Chapter 21
NOTE- Hi. I've just been reading back through all of the chapters and I'm so appalled at my awful grammar and spelling mistakes (and sometimes just leaving out words altogether!). I'm starting to wonder how you guys can even understand it lol, because reading through it there I was thinking to myself "What did I mean here?!". I'll tell you why this is though, lol. I find I can only write at night, right before bedtime. I get too distracted during the day or don't have enough time to fully concentrate so usually I'm quite tired and my eyes are drooping by the time I proofread it. So I'm really sorry about this, lol. When I finish the story I'll go back over the previous chapters and correct everything so it reads better and I'll take better care in the future chapters. Haha! Hope you're all enjoying it so far. Let me know what you think
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Reluctant to leave Berchtesgaden, we were headed for Austria. Initial glances seemed to suggest we were merely swapping one haven for another. Mountains that reached for the sky, water that glistened like diamonds against the midday sun and vaster expanses of green, green grass than I could ever claimed to have seen back home in the US. What's more, we were staying in another hotel. It was recent recurring event that I found myself loving, compared to back in the freezing foxholes of Bastogne. This time we were staying in the Grand Hotel in Zell Am See, overlooking the lake. Paradise.
Location-wise, the situation couldn't have been more perfect. However, my situation with Babe, on the other hand, was going from bad to worse. After our moment on VE day, I'd found myself avoiding and ignoring him. Not the best thing to do, I know, but I found it too awkward to be around him, with all of these unsaid issues up in the air.
I should have known though, that the truth would out at some point. Sooner than I thought, in fact.
A few days after our arrival, I found myself in the new Aid Station with Eugene. By "Aid Station", of course, I meant the hall in a nearby church that we'd been allowed to use, the Major stressing that we shouldn't keep all of our resources in the one place.
"Hey Eugene," I shouted over from the other side of the hall, where I was peering out of the window.
"Yeah?" He shouted back.
"You ever notice there's a hell of an echo in here?" I shouted back over. "Just listen. HELLO! ECHO!"
"This what you've been doing with your days?" A semi-amused voice came behind me. I spun round. It was Babe.
"Oh, hey. What's up?" I asked, pretending to be busy with something but then catching a glimpse of his cut hand. "Hey, what happened there?"
"Out on a patrol in the forest. Snagged it on a broken branch," He said, wincing slightly.
"Ouch. Ok, follow me," I led him towards the other end f the hall near Eugene, who was doing a crossword in the paper, and a few beds we'd set up. "Hop on,"
He sat on the bed and I began to wash and bandage his hand, an awkward silence between the two.
"So, what've you been up to?" He asked." I haven't seen you in ages."
"It hasn't been ages," I stressed, avoiding eye contact. "You know, we've just been swamped here at the aid station and back in Berchtesgaden too."
"Yeah, because there have been such heavy casualties," He pointed out, sarcastically.
"You saying I'm lying?" I asked, defensively. Well, ok, I was lying, but I strangely felt the need to fight my corner.
"I think you might be, yes. A clue might be the fact that Gene is over there doing a crossword puzzle," He said, looking over at Eugene, who looked up awkwardly and waned. "Hey Gene."
I looked at the ground.
"But that makes me wonder why you're lying," He continued, sounding hurt. "Are you avoiding me for some reason? Have I done something?"
"Babe, I don't know what you're talking about," I said, absolutely unconvincingly. I patted his hand. "There you go, all done."
"Whatever," He said, hopping off the bed, pretty steamed. "I'm so sick of you blowing hot and cold with me. We've known each other long enough that you should be able to be straight with me. If you ever decide that you wanna talk, you know where I am."
I watched as he stormed out. The hall stood in empty silence before I turned to Eugene, seemingly engrossed in his puzzle. "I suppose you heard all of that?"
"Sorry, I couldn't help by hear it," He said, setting his paper aside. "You wanna talk about it?"
I sighed and sat down on the space on the bed that Babe had just vacated. "It's just…. Okay, let's just that I've found out that someone likes me, or at the very least I have a very strong suspicion that someone likes me."
"Heffron?" Gene asked, assumingly.
I nodded. "What do you think?"
"I'd say, from my personal observations, that it's fairly obvious that he likes you," Gene told me.
I opened my mouth. "What? Is it obvious to everyone?"
"No," Gene laughed, reassuring me. "I'm pretty sure only to me. We're medics, we spend a lot of time watching the men. You get a lot of insight into them, I'm surprised it took you this long to figure it out."
"Thanks, Gene," I let out a small laugh, rolling my eyes.
"Anyway, yes it's obvious. But I don't see why that means you have to ignore him like you have been doing just because of it," He said, then opened his eyes wide. "Oh, unless you like him to?"
"No," I said, quick to deny it, but Gene saw right through me. "Gene, I love Bill. I love him."
"I know that," He nodded. "Doesn't mean you're not allowed to have feelings for anyone else. People can't help that sort of thing."
"But doesn't that make me a bad person?" I asked, frowning.
Eugene laughed. "No, of course not. It's okay to like someone else as long as you don't act on it. That's the difference. There's just a line there that you have to make sure you don't cross. However, I would say to you that it's not fair for you to shut him out. He's been such a good friend to you in Easy, especially since Bill's accident. I think you have to sit him down and just explain the situation to him. You owe it to him."
"You're right, Gene," I nodded firmly, standing up but then sitting back down again. "Just not today, okay."
"Fiona," Gene said, warningly.
" No, I will. I will, I promise. Just, not tonight. I need time to think about how I'm going to say it," I said, worried.
…………..
The next morning, we were all ordered to assemble in the courtyard of the hotel, to be addressed by Speirs.
"General Taylor has also announced that the 101st will definitely be redeployed to the Pacific," Speirs shouted out. "So, as of tomorrow at 0600 hours, we will begin training to go to war!"
I looked around at the rows of disappointed faces around me. It was a possibility we'd all hoped wouldn't come true.
……………
Later that afternoon, I'd gone to find him and was told I could find him in the forest at the mini pier the boys used to dive off of. Walking through the trees I saw him, shoe-off, top button undone, dangling his feet into the water.
"Hi," I said, sitting next to him, trying to keep my feet dangling above the water without touching it. "You okay?"
"Not really," He said, splashing his feet about. "I was really looking forward to going home."
"Yeah, I think we all were," I said, sadly. "But I guess we all knew this was a possibility."
"Yeah. I guess I'd put it to the back of my mind," He admitted, then looked at me. "What are you doing here?"
"You said I knew where to find you," I said, quietly. "So I came to find you."
"You mean you actually want to talk?" He mocked me, clearly trying to keep things light after our conversation yesterday.
"Yes," I said, seriously, preparing to unload. "You're right, I have been avoiding you."
"Why?" He asked.
"Because," I took a deep breath, preparing for the possibility that this was all in my head. "It's just, lately, I've kind of been getting the impression that you like me. In a romantic way. Please stop me if I'm wrong here and I'll just stop talking right now."
He looked away for a few seconds. "You're not wrong. I have liked you for a really long time. I was beginning to wonder if you'd ever figure it out."
"Wow," I paused for a few seconds. "Well, I'd be lying if I said that, lately, I haven't been having feelings for you, too."
"Really?" He asked, raising his eyebrows.
"Yes," I looked at the ground. "BUT…"
"BUT…Bill," He finished.
I nodded.
"I understand," He said, nodding his head.
Suddenly it all became a bit too much for me and I began to cry. "Babe, I don't want to lose you in all of this."
"Hey, you could never lose me," He said, moving closer and pulling me into a hug, joking. "Not even in Philly, since I'm just down the street from you. You'll never lose me. We were friends first before any of this and that'll never change. I won't let it."
"Really?" I asked, quietly.
"All I want is for you to be happy," He said, letting my go and looking in the other direction, sounding slightly choked-up. "And if it's Bill that makes you happy then I won't stand in the way of that. Plus, he's my friend and I want him to be happy, too. I'll live with it."
I didn't say anything, I just moved in closer and pulled him into a fierce hug.
"I just want you to promise me something," He said, pulling away from me.
"What?"
"That you won't come to the Pacific," He said, seriously. "I have to go. I don't have the points to go home but the points system doesn't apply to you. You can go home whenever you want and I really think it would be best if you did. You shouldn't go."
"James would've," I pointed out, firmly,
"Oh Jeez," He said, putting his head in his hands. "James would've wanted you to live a full life. You've already proved you were a good friend to him. You've done enough. Europe's one thing, you got lucky and you didn't die. Please, please, please don't go for a second time lucky."
"Babe," I said, sitting up straight. "I don't want to abandon you guys. I can't."
"At least promise me you'll think about it," He pleaded.
"Why is this so important to you?" I asked, concerned.
"Nothing, it's just someone in D Company showed me these pictures that his brother sent him of what the Japanese have been doing to POWs and they were just…," He said, looking almost scared. "Anyway, I'd be so much happier knowing you were safe back home. Safe with Bill. Please, promise me you'll think about it."
"O-okay," I said, seeing this meant a lot to him. "I'll think about it."
……….
Pacific aside, it turned out that we still couldn't escape death. Not even here in the peace of post-Hitler Austria. I found myself, a few weeks later, in the aid station late one night, cleaning up the bloody corpse of Private Janovec. He'd been involved in a road accident and I was trying to make him presentable for transportation back to the US. Pity, I thought, to make it this far and die like this. Still, I couldn't help that his parents were luckier than most. Most didn't even get a body back. Just a telegram. And you can't bury a telegram in a coffin. Just as I was finished and about to pull the sheet back up over him, Chuck came out of the little room at the back of the hall followed by two privates that I didn't recognise.
"Hey," He greeted me, looking down sadly at Janovec. "Shame, huh?"
"Yeah, it is," I agreed. "What's up, Chuck? Why are you here? Are you hurt?"
"No, not me, but Genius here got broken glass embedded in his hand," He explained, indicating to one of the privates, who had a bandaged hand. "Eugene fixed it up in there. You done for the night?"
"Yeah," I said. "I was just heading back to the hotel now."
"Well I'll give you a lift," He offered. "I have a jeep right outside."
"Yeah sure, if you wouldn't mind," I smiled, appreciatively.
I shouted goodnight to Gene and followed them out of the car, sitting up in the front seat with Chuck as we began to drive.
"Excuse me, Sergeant?" One of the Privates asked me. "Are you Sergeant Guarnere's girl?"
"Hey, hey, hey," Chuck said, sending warning looks to the Privates in the backseat.
"No, it's okay, Chuck," I said, smiling amicably. "Yes, I guess you could say that I am."
"Man, we've heard all about Wild Bill," The other Private said, impressed. "Heard all about what he did on D-Day."
"Yeah, he was all wound up that day," Chuck agreed, nodding. "I've never seen anything like it. What a character."
"Although I have to point out," I said, turning round to look at the Privates. "He'd just found out that day that his brother was dead, so you can kind of understand it."
"Don't worry, Fi," Chuck said, jokingly smiling over at me. "We know he's much gentler with you!"
I burst out laughing. "I cannot believe you just said that, Chuck. I'm gonna get you back for that."
"So what happened to him in the end?" One Private asked, trying to remain respectful in his tone of voice.
"He got his leg blown off in Bastogne," Chuck said, distractedly looking ahead.
I looked to see what he was looking at and gasped. 3 cars were parked near each other and one US Soldier, a Private I identified him as, staggering about, clearly drunk. On second glance, I noticed bodies strewn about the ground. I opened eyes wide in terror.
"What the hell?" Chuck whispered, stopping the car and turning to get out of the car.
"No, Chuck!" I said, grabbing him arm and whispering into his ear. "Don't get out of the jeep, please Chuck. It's too dangerous. Let's just go and inform Speirs of the situation."
"It's okay, we don't know that this guy was involved in any of this. I'll just go talk to him, see what he says" He said, getting out and walking towards him.
"No Chuck, wait!" I called quietly after him, but he was already gone towards the car.
We watched as Chuck talked to the guy, unable to hear what they were saying,
"Man, that guy is so drunk," One of the Privates remarked.
I turned round to face them. "Do either of you two recognise who he…"
Bang.
I whipped my head round at the noise, to see Chuck lying on the floor and the soldier taking off in one of the cars.
"Chuck!" I shouted, hopping out of the jeep and running over to him as fast as I could. I checked his pulse and found he was still breathing, but was horrified to find that the bullet wound was in his head. I looked over at the Privates still in the jeep. "Come here and help me!"
They ran over.
"He's still breathing for now. We need to get him back on that jeep and to the hospital. NOW!" I ordered as they helped carry him back to the jeep. "Be careful! Try not to move him too much!"
…………….
The next 20 or so minutes seemed to pass as a blur as we got him to the aid station and onto a stretcher. The next thing I was fully aware of was standing around him with Speirs, Floyd, Roe and one of our doctors, who was telling us there was nothing he could do.
"You can't operate?" Roe asked, unconvinced.
"I can't," The doctor said. "You'd need a brain surgeon, but even if you had one…"
Speirs cut him off, turning to Floyd. "You find the shooter. Roe, you come with me. We'll find a damn brain surgeon."
I ran to follow Speirs and Roe but Floyd held me back.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"You come with me," He said, pulling at my arm.
"Why?" I asked, anxious to know how Grant was.
"We need you to help identify this guy," Floyd explained, leading me down the hall.
I realised that much was true, and let him lead me away.
………….
Three hours later I wearily walked to the German hospital, looking for Grant at the hospital that Eugene had given me the address of. Eventually word got back to us that one of the Privates had identified a man they'd pulled over looking for a way out of town as the shooter. Instead of going to see him, I'd gone to straight to the hospital. I was sure Easy Company would enjoy using him as a punching bag until Speirs got there. Eventually I found Chuck and Speirs on the second floor.
"Is he going to be okay?" I asked nervously, walking into the room.
"Surgeon said he'll be fine. Did they find him?" Speirs asked anxiously, standing up.
"Y-Yes Sir," I said. "They found him on the road leading out of town. We think he stopped to change cars first, so he wouldn't be spotted and that's why it took him so long to get there."
"Ok, good," Speirs said, picking up his gun and putting it in his pocket. I opened my eyes at the sight. He looked at me. "Can you…"
"I'll sit with him," I said, in a quiet voice.
I watched as Speirs stormed out before turning back to Chuck. The top of his head was wrapped entirely in bandages. I knew it was going to be a long recovery for him, but at least he was breathing. I held his hand, stroking it gently, hoping he'd sense that he wasn't alone. I whispered out to him, tears running down my cheeks. "Chuck, I'm so sorry. So, so Sorry. I shouldn't have let you get out of that jeep, or I should have come with you and then maybe…."
"I think you did all that you could do," Babe's voice said gently from behind me.
I didn't turn round, knowing who it was. "Not really. If I'd actually done something then he might not be lying here now…like this."
Babe sat down on the chair next to mine and held my other hand. "Don't beat yourself up about it. He's okay. Let's be grateful for that."
"Who was the Private that did this?" I asked, changing the subject as I dabbed at my eyes.
"Replacement from I Company," Babe told me.
"Figures," I said, rolling my eyes and going on a bit of a rant. "That's what happens when you put these guys in such a great place with absolutely nothing to do. Of course, they're going to lash out. They should give these guys something to do. This was all so avoidable. So avoidable."
"Hey, hey," Babe said, stroking my arm. "Calm down. That doesn't do anyone any good. Listen, why don't I take you back to the hotel so that you can get some sleep?"
"No," I said exhausted but firm. "I don't want him to be alone tonight. I want to stay with him."
"Okay," Babe said, pulling me to my feet and leading me over to a nearby empty bed and making my lie down on it. "You lie there and get some sleep. I'll watch him, I promise."
"Thanks, Babe. You really are…," I started to say, but fell into a slumber before I could finish my sentence.