A/N: Thank you to all my gorgeous reviewers and all the people who favourited and alerted this story of mine. You guys are the best - it's a fact!

Chapter Twenty One – Secrets and Lies

Growing up with a father like mine I had often been told that I was stupid, and I guess in some ways I was, because for most of the time I was completely ignorant to things happening around me, preferring to loose myself in my own daydreams and paranoid fears. But I wasn't so blind that I couldn't see that there was something being hidden from me about my new life here in La Push. I had seen the traces of this secret in the faces of Sam and his friends and in the possessive loyalty of their girlfriends, and at times I had believed that I was close to uncovering the secret which bound them together. Well not so much I was going to discover what they were hiding – I wasn't the detective in this story – but they would choose to confide in me and initiate me into their family.

This had yet to happen though and I was still walking aimlessly around in the dark, tripping and falling into traps I didn't know were there; and sometimes everything seemed so mundane, the routine I had always wanted in life so concrete, that I wondered if I had imagined this enigma in a self-punishing way to destroy my happiness, to ruin my life here and return me to the broken life I was used to.

Had my father's abuse institutionalized me to such an extent that I would destroy my new-found security with wild accusations and misplaced trust? Was I that mentally fucked up?

I didn't want to become a victim, even though I did have the annoying habit of slipping into self-pity, but if this secret between my family and friends I was so sure existed turned out to be nothing more than an invention of my imagination, then what hope was there for me to live a happy and peaceful life when all I could do is be suspicious over all those who cared for me? Was I really as cowardly as I suspected?

Such fears haunted me at night with far more terror than my nightmares of my dad, because from him I could run from; I couldn't run from myself.

But then on days like today, when a worried Embry had met me at the bus stop bereft and desperate over some unseen catastrophe; and when Sam and his friends had glared at me the second I stepped through the door as though I was the devil incarnate; and the way Embry had quickly stood in front of me, blocking me from Sam and mysteriously telling him that everything was fine and that he would explain everything "later"; I was reassured that I wasn't paranoid and that there was a secret in La Push.

No real relief came from this faint reassurance though. I just wanted to know.

Yes, I had got a very strange welcoming when I had arrived home with Embry close by my side, and before Embry had time to stand defensively in front of me as if he was protective me from an oncoming onslaught, I had clearly seen the look of anger and repulsion plastered on Sam's face and directed at me.

Whatever situation Embry believed would arise by my arrival was quickly diverted and I was left to stand awkwardly in a room amongst a group of men who refused to tell me what was going on.

I felt like a child or even worse like a weak and delicate woman who wasn't strong enough to deal with the brutalities of the world they lived in; but before I could protest at their sexist assumptions and demand an explanation into their behaviour, Emily called for me and for the rest of the evening I was upstairs trying to put Ariel to bed, Ariel having suffered a most vivid nightmare and who refused to let me leave her side.

At times when Ariel was drifting into sleep, I would sneak out of her bedroom and eavesdrop on the debate they were having downstairs, but the snippets I heard were so short and their words so strange that instead of soothing my curiosity, it roused it further.

Phrases like: "why her?" and "I cannot tell her, Sam"; as well as a general cursing towards something they referred to as "leeches" made me desperate to go downstairs and order them to tell me what they were talking about, especially as I knew that I was the subject of their conversation.

Because even though I couldn't hear and even though the group left Sam's at some point to carry on their secret squirrel meeting outside, I knew, in a non-narcissistic way, that they were talking about Sébastien and I behind our backs. Apparently my friendship with Sébastien was an interest to everyone.

Friendship. Could what Sébastien and I had really be classified as a friendship? When I compared our relationship (which does seem like the wrong word to use because how much of a relationship can you have with someone you've only spoken to 3 times?) to my intense relationship with Embry, it definitely didn't feel like we were friends.

He was odd and unnerving and patronized me like an older brother, but flattered me like a lover. But whatever you would call it, there definitely was a connection between us, a piece of string tying us together; and although our bond was tainted by something, I still felt incredibly loyal to Sébastien just like I was with Embry, the other man I felt bound to, which explained why I so quickly defended Séb against Embry's unprovoked and seemingly senseless verbal attacks.

My bond with Embry made more sense than the one I had with Sébastien: Embry had been by my side the second I came to La Push and he had taken care of me in a way nobody else had ever done before, and there seemed to be no motive behind his kindness either – Embry was just being Embry. Embry was kind, funny, smart and basically the sweetest person I had ever met, and I felt proud that he was my best friend.

But with Sébastien there appeared to be no explanation into our connection. Both of us grudgingly acknowledged it and I certainly felt drawn to Séb, but it was as though we were connected by something which happened a long time ago in our past. Something had happened that we could barely remember, something which had altered our lives either slightly or greatly, and which like two survivors lost at sea, we clung to one another to stay afloat; if we didn't, we would surely sink.

I wanted to be with Embry, but I couldn't stop thinking about Sébastien. I was chained to him, and when Embry had started to insult Sébastien, the bond I had with Sébastien took over and I started to defend him.

Embry had looked shocked and upset when I had started to stand up for Séb, but he wasn't as surprised as I was to discover how deep Sébastien had imprinted himself onto my body. In a short amount of time Sébastien had become a tattoo around my heart, joining those who also meant so much to me: Ariel, Sam, my mom, Emily, and Embry himself; Sébastien was now amongst them.

And how could I tell Embry about Sébastien's influence in my life when I didn't even understand myself? How could I get him to trust Sébastien with me, Sébastien who supposedly was some sort of sadistic psychopath, when I barely trusted Séb myself?

But what offended me more was Embry forbidding me to see Sébastien, as though he had the right to tell me what to do!

He insisted (and I knew) that he made such rules in an effort to protect me from something he believed could hurt me, but sub-consciously was he acting just so he could be in control of me? Was he like dad and had so little self-worth that the only way he could feel good about himself was by dominating and scaring women?

'No,' I quickly answered. 'No, Embry was nothing like dad. Embry was as far from Lucas Gray as one could be.'

Because although we had escaped him, the way dad treated women and his daughter still affected me and my opinion on men, the pain he had caused Ariel and I still fresh in my mind and after Ariel's recent nightmare, I knew she hadn't forgotten him either.

The reason Emily had called me upstairs before I had time to confront the guys about the big secret (which I now KNEW to exist) and the reason I was still up in Ariel's bedroom, was because Ariel had had a dream about dad; and whereas with other nightmares she could be lulled back to sleep by Emily or Sam - who had willingly taken the role of Ariel's parental figures, her surrogate parents - with dreams of dad, Ariel could only be soothed by me and me alone, hence Emily's desperate voice calling me the moment I stepped through the door.

Having woken up from the terror of her latest dreams, a dream where dad was chasing her through the woods, Ariel had become quite hysterical when she couldn't find me in the house; and when Emily had tried to soothe her by reminding her that I was at work and would be back home soon, Ariel started to cry more and more, believing in her sleepiness and the freshness of her dream that dad had come and taken me from her. It was only when I entered her bedroom, recently decorated pink to make Ariel feel like La Push was really her home (my room had been painted green) and Ariel saw and clung onto me that she realized she had been dreaming and that our father was far, far away from us – at least I hoped he was.

I wanted to try and make sense of what had happened with Embry down at the bus-stop and get my thoughts about Sébastien into order, but Ariel needed me and so I pushed everything else aside and concentrated on what really mattered – my little sister.

It was 11 o'clock and after many restless hours and false starts, Ariel had finally fallen into a deep sleep, and watching her smile lightly in her sleep, I knew that she wouldn't be waking up again until morning. I gently kissed her forehead, made sure the blankets were snug around her, and crept from the room, heading downstairs in the hope that Embry or Sam would be down there and I could reassume where I had left off: on the cusp of forcing them to tell me what was going on.

However the living room was clouded in darkness and the house was silent; everyone was either asleep or out. I sighed and walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water, but as I switched on the kitchen light I nearly jumped out of my skin to see Emily standing, with her back to me, at the kitchen sink. She jumped too and placed a hand over her heart when she saw it was only me.

"Geez Angelina," she said, "you nearly gave me a heart-attack."

"You nearly gave me one too," I said. "Why were you just standing in darkness?"

Emily frowned and turned wistfully to the kitchen window she had been staring out of.

"I was just thinking, sweetie," she said. "I was going to come upstairs and check on you girls, but I got distracted. How is Ariel?"

"She's sound asleep," I said, taking a glass out of the cupboard and pouring myself a drink. "Finally."

Emily sighed. "She hasn't had a nightmare like that in ages."

"I know, I thought she'd gotten over them...but apparently not."

"I wish I could have done something to help," she said. "But she only wanted you."

"You do help, Emily! You know she thinks of you as a mom," I said, watching Emily blush and smile.

"She is a cutie-pie, you both are."

"So you're not fed up of having us cluttering up the place?" I joked.

"Nope. With the amount of boys hanging around the place, we need a few more girls," she smiled.

"Speaking of which, where's Sam?" I asked, trying to sound as though I wasn't really interested about his whereabouts.

"He's out," Emily said, staring out of the window. "They both are."

I didn't need to ask who she was talking about when she said 'both.' She meant Embry.

I looked up to find Emily watching me.

"Are you okay, Angelina?" she asked.

"Yes."

"It's just...Sam told me what happened down at the bus-stop...with Embry.."

"He did?" I said, trying to sound nonchalant while my heart quickened, like it always did, at the mention of Embry's name.

"Yes...and I know it seems confusing and that you don't really understand what's going on, but they are only trying to keep you safe – we all are."

"Safe from what though, Em? I feel as though everyone is keeping something from me and it's driving me crazy not knowing what they are talking about."

Emily laughed. "I know how that feels. The boys...well they like to treat us as though we are delicate treasures they need to protect. They forget that we're just as strong as they are. I love Sam, but sometimes I wish he would treat me like a china doll."

"That's what I mean!" I cried out, happy that someone knew how I was feeling. "Embry is so lovely and kind and basically just amazing," I said and Emily smiled at me, "but sometimes he looks at me as though I'm made out of glass. I just wish he'd respect me enough to tell me what's going on-"

"He does respect you, Angelina! Don't you dare thing Embry doesn't respect you. You are the person he values most in the world," Emily insisted. "He just wants to protect you."

"Surely the best way to protect me is to tell me what's going on?"

Emily shrugged and I took a sip of water.

"Do you know Sébastien?" I asked Emily.

Emily's face darkened. "The French man?"

"Yes."

"I've heard of him, but I don't know him, and from what Sam's told me you shouldn't know him either, Angelina."

"That's exactly what I can't stand! I hate the fact that Embry and Sam feel as though they can tell me what to do and who to see. Okay with Sam I can sort of understand, because I'm staying in his house and he's my cousin...but Embry? I don't want to be a puppet and he become the puppet-master."

"It's not like that, Angelina. The boys just think they know what's right and in this case they are."

"But I like Sébastien."

"Enough to risk your friendship with Embry for?" Emily said and I immediately fell silent. "You would break Embry's heart if you were to remain friends with Sébastien."

The thought of Embry in pain and me being responsible for his pain, hurt me more than any punch or kick I had ever been given. I looked down at the floor.

"Dad controlled mom..." I started.

"You know Embry's not like your father though, sweetie, don't you?" Emily said sweetly, moving towards me. "You know he doesn't want to control you; he only wants to-"

"Protect me, I know," I interrupted. "But why? Why does Embry want to protect me?"

"You'll have to ask Embry that."

We stood in silence.

"Why is everything so confusing here?" I cried and Emily laughed.

"La Push is certainly an interesting place to live for girls like us," she giggled. "But would you rather you'd never come?"

"God no! If I hadn't of come not only would Ariel and I still be with dad, but I would never have even met Embry or you Emily. And I wouldn't be here to annoy Sam. This is my home now."

"Then try not to question everything now, Angelina. Everything will become clear eventually and you'll be glad you listened to Embry then."

I nodded and finished my glass of water.

"You should be going up to bed now," Emily said. "You've got school tomorrow."

"Yeah I guess."

"And stop worrying so much, Angelina. You and Ariel are saved and loved and that's all the matters, isn't it?"

"Yes. Goodnight Emily and thank you."

"You're welcome sweetie," she smiled.

I walked upstairs, wanting to listen to Embry and to not see Sébastien, because what really did he mean to me? But the card which Sébastien had written his telephone number was still in my pocket and I couldn't bring myself to throw it away.

Emily said I had to wait to find out the truth but for how much longer?