It took hours for Jess' body to calm down. We sat in the tub for two of them, and I must have refilled it about five times. I did everything I could think of to try and get her to relax enough to get her body to do what it needed to do. The fact of it was though there was too much stress for anything to work, and she remained entirely seized up. About an hour after we got out of tub she started dry heaving, occasionally just spitting out gobs of crud. Dean was passed out, doing what he did best- avoiding the situation.

Jess hadn't said much and I was trying not to worry about it. I was glad when at five-thirty she started shaking. I hated her sobbing from the pain of it, and the stitches on her back strained, but at least she was starting to move a little. By six I decided the stitches needed to come out when blood started seeping through. It would hurt, but it would be better than if she popped one. I was exhausted and she was shaking so badly, I cut her as I removed them. She was so sensitive she let out a scream that jerked Dean awake. He shot up, pulling the gun automatically from under his pillow.

"What's happening?"

"Dean, its fine. Go back to sleep." I was more concerned with the blood gushing from her back with every tremor than I was in explaining that twelve hour panicked drive had pushed Jess' body into overdrive. I grabbed a towel and pressed it to her back, ignoring her whimpers.

"Jess? Sam, what's going on?"

"You're an idiot, Dean. Just go back to sleep." I turned my attention back to Jess. "I'm so sorry, baby. I want to make it stop hurting." Dean had sat up, and was trying to assess the situation for himself. I started to pull the last two stitches but as soon as metal touched her skin it elicited another scream. As soon as she unarched her back she reached for Dean, the only person she could see. He was out of bed and grabbing her outstretched hands before I could even blink.

"Sam." He was demanding answers now. I knew better than to try and brush him off at this point.

"Twelve hours in a car, Dean and she's hurt. Her body can't handle it. Right now I need to get these stitches out. Popping one is going to hurt worse."

"Yeah, yeah I know. How long has this been going on?"

"Since we got out of the car." Dean bit his lip, finally realizing why I was angry. He didn't say anything, just continued chewing on his lip. I could see the tension in his hands from where he was resisting the urge to squeeze Jess' hands by way of apology.

"I'm so sorry."

"Just give me a hand. You can worry about apologies later," I gritted out. I was trying to calm down, knowing I was stressing Jess out more which was doing absolutely nothing to help.

"Hey, Jess. Sam needs to get those stitches out ok? I know it hurts. It hurts like Hell. I've been in that bed, and busting a stitch hurts so much more.

"I wasn't thinking. I should've stopped. Let you get out. I get so focused when it comes to keeping Sammy safe. That's how we were raised. And getting you out of there .I don't know why those demons want you so bad, Jess.

"Honestly it scares the crap out of me; having no idea what's going on or how to stop it. I can't even seem to protect you or Sam from it. It's coming at us from all sides and all we can do is fight our way out. We're gonna get you better Jess, and we're gonna get the Colt and we're gonna beat this thing."

I tried to ignore Dean's words, knowing what he was saying was mostly between him and Jess. I worked quickly, pulling the last stitch out. She was focused enough on Dean that she was only letting out little whimpers. As I pressed fresh gauze to the wound she let out a little keen but settled quickly, breathing hard. She rolled to her side, facing Dean.

"Water. Please." She sounded hoarse, but at least she was talking. I slipped to the bathroom, and filled a cup. Her hands were shaking, and she needed help drinking. Dean carefully pushed some hair out her eyes.

"You good for a sec?" I didn't pretend to know what Dean's motivations were.

"Yeah." It was easier to just agree.

He disappeared and came back a second later with a damp washcloth. He carefully pushed the hair back from her face and wiped the sweat away from her face and neck. She gave a weak smile. The light was starting to filter through the curtains. Dean moved back to his bed, watching carefully, fully aware of boundaries that had become more apparent lately.

Her shaking was starting to slow and stopped for whole minutes at a time over the next hour. I began playing with her hair, knowing it had helped calm her during midterms. The tremors were down to just her hands and calves whenher breathing evened out. She slowly drifted into a light sleep, stirring every time my hand quit moving against her hair. I looked across to where Dean was dozing. Eventually she slipped deeper into sleep and I slid under myself. I woke a few hours later to Dean sliding into his boots.

"I'm gonna grab some food." He kept his voice low and I nodded. He slid out the door. I was awake now, but was content to just lay there for a while.

Just remember not to move, Sammy

My thoughts once again strayed to hunting. I thought back to Christmas Eve and the flash of brown-blonde hair that had brought me back. I thought back to the few months of what I now realized was as close to perfection as I was ever going to get. I had been able to hunt and be normal. I had found the balance and Brady had ripped that away from me, taken away any chance of normalcy. I was angry. That was ok because, really, it had all been so close.

I allowed my thoughts to rail off and settled into watching Jess sleep. The steady movement of her breathing was enthralling, and given the past five hours of broken sobs and labored breathing, comforting. I wanted to reach out and touch her, but I figured that would probably wake her. I settled down relaxing, my own breathing beginning to match hers. I jumped when the door opened, revealing Dean balancing boxes precariously. I stood and grabbed the drinks before they fell, careful to not wake Jess.

We sat down at the table across from each other. I put Jess' food to the side for when she woke up. I cracked my own box open, expecting some sort of delicious smell to fill my nose. Instead I got the smell of slightly damp potato chips. I picked up a floppy BLT and glared at Dean.

"What the hell, man?"

"Sorry."

I sighed and bit into the sandwich cringing at the thick coating of grease that suddenly covered my tongue. I forced it down anyway before proceeding to burn my mouth on too hot coffee.

"Sammy, about yesterday-"

"You were scared Dean. We all were. No one said anything. If you really have to apologize to someone, make it Jess. She was the one suffering.

"I am sorry, Sam. I should've been thinking."

"Speaking of thinking-"

"I'm not going to like what you're about to say am I?"

"I don't know, but it needs to be said. You know how hunting was never purely endgame for me? I wanted the house, 2.6 kids, and normal?"

"Yeah. It's sorta the whole reason you left." The sarcasm from his mouth tasted bitter on my tongue.

"I still want it. More than anything, but I think it's time to look at the fact it might not happen. That it's not real."

"So basically you're owning up to reality?"

"I'm saying I'm accepting the fact that hunting full-time is going to be my life."

"Thanks for sharing." I heard rustling on the bed.

"Sam?" Her voice was raw. It sounded like it hurt to talk. I closed my container and stood, walking towards her.

"Yeah, baby?"

"Hi," she whispered when I reached her.

"Hi. How're you?"

"Been better. Kinda feel like shit actually."

"Yeah. That's not too surprising."

"I could really use a shower."

"Let's get you sitting first. Maybe get some food in you." I could see how weak she was- how much the past twenty-four hours had taken out of her and she hadn't exactly been running at a hundred percent before that. She looked like she belonged in a hospital, and if I was being honest with myself that's probably exactly where she should be. I felt a pressure on my arm and realized she was trying to pull herself up. I put my free hand on her waist to help her. She groaned, and almost sank back down.

"I got you."

"You always do." Dean carried over the still warm soup.

"How you doin' there, Jess?"

"You need to ask?"

"Ah, well. Tomato-rice soup. I can'tbelieve they had it. Guaranteed to make you feel better though.

"Thanks." She took the soup in shaking hands and the proffered spoon. The cup wobbled precariously, and I grabbed it before it sloshed everywhere. She tried to steady the spoon and nearly managed. She got the spoon in the soup before a particularly violent tremor rocked her hand and it splattered back into the container.

"I got it, babe." Jess let out a frustrated groan.

"God. This is embarrassing."

"It's ok. It happens. We're here as long as you need."

"What we need to do is get the Colt and get out of here."

The job is always the most important thing, Sammy

"Jess, you aren't any use to us if you can't even feed yourself."

"You, Dean Winchester, are an asshole. I can judge for myself if I can do anything and that includes hunting." Her sharpness of her words was undercut by the coughing fit she descended into. A moment later she motioned for the trash can. I put the soup on the nightstand and held her hair. I looked at her skeptically.

"You ok there, princess?" Dean was being sarcastic, pushing her buttons. Although it annoyed me, her response indicated that she was going to be just fine.

"Maybe staying for a while might not be such a bad idea. I still say what I can and can't do." I simply kissed her hair. She curled into my side and sat there for a few moments. I ran my fingers along the uninjured side of her neck.

"Sam?" she finally asked. I hummed, letting her know I was listening. "I really need a shower. I'm filthy, and sweaty and disgusting." I relented, and helped her to the shower. She kicked me out to use the bathroom, but admitted to needing help getting into the shower, and staying upright.

We stayed in Grand Junction for four days. I could see Jess regaining strength with each passing hour. She just needed the time. Dean had called Dad and Bobby to let them know what had happened in Casper, to be alert. They expressed their concern for Jess, and told us to stay safe. I knew Bobby was more worried about the demons than Dad was, but for once I couldn't find it in me to blame him. We were close; we could all feel it.

It was the afternoon of the third day. Dean had gone to get some food. Constantly having to leave the relative safety of the motel room was stressful, but the fact of the matter was we had to eat. As I was unwilling to leave Jess I had to trust Dean could take care of himself. We were curled up on the bed, watching daytime TV, waiting for Dean to get back. Jess stretched, her muscles still stiff, but she was moving a lot more easily now.

"We should probably leave tomorrow."

"Give it one more day?"

"Ok." I had been expecting more of a fight, but I could tell she was enjoying the time. Dean had bought a game of Monopoly while he was out and we had indulged in a marathon game. I knew we had to leave though. The morning of day five seemed to be more than enough time.

"That easy, huh?"

"I like spending time with you guys like this. Makes me feel like I have a family."

"Yeah. You are family."

"I can't go back, Sam. I don't really have a family anymore. I mean, it's not like I can tell anyone about this, after being gone for months."

"You ok, Jess?" I felt the break we had all been expecting coming.

"Yeah. I've had time to think about it. I miss them Sam, and I will for a long long time. I don't doubt my choices though. I made the right ones for the right reasons. It means I'm stuck with the Winchesters, but I can't think of a family I'd rather join."

"Marry me." The words just came out. They were true- I wanted her to really be a part of the family. She looked at me in pure panic. I bit the inside of my cheek. I couldn't pass this off as a lighthearted comment, and my heart froze as I waited for an answer.

"Not right now." I felt my heart sink.

"Fair enough."

"Ask again. Someday. I love you, Sam. I will say yes. Just not right now." I brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, pulling her tight against me.

"It's a bad idea. I know it is. And I will. Someday. Just wanna keep you safe."

"You won't lose me, Sam."

"I know, baby. I know." Not long after Dean came in with the food. We were pressed tightly together on the bed, lips hovering just on each other's.

"I'll just chill in the car for a while then."

A/N: This will likely be the last chapter up before I leave for a three week study abroad. As such I will not be updating during that time (as I'll have fairly limited Internet access, and will be in class a majority of the time) but I'll be writing! Thanks for your patience