Chapter 21: Life's a Drag Pt. 1

A/N: I read the last chapter again, and my opinion has changed slightly. It is still pretty weak, but I don't hate it. It's more of a reminder that I can do better. Anyway, now Rick's secret is out there for the world (well, one person) to see. He is in love with Zidane.

One important note for concerned and/or excited readers: there will be no lemons in this fic. I can get as graphic as I want with the kissing and groping, but my integrity just won't let me go further. Yes, I have integrity. But that's beside the point. What I'm getting at is that while Rick may talk extensively about having sex (a la Chapter 20) and get hot and heavy with some guys (again, like chapter 20), there will be no actual sex scenes. Mostly because I can't write them. I've tried and… well, I talked about a Will & Grace fic several months ago that will never come to light because of a poorly written lemon. So, nobody needs to wonder if this will ever be rated "M." (Looks at animesage and Tabansi232 for completely different reasons.)

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The ride back to the other side of the lake is a quiet one. It also seems to take a lot longer. Maybe the fact that I'm not struggling for air is showing just how much the deprivation of oxygen to my brain was a distraction the first time around. Gary doesn't really press me for information. He just smiles ands rows the little boat. Whoever called this a ferry was an idiot. And yes, I'm aware it was Jessica that said that.

How could I have said that to Angelo? He didn't seem to get what the big deal was. It was almost as though it's okay for someone to be in love with their best friend. Okay, so that's a bad example. Angelo and I used to be an item, remember? Yeah, anyway, I can't believe I told him that I'm in love with Zidane. That's just something that isn't supposed to happen. I'm not supposed to fall for Zidane. I'm not! He has Dagger, and I have Michael. So what if I don't feel the same for the painter as he does for me? Love isn't one of those things that happen all at once. I'm already smitten with the artist. It can't take too long for me to return his feelings fully. This just can't be happening. That's why I had to apologize to Angelo and excuse myself. Odds are that after this, I probably won't ever see him again. Would I want to see me after putting the brakes on whatever it was we were going to do? Probably. I am a wonderful person, after all. But Angelo hasn't known me, the real me, long enough to get that.

And on top of that Kodachi is obsessed with me. This is so wonderful.

"You doing okay?" Gary finally asks. "You're looking a little down. Jessica told me that this was supposed to be a happy thing. Did something go wrong?"

"Don't talk like you know me." This really isn't a time for talking, anyway. After denying it to myself for who knows how long, I'm finally going to have to admit it. I am head over heals in love. That is almost as mind-blowing as finding out that I'm actually a resident of Gaia. The fact that it's Zidane. Overwhelmed. That's what I am. I'm not sure if I'd be better off with something to distract myself from being alone with my thoughts or if being alone with them is precisely what I need.

"Who says I was trying to?"

That's logic that's hard to argue with. Not only have I probably royally screwed things up with Angelo… well, it's not as bad as things are with Michael. I don't want a relationship with Angelo. We probably wouldn't be able to anyway. He's just so direct. And he's afraid of hitting Kodachi. Me, I'm not afraid of doing it, it's just that I know it would be useless for me to do so. Even telling her that I hate her only steeled her resolve.

"So, tell me as an impartial outsider, do you think I'm a bad person?" I ask Gary while looking at my rippling reflection in the water. "Do you think that I could be capable of ruining the lives of so many people in one fell swoop? Because that's what's happening."

"What do you mean?" he inquires as he stops rowing. The boat continues to move because of inertia, but it's progress decreases rapidly. I hope that's not a sign of foreshadowing for my future.

How can I tell this complete stranger the whole disconcerting past I have but don't remember anything about? Maybe it is better to just let things fester. At least you can put off dealing with your problems for a little while. I really don't want to deal with these problems right now, anyway. So what if I love Zidane? That's not a horrible thing. It's not like our whole friendship is going to fall apart. Except it is. What kind of friendship had ever sustained when one of the friends is in love with the other? Not any that I've ever seen. He's going to hate me. It's all fine and dandy when I'm hanging all over Michael and he's drooling over Dagger and Minister Croft. When he finds out that I'm thinking of a possible future with him, though…

"Never mind," I tell him as I motion for him to resume rowing. "This is my problem. It's best not to weigh you down with it."

"Think of me as a bartender. Just someone to tell your troubles, too. It may not mean that I'm going to be able to give you some great insight, but at least you'll get it off your chest." Gary is sweet. Right now, I don't want sweet. Right now, I want to be left alone. Alone. That sounds really good. Almost as good as listening to Jennifer Hudson sing "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going." If only the lyrics were the soundtrack to my life. As it is, the theme song for the Flintstones would be more appropriate.

Okay. I have Zidane to deal with, but he's not everyone. There's Dagger. While she would never admit it, I can tell that she has a crush on the… on my little thief. And by little I mean one inch shorter than me. Curse you shrunken genetics! Anyway, the princess was all over Seifer at the ball, but she never mentioned him despite the fact that we clearly saw his tongue invading her mouth like the Americans at Normandy. And thus History class is finally good for something. But aside from her affections for Zidane, he also has feelings for her. He dropped me on my head when he saw those two together. He also never noticed that he dropped me. That just goes to show which of us he would pick if it came down to it. I don't stand a chance. And why would I? They are meant for each other, after all. I'm just some stupid bystander who forced himself into the whole affair. I don't even remember why I did it. Perhaps it had something to do with some thought that going with them would lead me to the way home. Whatever. That's not happening because, according to my "mother," I am home.

Life is depressing.

Michael. The incredibly sweet, kind, and hot guy that's waiting for me in Lindblum. How could I do this to him? Yes, I'm not in love with him, but that just makes the things that I've done even worse. I'm leading him on. That's nothing short of evil on my part. All he's done is try to help me enjoy myself. And to repay him I've pursued one man and gone way past the point of "friends" with another. Would it be right for me to try to continue a relationship with him where I'm only in it part of the way? Does he deserve less than all of my devotion? Never would I have imagined myself to be the one being unfaithful. Not that I can picture Michael cheating on me. It's just… things aren't nearly as easy or clear cut as they appear.

While I know I don't want anything with Angelo, I'm torn between Zidane and Michael. I can't really explain what it is that draws me to the thief. Our personalities are completely different and he hits on every woman he sees while I… well, I'm just not as into the better dressed sex as he is. But we get along incredibly well. He doesn't go at me with kid gloves. Instead, he treats me like an equal. As such, things can get tough, but we stick it out. He's my buddy.

Again, though, one would think that Michael and I are made for each other in much the same way that anyone with half a brain could tell Zidane and Dagger were. We're both vegetarians, we both have incredibly good looks, and we both love me. The thing is, as much as I love Michael, I'm not in love with him. It's not a brotherly kind of love, either. Because no matter how redneck my upbringing, I would never make out with my brother. (I shudder at the thought.) This is more like the love you have for a really close friend. I care for him. A lot. But not in the way that I want to. Those feelings aren't something that you can flip on with a switch, I guess.

When we reach the shore of the other side of the lake, there's nobody there to meet me. Would it have been unreasonable for Jessica to wait and find out how things went with me and Angelo? Sure, she may have ended up hitting me, but at least she wouldn't try to kill me like the inevitable monsters will if I have to walk home alone. Gary had better be escorting me.

Wait? Did I just say home? There's no way I said that. My home isn't Ascantha. It's Hellhole. My parents, brother, sister, and nieces are my family, not Cloud and Tifa. The most important thing in my life is my puppy. Why is all of this happening to me? On top of all of my romantic entanglements, I have this whole "Drifter" thing to deal with. Thank you, Aerith, for completely and utterly ruining my life. Thank you ever so much.

"So, which way are we headed?" Gary looks around before concentrating on me. Please tell me that I do not have another person in love with me. Four is more than enough. I don't know why I have this whole weird animalistic ability to draw people in. Being desirable can be such a pain.

"We? Last I knew, you were just my ride across the water."

Gary just smiles and tilts his head in the direction of Ascantha. "Jessica asked me to make sure you got home safe. She thought that you might get, erm, 'busy,' and didn't want to waste her time waiting. Guess she was wrong, huh?"

"And how is that any of your business?" I shriek loudly.

He laughs and helps me out of the boat. Miraculously, I don't fall in the water. Fate must think that the dampness I've retained from my first spill is enough. Besides, I still have that whole paint thing to deal with, yet. Stupid paint.

"She asked me to help you get home. Something about you being a complete wuss and having to deal with the fallout of Kodachi. It was really confusing."

He thinks he's confused? I could just rehash all of the things that I've complained about already, but… I'm not worrying about it. Nope, that's an internal discussion for another time. Right now, I just want to concentrate on getting back to the castle. I want to crawl into that bed I woke up in this morning. I want to curl up under the cover and wake up back home, without thoughts of Aerith, Kodachi, or Angelo. I want to not be in love with Zidane, and I want to be in love with Michael. I want a lot of things. Somehow, I think I'll end up with nothing.

We do start off on our trek, though. Some monsters attack us, but Gary makes quick work of them. While he's not in the same league of some of the people I've traveled with, like Freya and Fujin, he can hold in his own. The guy isn't in the same league as Zidane or Vivi, either. The thing that bugs me about his fighting style is probably his weapon of choice. It's a chain. As in the thing that people put on business doors at night to keep thieves and/or vandals out. I'm sorry, but that's a little too gangsta for my tastes.

"Why isn't there any Mist here?" I ask Gary after he wraps up killing his fourth or fifth monster. It's one of those things with a body, an eyeball for a face, and weird little limp antennae coming out of its head. That's one of the things that I've been wondering about.

He gives me a look that says I should know this stuff already. Can I blame him? Not really. I am the prince of this kingdom after all. Ugh. Why couldn't I have been the some of a shoemaker or something? Maybe then I could get some comfortable yet stylish footwear. These ugly things that I'm wearing now are absolutely horrid. There had better be some normal clothes waiting for me, because I don't know how much puffiness I can take. Besides, I don't want to catch a cold. Stupid wet clothes.

"The Mist is repelled by the power of the mages. I don't know how it works, exactly, but all of the Mana (which I'm going to assume is the same stuff from Tales of Symphonia, because I really don't want anymore new information crammed into my head) that is gathered here kind of keeps the stuff away. There are some really powerful mages at the Abbey, too. The Mist monsters can still wander around freely, but because the Mist is virtually nonexistent in this area, they're pretty weak. That's why nobody has any problems with traveling alone around here. Which is why I was curious as to why Jessica wanted you to have an escort back to Ascantha."

That was… confusing. So if this Mana stuff can repel the Mist, then how can the Black Mages use magic? If Mana is the anti-Mist, then it wouldn't make sense for the Black Mages to be able to manipulate it into magic. Unless their magic doesn't work the same as human magic. Assuming these mages Gary told me about are human. But the thing is, if the Black Mages don't utilize Mana to create magic, then what do they use? The Mist, probably. Which is probably also why they have such short lifespans. The very thing that gives them life is also what gives them their power, but they have to use the Mist inside of them. This is all speculation, of course, but it has me worried for Vivi. His magic has been awfully useful up to this point, and I'm sure it will be in the future, but do I want my little buddy to use up his life just to protect mine? I know I'm wonderful and that the world would be incredibly saddened if I were to kick the bucket. That doesn't make my life any more valuable than his, though. This is a nine-year-old kid I'm talking about, after all. Who am I to be questioning the worth of his life? Nobody, that's who. Even though I'm a Drifter, and royalty on top of that, I'm only one person. Vivi is one person. He shouldn't have to sacrifice himself for anyone. Not even me.

All of that thinking has made my head hurt.

"Can we take a break?" I whine after what seems like an hour of walking and dodging random monster attacks. I was excited when I first heard that the Final Fantasy games would no longer be using random enemy encounters, which I am getting very tired of, but I definitely do prefer the setup I have to deal now than that of FFXII. Seriously, if I wanted to play an MMORPG, I would have done that. Stupid Square-Enix couldn't used an enemy encounter system like that of ToS and Radiata Stories (A/N: an underrated Squeenix RPG that will be mentioned somewhere in this fic), but no. It had to go and be stupid. And these shoes make my feet hurt. Stupid weird rich people shoes. I actually miss those boots. Not as much as the awesome shoes that Elena stole from me, but they're loads more comfortable and better looking than these atrocities.

Gary looks at me as though I'm crazy, but sighs. "There's a small cabin up ahead. An old woman lives there, and we know each other rather well. I'm dating her granddaughter, you see."

Hold up. Gary has a girlfriend! So why would he be flirting with me? Unless he wasn't. Curse my good looks once more. I'm so used to people hitting on me (in Gaia, anyway) that when someone is genuinely being kind I can't even tell. Being beautiful is such a burden.

Anyway, the two of us eventually reach the cabin. Why didn't I see it when I first traveled this road with Jessica? Oh, right, too busy being smacked around by a psycho to notice. Why are the women of Gaia so crazy? If they're not beating me to a pulp, they're stealing my stuff. Elena especially, seeing as how she's done both. Oh, she will pay. Yes, she will. Dagger, too. Nobody ever steals from me. My idiot brother once stole my Gamecube. I wouldn't have minded, if it weren't for the fact that I was in the middle of my first playthrough of ToS, one of the three good games for the system that wasn't created by Nintendo. Thing is, in retaliation, he poster of Jessica Simpson was taken down and one of Homer Simpson was put up in its place. While you normally wouldn't expect that to be necessarily evil, you obviously haven't met my mother. She hates The Simpsons. Hates them. Let's just say I got my Gamecube back and he lost all PS2 privileges for a month.

My guardian of the day knocks on the door and a few seconds later it's opened by an old woman, just like he said. She invites us in and doesn't even look at me oddly. Hopefully, she doesn't know who I am.

"Well, hello, Gary. It's so nice to see you. Who is your friend?" she asks before going back to her seat. It's a wooden rocker by a lit fire. Why didn't I notice the smoke outside? And doesn't she know the dangers of having wooden things near open fires? I swear, the people of Gaia just aren't all there.

"This is Rick. He's friends with that girl that's always going to the Abbey. Apparently he's also friends with one of the guys there."

She looks at me and smiles, her wrinkles and crows feet horribly noticeable. I hope I don't get like that when I'm her age. Rick is going to be one of the sexy old guys. Still, she's being really nice, so I shouldn't complain. Too much.

"Nice to meet you," I say with a small bow. She and Gary both laugh at this. What? That monk guy kept bowing to me. Don't tell me it isn't a common custom. Stupid drugged-up monk.

"Pull up a seat and tell me a little about yourself, young man." She points to a small dining table with three chairs. It's shaped like a square, and one side is pressed up against the wall, so there really doesn't look like a need for a fourth chair. Anyway, interior decorating aside, Gary effortlessly grabs two of the three chairs and sets them by the fire. Someone explain to me why the old lady even has a fire going. It's pretty warm outside from what I gathered, and I'm still damp. My clothes may dry by the flames, but then the sweat would just get them all soaked again. Meh, I don't really care. These things are getting burnt when I get back to the castle. I hate them even more than I do Elena. At least she had the good tastes to steal my shoes. Imagine if she'd stolen Zidane's… Even I wouldn't like that.

"Well," I search around my head for something to tell her that isn't a complete lie without giving away important details concerning my, erm, past. All of this making up alibis and lying is starting to make me feel like I'm living a soap opera instead of a videogame. And I know that this isn't really a videogame, so don't even think about jumping me. It's just a lot for my poor little brain to handle. "I used to be a knight, but now I'm just a traveler. There's a group of people I usually travel with. They're off doing something else at the moment, but we'll meet up again. I just had to meet an old friend."

That sounded reasonable without being evasive. Man, I am getting good at this. Is that a good thing?

Her bones creaking as much as the chair, the old woman stands up and begins to prepare some tea or coffee. All I know is that it's a hot liquid because she puts the kettle on a bar hanging over the fire. Then she sits back down and looks at Gary before shooting me a very mischievous smile.

"So, young man, do you have a girlfriend?" she asks. I'm suspicious. That was very sudden. Old lady must be plotting something. This is why I don't like old people. They have ulterior motives. All of them, except for the ones who are either in comas or have gone senile. The senile ones are kind of funny. There's nothing quite like having one grandmother trying to set you up with a nice girl for prom while the other one raves about how her oranges are shaped funny, yellow, and tastes like bananas. Yes, I don't like old people.

"No. And I'm not looking for one." Hopefully she'll back off. The last thing I need is another person interfering in my love life. It's screwed up enough as it is. And to think that two weeks ago I didn't have one. Has it been less than two weeks since I first woke up on Gaia? I can't remember how long I've been here. In this world, I mean.

"Oh?" her smiles turns into a grin. "Well, if women aren't your style, I do have a grandson living in Ascantha…"

That does it. I stand up and storm out of the cabin in a weird combination of fear and anger. That old woman wanting to talk to me about her grandson? Eww. There are some boundaries that old people should NEVER cross. My brain needs scrubbing. And Gary needs to be beaten. Badly. He had to've known what the old woman would try to do. Old people are evil, I tell you. Evil!

Sunlight beams down on me and warms my skin. I walk out to the road and look down the direction of the Abbey. If I hadn't gotten sick and passed out, I would not be doing any of this. I don't even know how I got sick or what illness I had.

On the other end of the road is Ascantha. People there like me, want me, but I don't share their feelings. No matter which way I go, I'm reaffirming a part of my life that I really don't want a part of.

"Rick?" I hear a door shut and Gary comes up behind me. "Are you okay? I never should've brought you here. There's a reason Emma never visits the old crone."

"Whatever." Not caring how much like Squall I'm acting, I sigh and begin walking in the direction of the castle. I just want this day to end. There's a big comfy bed waiting for me. I'm going to crawl into it, and worry about all of this crap tomorrow. My body is drained. Not physically, but in more of a spiritual sense. Not being a very spiritual person, this is troubling to me.

Neither of us says anything the rest of the trip. As if sensing that I'm not in the mood for it, there aren't any monster attacks, either. Perhaps they do have brains after all.

We reach the gates of the city. They don't want to let us in because of some sort of celebration, but when I inform them of just who I am and what my role is in the country, they hastily raise it. Gary shoots me a curious look but I brush it off. Still feeling all angry about the whole old woman ambush. On top of that, though, I'm more angry at myself for putting myself into the position I am.

I told Alma that I would never cheat on Michael. I have, though. And I'm not talking about the whole making out with Angelo bit. That's infidelity on a less severe level. What I'm concerned with is the fact that I'm still in love with Zidane. Heh. Still in love with him? When exactly did I fall for the stupid monkey? I don't know if I'll ever be able to figure it out. All I know is that Michael deserves better than the half-heartedness I'm offering him. Call me a broken record. I don't care.

As if to distract myself from my thoughts, I look at the beautiful chaos around me. There's a part of my heart that wishes I could just be a part of it. These people all seem so happy. Why can't I be happy? The last time I was happy was that morning I woke up in the painter's arm. Yet another reason I can't keep stringing him along. It's clear what I have to do. In order to keep the pain from hitting us any harder when the inevitable occurs…

Michael and I are going to break up.

"Hey!" someone shouts at me. I look around to see if it's Gary, but he's already disappeared. Great way to do your job, buddy. People are just so self-absorbed.

The crowd begins cheering loudly. People around me part like Sonny and Cher. A tall, tanned man with large muscles approaches me with a large pig-thing on his back. A short, pale woman with grey hair and an eye patch follows him. The sounds around them are almost deafening. So perhaps they're the source of the jubilance. Just a guess, really.

"It's you, isn't it? Glad to see you're awake, ya know."

"Thanks, Raijin," I say, glad to see a familiar face that doesn't want something from me. Perhaps his annoying optimism will rub off on me. This whole sense of hopelessness is starting to get old. "I see you did what you came here for."

"This?" he laughs as he readjusts the dead porcine on his shoulders. "This was just the bait. There's a dead dragon being dragged to the castle. It almost killed us, but after Fujin cut off its wings, we pretty much eliminated its… um, what's that thing called again?"

Fujin looks at us like we're stupid. "ADVANTAGE."

"Yeah, it's an advantage that we eliminated. Pretty cool, huh? Me and Fujin are the best, ya know," he brags. A smile dares to cross my lips. Being around people that don't want to use me or hurt me really is a good thing.

"I know."

We walk to the castle together, and I get to hear all of gory details of the battle. And I do mean gory. Who wants to hear about how Raijin can reach into a dead boar with his bare hands and rips its throat out?

"So, how've you been? We were worried about you, ya know. Fujin especially. She didn't say it, but I could te… OW!"

The shorter warrior gives him a kick like no other. For good measure, I get one, too. "What did I do?"

For my whining, I get a kick on my good leg that sends me onto my butt. Women are crazy, I tell you. C-R-A-Z-Y.

"MOVE!" she demands over all of the jubilant celebrants. She grabs me by the collar with one hands and Raijin by the other, dragging us inside the doors that are being held open by a few concerned looking guards. I would worry about their reactions more, but I'm kind of having trouble breathing.

Anyway, it continues like this, Fujin showing off her surprising strength by keeping Raijin, the dead pig, and myself moving at a steady rate despite the fact that she's the only one whose legs are being used. I am impressed. A little scared, too. Why didn't she win the Festival of the Hunt again?

We crash through those big wooden doors leading to the throne room. Someone calls my name and I'm thrown the floor. I can hear Raijin landing beside me.

"Rick! What happened to you?" Large breasts find themselves in my face as Tifa pulls me close. It's a shame this is wasted on me. Even if I weren't in love with Zidane, there wouldn't be the weirdness thinking about her that there is whenever I imagine Cloud. Eww. But, alas, the sight of my stepmother's breasts is indeed nothing to me. Raijin doesn't seem to mind, though.

"Howdy," I mutter against the jiggly flesh in hopes that she'll relieve some of the pressure on my face. It doesn't happen. "Just ran into some friends is all."

"That's right. This is the two that brought you here. Thank you so much!" my stepmother thanks the psycho and the musclehead. Don't get me wrong, I like Raijin and Fujin, but I can't change what they are. Besides, if I tried, Raijin and I would probably end up as nothing more than bloodstains on the wall and Fujin's chakram.

"We were glad to do it, ya know. We had no idea Rick lived in Ascantha," Raijin laughs. I really can't see anything, as she hasn't let me go. And I can't breathe too well.

"He more than lives here," the Queen tells the duo. "He's my son. Rick's the heir to the throne of this country!"

I don't even need to be able to see them to know that they're shocked. While Fujin is a Drifter, too, I'm sure she never expected for me to have inherited a birthright as annoying as this. Then again, I might just be able to get her to get rid of Kodachi for me. I'm kind of surprised she hasn't shown up. As it stands, Jessica and Kodachi are the only crazy women in my life who've actually intermingled. Actually, I take that back, Fujin and Elena squared off as well.

Cloud finally clears his throat and Tifa returns to her seat. I gratefully sucked in a lungful of air. Raijin and Fujin are still stupefied. Do you know what it's like to see Fujin without words? Well, in a shocked way. It's kind of freaky.

"Rick, would you please ask your friends to leave for a moment? We need to speak with you alone." His tone is not happy. Kodachi must've talked to him already. Stupid Jessica. She never should've hit her. I knew it was a bad idea. I just knew it.

"I'll see you in a minute," I tell them. Fujin collects herself, looks angrily at me for not having told her something I didn't know, and then grabs Raijin and drags him out in much the same fashion that we were brought in. The dead pig is left behind. "What is it?"

"Since you will be assuming control of this kingdom someday, I want to begin involving you in the decisions of the nation," he says rather unemotionally. It's almost like a prepared speech. "There is something that you must know about one of the other countries on this continent.

"Alexandra is believed to have already destroyed Burmecia, and our spies tell us that they're preparing a strike on Cleyra. Do you think we should aid in the defence of the Cleyrans?"

Craptastic.

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A/N: This chapter has been… unique. I don't like emo Rick. I like stupid, conceited, arrogant Rick. I am really hoping that Part 2 will steer back to the more shallow Rick. But the poor boy has more heartbreak in his future. I am so evil. And I am so winning :)