A/N Thank you all so much for your ideas! I got some inspiration, and I can definitely keep going for a while longer with this story. Thank you for staying with me and being so kind, it's overwhelming and I'm humbled. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart!
Chapter 21
"Ma?" Rachel took off her Christmas hat and looked at Jane who stood in her bedroom to find a warmer sweater.
"Hm?" Jane pulled a black sweater out of her closet and looked at the teenager.
"I uhm-…" Rachel sighed and Morgan came walking up behind her. "You know how last year we went to the lake?"
"Yeah." Jane nodded. "Like the tradition you had with your dad."
"Exactly."
"You can go." Jane smiled and took off her jacket to pull the sweater over her head. "You don't have to ask our permission."
"Well… We thought…" Rachel fumbled with her hands. "Maybe you want to come with us?"
Jane furrowed her brow in confusion but a smile curled her lips when she looked at her two blue-eyed daughters. "Yeah-… Yeah, of course. I just… I thought it meant a lot to you to go by yourselves?"
"It did." Rachel shrugged and Morgan shifted closer towards her sister.
"We just wanted to invite you into the tradition," Morgan said softly, smiling sweetly. "Because you're our family now."
Jane swallowed a lump in her throat and walked towards the girls to squeeze Rachel's arm and cup Morgan's cheek and kiss her forehead. "Thank you," she whispered.
"What about Mom?" Morgan asked, looking up at Rachel.
"I don't know..."
"If you ask her, she'll come." Jane smiled. "But if you want it to be just the three of us, that's totally okay too."
"I don't want to hurt her," Rachel whispered.
"You won't."
Rachel sighed. "Okay then."
So they headed downstairs and found Maura in the kitchen, moving around like a whirlwind to get the perfect dinner ready. Jane was right. She understood. There was a flash of hurt in her eyes when Jane told her to just keep working on dinner, but it soon disappeared as she looked at the two girls that were their top priority. It wasn't that they didn't want Maura there. They just wanted to have someone there.
Maura smiled lovingly and cupped Morgan's face to press her lips against her daughter's forehead, checking her temperature. "Just a slight raise in temperature," she said softly. "Take another dose of that syrup and dress warmly, okay? It's cold outside."
Morgan nodded. Her fever was dropping and she was showing signs of getting better but an afternoon out in the cold wouldn't do her health any good.
"I love you," Maura whispered, gently rubbing her thumbs across Morgan's cheeks, knowing how upset Morgan came back from their walk at the lake last year. "Be safe."
"Yeah." Morgan wrapped her skinny arms around her mother's waist for a squeezing hug, eliciting a loving smile from the blonde.
"Go," Maura kissed the top of Morgan's head. "Don't be late for dinner."
"We won't." Rachel chuckled and handed Morgan her coat while she grabbed her own car keys.
"We're taking your car?" Jane asked, zipping up her coat.
"Yeah, it works, you know." Rachel smirked and playfully slapped Jane's arm. "Come on."
Jane shook her head and captured Maura's lips in a quick but loving kiss before heading out the front door. "I know you're very attached to this car," Jane said while she got into the passenger seat of the old car, "but one of these days you're gonna need a new one, Rachel."
Rachel shrugged and turned her keys in the ignition. "It still works."
"I know but I don't want you to get stranded on the side of the road with a broken car." Jane sighed, listening to the sounds of the old thing. The car was a present from her father so it meant a lot to Rachel but it wouldn't be long before the vehicle broke down. But Rachel was right, it worked for now. She drove them to the lake and they all got out, shivering when the cold air blew into their faces.
Jane felt Morgan grabbing her hand and she smiled when she squeezed it tightly. "Okay, lead the way," she said, looking at the trees in front of them.
They walked in silence for a few minutes. Snow was falling from the sky and the wind was cold as ice but the girls didn't seem to notice. Morgan kept holding on to Jane's hand and didn't leave her side for one second while Rachel mostly walked in silence with them.
"Over there," Morgan said after a few minutes, pointing at a few rocks on the left, "we sat down, with just the three of us, on a really bad Christmas. And we sat there for like an hour."
"I'm pretty sure my butt froze off that afternoon," Rachel said with a chuckle while she walked towards the rocks.
"It was one of the best hours ever," Morgan sighed. "Until she called and made us come back home."
"Yeah, she beat me up bad that night."
"You?" Jane furrowed her brow and looked at her oldest daughter.
Rachel nodded, sitting down on a big rock. "I was stupid enough to call her out on the stupid Christmas we were having and she got mad."
Morgan leaned into Jane's side, her head resting against the brunette's arm. "She split her lip," she said softly. "It was bleeding."
Jane felt tears in her eyes and sat down next to Rachel, taking Morgan in between her legs while wrapping her arms around the girl's stomach. "I'm so sorry this happened to you," she whispered, reaching out to caress Rachel's cheek.
Rachel shrugged. "She's gone."
"She is." Jane sighed, resting her chin on top of Morgan's head. "But the memories aren't."
"No, but we came here for good memories." Rachel smiled, staring at the lake in front of them. A thin layer of ice covered the entire area and even though it wouldn't be strong enough to hold a human being, birds and ducks were walking around on it.
"Yeah, remember when we fed the ducks?" Morgan asked, leaning back into Jane's front. "We secretly brought the bread we were supposed to have for dinner that night."
Jane chuckled, imagining a little Morgan and a young Rachel throwing pieces of bread at the ducks by the lake, accompanied by the sweet, caring and strong man that was their father, Craig Matthews.
"Dad taught us how to bounce rocks on the water," Rachel smiled at the memory. "And when we went here in the summer, he would pick flowers for us and put it in our hair but he was bad at that so we ended up looking like we'd been rolling through the grass."
Jane laughed and a long silence fell until Morgan sighed deeply. "I miss him," she said softly.
"I know, baby." Jane squeezed her arms around the young teenager. She felt Rachel shifting closer towards her and she gently grabbed the girl's hand.
"That's never gonna go away, is it?" Morgan asked quietly.
"What is?"
"That pain when I think about Dad." Morgan grabbed Jane's arm that was wrapped around her stomach and tried to pull herself even closer. "It's always gonna hurt, isn't it?"
Jane sighed. "Yeah, baby," she whispered. "It's always gonna hurt, but you know what? It won't always hurt as much as it does now."
"People always say that," Rachel said with a shrug. "But it still hurts just as much as last year. I don't know if I believe that."
"It takes time." Jane looked at her oldest daughter, still resting her chin on top of Morgan's head. "More time than a year."
Rachel chuckled sadly. "Then what? A decade? A century? 'Cause I'm pretty sure I'll be dead by then."
"I'm not saying the pain will go away," Jane replied. "I'm just saying the sharp edges will fade with time."
"The sharp edges are the worst." Morgan shifted and rested her head on Jane's chest, snuggling just below her scarf. "It's like they tear you open." She sniffled and stared at the water a few feet away.
Rachel put her feet up on the rock and hugged her knees to her chest. "I miss him. I would give anything to just have one more day with him."
Jane had no idea what to say. She just wrapped her arms around her daughters and pulled them close, hoping to comfort their pain at least a little. She knew how Morgan sometimes woke up at night, crying because her father wasn't there. She knew how Rachel had panic attacks and couldn't breathe because she couldn't hide herself in her father's strong arms any longer. It made Jane painfully aware of the fact that she would always be a substitute for these girls. She would always be the one that took care of them because they had no one else left. "I love you, girls," she whispered to the both of them. "We love you both with all our hearts."
"We know." Rachel smiled slightly, resting her chin on her knees.
"I know it doesn't make the pain of missing him go away-…"
"It doesn't, but it makes it a little better." Rachel looked at her mother, her blue eyes shimmering with tears. "At least we're not totally lost, right?"
Jane smiled and reached out to caress her cheek. "No, you're not." She put her arms back around the skinny teenager in front of her and they stayed silent for a long time, simply watching how the snow got heavier, turning the world white and bright.
She pressed her lips against Morgan's temple and felt that her skin was getting warmer again, eliciting a deep sigh from Jane. "Your fever is back, baby," Jane whispered. "We should go home."
Morgan sighed, tears welling up in her eyes while she shifted and nuzzled herself against her mother. "My head hurts."
"I know, honey." Jane kissed the back of Morgan's head. "Let's go home, okay?"
Morgan's legs were weak as she stood up and Jane wrapped her arm around the girl, mostly to keep her up, partly to comfort her as they walked once more around the lake before heading back to Rachel's car to drive back home where Maura was just putting the chicken in the oven.
"Are you done with dinner already?" Lily asked, sitting on top of the kitchen counter, swaying her legs through the air.
"Well…" Maura looked around the kitchen and nodded slowly, "Grandma is bringing the pies, the salad needs to be prepared right before dinner… Dessert is ready…"
"So, yeah?" Lily smiled excitedly.
Maura chuckled and wiped her hands on a towel. "Why are you so excited about me finishing dinner?"
Lily shrugged. "No reason."
"Hm." Maura tilted her head and brushed her hand through her daughter's messy curls that were partly clipped together on the back of her head. She looked gorgeous in her red jeans and white fluffy sweater.
"You wanna play baseball with me?" Lily asked with an expecting grin.
"Oh baby, it's snowing! And I'm wearing my Christmas dress…"
Lily pouted. "Yeah… I figured."
"Sorry, sweetheart." Maura wrapped her arms around the nine-year-old and pulled her into a hug, feeling the girl's arms wrapping around her neck. She looked over Lily's shoulder at their decorated living room, the Christmas tree lighting up the corner of the room, traditional Christmas socks by the fireplace, lights all around the place, a holiday painting by Lily on the wall… She smiled at the thought of the family that would be arriving soon. "It's strange, isn't it?" Maura asked, pulling away from Lily. "A quiet house like this?"
"Yeah." Lily nodded and jumped off the counter. "When is Grandma gonna be here?"
"I don't know. Soon, I think."
"I hope, she forgets lots of things lately."
"Oh, not lots of things. Just a few small things here and there, she's not as young as she used to be." Maura patted Lily's back and walked towards the couch where Anna was reading one of her new books. "How's the book, honey?"
"Hm?" Anna's brow was furrowed but she looked up when she realized her mother talked to her. "Oh, it's good! You know how I told you about the first part?"
"Yes, I remember."
"This part is like, taking place before the first part. So I'm finding out all kinds of things about the first part and it's really good!"
Maura chuckled. "I'm glad." She sat against the back of the couch and gently caressed Anna's cheek, admiring how beautiful she looked in her Christmas dress. "Come here, baby," she whispered.
"What?" Anna chuckled slightly but tucked her feet up on the couch and snuggled into Maura's side. "What's going on?"
"I miss you a little, that's all." Maura rubbed Anna's back, thinking about how busy they had been with Morgan lately. There hadn't been much time for snuggles and quiet conversations like this. "How many books have you finished this Christmas break?"
"Just one, this is my second one."
Maura smiled and looked up when she heard the front door. Her smile fell when she saw the feverish blush on Morgan's cheeks as the girl walked into the house. "Hi." She greeted them and stood up from the couch, cupping Morgan's cheek to feel her forehead with the back of her hand. "How are you feeling?"
Morgan shrugged. "My head hurts."
"Hm." Maura hummed and brushed a strand of hair behind Morgan's ear, looking into her watery blue eyes. "Maybe the lake wasn't such a good idea after all," she said softly, looking at Jane who was taking off her coat.
Jane shook her head. "No, it was a good idea." She smiled and leaned forward to gently kiss Maura's lips. "It was good."
Maura sighed, stealing another kiss before looking at Rachel who seemed a bit uneasy but not upset or angry. "Are you okay?"
Rachel nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."
She was fine. She laughed and talked and helped with dinner once the family arrived. Morgan stayed huddled up in a corner of the couch, a blanket covering her legs, her head resting on the armrest while she witnessed the family in the living room.
"So, Ma?" Rachel dropped the beans she washed in a bowl and looked at Jane who was cleaning the kitchen counter.
"Yeah?"
"Dinner's pretty much ready, right?"
"I'm not in charge of dinner," Jane replied with a smirk. "Ask your mom."
Rachel looked over her shoulder at her other mother but shook her head and turned back to Jane. "So, I just wanted to tell you…" she smiled nervously and took the bowl with beans. "I got a boyfriend, his name is Rick and we've been dating for almost two months now." She turned around and put the bowl on the table. "Is dinner ready?" she asked Maura.
"It is!" Maura adjusted a plate on the table and looked at the living room. "Everyone? Dinner's ready!"
"What-…" Jane raised her hands and grabbed Rachel's arm. "What the-..?! You can't just tell me something like that and leave it!"
"Yeah I can, this way you can't get mad." Rachel smirked an evil smirk and chuckled. "You can't yell at me, 'cause the whole family is here and we're about to have dinner." She pointed at the beautifully decorated table and sat down in her chair.
"No way, young lady. Uh uh." Jane shook her head and pulled Rachel back up from her chair. "Two months? And we didn't know? Who is this guy? Where did you find him? What's his last name?"
"I'm not telling you his last name!" Rachel pulled herself free. "You'll go full background-check on him."
"Yeah, probably!"
"What's going on?" Maura pitched in, her brow furrowed while she gently held Morgan's shoulders to lead the sick girl towards the table. "Can we park this for a while so we can have a normal Christmas dinner?"
"Yes, we can." Rachel smiled sweetly at Jane and sat down at the table.
Jane huffed but a part of her was impressed by this smart move. Rachel knew her mother well. She knew Jane would spend the entire night interrogating her about this boy if it wasn't for this Christmas dinner.
She sat down in her assigned seat and looked sideways at Rachel, imagining this 'Rick' boy with her beautiful daughter. Rachel was pretty. She had long dark hair and light blue eyes that sparkled above her pale cheeks. She was slim but not skinny, taller than her sister would be at her age and she dressed casually but she knew to find the clothes that made her look stunning. Jane had no idea who Rick was but somehow, she didn't feel comfortable with a guy dating her daughter. She shook her head and forced herself to think about something else. Rachel was eighteen. She was actually pretty late in getting a boyfriend. She would be okay. She was in college. She could take care of herself. Hopefully.
Dinner was loud as always, but the warmth of the cozy family spread through them all. Tommy and TJ sat together, TJ making a loud conversation with Lily while Lydia was frustrating Angela as usual, but as always, she was too sweet to hate. Frankie brought his new girlfriend Robin, who was a little quiet but seemed nice. Korsak joined them during dinner after spending some time with his family on the other side of the city. Of course Angela was happiest of them all, having her entire family around for once. They were all aware of the empty space Frank Rizzoli left, but no one addressed it. They all just talked happily and enjoyed the food.
When they finished dessert, Morgan was beyond exhausted. She hadn't eaten much and her cheeks were pale. "Maur." Jane looked at her wife next to her and nodded her head at the young girl.
Maura sighed. "Morgan, baby," she leaned over the table to place her hand on top of Morgan's. "Why don't you go lie down for a bit?"
Morgan shrugged. "Dinner's not over."
"You finished eating, didn't you?" Jane said with a slight smile. "Your dinner is over."
"It's okay, baby."
Morgan nodded gratefully and stood up from the table, mumbling a quiet 'excuse me' before slowly heading upstairs to get to bed. Maura looking at her with sad eyes.
"She'll be okay, Maura," Jane said softly.
"I hope so." Maura sighed deeply but managed a small smile.
When dinner was finished and everything was cleared away, the family sat in the living room to enjoy some after-dinner drinks and Jane saw Maura standing in the kitchen, talking to Rachel. She took a deep breath and told herself to leave her Detective-Rizzoli mode behind before she went to the kitchen.
"Did you hear?" Maura asked Jane excitedly. "About Rick?"
"Yeah. She told me. She chose great timing, too."
Rachel blushed and looked down at her feet. "Yeah, sorry about that."
"I have to admit it was smart." Jane tilted her head and smiled to let Rachel know she wasn't mad at her.
"He's really sweet," she said, shyly looking up at her mother. "Rick, I mean. He treats me really well and he's so smart."
Jane smiled at the love-induced smile on her daughter's face. "Is he in the same year as you?"
"He's one year older. He lives like, an hour from Boston."
"How did you two meet?" Maura asked while she dried off a wineglass that was too delicate for the dishwasher.
"He failed an economics class last year, so he's taking it again this year. He's in my class, we did a group assignment together."
"Can we see a picture?" Maura asked, putting down the towel and smiling excitedly.
Rachel nodded. "Sure. But don't be mean, okay?"
"Why would we be mean?" Maura stood next to her daughter and watched her taking out her phone, trying to find a picture.
"Oh, he's so handsome!" Maura grabbed Rachel's phone and looked closer at the photo.
Jane placed her hand on Maura's waist and looked over her shoulder at Rachel's phone, seeing a seemingly tall guy looking at her from the screen. He had brown eyes and a sweet, crooked smile. "He's cute."
"Isn't he?" Rachel blushed and took her phone back. "I still don't know why someone like him wants to be with me but we're doing pretty great so far."
"Are you kidding? He's lucky to have you!" Jane squeezed Rachel's arm. "When can we meet him?"
"I might wait for that a little longer," Rachel smirked. "To make sure he's ready for your interrogations."
"I would never-..."
"Jane." Maura tilted her head and chuckled, looking back at her wife.
"Okay yeah, I need to know if he's good for you!"
"He is, I promise."
Jane nodded, looking at her oldest daughter, seeing her eyes sparkling with young love. She was happy. "As long as you're happy," she said softly. "That's all that matters."