It should be awkward, right?

Being back with your ex boyfriend after being away from them for three years.

And on top of that, "hating" him while being in a relationship with someone new and loving that said someone.

But it isn't. It's not awkward at all and I think it's a testament to how well we really gel together and how much we love each other. We seriously let all the bullshit go and we're focusing on us and getting our relationship back on track. Getting back to that place we were at. I think we're still at that place, but we've lost so much time. And I don't ever want to lose that again.

"Do you mind if I sit here?" Troy asks as he's holding a bowl of chips.

I look up at him as I'm comfortable on the couch totally going crazy over this. It's dejavu. The same thing happened with Lucas. Except he didn't ask me if he could move my feet, he just moved them.

And Troy was asking actually asking me. "What?"

He looked at me sort of weird. Because I didn't answer as if I didn't hear him. I answered as if I didn't get why he was asking. "It's okay, I can just sit over here," he motions to the sofa chair, which is just as comfortable, but not directly in front of the TV.

"No," I get up, moving my feet and sitting up a bit, "no, sorry. I was just thinking about something. You can sit."

"You sure?"

I nod, "Yes, please sit."

He shrugs and puts his bowl of chips down on the table along with his drink before taking a seat. He looks over at me and gave me a small smile before grabbing the chips again and leaning back, "thanks."

It's really so crazy how many coincidences happen. It's been exactly three weeks since that day at Tessa's house and normally, I wouldn't move on this fast but I was moving on with someone I loved so it was different. And also, all these things that have been happening have actually made me think that I did make the right decision and I am supposed to be with Troy. I truly believe I am. And I'm so happy.

Seriously. I'm so happy I'm back with him. To say I didn't think about him for three years would be a straight up lie. I thought about him. Quite a bit.

"Do you wanna go to dinner tonight? That new sushi place that just opened up?"

Oh my gosh, yes! Sushi is one of my faves and I've been wanting to try that place. "Yeah, what time?"

He shrugged, "whatever time you want. I have to go to my mom's for a bit to help her with some stuff since my dad's back has been hurting but yeah, other than that, I have nothing else planned."

"Wanna do like 7 then? I can make a reservation since it might be a little packed, don't you think?" I mean, it did just open last week, but I hear it's pretty good so I'm guessing it's going to be packed. And I hate waiting. Not as much as Lucas did, but you know, it's not exactly my cup of tea.

"Yeah, if you want. Or we could just wait, up to you."

"Okay," I whispered out before leaning back on the couch, "I'll figure it out."

Yesterday, we spent all day in Phoenix. We went to the botanical garden there and had lunch and visited his aunt who was so happy to see me that it almost made me cry. It was so silly, but I missed his family as much as I missed him and I think that was another reason why it was so hard to let go. Our lives gelled so well together. Our parents were friends. My family loved him. His family loved me. And it's slowly getting on that track again. Everything is slowly becoming the way things used to be. Of course it takes time to ease into it, but my parents are acting like nothing ever happened and that's good. I mean, definitely don't want it to be awkward and my dad asking why he did such a stupid thing, you know? We're all just letting it go.

I never try to think about what happened because it makes me sad and I don't wanna go back there.

But I do think about it sometimes and I wonder if we'd still be together if none of that ever happened, you know?

And I think I came to the conclusion that yes, we would. Because God does everything for a reason. And we're supposed to be together. I know we are. And him coming back was part of the plan. And I am so glad he did because I couldn't be any happier if I tried right now. Seriously, I'm just so happy.

"I know this is the last thing you probably expected to come out of my mouth, but um," Troy starts saying and then stops himself. What? What could he possibly tell me? "Tell me about you and Lucas."

"Tell you and me and Lucas?" I repeat. He's right. I am surprised. And I didn't expect this.

"I mean, I don't wanna go backwards. I don't want to think about that time we spent apart because it makes me feel weird inside. But you loved him, right? And from that day in high school that I decided I loved you, I wanted to know everything about you moving forward. And well..."

He's saying he's loved me since that day and he's never stopped.

Gosh, he's the freaking best.

He wants to know everything he's missed in those three years and well, that entails my relationship with Lucas. But I don't really care to talk about it, you know? It's just not something I really want to think about because it makes me sad.

It makes me sad that my heart wasn't fully it in with him when he deserved to know sooner. And it makes me sad that I had someone else besides Troy.

"I didn't love him the way I was supposed to, I can tell you that much," I look over at him with a small smile.

"Don't do that," he shakes his head, "if you loved him, that's fine. I just want to know everything. I want it all to be out there and then we can just let it all go and move on from it. And we'll be able to start out life... freely. With no questions. No wonders about anything, you know?"

I get him I really do. It's just gonna be uncomfortable. And sad. "So you'll tell me about your ex?"

He nods, "everything you want to know."

Fiiiiine. He wins. He gets to hear all about Lucas and I. Ugh.

"Kendall took me to a party," I start off telling him," and I was kind of stand offish because well, I have all the friends I need and being at a party without any of them was weird so really just kept to myself. And this guy, Lucas, came up to me and asked if I was okay, and we got to talking, he was pretty cool and yeah, we exchanged numbers. He called me a few times and I just kept making up excuses as to why I couldn't go. But then I just sucked it up and went out to dinner with him. He was ambitious and kind and made me feel beautiful so it was a nice night. The next day, we met up for lunch and that was about it. A few days after that, we went out for frozen yogurt and when we were standing there and he kissed me out of nowhere, I kind of just took a step back and kind of thought about everything. Yeah, we shared a kiss that first night but that was traditional first date stuff, you know? So when he kissed me out of no where in the yogurt shop when we were just standing in line, it just freaked me out. It was becoming a little too real. I was 'dating' again. This guy thought it was okay to just kiss me like we've been dating, so yeah, I just realized that I wasn't ready and I broke it off. Told him it was too soon for me and stuff. And he understood. I don't know if fully, but he was a nice guy, of course he had to say something along those lines."

"That was the day I saw you," he said, taking a deep breath, "I'm such a fucking idiot."

I laughed. I love that I can laugh about this now. Well, it's not that funny, still. It makes me a bit mad, still, but whatever. It's over with.

But anyway, I called it off. Something Troy didn't know at the time. "I just couldn't do it. The thought of dating someone scared me. I didn't think I could do it. I even... called you. A few times. But before you even answered the phone, I chickened out and hung up. And it was getting kind of pathetic, according to some people. So like I told you, when I realized nothing was changing, I knew that at some point I had to move on. I knew that Lucas was kind and smart and funny and maybe it could work. So yeah, I took a chance and we were together for two years."

"And how was it?" he asks, looking cool, calm and collected. "Did you... um, at any point, did you think you were going to you know, marry him?"

It's so cute how it seemed like he was struggling with getting that out there. But at the same time, it's just such an awkward question. My answer isn't going to make things awkward. But the fact that he has to ask. Ahhh.

But I'm completely, one hundred percent honest. "I never pictured it. I never thought about marrying him. I did think about our future and how it could be, but being married to him was never pictured at the front of my mind. Moving in together, taking that next step, yes. I mean, we had been together for two years and we were in our 20's. It just seemed sort of appropriate to talk about it. To think about it. So yeah, that crossed my mind, for sure."

"And did you guys live together?"

"No," I shake my head, realizing our friends didn't talk about us so there was no way he'd know. "We didn't live together."

"Just something you guys hadn't done or did neither of you want to?" He asks.

I mean, I did want to. But I honestly think it was just because I wanted to move this relationship along. I was pushing to move it along. I don't know if I was fully ready to live with him yet. Two years? It is a while, but it's such a crazy commitment. And now, I understand why he felt the way he felt, for sure.

But I'm not going to lie to him about it. "There was talk. Mostly on my end. I don't think he was really ready for that. Good thing, though, because I don't think I was really, either. I think I was just looking for a way to move the relationship along."

"Move it along?" Troy looks a bit confused, "what do you mean?"

"It just wasn't really going anywhere. We hit a standstill. We weren't progressing. I wasn't falling more in love with him or anything like that."

It's SO weird talking about this with him. The man I love. The man I've always loved. The man I one day want to marry, you know? It's a bit awkward, but it's good. It's good to get this all out there. I'm definitely going to ask him about his ex girlfriend after this.

He nodded, like he understood. "I know this is probably weird, but I just wanna know."

"It's okay, I understand." It is weird, but whatever, it has to be done. "I asked him where he saw us. If he saw us together in his future. And he just couldn't come up with an answer and it frustrated me so much. There were weeks of tension, he sent a lot of time visiting family and honestly, it was like that before you even came back to town. He didn't see me in his future, but he didn't unsee me or whatever. And I didn't just want to cut him loose because of that, but there were just so many things that contributed to it. The number one being, I wasn't in love with him the way I was supposed to be."

"Do you think you guys would have broken up if I didn't come back at all?"

Oh wow. Loaded question. Um. I want to say yes, but I just don't know. "That's hard to say. It would have been me settling. Like, thinking I could go on for the rest of my life like this, but in reality, I probably couldn't. But who knows. That's actually really scary to think about."

He gives me a smile and then grabs my hand, "Well, thankfully, you won't have to think about it."

"Yeah," I smile at him and then decide to finish this off, "honestly, they were two good years. He was a great boyfriend and everything, he just wasn't you. And I'll always care about him. He was a part of my life for two years, but things worked out the way they were supposed to be and I'm happy about that."

"Me too," he tells me with a smile, "he seemed like a nice guy."

"He was," I nod, "he never really meshed with everyone, but they were always nice. He was always nice."

Troy kind of just sat here and nodded. And now it was my turn to ask questions. I wanna know, but at the same time, I don't. I know they broke up so yeah, obviously, he doesn't have feelings for her. But knowing this guy, who three years ago, laid in bed next to me and told me he loves me more than anything could go and get another girlfriend is a little... hard. But I got another boyfriend. And it's just how life happened.

So I have to ask. "What about you?"

"Yeah, um, I dated this girl for a little while," he says, "her name was Morgan."

"Morgan. That's a pretty name." I say like an idiot. Ha. But it is pretty. I've always liked the name Morgan. It's definitely on my list for baby names but that's out the window now, for sure. Obviously. "How long did you guys date for?" I know this, though.

"A little less than a year," he thinks about it, "yeah, around 9 months. And she was great, honestly, it's probably not something you want to hear, but there was nothing wrong with her. She was gorgeous, she was kind and ambitious and funny. It just... it didn't click the way it was supposed to click and you could probably guess why. So we called it off, she moved back to California and I stayed in New York another year. We're still friendly but it just wasn't meant to be. And I think she has a boyfriend now, actually. Someone she knew back in high school that she reunited with."

I gave him so much more to work with, but I get it. I was in love with Lucas. I was with him for two and a half years. It's different.

It makes me happy that he loved me so much it just couldn't click with anyone else.

And it makes me feel guilty that I was with Lucas for so much longer. But now that I'm here, I know what Lucas and I had wasn't the kind of love I shared with Troy. It wasn't the kind of love worth marrying the person. It wasn't the kind of love that I needed or wanted.

But here we are... together again. "I'm sure shes great," I smile. A genuine smile. Because he wasn't in love with hr the way he was in love with me. "And I'm sure they were great months. But you know... I think we both know that you've always been mine."

"You're right," he laughs at the fact that I used his words on him now, "you're definitely right."

He leaned over and kissed me and I realized I will never get tired of this. I will never take these kisses for granted anymore.

I love Troy Bolton so much.

And I can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together.