A/N: Thank you to Amir-015, Kaiser Chris, and Jaenera Targaryen for reviewing last chapter! I hope you all continue to enjoy, and I hope to hear your thoughts especially on this special occasion!
Garma having Icelina would have been quite important for someone so obsessed with the love of others, since Garma in MSG shows signs of insecurity and weakness beneath his Princely facade. A stepford smiler in a way, who has to act a certain way but has deep issues effecting them. Icelina would bring Garma up from that point, but here Garma is without a new girlfriend following his New York expedition like he would have in-canon, so expect it to have an effect on him.
I hope you enjoy, and I hope to hear your thoughts in the reviews below on the longest chapter we've had yet!
Character: Garma Zabi
Date: May 0079
Fire.
Fire.
My Gaw is on fire.
Why is my Gaw on fire.
I was expecting to fly to a diplomatic meeting that could help foster relations with certain members of the Federation leadership, but instead my would-be method of transportation is being drenched in water.
Fortunately for whoever likely tried sabotaging my Gaw, they blew up the wrong one. The one beside my Loki was destroyed rather than it, but due to their proximity it caused damage to the Loki as well. So while my Gaw is being saved from further damage, its sister carrier the Thor is gone now and will need replacing.
If I hadn't taken my time today to train in my new Gouf, I would have been at the airfield earlier. While I cannot say I would have been on the Loki yet, I certainly would have been a lot closer to the danger than I otherwise would have been. I was one mobile suit exercise away from perhaps joining my brother Sasro...
Is this the nature of our politics now? To prevent me from meeting with their own forces who might help their war effort edge towards surrender, the Federation would try to assassinate me? Do they not realize how poorly that would turn out for them? My own care for my life aside, I would almost pity them after what Dozle, Kycilia, and even Gihren would do to those responsible.
Standing around and watching my Gaw burn with my mobile suit loaded inside of it will not do any good though. My soldiers know their duties and they will take care of this, though it means that I won't be going. Not when the Federation has tipped their hand. They may have been able to sneak a saboteaur onto our base or turn one of our members traitor, but they cannot attack us in full force.
Some officers try to all describe the situation to me while my bodyguards are sweeping the area for further threats. I don't have anything to do here now that things are ruined for the rest of the waning day, so I may as well go back to my office and call Father like I meant to earlier but came to put off until later. I wonder how he'll take hearing this news...
"Die!"
It is fortunate that this would-be assassin, likely the man who rigged the Gaw to explode, was foolish enough to announce his presence just as I reach the entrance of the base closest to the air field. Throwing myself to the side saves me from gunfire, and there is not exactly time to appreciate his seemingly poor aim as I rush to my feet and tackle him into the doorway.
"Don't fire, you may hit Lord Garma!"
Oh good, so my soldiers know what's happening now. Unfortunately that does me little good as I grapple with this Federation infiltrator who happens to be fairly larger than me: I'm not Dozle, I am not a heap of upper body strength, so while I had the initial advantage from my counterattack I am now actually being pushed back as he pushes back against my attempts to get leverage on him. Since I cannot fight him with strength alone, I can abuse the right leverage on him to stall for time and win by default: I have backup coming, and he doesn't most likely.
"Were you the one who did this?"
The question I was able to get out through grit teeth was met with his skull crashing down into mine, knocking me back and giving him the slight freedom he needed to pull out a knife and send it lunging towards me.
Fortunately my previous action in trying to gain leverage gave me the position I needed to grab and divert his attack, his fist sliding past me and the knife cutting through the air rather than my flesh. His hand strikes one part of the doorway and his grip on it weakens ever so slightly, bringing our relative strengths to an even balance as he prepares his next attack. His seemingly hurt wrist and the pain in his hand bringing him down to my level proves useful, as it lets me twist his arm as he swings the knife in towards my body.
Moving his arm however changes the arc of his swing, and while he did not cut into me, I just made him stab his own chest. His blood begins to spill out from his body as he furiously tries to grab for my neck, the only thing protecting me now being my arms. Using the training I have received from Urabe, I manage to bash away one of his arms by hitting it at the right point, and then shove forward the same arm to jab the knife in his chest.
With the large serrated knife now penetrating his chest and exiting his back, he slumps back and falls to the ground lifelessly. Of course this is the moment that my soldiers manage to reach us, their attention having probably been too captivated by the chaos of the explosion and the resulting fire to really notice that someone was trying to kill me.
Seeing the man beneath me and the blood now spilling out onto my boots makes me realize that with this man dead, I likely won't find out the details behind this attack, "Damnit."
Still, this man missed me at point blank range...he almost was as bad at combat as Darota. I am lucky for that I guess. If he had been an expert in close combat like Amir or Urabe, I would be dead right now, but somebody trained in sabotage is more along the lines of what is in my fighting capabilities.
Speaking of them, where even are my guards at this point? I look around, and it comes to my attention that gunfire has been going off during my fight. Oh. So that's where they are, fighting other people trying to kill me. That makes sense now.
The gunfire dies down soon enough, right alongside those who started the affair by attacking us. Once the other assailants are taken care of I am met by Urabe, who salutes me and gives me a quick report on the situation.
"Sir, we located two other Federation soldiers. Unfortunately we could not take them in alive. One used a grenade to try to take Amir with him, while the other died from his bullet wounds. The only allied casualties presently are some mechanics who were near the Thor and the pilot of our Gaw, Turner. We are now searching for other possible threats, be they explosives or be they further attackers."
Good, so the base is going to be in an uproar for awhile...I honestly don't want to be a part of that. Particularly since I am the target it would seem. Still, I am glad that they were able to get a handle on the situation this quickly even if I did come across one would-be killer...and I am quite grateful that I have been taking the time to train with Urabe now. When I heard he was teaching Miss Crossroad to protect herself, I figured it would be a good practice to take up on my own. It's not as if I really do anything else in my supposed free time here, and with how many times I come under direct threat it's a worthwhile investment, as this man bleeding on my proves.
"Please look into it."
Urabe salutes me again, but before leaving he poses an important question.
"Sir, what will you do?"
To be honest I don't know what the answer to that is. I suppose I will go and talk to my father now...I don't really know what else to do. With my soldiers knowing what to do here, I am not needed, and I could probably use a conversation with family...I don't get to do that all too often these days.
"I cannot go to the meeting I intended to tonight, so I may as well go and call my Father earlier than I thought I would."
My guard captain nods to this, but then sends a small army of soldiers to accompany me. I suppose I understand the reason for them, but having a dozen people surrounding me is a bit suffocating. We leave for my office, but I make the soldiers stand outside: not only do I not want to deal with them, but no-one except my top officers and aides have been in my office so it should be safe, and I really don't want normal soldiers being privy to personal conversations with my father.
It takes a couple minutes to set up my call to outer space, and the static and interference is horrible, but I manage to get through to my father as intended. He appears on the screen and I can see that he is in his office, likely keeping himself busy much as we all have been these past months. At his age he could retire and no-one would blame him, but he continues working, showing just why he is the man who Side Three has relied upon all this time. Another man in his position could have just deferred all tasks and duties to others and ruled as a simple dictator who did as they pleased, but not him. He actually does care about the future of our people, of the goals set forth by his friend, Zeon.
"Father."
He smiles at me when my image becomes clear on his own monitor, the communication flaws appearing on his end as well, "Garma, how are you?"
How am I?
Alive. That's important I suppose. I almost wasn't just a few minutes ago.
He'll find out sooner or later I think about this incident, so I may as well just tell him now.
"The plane I was going to be taking today is currently on fire."
He is taken aback by this, seemingly shocked in horror at the thought that I had been on a fiery Gaw, "Are you alright?"
To dispel some of his fear, I explain the situation a bit further, "Yes, I fortunately was not on board yet. There were only a few casualties, three of which were Federation soldiers who infiltrated our forces."
Despite my efforts, he still appears to be put off by this situation. His face is holding a simple scowl that is not directed at me, but which still shows that he is sad, "It was a mistake to let you go to Earth by yourself. Dozle or Kycilia should be there with you..."
While I must admit that I would loathe being away from my family a moment more than is necessary, I would not want to have them diverted from their important duties that carry life and death consequences just because I am lonely.
Lonely...a funny word to use for myself, given that I am surrounded by an army, but how else can I explain the feeling of isolation I have? The only people I can talk to like normal Human beings are my guards, and Kinue, but they are also my subordinates and so that dictates just how they act back towards me. It's part of why I appreciate having Kinue around here actually, since she is the only one who is willing to regularly question me.
Well, sometimes others do question me, but it's not in the constructive back-and-forth debate matter I have come to expect from my media expert. There are high ranking soldiers who actually would be giving me orders if not for my command over the Earth invasion which puts them under my umbrella. This has bred some resentment towards me from these individuals, who see taking orders from me as taking orders from a naive child. Whatever my merits may be, I cannot change the fact that I am only twenty, and others judge me based on that fact.
If I win this conflict though, if I succeed at defeating the Federation here on Earth, then maybe I will be able to earn their respect. I need to prove that I deserve this rank I hold, that the nepotism shown to me is not misplaced privilege.
Still, Father probably thinks that I am completely isolated here since everyone else is in Space. Kycilia sometimes comes to Earth, but her activities mostly remain in Space, and she doesn't go out of her way to visit when she does come to Earth. Understandable, as time is an important resource right now.
While I do not have my family here with me, I at least have some others who are easing the pain of our separation.
"I am not alone, Father. I have Dozle and Kycilia's soldiers looking after me, remember. They saved my life tonight."
He nods, but I can tell that he is unconvinced. He likes hearing of my accomplishments, like when I captured California and New York, but he loathes hearing of the hardships I face here, but admonishes me when I try to hide them from him.
"I don't know what I would do if something were to happen to you."
As much as I know he will, I do not want him to worry over me. I can take care of myself, and the times I cannot I have others who will, "I'm fine, Father. Don't worry. I just have felt a bit numb since the incident and don't know what I should do now."
I do need to have a word with whoever was in charge of our base's perimeter defense though...I can't have Gaws I am supposed to be on exploding.
"You should be with your family at a moment like this, but unfortunately that is not possible..." my father pauses as he seems to see something on my face, "Oh, I did not even notice through this static, but you appear unwell, Garma."
I'm glad it wasn't something worse...I mean, how does he expect me to look a short while after an assassination attempt? I am not as stoic as Gihren or Kycilia, I can't just ignore the fact that I am coated in someone else's blood, "I almost just died, I think I have cause to look the way I do. Though I suppose I should change uniforms..."
My father had noticed the blood much earlier I suppose, since he doesn't bat an eyelash at my reasoning, "No, I mean that you look like you have not been eating or sleeping enough. Is something the matter?"
"I..."
I don't actually have an answer to that.
My father is a great man. Gihren is the most intelligent man alive. Dozle is an accomplished battlefield commander. Kycilia...well, I can't truly say I know of all her accomplishments since that would defeat the purpose of secretive missions, but I am positive she has done many things for our nation. But me? What have I done?
It has been months, but Earth is still not under our control. The Federation is catching up to us in technology with each passing day, and I am surrounded by commanding officers who only listen to what I say when I am in close proximity, only to go and do their own objectives and goals when I leave them. I have a world trying to spin propaganda about me like I am the devil incarnate, while common people take up arms against our forces who are trying to help them with aid and relief efforts. Each day I am informed of our increasing casualties and the rising difficulty we possess in taking territory. New reports come in about more civilian casualties of those caught in the crossfire between zealous Federation forces and our own zealots, of which there are a disturbing many. Each success may be attributed to me, but each failure also comes to rest at my head in some way.
On top of my professional life being a mess, I have the fact that I feel that in my absence I have finally lost the last vestiges of my family. Father doesn't usually call with one of the others anymore, while the only other one to try and keep in contact with me is Dozle. I haven't truly heard from Gihren in any personal manner in months, with Kycilia only rarely contacting me in any manner outside of our official duties. Dozle and Kycilia have a growing feud that I fear may escalate and hurt not only them, but our soldiers who are caught in the crossfire of those two refusing to work together. It is an open secret that Kycilia is seeking to also oppose Gihren one day, and as much as I wish it was not the case I cannot see the two of them reconciling before that becomes an actual bloodbath.
I still remember when we all would sit around our small dinner table in our similarly small apartment on Side Three, father watching baseball while Kycilia tried to keep us all from going hungry as Dozle and Sasro fought over food.
We were a family then, and even if we squabbled, it did not have the consequence or implications of a future civil war: it was just the common arguments that any family would have. I miss when Gihren and Kycilia were openly hostile to one another in a sort of playful way, rather than how they currently smile to one another while plotting the other's downfall.
The irony of being a Prince of such a powerful nation is that, as much as I want to have that normal life, to have that normal family again, it's the one thing I know I never can. Each day I am gone from the others, I can feel their tensions rising, but nothing I can say or do will make them change from their current paths. They are set to collide with one another, and I don't even know what I would do with the fallout. It almost feels as if they were only staying together for my sake, for I can say with certainty that I am the only member of our family other than Father who each of the others likes. As cold as Gihren can be, I still know that he cares in some part for me, and that is why I haven't given up on him yet even after all he has done.
Kycilia already is opposing him...I don't think I can be the one to take that burden. To be the one to break the already weakened bond between us all...as much as what Gihren has done this war has sickened me, I can only imagine how worse things might get if I took any actual measures against him like Kycilia. There would be no going back from that, and Zeon is already struggling to maintain its advantage against the Federation.
Maybe when this war is over we can confront Gihren about his methods...but until then, I have to suffer the knowledge that we have driven Humanity halfway to extinction and each day we get closer and closer to a point of no return. I cannot change the past, so I have to take the only solace I can in the hope that the future might somehow be the better place we hope it will be.
If I could though, I would rather be a normal twenty year old living a normal life. Not one with the shackles that come from the position I hold, privilege I have never asked for and power I never wanted or needed. I am not like Gihren or Kycilia in that I do not actually want to be the supreme dictator of the world one day, I just want to live a life as I see fit. I know it is selfish to wish for a normal life when I have duties to and expectations from our people, and I know I am fortunate for having been given all I have been, but we each have our desires, and mine is for the normalcy I once knew.
To everyone else though I am the smiling handsome, beloved Prince of Zeon who embodies our future and the righteousness of our cause. While maybe there is some truth in some of that, I wonder just how they would react if they knew this.
I cannot stay silent to my father's question forever, but I also do not want to let him know just how insecure I am about this, so I give him a piece of the truth without fully answering his query, "I don't know. Perhaps I have been from you all too long. Things are different here on Earth, and I don't just mean the thunder and snow. I don't know nearly any of the commanders I have been placed in charge of here on Earth, people who technically outrank me but who have to listen to me all the same."
"Do you wish for me to send Gihren to assist you?"
That would certainly deal with the problem of insubordinate commanders, but no, no it wouldn't fix this feeling I have inside of...well, I don't know what to call it. Forlorn despair? Depression? While some would disagree, I am a man like any other and thus am not immune to such things. After all, when even was the last time I spoke to Char, my closest friend?
But no, I can't have Gihren come here and do this all for me. Not only is he busy coordinating the war effort, but it would leave me in disgrace my entire life would not be able to overcome should he come down to Earth and conquer it when I am the one supposed to be doing just that.
"I do not think I could face our people if Gihren had to come do my job for me," to return to what he was saying though about my being unhealthy, I try to find a justification that will satiate him for the time being, "I just suppose that when surrounded by so many people I do not know, in a place I am only just now growing used to in a sense, it is a bit taxing on one's health."
In some ways, I wish I had someone to share this burden with. When I was at the academy I had Char with me the entire way as another student, an equal in station if not social status, but now I have no-one as an actual peer.
I must be poor at hiding it, or he must be quite adept at reading others, for Father gives me a sad look, "That is not all, is it?"
If I look him in the eye I fear I may lose the mask I have made for myself, so I look away from the camera and screen. This too is revealing, but not as much as meeting his gaze and showing him that things indeed are not alright.
"Garma, if there is anything I can do for you, you need only ask."
I am fortunate to have such a loving father...I owe to him everything I have, and I feel that nothing I could ever do would match up to either his accomplishments or repay him for all he has done for me.
Because of his words, I look back up to meet my father's eyes and give him a smile, weak as it may be, "Thank you, Father. I mean it."
"Of course, Garma. We all care for you, remember that. And remember that we are not the only ones who do. The people of Zeon love you...even some of the Federation, from what I understand," he smiles at me, as if he knows something I am not aware of. Perhaps he has been watching the news? I need to catch up on some of it...call it petty or not, but I do like seeing what others have to say about me. Particularly when it's a certain reporter who always gives me fair praise and even criticism when needed. But mostly praise, since Kinue seems to like how I do things in comparison to the other major figures in this war.
Still, a part of me wishes that for the sake of the common people that the support I have within the Federation perhaps would branch into their leadership so we could just end this fighting already, "Unfortunately it is the ones who don't care for me who are in charge of their military."
My father gives me a wry grin, "You did steal one of their bases a few years back I do remember..."
That reminds me, I was wondering about something that my father might be able to help somewhat with. While I search for the enigmatic Federation soldier "Galan Mossa", he is not the only inquiry I have into their organization. I had actually hoped to uncover some information about Ronan Marcenas, the Federation official I was to meet with tonight, before we met but had not heard back from those researching on my behalf yet. It seems that he has his connections all over the Federation, since his family's power dates back to the beginning of this Universal Century, where his ancestor served as prime minister and founded it.
Then said family member was assassinated, the Federation used it as cause to start repressing its new citizens of Space, and the rest is history. But not only was I looking for something to use against him personally, I was looking into an assassination that happened about a decade ago which I believe he may have had some role in. Since I hold a lot of gratitude for the service rendered by our Federation born reporter, I thought I would repay it by unveiling the people who had Mister Crossroad assassinated.
"Speaking of the Federation, I have started looking into some matters regarding them that I may need your help with. I have arranged for some of it to be observed by Kycilia and her soldiers, but I may have to ask for your aid too if it comes to it."
Taking priority over that discovery though is locating the man who disrupted the Antarctic Treaty. Not only would I have him punished for the attempted murder of Miss Crossroad, but the killing of Gaia, Mash, and Ortega along with other Zeon forces at the treaty. His freeing of Revil and the resulting chaos may have cost us the war by allowing the Federation to get a second wind. That event brought us to our current invasion where thousands upon thousands more will die, and all because of the actions of one man.
I will not let someone who accomplished such a feat to go free. He will be brought to justice, one way or another. Even Kycilia is willing to aid me in this matter, for she too knows the danger such a competent enemy can spell for us.
Father has more contacts than either of us, and he has been in the game longer, so perhaps if he looks into things he will be able to piece together something that Kycilia and I are not able to. We may find things out on our own, but I would rather Father aid us rather than not use his wisdom when it is available to us.
"Just send me whatever files, reports, or anything else you feel the need to, Garma."
"Thank you Father. I believe I should go now though, for there is a lot on my mind I need to think about."
He gives a nod and smile, "Of course. I will leave you to your work and mind. Remember though Garma, you are my son. If there is anything I can do for you, you need only ask."
I open my mouth to give another goodbye before turning off the computer, but something came to his mind and his smile widened as he explained his renewed interest in talking, "Oh, and Dozle was speaking of it earlier, but you do know that the female population of Zeon is in love with you? Why have I not heard of my youngest son having a lover of his own by now?"
Oh great. This again.
Father expects me to come home with a bride one day, and he is quite insistent that I also give him grandchildren like Dozle now is. And Gihren I suppose, but no-one is supposed to know about that.
It's not that I am resistant to the idea, but who would I even marry? It's not as if I just have possible wives sitting around waiting for me here on Earth. A good deal of the planet hates me after all, and I don't think I would get along well with those shallow enough to sell out their faction for flattery. I do have principles after all.
I am waiting for the "right" woman so to speak, and an old crush notwithstanding I have yet to come across said wife material. Not because I do not know any intelligent, competent women, no I have met plenty of those especially this past half year in my time serving Zeon, but rather I am not going to engage in any relationship where my status or position may either play a role in earning their affection, or any relationship where my pedigree and rank may cause unprofessional connotations such as undue favor.
After all, who would assign someone I was involved with to the frontline? It would be improper, and so I will refrain from causing such an unnecessary issue, even if it would be nice to return from the battlefield with someone waiting for me...
So basically I am going to have to wait for this all to be over before I find a wife, at least at this rate. Still, that does not mean I cannot have some fun with the idea.
"If the rumors were to be believed, then it would be because I love my dear friend Char or have a fascination with Kycilia," my Father rolls his eyes as he is reminded of just how low our enemy is willing to sink in terms of their morality, "But Federation slander aside, I don't feel comfortable with how others treat me based on what I am. I am nothing special, and yet some believe me to be a living god it would seem."
"Forgive me for having to ask, but have I told you how I came to meet your mother?"
Naliss Zabi, a woman who from what I have heard was beautiful, with all of Kycilia's positive traits and far less of the stoicism. She passed away when I was born, and no-one in my family tends to want to talk about it, but from what I have managed to gather the conditions on Side Three may have played a part in that. If Side Three's medical technology was not run down and ancient compared to what was the standard of the time, she would have lived.
Instead, I was born at the cost of her life. Learning that wasn't exactly something I enjoyed growing up, and while I know it was not my fault I cannot help but feel guilt stemming from how I took my father's wife and my siblings' mother away from them all.
"You do not usually speak of her, so I don't believe you have."
My father's eyes close, his mind obviously now focused on the memory of his deceased wife. I can see the signs of his age on his face as he then yawns and his eyes droop a little as he opens them. With his health concerns, he really ought to get more rest.
"We should talk about her sometime, then. She was the sort of person I think you would be looking for. A woman of substance who sought substance in others, and who loved me for what others would pass over in favor of my social trappings."
That does sound about right...but I am not even so sure of what I am looking for. Someone to support me? Someone to be there and tell me that everything is going to be okay? To laugh and enjoy myself with? To challenge myself?
My father continues speaking, now grinning after giving a small but amused breath, "After all, you certainly don't get your looks from me. One would have thought a woman as beautiful as her would marry someone richer than a laborer, but some people value things other than wealth," memories of Naliss must be playing before his eyes now, as beyond his glasses I can see Father reminiscing, "She also was a far better cook than I could ever hope to be."
Once he was done, Father shook his head wearily and then returned to smiling at me, his attention restored.
"It's just something to think about. One of many things I am sure is on your mind now after all that has happened today."
He is right, I do have a lot I want to consider. Who was it that tried killing me? What would have happened if I was killed unceremoniously? What would happen to Zeon? To my family? What of my friends? Would they bear the brunt of the punishment should something happen to me? It is their duty to protect me, but what if it had just been because of something like the Gaw being sabotaged? No amount of standing by my side could prevent that. What would Gihren do? What about Kycilia?
Dozle would be furious, I know that much, but there is so much to consider...so many ramifications relating to my own mortality...not to mention of course the fact that I am coated in someone else's blood. I killed a man in hand-to-hand combat, not at a distance like would happen when I ordered the Loki to fire upon an enemy position. I had done it with my own hands, I had taken a life without any of the impersonal barriers that normally got in the way between me and those who...
I...
I don't want to kill the Federation soldiers. That is not why I am here. What I want is to serve and protect my people, but that means I have to take the lives of others...if I could I would not kill anyone, but I know that is not possible.
Still, to my father's point, yes one of the things on my mind is indeed my lack of a spouse. If I died, I would leave behind no heir. I would never know what it is like to love or kiss a woman. What it's like to return home from work and have your wife and children greet you. I may be young, but what better time to start a family than when you are young enough to devote your energy towards it? I know my father regrets having me when he was so old that he could not go out and do things with me like he wished he could. That he was stuck watching as I was outside playing, unable to keep up with me due to age finally beginning to catch up with him.
"Maybe when this war is over I can take the time to find someone you would approve of."
The conversation over, my father speaks in a soft and warm voice, "Take care, Garma."
"I know you must worry, Father, but take care of yourself as well."
The call ends, and I am left sitting in my office with all of those million and one questions and thoughts from before on my mind...
Come to think of it, maybe staying here in my office is not a good idea. If someone still is looking to kill me here, I think staying away from where they would expect me would be smart...
So, with that in mind, I get up and begin what would come to be the longest walk I've taken in my life.
"Garma?"
Given the darkness out, I would say it's probably the middle of the night now instead of the late afternoon like when I left the base. I came back though, and now have come to a special housing section we put together for what civilians we had on base. This one in particular is kind of like a house, not too-too large, more like a glorified apartment actually, but still better than common rooms on the base.
I took some time to walk after what happened, and I have not really come to any answers for the questions haunting my mind. I don't know what to think, or what I should do, but when I stopped walking I found myself here, in front of this house. This house that I, in my restless state, had decided to knock on.
"Sorry if it's a bit late. I was having trouble sleeping, and I decided to go for a walk. Now I'm here."
My walk initially had taken me back to my room for a short while until I realized that I could not sleep at all. It is a certain feeling I get when I am going to suffer from insomnia for a night, and upon feeling it I decided to head back out rather than waste time pretending I could actually sleep. This isn't the first time I've stayed awake for a night, but it is the first that I haven't just gone to do more work or something else productive.
No, tonight I felt the need to just get away from this all and be alone, not hassled by guards or people reporting to me.
I hadn't really been expecting for a half-dressed, barely awake reporter to be greeting me at her door.
"Come on in," Kinue yawns as she opens the door more to let me in, "I'm sorry, I'm not really dressed or have things prepared for a guest."
She certainly isn't dressed for the occasion, being clad only in a dark blue t-shirt and black shorts. I don't think she was intending to have someone come and visit in the middle of the night, but then again I wasn't planning on this either. I just ended up here, and some part of me felt like being an imposing guest.
"I am the one intruding, so you have nothing to apologize for," I bow my head to help convey my apologies, but on the way down my eyes catch sight of something that makes me blush. Not only is my subordinate wearing a t-shirt that reveals a bit of cleavage, but I do not believe she is wearing a bra...in normal circumstances I would have greater willpower to tear my eyes away, but I am exhausted and also so out of it right now that I fear my eyes lingered a moment too long.
No, no, not fear, I know they did. That was inappropriate. A barely dressed woman may be letting me in to her home, but that does not mean I should fall into the weaknesses of a less refined man.
...but I must wonder, were they always that big? She must wear pretty concealing clothing at work...Kycilia does that too, I believe, since I remember my sister's chest being larger then than it is now. So does Kinue intentionally hide her attractiveness to some degree? The B or C cup I work with is now wearing a flattering t-shirt that instead reveals them to be D or DD sized...why couldn't I have ended up wandering to Emmerich or Amir's rooms? Even if they showed up completely naked to the door it wouldn't phase me, I went to a military academy, so I was forced to deal with occasionally naked men in locker rooms. But a half-naked woman? I don't even look at dirty magazines, so this is a bit out of my league...
I am not normally the sort to pay attention to such a thing of course, for that would be rude and improper, but I believe such an observation to be acceptable when something twice as large as you've come to expect meets you at the door. I have to say I am impressed that she would mask her physical attributes though, for the only reason I can imagine is for professional reasons...I can certainly imagine the sort of attention they might receive otherwise, much like the attention I am paying to them now.
But that is enough philosophy about milk producers, we are inside now and I am getting my first glimpse into what one of my...well, friends might be the word for it. So this is my first look into the home of a particular friend, though it is also my first glimpse into a female friend's home. I cannot say I have really ever had one of those: I supposed I was friendly with Zenna before she married Dozle, but she is family, and Cecilia and I have never really been close, even if she is the mother of my brother's alleged bastard children.
Seemingly oblivious to my discomfort, Kinue yawns again and stretches her arms out while we enter into the front of her apartment, the area revealing itself to be a living room of sorts, "Do you have any guards with you? Urabe, Amir, and Emmerich are all asleep right now I'd think...if they finished their new paperwork, that is."
The room is quite clean and organized, with sparing decoration and the only real seeming expenditure of money being the television and the shelf of videos by it. She lives quite the Spartan lifestyle it seems...maybe a result of growing up without money? I once knew what that was like, but I am nowhere near as frugal as I once was. The giant portrait of myself in the base speaks to that all too much...
But right, my guards. I don't know where they are, but I think they picked up the hint when I purposefully ditched them after expressing annoyance with them following me everywhere I went as a large posse. I'd have felt bad if it was Urabe or the others, but no, these were just normal soldiers who probably didn't know the first thing about tailing someone well or how to properly guard someone. This is why we train people specifically for the job, but it's so late at this point that said people are asleep and I am left with those random soldiers.
I shrug while Kinue shows me over to the couch across from her television, "The run-of-the-mill guards lost track of me I think. It's fine though. Who would come looking for me here? And if I lost guards whose job it is to follow me, then I dare say would-be assassins will be even more confused as to where I've gone."
Kinue gives me a wry grin while walking over towards a section of the apartment partly visible from the living room, with what I can see revealing it to be her kitchen, "Is there anything I can get you, like something to drink, or maybe some food?"
When I had gone to try and sleep, I had fortunately changed from my blood stained clothing into an alternate uniform, blue in its coloration rather than the usual green, but the event that caused said bloodshed was still on my mind and I was none too hungry as I remembered the hot liquid spilling onto me from the man who tried blowing me up, shooting me, stabbing me, and strangling me.
"I appreciate the offer, but no, I think I just need some time to think. I don't even know what I'm doing if I am to be honest..."
She does retrieve something from the kitchen though while I sit in silence in her near empty living room, tired at this point to the point where I cannot contemplate the major issues clouding my mind but still trying to all the same. When she returns, I see that she has come back with a pair of mugs by her ju...I am not going to finish that rhyme. I feel almost bad for the tabloids though, since in my current state I've lost some of my restraint and am finding that the woman I work with every day is quite attractive.
I wonder, is this what others have to go through when they work with me? Not to be arrogant, but my handsome or beautiful features have received a good deal of scrutiny. I suppose it is just a bit odd to be on the giving end of said attention this time around, and I just pray my impropriety is not caught, for I am honestly ashamed of it and would hate for it to be observed.
Ahem, so she is holding two cups and is now extending one out to me to take, revealing it to have tea inside. I must be really out of it, because I am surprised she just made tea in what felt like seconds...telling myself that I am tired and not of my usual mind is helping me excuse my being a warm blooded male at least internally.
I accept the offer, and find that my throat welcomes the tea it swallows thanks to what I am guessing is dehydration on my part. I have been walking outside for hours aimlessly, so I guess I am a bit thirsty.
Kinue sits down on a chair that is nearby the couch and begins to drink her own tea as well, slowly sipping it like someone used to drinking it on a regular basis, "Since you're here, you're welcome to stay the night if you want. You can take my bed even, since I've slept on enough couches that it's almost what I'm more used to."
Every alarm is going off in my head right now about just how inappropriate such an arrangement would be...but I honestly feel a bit enticed by the offer. I can't sleep in my room, but maybe trying to sleep somewhere new would help my problem. I also have no idea what is and is not appropriate for friends of the opposite sex to do. Is it okay to sleep over at a female's house as a guy? What about as a guy who also is her employer? Well, Kycilia technically is I guess, but I'm the one who Kinue has to deal with most the time.
In any case, while the offer itself is tempting, the idea of sleeping in Kinue's bed while she would be relegated to the couch is unspeakable. As if I would ever force someone to give up their own bed for my sake.
Besides, this couch is actually kind of comfortable. And it's long enough for me to fit on it if I lay down.
"I wouldn't think of taking your own bed from you. But would staying the night not be inappropriate? You work for me, and it would breach certain codes I believe."
Kinue shrugging back with a grin tells me that she really doesn't care, "We're friends, right? I'm sure if you wound up by Emmerich's or Urabe's room they would let you stay, wouldn't they? It's late, so you really shouldn't be walking around anymore anyways."
I can feel myself blushing as I realized I have now lost this verbal game of chess: I basically have to admit that we are friends now, and I have no argument to the contrary of her claim that friends can do things like this. Furthermore her point is correct that it is quite late out, so I really should just stay inside...even though we're on base and all...
Okay, so what if I want to be convinced to partake in the closest thing to a sleepover I've ever had? I like the idea of trying to sleep somewhere different for a change.
"I suppose you're right," I admit to her, conceding the checkmate with some brief hesitation.
To be honest, I am curious what she thinks of me right now. Dazed and only awake not out of energy but an inability to sleep, I must be quite the poor sight right now. My hair is messed up and falling in front of my eyes when I don't remember to remove it,
But she's smiling and hasn't said a word implying that she minds any of this, even though I likely woke her up and am now keeping her up. Does she just not want to upset her boss? Is it because she really does think we're friends? She must think I'm weird though for this...it's not like I really meant for this to happen though. I just wanted to get some fresh air and think about things, and when I realized I wasn't walking anymore I was at her doorstep.
I can't let Emmerich or Urabe find out about this. They would never let me live it down, of that I am absolutely certain.
Instead of judging me as I worried she would, Kinue placed her tea down and gave me a sympathetic look as she looked over my face, no doubt noticing the same gaunt features and the bags under my eyes that my father had earlier, "You don't seem too phased by the prospect of being sleepless, and I've seen you be really tired some days. Near catatonic even."
"I..."
Maybe she really is my friend, if she cares about something like that. I trust Urabe and the others with my life, and they mean a great deal to me, but even I am not sure they would dare bring up something like this with me: they wouldn't imply that I have health problems stemming from an inability to sleep. They would see it as their job to stand stoic and support me, but not make personal judgments when they are not asked for. Because I'm their Prince...
I look down at my hand, a soft white glove covering it. I try to take it off, but I find that my hand is shaking too much to do so with only one hand. Placing my tea down, I try to take it off again, but I find that both my arms are suffering from this...what would it be? Anxiety?
I freeze though when I feel Kinue touch my arm. Looking up at her, I can see that she looks sad...is it pity? And if not, what then?
With her help, I manage to get my gloves off so I can look down at my hands. I had washed them completely clean earlier when I changed clothes, but I can still feel where the other man's blood had dried on them. Where I had to scrub my hand to remove the dry fluid from my body.
I may have killed him, but he wasn't the only one whose death I could be blamed for. Everyone lost in this Earth invasion...everyone I fought in that first month of the war...everyone whose lives were lost to Gihren's colony operations...perhaps I couldn't change it all, but here I am, a part of this war...
Part of me wants this feeling of guilt to go away, wants it to disappear so life is easier, so I am not woken by nightmares of innocent people screaming as they were murdered by poison gas, or as a colony crashed down on top of them.
I believe in our goal, but...
"When I think of everything that's happened, I can't sleep, and sometimes even when I'm asleep my mind does not let me forget the things I wished I could."
I feel her sit down beside me, and I don't fight as I feel her put an arm around me. She doesn't say anything at first, and I appreciate the silence as well as the gesture.
The only person who hugs me nowadays is Dozle...this whole time though I've had no-one to share my burden with. Dozle bears the same guilt I do, and he doesn't want to talk about it...Kycilia expects me to be strong, so I can't show her just how weak I am...and I am too afraid of letting Father down to show him this. And as good a friend as Char was to me, it wasn't the sort of friendship where we shared our feelings all that often...
Right now though, I don't feel like I'm being judged. Someone is just being nice to me and showing me the support I've been completely without now for years, and been craving for months. I really shouldn't let my guards and an aide lounge around in my office, but they're all I have...
"And then your Gaw caught fire."
The deadpan humor just as she touches my hair makes me laugh. Here I am, opening my heart, and she says something funny to try and cheer me up...
While I look over to her, I feel tears in my eyes even as I smile and mimic her method of speaking.
"And someone tried killing me, and so I killed a man today," I glance down at my blue military uniform that was made to my specifications, but was most definitely atypical much like Char's red one or Dozle's gold accented one with spikes, "His blood is on my uniform, and I had to wear this one in its place."
Kinue pokes at the suit while smiling at me warmly, her eyes sympathetic and kind, "Blue suits you, but blood doesn't."
I may just have to start wearing more blue then...I like it as a color, but I haven't paid it too much mind recently. I guess I associate it with Gihren, who wore a lot of it when we were growing up and who even now wears navy blue uniforms with really nice blue sashes...in fact, when I was younger I was more fond of the color, but now that I am older I suppose I've wanted to separate myself from my siblings. Show that I am my own person. My Gouf is red and green, colors I like together, but which I would never wear on my own person. Maybe a future mobile suit could have some blue though...
To her point though, perhaps she is right: I want to be the best soldier I can be for my people, but this profession doesn't come easily to me. I can fight to protect people without batting an eyelash, but when I am the one on the offense...when I am the one others are defending themselves from...that feels different. It feels wrong.
Even today, I was protecting myself, but a part of me wonders if I could have spared his life...at least for the time being. He would be convicted of trying to assassinate me and be executed, but it wouldn't have been by me driving a knife through his lung and heart.
I look down at my palms. This wasn't the first time I've taken a life, but until now I haven't seen their life drain from their eyes. I haven't felt like I killed someone who didn't have to die.
"Your job is about making me look like something I'm not. I am a killer, not a hero."
We fall into silence after that, as I have spoken my mind and finally told someone of the guilt I feel, while she seems to be thinking of just what to say back. After a moment she stands up and moves out of my sight as it remains focused down at my hands, but she is not gone for long. It turns out she was just re-positioning herself so she could lean into my back and put her arms around me.
Kinue...
"You do your best to help the people who rely on you. You look out for civilians even if they will and have waged guerilla warfare against you. You support people hurt by the war, people hurt by things out of your control."
I almost don't know what to do or say...I am used to shallow praise or none at all. I am used to being told that I am weak for my feelings, for being 'too soft'...
This was why I came here, wasn't it? I can feel that it's true...some part of me knew that if I came here, if I spoke to her I would have someone who would listen to me...someone who understood me and wouldn't get mad or mock me.
Having someone hold me...having someone tell me that I'm not the monster I think I am...I haven't felt this feeling since before Zeon Deikun died. This whole time I have been surrounded by others, but no-one has bothered to just be there for me. To support me, and not the ideal I am supposed to live up to. They all see Zeon's Prince, they see a Zabi...
Why does it take someone from the Federation to understand me?
Continuing on with what she was saying, Kinue has lowered her forehead down to be touching my head, giving an odd sense of intimacy and comfort as she spoke, "You're a good person, Garma. I just am showing others what I can see in you. The real you, who loses sleep over things other people ignore. That's the person, the you who that so many people love. We know you are a good person doing the best he can in the situation he finds himself, and that's what matters. You're not to blame for what Gihren's done, you're not to blame for the war. You want to do what you believe is right, and you protect everyone you can. You're a good person, Garma. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, not even yourself."
I don't know how even to respond. It's been so long...I haven't had someone comfort me like this since I was a child. Since Kycilia changed. Since the others buried themselves in work. I'm sure someone else would know how to react, know what to say to someone being so kind to them in this way, but all I can do is say the most basic of things back to her to my own chagrin.
"Thank you..."
She seems to understand, as she doesn't pressure me to say anything more, and we stay just like that for a few moments longer. Eventually the embrace comes to a close, and I realize that I had moved my hands to be touching her arms when said arms retreat from my body. The warmth I felt from her against me lingers a moment before disappearing and leaving me longing for more, but I see that Kinue has her mind on something else now.
I must say this about her, she is a woman of action, since instead of just consoling me she seems to have come up with a plan to try and make me feel a bit better. Why do I say this? She is perusing her movie collection now, and she has a grin on her face like she's determined to find something there.
"You know, sometimes when I can't sleep I sometimes watch something to tire myself out."
"Oh? What do you watch?"
I think I can see her blush out of embarrassment as she places her hands on her hips, "I've started collecting anime now that I have some disposable income. Finding old ones can be difficult, but they're often a lot better than the ones from now."
Now I see why she's embarrassed, and I find myself grinning as well, "The Japanese woman watches anime. I wish I could say I was surprised."
Kinue turns around to show me her eyes, which she squints and uses her fingers to make them look narrower in an obvious allusion to the typical Asian trait she actually lacks thanks to being half American, her eyes more typical of Caucasian ancestry than her Japanese side, "I have a few other stereotypes I could live up to if you want. I already have some experience as a Tiger Mom to Saji, but I think that's more of a Chinese thing from the middle-ages than a Japanese one."
The idea of Kinue playing the part of overbearing mother who pushes her children to their maximum potential makes me smirk, since I am sure she was as tough on her brother as she could manage, while the idea of her as a mother is amusing in its own right. With her dedication to her work, I wonder if she even would ever settle down. Perhaps, like Kycilia with me, Kinue raising Saji was it for child rearing and now everything was about work.
That would be kind of unfortunate though...the world could certainly do with a few more smart and stubborn journalists who can do their jobs. It's seemingly genetic, since she's just like her father from what I've heard.
Not clued in to my pondering, Kinue turns back to the movies and continues looking at the top parts of the large shelf, "Speaking of Saji, when I lived in Japan sometimes I would watch shows with my brother. Sometimes the news, sometimes anime, sometimes old movies we could actually afford..."
"You miss him, don't you?"
It may be a question, but I know the answer because I know the feeling myself. I miss my own siblings even though I get to talk to them every now and again...she rose her brother, and she hasn't gotten to see him in almost half a year. It must be killing her to not be able to talk to him or be with him.
Now it seems it is Kinue's turn to show her inner turmoil, as she pauses her search to look down at the floor, "I'm always worried about him when I'm not keeping myself busy. If my mind wanders, I think about if he's able to take classes with all of this going on, if he's in danger, if he is eating well..."
And to think, someone tried killing this woman...while I do not enjoy bloodshed, I might want to handle a certain execution on my own now. I don't know for certain how her brother would have felt, but if he is anything like me, I would have been devastated, furious to lose my sister. The man who would hunt a civilian like her deserves to be punished, for a good person nearly died. This world does not have an endless supply of them, and the thought of losing a good soul to one of the wicked ones incenses me.
A more calming thought though is that Kinue really is like my sister...she cares so much for Saji, and has sacrificed so much for his sake. Kycilia never finished school because she was looking after me...Kinue didn't either to care for Saji. Someone who would give so much for their family ranks among the highest in my respect, and even now after all this time she still cares for him...
"He's lucky to have a sister who cares about him."
My words betray my own feelings on my similar situation, bringing Kinue to shoot back a sad glance, "I know she can be rough, but does Kycilia treat you well?"
If barely speaking to me, almost never acknowledging me or my accomplishments, no longer caring to see how I am doing, and only contacting me now when she needs business done counts as treating me well, then yes, yes she is.
I love my sister, and I will always try to earn her love, but years of trying and not receiving the validation I'm looking for...I would be lying if deep down it hasn't hurt me. I want my sister to love me, but she doesn't seem to even want to try to keep our relationship as strong as it once was. I feel it dying every day, and I seek every opportunity I can, every excuse I can muster, just to talk to her...only for her to end these conversations at her earliest convenience.
Still, Kycilia is under a lot of pressure...maybe when this is all over she will return to being the kind, friendly person I knew when we were growing up, "I suppose. She doesn't spend time with me watching things, or come see how I am doing and talking to me...but she does care about me. I think my father and I are the only ones she might even care about these days."
To shift from the depressing topic, Kinue tries to cheer me up with a joke of sorts.
"Poor M'Quve."
M'Quve? I am lost. What?
"What about M'Quve?"
Kinue shrugs before placing her hands on her hips, drawing my attention to them, "I have sympathy for people who are friendzoned. It's unfortunate."
My eyes look over her mostly exposed legs and I can see that they are quite well toned...her exercises with Urabe have left her fit I suppose, and her already large hips and thighs are left quite stunning as a result. Right now is my first experience really seeing them, since usually she has clothes on, but right now I am left to suffer with this t-shirt and shorts combo that leave little to my imagination.
No. Bad Garma. Stop noticing how beautiful your coworker is and think about the conversation at hand. You are tired and not thinking straight.
Ahem...yes, M'Quve. I too pity M'Quve, who has long played the part of knight to Kycilia's lady, but she doesn't seem to have an interest in him beyond him being her little loyal servant. And to think, they once were close friends when I was younger...now they are servant and master. Another sign that my sister has changed, and I would have to admit I want the old Kycilia back.
"I grew up always thinking they would become a couple, but they never did. He was always like an uncle to me anyways, so it just felt natural with how much time they spent together."
Kinue has bent over to keep looking at the movies, but she seems to have given up if her facial expression means anything. I don't think she's found something she specifically wants to show me yet. Soon enough, she admits this, but I have to admit with her bending over I am barely capable of listening.
"Since you're my guest, what do you feel like watching? I've seen everything here, so nothing is really jumping out at me."
Looking at the selection of videos would be possible if only she wasn't there as well, for now my view is obscured by something the less cordial part of my brain is fascinated by. Is she even wearing anything under those tight shorts? From a certain angle, I can't say I think she is...
I really should have thought this through. I mean, I am sleep deprived at the moment and so thinking things through is quite difficult, but I suppose this is my punishment for waking up a female coworker in the middle of the night.
Come to think of it, you can't spell sassy without as—no! Now is not the time for puns. I must remain focused, and said focus needs to not be on any of the womanly attributes that are now serving as the bane of my existence...
...
Okay, fine. She's beautiful, and I'm too tired to care about what it means that I am admitting that to myself. During the day I tell myself mantras about how she's an employee, but now I am being shown her full body and I have to admit that I do indeed work with someone I am physically attracted to. I mean, who wouldn't be? Perhaps she is not the model or idol sort of beauty, but she fits the "girl-next-door" archetype that is a mixture of cute with raw attractiveness. So while her face might not have the same exact draw as say Eschonbach's daughter, it instead holds its own special appeal.
Okay, that finally admitted to myself, I have to actually speak to her lest she look back and find me staring at her instead of the movies.
However, next time I wander, I'm going to Urabe's.
Hopefully.
Having a destination would kind of defeat the purpose of wandering.
Okay, so I should give her a basic response now before she gets suspicious, "Whatever you think is a good gateway to anime. I haven't viewed too much on my own, especially not recently, so I defer to your judgment."
Kinue is a beautiful woman...I suppose I am just now remembering that since it's so obvious when she is not wearing two shirts and loose pants.
It's too bad that she is my subordinate...if she was just someone from the village or a normal civilian I might feel tempted to ask her out to dinner.
With my suggestion as a guide, Kinue soon finds something for us. It's not long before I'm passed out on the couch, but for the first time in a long time I feel at ease as I drift off.
It's nice spending time with someone who cares about you for once.
"Good morning."
I am a little dazed as I come to, but it's not to the howling of my alarm clock...no, I woke up on my own and someone noticed me waking up.
Who is in my room? What do I pay my guards for...
I try to roll over in my bed, only to find that I am about to fall off a couch.
Oh...right.
My eyes crack open bit by bit until I look down and see that a blanket has materialized on top of me. I guess Kinue put it there after I fell asleep...
I move so that I am no longer falling off the couch and start to pull myself to sit up straight with some effort. I feel well rested, but I am still in the process of waking up. I wonder how long I slept?
"What time is it?"
Kinue walks by the living room to walk towards the kitchen, where she had been bringing some cooking utensil over to, "I probably should have said good afternoon. It's two."
Well there goes my hopes of today being a productive day...great.
So that we can continue talking I follow her into the kitchen, using a hand to brush my messy hair out of the way of my eyes. Loose strands are all over the place, and it's bugging me...I've been slowly growing my hair out here on Earth, but learning to deal with longer hair can be annoying. On my way I also pick up the tea glass from last night, which had been left on the living room's table. I wouldn't want to be a rude guest and leave dishes around.
To her credit, Kinue senses my apprehension about the time of day and reveals that she's already dealt with the issues that may have arisen from me being absent for so long, "Don't worry, I told everyone you were feeling under the weather. Your Gaw is grounded for the time being, so your whole schedule today is basically ruined. So you can do whatever you want on base until things are reorganized."
While my plans may be ruined, I still have things I need to do...I have to catch up on what I've missed out on this morning.
"I need to be working—"
An interesting variation of the Tiger Mom comes out as Kinue points to the table, narrows her eyes almost threateningly, and near forces me with her death glare to sit down there. Stereotypical Tiger Mom would prioritize work, but it seems Kinue wants me to not be starving anymore so I can work productively.
"When was the last time you ate an actual meal?"
...does the mess hall count?
Now smiling at my lack of response, Kinue goes back to preparing food as I take my seat silently, "That's what I thought. Sit. Eat breakfast. You need it."
I didn't expect to get a meal out of this...it's surprisingly generous of her. Well, surprising in that it's not expected for her to do it for me, but knowing my associate I really should have expected her specifically to do this for me. She's played the role of mother before, to enter her home and not leave with a full stomach would be a shock.
All I can do is go along with it, and so I graciously accept her kindness yet again, "Thank you."
"No problem. Go ahead and start, I've already eaten."
So before me are waffles, a pumpkin pie she made herself it seems, cantaloupe, french toast, rice, and various vegetables on the side of it all.
I don't think she knows what I like to eat yet, so she made everything she could...she didn't have to be so considerate, but I must say I do appreciate it. I haven't eaten since lunch yesterday, over an entire day ago actually, and so I am absolutely starving.
"I don't get to cook all that often these days, and most my food is just whatever I can grab quickly as I work, so I appreciate the opportunity to keep my skills sharp," Kinue explains as I begin to eat. I have to say that she actually is a great cook...perhaps a slight bit out of practice as she implies, but her skill is superb all the same, and I would like to taste what her cooking is like when she isn't so rusty.
I nearly blush as I realize I want to wake up here more mornings...or early afternoons as it may be.
"You are a good cook if this is your rusty handiwork."
After saying this I come to realize that my dilemma last night has been fixed, and Kinue is fully dressed in her usual clothes. Does she only own the one outfit? In any case, she also has an apron on top of it, and it's actually kind of cute since it contrasts so much with her work clothes, but she doesn't mind at all as she is all smiles as she keeps working with food.
"Thank you."
After the pie doesn't exist anymore along with a good helping of whipped cream, I start to think of some of what we were speaking of last night...and something we've spoken of before. I've been trying to make it so we can communicate with Japan, but we don't hold that territory yet and so my ability to pull strings there is limited.
Still, I feel like Kinue should have the chance to talk to her brother just like I get to talk to my own family. She deserves that much and more.
"You know, I can see about making it so you can speak to your brother. I've been trying already, but I can see what I can do to make it happen sooner."
She seems surprised by this, if not a little flustered by the offer, "You don't have to go out of the way for me, Garma."
Not 'sir', but 'Garma'...I can't say I mind. It's actually kind of nice...
"You deserve the chance to be with your family, one way or another. It wouldn't be a problem."
With the last of her cooking done, Kinue brings it over to the table and sits across from me. She's smiling at me, and a warm feeling spreads across me as I see just how much this means to her. It's written across her face just how much the chance to learn about how her brother's doing means to her, "Thank you, Garma. I don't know what to say..."
I don't either, and so neither of us speaks as we eat the rest of the meal together in silence. It's fine though, since I just enjoy the company, and she seems pleased that I am a fan of her cooking and am wolfing down all food in sight to make up for not having touched it in so long. I probably was starving last night and just couldn't feel it with how off I was after I nearly died twice.
As we begin to finish the food, another thought comes to mind: I stayed the night at someone's house. A woman's house. If I leave here now there will be so many rumors...
Again, Kinue reads my expression and she too looks a bit worried about it, "How are we going to explain this?"
Some further contemplation on the subject actually calms me down, and I just shrug it off.
"Explain to who? No-one is going to be waiting outside your house for me, so I just need to slip onto the main part of the base and I will be in the clear."
A little embarrassed for some reason, Kinue blushes and nods, "Oh, right. Of course."
"Given the...less than professional nature of sleeping over a subordinate's house, I would ask that you keep this between us. I would not want word to get out that I did something so...improper."
Now her face is red as the blood that got spilled on my usual uniform, "It's not like we...you know..."
Oh...right. That.
It's not like we're married, so of course nothing of that sort happened. But others don't have the same values I do...
"Oh of course not. But we both know that others will jump on the faintest trace of impropriety and make a big deal out of a simple evening where two friends spent time together."
The conversation awkward enough, we lapse into silence. She's probably still embarrassed about the last subject, as she's looking away while nibbling on a bagel.
I am done eating now, and so I use one arm to prop my head up on the table as I take a moment to just let my stomach settle. I didn't think that much food could fit in me, but I proved myself wrong it seems.
The sun is shining down on Kinue from outside and I'm left to think of just how beautiful she really is...not just in body, but in spirit. She is a good person, and I wish I had gotten over my uptight boundaries sooner so I could have gotten to know her sooner. Maybe then the weight of this burden would have been lighter to bear all this time, for I already feel like weight has been taken off my shoulders just by having spent the one night together talking.
"Thank you, Kinue. This...it means a lot."
She finally looks back up, still blushing now but looking less embarrassed this time around.
"Of course Garma. You can come over anytime you want, okay?"
Waking up without an alarm screeching, having a home-cooked meal with someone else, no servants or guards to bother you, just family...
Father, was this what you were trying to tell me before? Was this what it was like with Mother all those years you were together?
I can't say I'm in love...I don't know that feeling well enough yet to even describe it, at least in the romantic sense. But now I am convinced that I am at least infatuated with my dear reporter, and the thought of waking up like this, of spending my days with someone who cares for me and sees who I am...
I should talk to Dozle sometime. He knows more about all of this...
In the meantime though, I'm content with having a friend. A kind, beautiful, intelligent friend who happens to work for me.
The next time I visit though, I'm coming at a time she's going to be wearing clothes.
A/N: That was a monster to write. I hope you all enjoyed, and I hope to hear your thoughts in the reviews below! There's quite a lot there after all to discuss.