Author's Notes: I won't lie. This one's kind of dialogue-heavy. However, I think it fits, considering Joey's nearing the size of a cow and can't move very fast. It's made up for in the end, though, I think, even though you'll all want to kill me. "I WAIT FOR-FREAKIN'-EVER FOR THIS CHAPTER AND THIS IS WHAT SHE GIVES ME?" …Or something along those lines will be going through your heads.

Also… scenes from the manga are mentioned. Just sayin'.

The Secret Serpent

Recap:

The Dragon Master grumbled before turning onto his side and lovingly nuzzling his mate's stomach. "Let's just order out for food. I'm too comfortable to let you up to cook. …We should sleep down here, too."

"You'll hafta sit up t' eat, Seto. …Or did ya want me t' feed ya?" Joey asked, smiling a little. When the brunet hummed and tilted his head thoughtfully, he snorted and slapped his shoulder. "You're such a psycho sometimes, Seto."

"—That reminds me. Your friends think I'm psycho?" Seto looked up at him expectantly.

The blond hurriedly reached for the phone. "Ya know, I was thinkin' maybe Italian—"

"Because they should," the CEO stated, growling.

He really wanted to laugh, but all Joey could do was shiver at the tone his lover had used. Sometimes, Seto could be totally creepy.

Chapter 21

"Water. Water. Water." Seto glared at his sandwich and let out a quiet growl. "What could we possibly use that involves water?"

"Seto, stop worrying about Nausea for a minute—"

"Nasaulea."

"—And eat your damn sandwich," Joey ordered, scowling at him. "Honestly. I know that the sooner we defeat her, we'll all be happy, but you have to eat to be able to keep thinking."

Mokuba glanced between them in confusion as his brother began to grumble and shoved his sandwich in his mouth, then looked back toward the blond. "What are you guys talking about?"

"The slimy thing made your brother a perverted bastard." The blond sighed and poked at his own sandwich, brows furrowing together in frustration. "We know that it's weak to water, because of the Wicked Witch of the West—"

The younger boy opened his mouth to interrupt, then thought better of it.

"—But we have no idea what to do when obviously water won't do it alone."

Mokuba frowned. "Witches?"

"Yes. She's a witch that's stolen someone else's power along with her own," Joey clarified, then sighed and took a bite of his sandwich. "I just dunno what t' do."

"…Have you ever thought about what people used to do to witches, back in the Middle Ages?" the younger boy deadpanned. When the two teens merely blinked at him, he sighed and rolled his eyes. "What happened when the people suspected someone was a witch?"

"…They threw her in the river to see if she floated," Seto stated after a moment, still puzzled.

"And what else did they do?" Mokuba waited for one of them to answer. When they just continued to stare at him, however, he once again rolled his eyes in frustration. "They burned them at the stake, you idiots!"

"Oh." Joey blinked, then turned to his lover in confusion. "Why didn't you think of that?"

The brunet scowled at him. "Do you think my studies really included that sort of thing? The studies Gozaburo had me focus on?"

"…Well, no…"

"Exactly. Now tell me how we're supposed to get fire and water together when they can't exist together at the same place at the same time," Seto ordered, then sighed and slammed his head onto the table.

The blond gasped. "Seto!"

"I'm fine. My skull is surprisingly sturdy."

"I don't care how fuckin' sturdy your skull is! Stop hurtin' yourself when you're frustrated!" Joey exclaimed angrily. "Gawd! If ya turn yourself into a vegetable, I'm not fuckin' ya!"

"I'm finished!" Mokuba exclaimed quickly, shoving his plate away. "I still have to finish packing!"

"Make sure to separate which boxes you want at the house and which ones you want in storage!" Seto called after him, sitting up straight. Then, he leaned in to peck his mate's cheek, despite the angry pout on his face. "Are you ready to move into a new home, puppy?"

The blond tried to stay angry at him, but with the mention of their new house—repainted and with rosebushes replacing the tulips, now—he couldn't help but be happy. "We won't hafta yell t' hear each other, an' I still get a big kitchen, an' ya bought me so many new baking things! I'm so excited! I may just bake our neighbors some cookies instead of the other way around!" he squeaked, hopping onto the older boy's lap. "God, I could cry I'm so happy!"

"Please don't. Even if you're happy, I don't like to see you cry," the brunet whispered, kissing lightly along his chin before finally nuzzling his throat. "Just think, puppy. After your graduation tomorrow, we'll be going to our new home, where we'll raise our new family. I'm excited. Are you?"

"So excited I might burst! …But I will not because this baby isn't s'posed t' come out yet." Joey smiled when his lover snorted, then frowned when he heard an unfamiliar squeaking noise.

Turning, the two humans could only stare as they saw Joy hover in the doorway, squeaking encouragingly. Then, two little yellow things came fluttering into view, hovering as well as they could but still flailing all over the place and squeaking at the exertion. Codi followed a moment later, trying to nudge them into a straight line, but the tiny kits were unable to fly that well yet, so the two parents led them away.

There was silence for a few minutes until the blond let out a delighted shriek. "THEY WERE SO. CUTE!"

"Petit Dragons grow much faster than regular dragons, because they're so small. I just didn't know they'd hatch that soon." Seto frowned.

Joey tilted his head and frowned as well. "When did they even hatch? One day, Joy and Codi were just squeakin' at us from the counter, and then the next, they just disappeared."

"I think they hid out in a cupboard or something." The brunet's brows furrowed together in thought. "…I cannot even imagine. Let's just leave that as a mystery that neither of us will ever grasp."

"…Mwee!" The younger boy squealed and squirmed on the brunet's lap. "They were so cute Seto ohmyGod!"

"I know, puppy. I saw them, too." Seto rolled his eyes when the blond continued to squirm excitedly, then stood, placing him on his chair. "Why don't you call your little friends and have them come over to see the babies while I continue to get things ready for storage? …And you can plan some sort of expensive party or something for your graduation while you're at it. Name the time, place, and what you want to eat, and I'll pay for everything. Think of it as a group present for all of you. …Saves me the trouble of actually having to go out and buy you each a separate present," he mumbled, rolling his eyes again, only to sigh when the blond wrapped his arms around his waist.

"Seto, yer such a big softie," Joey cooed, hugging him tightly. "Buyin' all our friends graduation gifts! When'd ya decide on that?"

"When I realized that even with a baby or two, I'll still die with a large sum of money in my bank account. I want to waste it without seeming like a philanthropist, and your friends are just the way to do it."

The blond frowned and looked up at him. "Our friends. And how would bein' a philanthropist be a bad thing?"

Seto snorted in disgust. "I don't want people to like me more, Joey. I have enough trouble with all of the women wanting to have my babies or whatever it is they scream at me when I walk by. Then people will start asking me for things. I'm not a naturally nice person, Joey; people have to grow on me first. …Even if they do have to do it like a parasite, like you and the Geek Squad did."

Joey scowled. "What'd you just call me, Seto?"

"I called you a parasite, puppy. That's how I viewed you until Mythaven. Because you all BOTHERED ME!" he roared, making the blond release him in surprise. Taking a deep breath to calm himself down, he released it in a sigh. "…I'm sorry. But you have to admit, you were all pretty adamant on being my 'friends,' even when I made it clear I wanted none. It was annoying. You can tell I'd at least gotten used to you all bothering me when I didn't immediately take out restraining orders on you."

"…Well, you got a point there, but ya just called your lover and boyfriend a parasite." The younger teen narrowed his eyes. "Are we still parasites, Seto?"

"I believe my Social Immune System has finally realized you're not parasites, so no," the brunet agreed. "…I just have allergies when exposed too long to your friends."

Despite his annoyance at being called a parasite at any point in time, Joey had to giggle. He realized that his lover was completely serious, but… he'd just been talking about his Social Immune System and comparing his friends to allergens. "Ya still hafta come t' the party you're payin' for, ya know?"

"Tch, fine." Seto rolled his eyes again. "If I absolutely must. But I'm only coming because you asked me to."

"As long as you're comin', Seto." The blond paused, then smiled a little. "I love ya, ya grumpy old dragon."

The older boy grumbled but leaned over to kiss his forehead anyway. "Don't say I never do anything for you or your friends."

"KYAAAAAAAA! …SETO THERE ARE YELLOW THINGS FLAILING ALL OVER MY ROOM!"

Seto sighed rolled his eyes toward the ceiling, as if asking, 'Why me?' Then, he turned and trudged for the stairs. "I'm coming, Mokuba."

"SHOULD I HAVE A FLY SWATTER OR SOMETHING?"

"NO! DO NOT GET A FLY SWATTER!" the brunet roared, moving with more urgency.

Joey giggled quietly to himself as he watched his mate sprint up the stairs. Well, he supposed he'd miss some of the yelling at the new house. After all, that last exchange wouldn't be nearly as funny if they hadn't been shouting at each other.

.-.-.-.-.-.

"Are you sure this is okay with Kaiba?" Téa asked, frowning, as she looked through all of the menus spread across the table.

"Of course I'm sure!" Joey exclaimed cheerfully. "He said we could choose anywhere, anytime, with any food, and he'd pay for all of it as a graduation gift t' all of us!"

"I find it hard to believe," Yami stated shortly.

Tristan snorted. "Come on, he's not that bad. …Okay, he's pretty bad, but not as bad as he was before he and Joey started their whole 'mate' thing."

"I don't know, guys. He's actually pretty romantic when he wants to be," Ryou argued, frowning.

Yugi scowled. "It's none of our business anyway. Why do you always have to look a gift horse in the mouth, Yami? If Kaiba wants to pay for a graduation party for all of us, that's his choice."

"Have you all forgotten Death-T? That this is the same man who enjoys crushing smaller companies and laughing this evil 'wahaha' laugh whenever his rivals fail?"

"I think his evil laugh is sexy," Joey stated shortly, glaring at him. "And I don't care what he does in business as long as he's happy. And I am over Death-T because you mind-crushed him and he's basically fixed himself so he's only slightly crazy." His eyes narrowed. "Yami, you set someone on fire."

The silence that followed varied from horrified to stunned. Codi squeaked and clapped her wings over one of her baby's ears, appalled. When Joy failed to do the same, she shot him a glare and growled. When the male dragon continued to blink at her, she huffed and rolled her eyes in frustration.

Téa rolled her eyes as well and lightly placed her fingers where she guessed the baby's ears were. "Boys."

"Theenkee, Tee."

"You're welcome, Codi."

"Yami, you… you set someone on fire?" Yugi asked, horrified.

Yami tapped his fingers together and turned his gaze on the ceiling. "…Perhaps."

"I wouldn't put it past him."

At that, the group turned sharply to find Seto leaning in the doorway, raising an eyebrow in a bland expression of semi-interest. Soumya, now the size he should be, stood next to him, frowning, as he was a just creature, but he couldn't see any justice in setting anyone on fire.

"Honestly, I would have rather been set on fire than mind-crushed." Seto's eyes glowed for a moment, and the group worried what kind of situation they'd gotten themselves into. Then, he shrugged, and the dark anger was suddenly extinguished. "The guy he set on fire escaped from prison and had Téa as a hostage, from what I understand. …Before he got his separate body, of course. …However the stupid spirits did that…"

"Technically, he set himself on fire, pouring all of that alcohol on himself," Yami muttered, frowning. "I just set the lighter on his hand. His cigarette fell out of his mouth, and that sent him up in flames."

"You didn't even flinch!" Joey roared, glaring at him. "He was screamin' and flailin' and ya didn't even flinch!"

The former pharaoh frowned. "I wasn't even aware you'd seen it. You said you were behind some fat person the whole time."

"I managed to see it! That doesn't mean I didn't try t' block the horror outta my poor little head!"

"…So… all of you have boyfriends that are psycho," Téa stated, rolling her eyes. "Yami, Bakura, and Kaiba. All of them are completely neurotic."

"I prefer the term 'eccentric,'" Seto replied, lifting the blond from his seat so he could sit down in his place. He settled his squirming mate on his lap and held him close.

Soumya scowled. "But the truth is you're all bat-shit crazy."

The silence after his statement was awkward, to say the least. Finally, though, Tristan coughed. "So, uh, Kaiba. You're paying for a party for us?"

The CEO raised an eyebrow. "…Yes…?"

"Why would I lie t' ya about that?" Joey exclaimed, looking put out. "Jerks!"

Seto sighed and rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Yes, I'm paying for a party. Before you ask why, consider the amount of money I make, and the likelihood I'll ever be able to spend all of it."

Ryou frowned. "Well, that's true… but you've never really liked us, so why give us gifts for graduation when you yourself have been graduated?"

"Let's just say I'm bat-shit crazy and leave it at that."

"Ahem." Soumya coughed quietly. "I would like to go home. If you wouldn't mind escorting me, Joey… I'm afraid Kankana might kill me herself when she sees me."

Joey scowled. "Well, couldja blame her? Ah, hell." Moving to stand, he sighed. "You guys pick somethin' t' eat and I'll be back as soon as I can."

Téa sighed. "Why don't we all just settle it right now? Let's just reserve one of the party rooms at Kaiba Land, order some pizza, and just spend the rest of the night playing games and partying. How does that sound?"

The boys blinked at her in surprise, then glanced at each other. After a few moments, Joey shrugged. "I'm game. I like Kaiba Land, pizza, and partying."

"Sounds good to me," Yugi agreed, scratching his cheek as he gave his doppelganger a slightly concerned glance. "…I guess as long as I bring Grandpa some pizza or something…"

"Can we invite other people?" Tristan asked, looking toward the mated couple. "Like, say, Duke, or Serenity?"

Seto shrugged. "I don't see what's stopping you."

Joey rolled his eyes. "Other than psychos terrifyin' them, Seto."

"Psh, I'm not that bad. I'm only mildly insane."

"Go ahead. In fact, I'd love it if ya invited Serenity! That way, Ma can't tell her 'no' on the grounds that she's hangin' out with trash!" the blond continued, smiling brightly at the prospect of seeing his sister. He paused, then added, "Oh, if ya wanna invite the dice bastard, I guess ya can, too."

"HOME!" Soumya exclaimed loudly, glaring at him. "I want to go there!"

The blond held his hands up and frowned. "Okay, we're goin', jeez." He paused, then turned and began tugging at his mate's shirt. "Come with me. I don't think I can hold her back myself."

"Well, if you're going, I guess I'll just go, too," Tristan sighed, standing. "Guess I'll see you at graduation tomorrow; Mom said I need to buy some dog food or that Blankey gets my share of dinner."

Ryou stood up and smiled at him. "We'll walk with you. We need to go that way anyway."

"We do?" Bakura did not look excited at the prospect.

"Yes. We need to buy some cat food." The smaller boy gave him a hard stare. "For the cat that you got me."

"Ugh, can't it catch its own food?"

Joey giggled a little at the disgruntled look on the thief's face, then turned toward Yugi, Yami, and Téa. "Are you guys gonna wait, or are ya gonna go, too?"

Yugi frowned. "Well, Grandpa did mention that he had a doctor's appointment. His not so subtle hint that I need to take care of the shop while he's gone. So Yami and I will have to go. …And he can tell me more about the times he took over and I blacked out!"

"Rgh. It's really not that bad, Yugi—"

"YOU MADE ME SET SOMEONE ON FIRE!" the smaller boy roared, glaring at him.

Téa watched them leave—one snarling and growling while the other sulked—then sent them a small smile. "I think I'll stay a little longer. I may not be here when you get back, though. I'm really just here for these little cuties!" she cooed, smiling at the little dragons on her lap.

Joey opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off by a frustrated stomp. He winced as the hoof stomped against the wooden floor, then sighed. "Well, I guess we're goin' now."

"You're darn tootin'!" Soumya snarled, scowling.

.-.-.-.-.-.

"Kankana? Amarok said you'd be out here!" Joey frowned and lifted a hand to anxiously chew on one of his nails. "…He said she was really stressed out, too…"

"She'll be fine. At least, she should be now that I'm back to help with the kits," Soumya replied, trotting after him.

Seto rolled his eyes. "If she doesn't kill you first."

The trio froze when they heard a loud snarl before the brunet hurriedly grabbed his dame and held the blond protectively. Soumya let out a startled, animalistic screech as something leapt on top of him and began bucking and twisting wildly until he finally reared up, lost his balance, and fell onto his back, rolling off of his attacker quickly.

Seto had a handful of lightning ready to throw at the attacker, but had to stop himself by twisting around his mate and slamming his hand into the ground quickly. "Fuck!"

"Kankana, what the hell!" Joey exclaimed, horrified, as he watched her stand and growl.

Her lip curled upward, exposing all of her sharp teeth that were now stained a light pink from the kirin's blood. A rough growl erupted from deep in her throat, and her muscles tensed as she prepared herself to leap again.

Joey saw her furious golden eyes darken into molten chocolate. Thinking back to when Seto had been possessed, he let out a horrified shriek. "She's got Kankana!"

Soumya let out an angry bellow and dipped his head, pawing the ground with a hoof as his only warning before he charged. The brunt of his horn slammed into her side and forced her down, causing her to snarl and flail and chew at the blunt antler until it snapped between her sharp teeth. This only angered her mate further, as he lifted himself and began stomping around her body furiously; he didn't want to hurt her, but he was showing her that he would if she didn't stop her madness.

Kankana snarled and twisted her head so her jaws closed around one of his legs with a sickening crunch as her teeth pierced the hard scales. A yelp escaped her throat when the kirin slammed her head against the ground in retaliation. Scampering to her feet, she tried to run, but then she felt pain flare up her spine as the dragon-deer's flat teeth closed on her tail.

The kirin's tail whipped around slapped against her rump with a loud smack, making her whimper and squirm like a frightened pup. Soumya spanked her again, then a third time, until she fell onto her side and rolled so she exposed her soft belly and throat. She released a quiet whine when she saw that his eyes were red instead of green, then fell limp, whimpering again when his tail slapped against her thigh.

Soumya snarled at her, snorting out a little bit of smoke in his ire; he was in pain, and his mate had caused it! "Damn it, Kankana!"

Kankana gagged before her stomach heaved, though nothing would come out. It felt as if something had gummed her teeth together, and she could no longer open her mouth. She let out a terrified whine and jerked her head, trying her damnedest to get her jaws open, but could not.

Joey rushed forward to help her only to be yanked back with a snarl. Turning toward the brunet frantically, he exclaimed, "Seto, she can't get her mouth open! We gotta help her!"

"Stay back here, then!" Seto snapped, shoving him back a few more steps before he knelt beside the prone inugami's head and tried to pry her jaws apart.

The blond squirmed helplessly. He wanted to assist his mate, wanted to help his inugami, but he wasn't allowed to do anything! It was torture! He let out a shaky sigh of relief as Kankana's jaws were finally forced open, but then the black goo that had gummed them shut was moving.

Seto grabbed for it frantically, but it just slipped through his fingers. He let out a frantic roar as the black, oily-looking liquid literally leapt off the ground at his mate's face. "Joey, move!"

"What the fuck—" Joey tried—he really did—but he just couldn't move fast enough. He gagged as he felt the goo force itself down his throat and reached out to weakly grip the brunet's shirt as he felt a pair of arms wrap around him. He saw worried glowing eyes just before his vision started to fade.

He felt weak, and cold. He couldn't see anything but blurred colors, and then the colors faded into darks and lights; then, his vision faded altogether, and all he saw was black before any of the strength he had left was sapped away and he passed out entirely.

"Fuck, shit, damn it—Joey!" Seto cupped the blond's cheek and whined anxiously. "Joey! God, why does this always happen to you—" He jerked backward when a black mist began rising from his mouth, hissing in confusion; he couldn't tell whether it was good or bad that it was happening. When the mist dissipated and he was still left with an unconscious mate, however, he decided it was a bad thing. He nuzzled the blond's throat and whined again. "Joey…"

He flinched violently as he heard a cackle behind him, then turned, expression twisting into an angry, hateful glare as he saw a woman standing above the fallen bodies of the kirin and inugami.

Her long black hair was tied back with a large red ribbon at the base of her neck, her crimson eyes glinting in malicious glee as she rested a hand on one of her curvy hips, the other coming up to play with the chain around her neck, from which dangled a familiar looking pendant. "Well, well, well. If I'd had known it was that easy, I would have stolen the Golden One's magic years ago!"

Seto snarled angrily as he realized that it was the pendant Joey's grandmother had given him when he'd first inherited Mythaven. Despite wanting to keep control of himself, he felt his wings and tail rip his skin open as his magic surged with his fury. When she only grinned deviously at his poor control of his feelings, he snarled again. "Nasaulea."