if I got pregnant, pretty sure I'd get a big fat cheque in the mail each week for the baby." I joked.
"In all due time my love." He winked, moving off me so he could hold me in his arms again.
"Sure because you totally want kids."
"Well not right now or in the next few years, but one day I most definitely do want kids."
I smiled widely at this, "I want kids one day too."
I felt him reach for my hand a moment later, "I want you to have this." He said, slipping a ring on the ring finger of my left hand.
I looked to see that it was his purity ring and I was shocked, "Shane." I gasped.
"Don't freak out, it's yours now. You are the one I see myself marrying and having children with one day after all."
I broke out into tears and wrapped my arms around his neck, "I can't stop falling more in love with you, I hope you know that I love you so much."
"I know, because I love you so much too."
I smiled and made myself comfortable in his arms, just enjoying the morning together in total bliss. Nothing could ever beat us laying in his bed together our skin against each other with his ring on my finger.
...
"I think we need to get up." I said rather reluctantly an hour later, "Otherwise Nate and Jason will be wondering what we are doing."
"Let them wonder." He smiled, making my heart flutter.
I kissed him sweetly before grabbing the sheet on me and getting out of the bed, wrapping it around me.
"As enticing as laying in bed with you all day is, I need to get back to reality."
"Mitchie," He whined playfully, "I am your reality. I am right here in the flesh and will spend all day with you."
I smiled gratefully at him before walking into the bathroom, "I love you, Superstar."
I looked at myself in the mirror to see my hair was rather messy and I saw Shane appear behind me. I looked at him through the mirror, smiling widely as he wrapped his arms around me.
"You know I could just rip that sheet off you and we could have a shower together." He grinned, kissing my bare shoulder.
I looked down at the silver ring on my finger, feeling so happy yet slightly concerned.
"Seriously, don't worry about it." Shane murmured in my ear, as if he was reading my mind.
"Won't people start talking?"
"Let them talk, I don't care."
"You will when Nate and Jason ask about it, when your family ask about it."
"I'll tell them I gave it to you because I love you and that you're the only girl I'll ever be with for the rest of my life."
Touched at his words, I twisted around in his arms and wrapped my own around his chest.
It seemed like things just got more and more complicated as time went on; Shane did tell me it would be hard, I knew it would be. He never said it would be easy and too be honest if things were easy, it would be different.
I wouldn't change anything about our relationship for the time being, I was so happy and content and really could not picture my life without Shane.
…
We came out of Shane's bedroom not too long later (and fully clothed) for breakfast.
Nate and Jason were sitting at the dining room table and were eating a stack of pancakes each.
"Where are ours?" Shane asked as I sat down at the table.
"In the kitchen, I was feeling generous." Nate told him.
Shane kissed me on the cheek before going into the kitchen and Nate gave me a sympathetic look.
"It's just my dad," I said softly, "I don't really want to talk about it right now."
"We are here if you need to talk." Jason said with a small smile on his face.
"Thank you."
Shane returned a few seconds lated with a plateful of pancakes for himself as well as for me.
...
"I know your label doesn't want you to be here. I really do appreciate you dropping me home and being with me when I confront my dad." I told him as he drove me home the following day.
"As long as you don't tell him what we were doing this weekend, I am happy to be there for you."
"I just don't know how my mum will react to this. If my dad denies it and she believes him, I may just have to move in with you."
"That would be fine." He assured me.
I got more and more nervous the closer we got to my house. I could feel the tears brim against my eyes as we pulled up in my driveway.
"I don't know if I can do this." I whispered as Shane put his car in park.
"You can, I know you can."
I sighed and got out his car, waiting for him to do the same before we made our way to the front door of my house.
I took a deep breath before opening the door, Shane held my hand in his as we stepped inside and into the living room to see my dad watching the television.
I turned it off, standing in front of it.
"How was Caitlyn's house? He asked me, switching the television back on with the remote control.
"I didn't go to Caitlyn's." I replied honestly.
He muted the television at this, "Then where were you?"
"She was with me." Shane answered.
"Connie! Get in here! Your daughter spent the weekend at her boyfriend's house and lied to us about it!" He shouted out angrily, standing up.
"You'd know about lying wouldn't you?" I asked, a couple tears leaking from my eyes.
"I thought you were at Caitlyn's." My mum said confused, coming out from the kitchen.
"I was with Shane." I said matter-of-factly, knowing that I would be in so much trouble.
"I swear to god Mitchie, the two of you had better not have had sex."
"Maybe we did dad, maybe we just had sex the entire weekend." I remarked sarcastically.
"Mitchie!" My mum exclaimed angrily, "What is going on?"
"Why don't you ask your husband, I heard him on the phone last night talking, would you like to tell her?" I asked my dad, returning my focus to him.
He stared me down and didn't say a word at all. Shane grabbed my hand, squeezing it reassuringly as the tears continued to spill down my cheeks.
I close my eyes, realising he wouldn't say anything if I didn't, "Dad is having an affair." I whimpered.
"Mitchie, please go upstairs." My mum told me, her voice shaking.
I felt Shane place his hand on my lower back and he lead me upstairs, the only sound I could hear were my own cries. As soon as we were in my room, Shane shut the door and I broke down in complete tears again. He held me in his arms and I heard my mother begin to yell at my dad.
"You did the right thing by telling her. You are a good daughter, don't doubt that."
"Then why do I feel so bad?" I wept into his shoulder.
"Did you just want to leave?"
I nodded, "Yes, I don't want to be here."
"Grab your things and we can go to a hotel."
I grabbed a bag and shoved some clothes to put in it as well as my school books that I would need the next day. I shoved some make-up and toiletries in and I was ready to leave.
"How do we get out?" I asked, wiping the tears off my cheek, "I don't want to go down there."
"Out the window, the way I sneak in here."
"Just let me leave a note." I told him, grabbing a piece of paper and leaving a note addressing it to my mum.
'Mum, I can't be home tonight. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you. Xo'
…
Shane and I ended up in the hotel I had spent some time with him after his show in Anaheim what seemed like forever ago. So much had happened since then and I was so grateful he was still there for me.
Shane checked in with no problems at all and then came back to the car to get me so we could go straight to the room.
"Please tell me I'm not keeping you from something tomorrow. You don't have an interview or something do you?" I asked him.
"It's fine, I just have an interview tomorrow night. Don't stress."
"I just don't want to give the label an even bigger reason to want us to break up."
"Mitch," He sighed, "I told you I wouldn't even though they wanted me to. I won't let them change my mind. I love you and I would drop everything for you if I had to."
"What do you mean?"
"If it came down to me choosing between you or my music, I'd choose you." He explained.
"You don't mean that." I told him, letting out a nervous laugh.
"I do." He affirmed.
I set my bag down and shook my head, "Shane, I don't want to ever come between you and your career. I do not want to be the reason why you quit music when you have millions of fans that would be so disappointed."
"My music and my fans mean a lot to me but you mean more, it's as simple as that."
I let out a heavy breath and ran a hand through my hair, "Shane, please don't put me in this position. I have never meant so much to someone before. I don't know how this is supposed to make me feel, I just...there is so much going on in my life right now." I cried, feeling completely overwhelmed by everything.
"I'm sorry, I don't want to upset you at all." He comforted me, wrapping his arms around me securely.
"You know I love you, right?" I wept into his chest.
"I do." He replied kissing the top of my head.
It was a couple hours later that Shane fell asleep and I grabbed the hotel notepad that was next to me and wrote down a new song.
'Spitting fire back and forth now
Times have changed in just a few months
Neighbors complaining from the fights and
Why can't things be the same
And maybe I'm just a little bit cautious
Of what I'm gonna say
When I tell you I can't live this way.
But I don't know what to expect from someone who's so insane
Why can't I get through the night
Without another fight
I'm tired of the hurting
Is it really worth it?
Am I all alone again?
Cause I am kinda feeling like I'm screaming
With my mouth shut
When it's really open.
The only noises in my head
Are consumed of your voice
From all the pain and hatred
How long can you kick somebody down
Before a foot breaks?
And why can't I get through the night
Without another fight
I'm tired of the hurting
Is it really worth it?
Am I all alone again cause
I am kinda feeling like I'm screaming
With my mouth shut when it's really open.
And I knew that you would fabricate
This situation just for
The sake of your need for attention
And I'm sick of always being the one
To always break down, always melt down
In the end.
And maybe this time
It's a sign that independence and I
Are finally catching on
I don't need you to rely on.
And why can't I get through the night
Without another fight I'm tired of the hurting
Is it really worth it?
Am I all alone again cause
I am kinda feeling like I'm screaming
With my mouth shut
When it's really open.
Spitting fire back and forth now
Times have changed in just a few months'
I had no idea what to expect from my parents the following day.