Chapter 21 - Questions of the Heart

"Why do you want to stop a human from aging?" Kagome looked at the demon puzzled by the question.

"I need not explain myself to you." Sesshomaru couldn't say anything now, if there was no way for them to live out their lives together then she could never know. Sesshomaru would go to his grave before telling her. He couldn't bear having her stay and watching her die. No, surely he would never speak of it again if there was no way to stop her from aging.

"There has to be a reason and I am sick to death of everything being such a big secret here. I don't know whether I am a guest or a captive, the weather has gone haywire, and I don't know if I am going to be food for Naraku tomorrow. If you want answers than I want some too!" Kagome shouted out of shear exasperation. Why could he possibly want to know how to stop aging? Was this all about Rin? Kagome knew that Sesshomaru loved the child regardless of what he said or acted like.

"Answers are something that I can not promise. There are reasons why I ask the things that I do, but they are of no concern of yours." Sesshomaru was trying fiercely to hold on to every last bit of emotion. His normally calm demeanor on the edge of a complete obliteration. It took everything in him not to grab the beauty in front of him and gather her into his arms. He wanted to smell her hair, feel her body close to him, to taste her kiss. His unending patience finally wearing thin, it was taking everything in him to put forth his most serious of faces.

Kagome didn't know if she would scream or cry. For the first time she felt as though she were looking at the Sesshomaru InuYasha had so often described. He cared only for himself, cold, calculating… fierce. "I am done answering your questions. I want to go back to InuYasha." Kagome couldn't believe the words that had come out of her mouth. She had never felt so cold hearted in her life. Sesshomaru's eyes flashed with anger, at the outburst, but if Kagome wasn't mistaken, there was a measure of hurt behind those golden eyes.

The words had hit Sesshomaru's ears like a gunshot. His heart sank deep within him, he was sure that he could actually feel it. She hadn't said anything like that to him since he had first taken her from InuYasha. She was yelling at him again, not her usual yell, but a fierce demand. She had meant it when she had said it, he could feel it. Now he felt sadness, if it was for her cruelty or for the absence of the hanyou, Sesshomaru couldn't tell, but it was unmistakable sadness. Sesshomaru needed the answer to his question, even if it meant having to let her go back to that fool. He couldn't bear not knowing, at least if he knew that, he could tell her. If I tell her and she still wants to return to InuYasha then she will have made her choice, and I will let her go. One day she may come back. Sesshomaru's desperation reached its limits. "Tell me if you know and you can return, you may leave tonight if you wish." Sesshomaru cringed at the words he had just spoken.

Kagome looked Sesshomaru in the eye, determined to be done with all of this secrecy, done with being bait. "I don't know of any way to stop aging. It's not possible!" Even through her anger Kagome couldn't help but want to cry.

Sesshomaru's hopes shattered in an instant. She was telling the truth, he could sense it. Never had he felt truth come across as strongly as it did in that moment. The pain that he felt in that moment was like nothing before. The pain so strong he felt physically weak. Sesshomaru was hanging on by a thin thread. He didn't know if he could possibly utter the words that she was waiting to hear. It might just do him in, he felt as though he might just fall to the floor at her feet and die if he had to speak right now. The taiyoukai did his best to hide the turmoil going on inside him. Her face lit up as lightening flashed. "You are free to go. I will not stop you," but please stay. If you don't I am not sure that I can go on. Sesshomaru thought desperately to himself.

Kagome had dreamt of this moment, but in her dreams it didn't feel like this. In her dreams she was already running to pack her things and race back to InuYasha, but now was different. She found herself standing in front of the taiyoukai staring him in the eyes, hoping, praying, that he was going to stop her from leaving. Kagome found herself near tears. She could think of nothing to say, but couldn't seem to move her feet either. Say something. What if InuYasha doesn't want me back? What if I leave here and I have no place to go but home. A place that I barely see, I will be forced to live a life without the people I care for most. A place without InuYasha, my friends,… a place without you, Sesshomaru. Every thought that ran through Kagome's spinning head raced away before she could get a word out. So there she stood, without a word to say.

Sesshomaru couldn't bear to look at her. What could she possibly be thinking. Why was she waiting there, staring at him as if he had yet to finish a sentence. The look in her eyes was tearing at his soul, but he couldn't bring himself to break the silence. Sesshomaru was afraid, truly afraid of what he might say. If he opened his mouth he was sure that everything would pour out, the mounting emotions might overflow like a volcano and envelop the room.

Kagome finally was able to produce words from deep down within her. "How am I supposed to go back to InuYasha? I have no idea where I am, I can't even get out of the barrier." It was so far from what Kagome wanted to say she was sure that it was someone else talking.

Sesshomaru grabbed hold of himself and forced an reply from his lips. "I will have Myoga escort you and Ah Un will take you. Send Myoga in when you leave and I will let him know of he arrangements."

Kagome had forgotten about the flying demon that had escorted Rin and Jaken back. With everything going on she had nearly missed his presence in the large acreage. Her heart sank. What else was there to say. She couldn't very well beg him to stay, that would be ludicrous. She let her head drop holding the tears back and turned to leave the room. She felt as though she were doing the wrong thing, that she was missing out on something by leaving. She could barely hold herself together as she left the room.

"Kagome." Sesshomaru called after her.

Kagome froze. She had never heard Sesshomaru's lips speak her name, not once had he ever uttered a syllable even close to her name. Kagome turned slowly as if Sesshomaru had just pulled a gun on her. She didn't even attempt to hide her surprise.

Sesshomaru had nothing and everything to say, but he just couldn't bear to have her leave without one more look at her. She was so beautiful and she didn't deserve this goodbye, she deserved so much more. There was so much more that he wanted to give her, but he was resigned to this. Sesshomaru reached out and brushed the hair from her eyes. "I am sure that we will cross paths again, and when we do, know that I am not your enemy." It was the very least that he could say to her. If she knew nothing else, let her know that he would not hurt her, he would not take her again.

Kagome felt the touch of his hand and couldn't help but let her eyes close for a moment, enjoying the feeling of his touch. His words were kind, unlike him. They were soft, for just a moment Kagome let herself believe that he was going to tell her that he didn't want her to go, that he loved her, and that he wanted more than anything for her to stay. Her moment of hope was short lived and the words that came were anything but a comfort for her. She knew it was an attempt at peace between them, and all she could do was look at him. "Thank you for your kindness while I was here." She said to him and walked away.

As Kagome walked into her room she closed the door behind her. "Kagome what is wrong?" Myoga asked. Her face looked worried and jaded. The brightness had fled from her eyes.

"Lord Sesshomaru wants to speak with you." Kagome said her voice cracking.

"I will return right after." Myoga said looking concerned. Kagome walked over to the edge of the bed and looked at the sleeping child. She would miss Rin, her innocence and honesty, it was no wonder Sesshomaru would want to stop the aging process. Who wouldn't want to save this child?

Kagome pulled the covers around the child and tucked her in. She shook her head at herself. For a moment she had thought that maybe it was her Sesshomaru had wanted to stay with him, but that was silly, he had no need of her anymore. Kagome quietly packed her things while crying. She just couldn't stop the tears from coming, she had never been so disappointed in her life. Where was she going to go? Should she even bother with InuYasha? Would Kikyo still be traveling with them? The questions that clouded her head only caused her to cry harder.

The flea entered the room cautiously. "You wanted to speak with me Lord Sesshomaru?" The flea asked nervously.

"Take her back to InuYasha, tell him he is free from our bargain. Ah Un will see to your safe return." Sesshomaru never turned to face the flea, his eyes rested on the rain tapping at the window. Myoga was about to speak when Sesshomaru began to talk again. "And Myoga, tell that half breed, should I find out that something happened to her because he was busy protecting that dead priestess I will kill him, and Kikyo." Myoga looked wide eyed at the beautiful silver/white hair of the demon. He was deadly serious, and Myoga knew it, there was something more to his desire for Kagome than Sesshomaru was saying.

"Yes Lord Sesshomaru, I will tell InuYasha exactly what you said." Myoga replied quietly.

"The go flea. She wishes to leave tonight. Ah Un will make sure that you get through the barrier." Myoga hesitated for just a moment, unsure of whether he should test his luck when Sesshomaru snapped at him. "GO! I can not stand to look at her any longer." The sadness in his voice was overwhelming, Myoga could feel it searing through like a red hot ember into his ears. He turned and left, happy to still be alive.

When he returned to the room he could see that Kagome's bags were packed and that the girl was placing a small doll next to the sleeping child. She stood up as Myoga jumped to her shoulder. "Are you ready Myoga?" Kagome asked the flea.

"Yes, are you sure that you want to leave here Kagome? You seem very upset, the morning may look brighter." Myoga felt the sting of betrayal entering his veins, he knew that first he served Master InuYasha, but there was something wrong with what was happening and he couldn't remain silent any longer.

"I am sure. If we don't leave now he might never let us go." Kagome knew better, but she couldn't take another moment of this. The two walked out to meet the flying demon waiting at the door. The storm was building strength again and they were quick to jump on and be off through the air. What am I going to do now? Kagome thought to herself looking at the night sky laid out before her. I don't even know where we are going? "Myoga, I think that you should take me back to the well." Kagome decided that it would be better to be miserable alone in her room than wandering thought the countryside, vulnerable and exposed.

"I can't, I have strict instructions to return you to Master InuYasha. Please Kagome, don't give me trouble and have me be on the bad side of Sesshomaru." Myoga pleaded. Kagome had lost the will to argue.

"Whatever." Her frustration and sadness had seeped into her very soul. There was no strength in her to even try to convince the flea otherwise. She would just have to walk back in the morning.