Loved the response last chapter! You guys had me laughing with your guesses of who it was at the motel door :P I love every single review I get, so please leave me more :D :D

Once again, I edit this myself, so I apologize for any mistakes that I haven't caught when I reread it. Still looking for a beta!

Chapter 21

I'm a monster….

"What the fuck is this shit? You think you can do this shit right underneath my god damned nose you stupid bitch?"

I was shaking as I shoved Juice away from me, my hands were so bad I could barely tug my black and sheer dress back down from where it was pushed up on my hips. "Fiasco,-"

Juice was taking on that 'crazy' look I'd seen in his eyes more than once. He was staring hard at Fiasco as he fixed his own clothes, zipping himself back up. "Don't talk to her like that."

"Who says I was talking to her?" Fiasco snapped giving Juice a hard shove that slammed him into the cheap nightstand.

Juice stood straight, his full height, making me very aware of how bad this was about to get. He craned his neck to the side, fixing Fiasco with a stare. It lasted about two seconds before the first hit was thrown, and it was so fast I couldn't even be sure of who hit who first.

The sounds were loud smacks of heavy fists pounding against each other. Fiasco was bulkier, and he was throwing his weight into every hit he got into Juice's face. I couldn't take it. I flung myself forwards grabbing Fiasco's arm. "Stop it! Get off of him!"

Fiasco gave me a hard shake off of his arm, throwing me into the wall with a bang that left my head spinning. "Estupida puta!"

I touched the back of my skull, it was throbbing so loud I could barely make out Juice's reprimand of "Put your fuckin hands on her again and you're gonna regret it bro."

"Stop it!" I cried out watching them go right back at it.

They were destroying the room. The lamp was knocked over on the floor in a million pieces of broken ceramic, nightstand was busted, and they were still going strong. I'd never pegged Juice as the scrappy type from all of the times I'd saw his face beaten and cut up but holy shit…. I struggled to get to my feet in my hooker heels, shaky.

"Think you can fuck my old lady and get away with it?" Fiasco was saying, they'd fallen to the grubby carpet and were going at it there.

"She wasn't saying no!"

Oh my god… I'd done this. I grabbed two handfuls of my hair on either side of my face and pulled, big black mascara tears falling down my cheeks. How in the hell had Fiasco even gotten into the room? How did he know any of this?

"Fiasco, please!" I pleaded. "Its not his fault!"

Fiasco was distracted for an eight of a second, his eyes cutting over at me. "You taking up for him?"

It gave Juice the time he needed to land a good hit to Fiasco's jaw with a sickening crack as the rings hit his already bloody face. "Oh god.. I did this." I wailed into my palms, the hot wet tears running between my fingers.

"Juicy boy!" A loud accented voice cracked through the room.

I peered through my cracked fingers . I hadn't thought this could get any worse. But it had.

Chibs was breaking them up, keeping a hand on each of their chests for leverage. "Cops are on the way. The lad at the desk called them."

"Shit." Juice cussed but was still eyeing Fiasco, and likewise.

"Hey this shit ain't over Juice." Fiasco warned pointing a finger at him.

"Drop it!" Chibs ordered them shoving Juice slightly. "Get your kutte and lets get the hell out of here. You're out on parole."

I was frozen in place, watching this play out like a movie as everyone was rushing to get the hell out of the room before Sanwa county came crashing down on us. Chibs glanced at me suddenly. "Fix yourself and get out of here girl."

"Lindsey, get your shit and go get in the fuckin car." Fiasco ordered me in his deep baritone. "Now."

I glanced from him to Juice hesitantly. What exactly did getting in that car mean for me? Was this it? Juice hadn't spoken to me directly. He was grabbing his wallet from the floor where it'd fallen from his pants during the fight with Chibs shoving him out of the room hurriedly.

Fiasco grabbed my arm jerking me hard. "I said get in the damn car!"

Fiasco's it was.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

The ride to Oakland had been silent and stony. Every time I'd started to speak Fiasco had shook his head, not even looking at me. It wasn't until we talked through the back door into the kitchen of the little house that he exploded.

"How long you been fuckin that asshole behind my back huh?" Fiasco turned on me the second we were inside with the door shut tightly behind us.

I was silent. He didn't really want the answer. I stared down at the floor, biting on the inside of my cheek to keep from full on wailing as the tears kicked up again. Fiasco reached over jerking my chin up to look him in his blazing black eyes. "Answer me now Lindsey."

"A while." I whispered squeezing my eyes shut so I wouldn't have to see the betrayal stinging in his own.

I was prepared for him to yell, scream, cuss at me. I wasn't the least bit prepared for the sharp slap to the face that left me breathless and grabbing onto the kitchen table to keep from falling. "I'm sorry!"

"Sorry? You're sorry? Were you sorry when you were bent over that bed letting some fucker make a fool out of me?" A second slap to the opposite side of my face.

My cheeks were stinging with the feeling of swelling already setting in as I grabbed for his wrist. "Fiasco, no. I… I… I don't want to lose you." I struggled to get out in gasps, clutching him . "Please…"

"You don't wanna lose me? Then tell me he's a client. It was all business." Fiasco shook my hand off. "You can't can you?"

More tears. I couldn't tell him that. "I just…"

"And then you were taking up for him? Maybe you aren't just a whore but fuckin stupid too." He spat out.

"You were hurting him." It escaped from my lips before I could stop it.

"You were worried about me hurting him? That's nothing compared to what I'm going to do to you."

The backhand knocked me onto my ass on the cold linoleum floor. "Stop!"

I curled into a ball, crying out as the hits came over and over until something in my mind snapped. I tried to get up and slipped back down, grabbing up at the counter frantically through my shrieks. My left hand grasped what I was feeling for and I knew I had to do it. I swung the pan with everything I had left inside of me, slamming it into Fiasco's head with a bang.

"Don't you ever hit me again! Ever!" I swung again hitting him in the ribs this time finally getting to my feet. "Ever!"

"Holy shit!" Fiasco yelled out grabbing the top of his head where the blow had landed, then looked at his hands for the little bit of blood that was there. I'd cracked it open. "Stupid bitch" he spat at me, earning himself a hard kick to the balls.

I let the pan hit the floor with a clatter. What had I done tonight? Who did this stuff? Who attacked someone? Was I the monster instead of Juice? Instead of Fiasco? Was it? I had caused this. All of it.

"I said I was sorry." I whispered dropping down beside him, fresh tears started up. "I've always been a whore."

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

"Why him?" Fiasco asked me quietly from his corner in the kitchen, we were just a few feet from each other.

I shrugged and looked down at the bloody mess of my nails. At some point I'd scratched down the sides of his face, trying to fight back. "You don't want to hear about this. Just let me get my stuff and I'll leave."

"I asked, why Juice?" Fiasco was still holding his head, a dish towel pressed to it. We both probably needed a trip to the hospital.

"It was just a thing." I swallowed hard, forcing myself to say this. "The bad ass biker boy that liked to fuck hard and kinky."

Fiasco looked away from me. "So it was just about the sex? You want to be with him Lindsey? You been usin me this whole time?"

"No. I don't want him." I answered softly, ignoring the ping of pain inside my chest. "I want to be with you or I would have never gotten into that car tonight. He just.. He treats me like what I am."

And he did. I was a whore in Juice's eyes. If I meant anything else, tonight would have been the moment when he spoke up and told me not to leave with Fiasco. Come with him instead. And he didn't. He didn't want me for anything but the slit between my legs.

Fiasco moved slowly, sliding across the bloodied kitchen floor towards me. He reached a hand up, making me flinch at first, but he wasn't hitting me. He rubbed his thumb on my throbbing cheek bones. "You ain't no whore Lindsey. We both know that."

"You don't know." I gazed back at him. "You don't know….."

"I do know. I know you got more strength than I give you credit for too." He touched his head again making us both smile then groan at the muscle movement of our faces. "I'm pissed."

"And you should be."

"But.. I don't know. Maybe its my fault too. Shit girl… I don't want you to go. But I don't want you goin behind my back fuckin around."

I nodded understandingly. I knew no matter how unsure I was of him, I wouldn't like it a bit if Fiasco was sleeping around. There was a 'mine' mentality when I thought of him whether I admitted it or not. "I'm sorry." I repeated again. "I am so sorry. Don't make me leave. I don't want to go."

The old Lindsey was creeping out. The Lindsey I'd been trying to tuck away since leaving my parents house. The Lindsey Brooke knew all about. I turned to him, going on to my knees. "Please don't. I'm so sorry Fiasco. I want you. Just you. Don't… just.. Please." I was begging him, pleading. "I.. love you. I don't know why I was so stupid. I don't want Juice. I swear." my voice was cracking.

Fiasco studied me, like he was searching for a clue that I was lying. He didn't speak for a while. "Go clean yourself up." Was all I got before he pulled himself off of the floor, leaving me in the kitchen to cry again.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Juice's POV

"How in the hell did you know I was even in there?" I winced as Chibs pulled the thread through my cheek.

Chibs peered through his glasses, then tugged at the string again. "I saw you go in. I followed you, just checkin up on you." He pulled the stitch tight making my eyes water up. "Then I saw Fiasco go in. Looked suspicious."

"You thought I was makin some kind of deal with Fiasco?" I asked in amazement. Had I really gotten that bad of a rep with the club that my own sponsor thought that was even possible?

"Aye. Then neither of ye came out. I threatened the slimy lad at the desk until he told me which room. Wasn't hard to spot anyways." He smirked a little pausing to admire his handiwork. "Didn't know you really meant you were fuckin a lass there on the regular."

Pretty girl. I sighed thinking of her, wondering what had become of the brunette that I'd just brawled over. She'd told me that Fiasco was getting suspicious when I called her. I hadn't listened though, I was only thinking about what a mess I was, how on edge I felt. I'd wanted a release after the Chinese massacre, needed something to clear my head of the crazy talk going on. Lindsey was the answer like she always was.

But there was a part of me that felt like a real piece of shit knowing that she'd been caught with me. I had no idea what their relationship was like, if she felt anything for the guy. I knew there was an even bigger part of me that hoped she didn't, didn't like sharing her. Hoped that maybe they'd broken up after this.

Somehow, I doubted it. Fiasco wouldn't have been shoving her into his car like that if he was going to toss her out. My blood boiled beneath my skin just thinking on how he'd shoved her, cussed at her. Pretty girl might not have been my girl, but it didn't change the way I felt about seeing her treated like shit in front of me.

I closed my eyes letting Chibs finish his patching up of my battle wounds. Jax was going to be pissed about this. We'd been drawing Nero and his crew back in with the club slowly, and now I'd done this. Was she worth it?

Yeah she's worth it I thought to myself ignoring the sting of the alcohol Chibs pressed onto my knuckles. I could still see those big hazel eyes staring at me, waiting for something. For something I wasn't willing to give.

"Her names Lindsey." I told Chibs opening my eyes back up. "She works at Diosa."

Chibs gave me a pat on the back, signaling that we were done. "Never known you to fight over escorts before."

I scowled at him, grabbing the bloodied mess up to throw away. We were in my bathroom, me perched on the bathtub. "We're friends." I defended her without a second thought. "She's uh, helped me a few times. Keeps me straight."

Chibs nodded pulling his cigarettes out of his back pocket, sticking one between his lips. "I bet she has. Might need to rethink that friendship Juicy."

There was a warning there. I rubbed my Mohawk, my dead give away gesture that I did when I was stressed or nervous. "Maybe so. If she's still alive." I'd meant it as a joke but I had to wonder again. What could he have done with her?"

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

I slid down beside Lyla behind the laptop she was using to watch shots from the day before. "Looks good to me." I joked watching the two girls on the screen dive into the cliché pool of jello.

She rolled her eyes, glancing over at me before hitting the pause button. "It always looks good to you guys. Which is why I'm running the studio instead of the club."

"Good point." I chuckled grabbing a pen from the pink cup on her desk, fiddling with it. ADD was getting to the best of me today.

"Your face looks better." Lyla observed without any of the snide in her voice like the others had when they commented on it.

"Geez thanks. I thought I was always this handsome." I gave her one of my big grins, trying to charm her as much as I could.

Lyla smirked snatching the pen back from me when I started to raise it to my lips to chew on the cap. "What do you want Juice?" she cut straight to the chase.

"I can't get a hold of Lindsey." I said quietly, not wanting to be overheard. "Its been a day since everything went down, and I can't get her to answer the phone. It goes straight to voicemail."

She frowned, reaching for her own iphone without me even having to ask and scrolled through to the girl I was worried about. "You don't think he'd… do anything to her? Do you?"

"I don't know." I admitted. "He was pretty pissed with her. He wasn't with Nero at the meet either. And I called Diosa, Janet said she called in for the rest of the week with some flu." I knew about the meet because I'd asked Rat. I avoided going anywhere Nero was at.

Lyla hit call, both of us listening to the phone ring over and over before the voicemail picked up. "I could go by there after work." she offered, a worry line creasing in her forehead.

"Too long to wait." I stood up, then paused watching the security cameras footage on the screen in the corner. "He's here."

Lyla peered at the screen, nodding. "Go to Oakland. I'll call you if he leaves. Do not do anything stupid Juice, I swear."

"Me? Do something stupid?" I gave her a grin just before ducking out of her office.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Lindsey's POV

I stared at my reflection in the mirror that hung above the sink in the bathroom. The person staring back at me had a split lip, black eye, bruised cheeks in the shape of hands, and overall looked horrible. I was sore, it hurt to move around much, and even my back ached. This was what being a battered woman was like.

"Don't you do it. Don't you feel sorry for yourself." I whispered at myself leaning in closer. "You've been through worse than what he did to you only that didn't leave bruises. You're too strong to feel sorry for yourself."

And because I knew that if I let myself feel that way, I'd never be able to move on. I'd never be able to tell myself I was a survivor and could figure things out. I wasn't on the streets, I wasn't back at the soup kitchen for a hot meal, and I wasn't showering in the truck stop again. I was in Oakland at Fiasco's house. I had everything I essentially needed.

"Except what I want." I jumped when I heard a knock on the bathroom door. Fiasco. "I'm coming."

He didn't look much better. The scratches I'd left down his face had scabbed over, and he'd ended up needing stitches where I'd hit him back. Juice had done his damage as well, leaving behind a face that resembled hamburger from the heavy rings he wore. He was pulling his shoes on when I stepped into the small living room.

"Sorry… I didn't know you needed me." I said softly not looking at Gomes who was staring at me. It was the first time he'd laid eyes on me since the fight despite living together.

"I'm leaving. I called Nero for you, told him you ain't comin for a week or so." He stood up after lacing his Nikes. "I want you to stay close to the house, you hear me?"

"Yes." I whispered lifting my cheek when he bent down to kiss it. "Maybe I'll take a nap."

Fiasco shrugged, pulling his beanie down to his eyebrows, covering the stitches up completely. "Whatever you want to do as long as its inside. Got it?"

I nodded trailing after him on his way to the door. "Be careful. Love you."

"Yeah. Me too."

I waited for the door to shut behind them before I let out a sigh of relief. I was alone for the first time since everything had happened. I padded off into our bedroom, crawling on top of the bed to enjoy being able to stretch out. The only reason I wasn't sleeping on the floor was because even though Fiasco was pissed with me, his pride wouldn't allow me to sleep on the couch or on a pallet beside the bed. So it was with a pillow between us that we'd slept uncomfortably.

I laid there, enjoying the peacefulness of being alone, the quiet throughout the house with both of them gone. It didn't happen too often. Probably only once since I moved in now that I thought about it. I turned my face over, breathing in the scent of his body wash in the sheets with deep breaths until I fell asleep.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Tap tap tap tap tap…

I frowned sitting up in the bed, glancing at the clock on the nightstand. I'd only been asleep for a half hour. Who in the hell could be knocking on the door?

I crawled down from my cocoon of blankets to go into the kitchen and peek through the blinds. I had reservations about letting anyone see me looking like this. It had been enough to endure Gomes' stares this morning. I pulled the thick plastic back peeking between the slits, then let go. Holy shit. He was here.

"I know you're in there!" Juice called through the door. "Open up!"

I leaned against the frame, my heart pounding inside of my chest. "Go away."

He knocked louder. He was going to draw attention if he didn't stop and the last thing I wanted was the neighbors calling Fiasco and telling him there was a scene at his house. I inhaled sharply before reaching over and unbolting the million locks. "What do you want?" I asked softly only opening the door up an inch at best.

Juice wasn't having that. He shoved it open wider with his booted foot. "I've been calling you since the other night."

I kept my face down, letting my hair fall forwards. "I'm fine. But you can't be here. You have to go."

"I was worried about you." He reached out, touching my shoulder in a sweet enough motion. But I flinched away.

"Don't touch me. I told you, I'm fine. Really." I didn't want him to touch me. Or look at me. "Please go."

Juice sighed, making it clear he wasn't going without a fight. "Pretty girl, talk to me. What happened?"

Ordinarily, I liked him using his nickname for me. Not anymore. I pushed my hair back, giving him his first real look at my face. "I have nothing to say to you. Ever. Now go away."

"Jesus Christ." Juice's eyes widened at the sight of me. "He beat the hell out of you. I swear to God, when I find him I'm-"

"You're not going to do anything. He can't know you were ever here." I pleaded with him. "You're making this worse. Just go away Juice. Leave me alone. I'm done with this."

Juice looked pained, like it actually hurt to hear me say this. "What do you mean by done?"

"I mean, I'm through with whatever we were. I have to be with Fiasco." I held a hand over my mouth, trying to cover the damage as best I could.

"You don't have to be with him." Juice threw back shaking his head in disbelief. "No one is forcing you. Why would you even stay after this?"

"You don't know shit about me!" I cried out suddenly, letting my emotions bubble over from the pot they'd been stewing in. "You don't know anything except you like my pussy and how I suck your cock. Don't stand there and act like you give a shit."

He looked like I'd slapped him from how taken back he was. "I wouldn't be standing here if I didn't."

"You're too late then. You didn't care when it counted for something. Go away. Leave me alone. I'm just a whore you picked up one night that was stupid enough to take care of you more than once. Go by Diosa, you'll find another just like me."

I hated myself for saying this to him. Part of me knew it'd been coming. I'd kept everything inside for too long. "You don't even talk to me. So don't stand there and act all concerned Juice."

"Babe-"

"Don't call me that." I snapped angrily putting a hand up to stop him. "It makes me want things I can't have and its wrong. Go home. Go to Diosa. Go fuck yourself. Just go.. Somewhere."

I threw him a look before reaching behind me into the house for my purse. "And take this with you." I thrust his phone at him. "I don't owe you anything anymore. Now leave."

I stepped back tearing my eyes off of the pained expression he had just before I slammed the door in his face.