Sorry for no update lately apart from like 1 or 2 reviews i got nothing lol ... So i was just thinking do i continue the fic or not ... I think i will because it's not fair on my readers lol ...But i did have my doubts ... No reviews do this to me :P
But either way I'm in a good mind set at the moment so we shall see what i can pull out the bag. :D
Not much to say ... JUST read and review !!1 Please it keeps me going ... Like seeing what i do right what i do wrong ... Everything :)
So ON WITH THE MADDNESS! Ps ... May be a bit confusing ...but it will all be understood through out lol
CHRIS' POV
Mmmmm ... this is nice.
I can feel the heat radiating off of him. his body pressed up against mine. His back to my chest.
I like having my arms around him. He is so cute when he sleeps.
I love the way his hair falls in front of his eyes when he moves and struggles in his sleep. My left arm is in cramp 'cos of it been around him all night. But i wouldn't change it.
It was so sweet last night ... Finally we got to have another moment together. Him under me and me kissing him, he took my breath away. His grin and his eyes. All night it happened and now I'm just waiting for him to wake up. I just smile ... I hope things go well from now on.
JEFF'S POV
I can feel his arms rapped around me. I feel so safe when I'm in his arms. I love them ... His arms are not huge but bigger than mine and they are lightly tanned and just so soft. I love the way his chest rises and falls so i can feel it on my back, I can feel him stir slightly, but i don't want to open my eyes. I just want to take in this moment. I love them. Just when i know things are ... well ... Perfect.
He is my perfection. I love waking up and turning round and seeing his clear blue eyes, then feel his lips crash down on to mine and we kiss. Soft and sweet.
CHRIS' POV
I feel him stir awake. He always sleeps later than me. I let my grip loosen slightly so he can move. He opens his amazing eyes and turns round. He buries his head into my chest and goes back to sleep. Damn ... He must be tired. I can't wait to kiss them lips and hopefully feel that light feeling again.
JEFF'S POV
I open my eyes slightly and feel this pressure on me. It loosens up as i turn my body round. The once warm spot on the bed is shifted to cold as the sheets move. I turn round and finally open my eyes fully. I look up.
...
Damn ... I look around the room and feel my heart start to pound.
FUCK!!
I roll over to the cold side of the bed and reach for my phone. Seven in the morning ... Great!
I sit up fully and look around the light barely shining through the curtains. I can feel tears prick up in the corner of my eyes. I hate them dreams.
I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling so warm, so happy and free in life to waking up in darkness and alone. I pull my knees up to my chest and hold them close to me with my arms rapped around them. I bury my face into them and try to keep the tears from breaking free ... Once they start they never stop.
CHRIS' POV
He finally looks up at me and i can see his dark brown eyes stare up at me.
"Hey" I speak to him
"Morning"
"Kyle you do realize you sleep waaaay to long for a normal human" I joked
"Shut up Chris, I need my beauty sleep"
"Well it looks like you have had enough"
He laughs and kisses me.
"Come on lets get up and get ready"
"Okay babe"
JEFF'S POV
I slowly moved myself to get dressed today. I woke up alone and with a huge hangover and slight come down.
Last night was killer. Me and a few guys went to another party and stayed out till an idiot time. I can't even remember what happened. It was just another party i guess. Nothing different.
Mark woke me up from his room. We have stopped sharing now. Me coming in at stupid times and stuff ... He needs his sleep and i thought it was unfair on him ... So i said i would get my own room.
I'm just having some coffee trying to wake up while everyone is chatting and eating over the huge breakfast.
"Jeffy ... So what did you get up to last night?" Adam said trying to get my into the conversation.
"Party ... Again didn't get much sleep and i feel like hell"
"You should cut down on them then Hardy"
"Get real Copeland" We laugh at the exchange of last names and smile. He is like the only one who doesn't get on my back for the partys ... It's great.
"So what are we kid's up to today?"
"Well we have to be at the arena for say two right Mark?"
"Yeah Paul ... So how 'bout ... We all hit the gym after this and then drive down to the arena ... Chill out then after the show we can go out get something to eat?"
"Yeah sounds cool!"
"We will have to book up probables 'cos of the size of the group"
"Say ... Eleven? Okay with everyone?"
A wave of yea's, yes' and okay's came from round the table"
"So ... How many is there altogether?"
... "How many altogether what?"
My heart starts to race as i look up from my coffee after hearing his voice. I can feel the colour drain out of my face.
"Hi Chris, Hi Kyle" Mark knows it's name.
"Hey" Both speak.
That thing has a name. That thing ... Which is holding hands with Chris.
Why? ... Why are they holding hands? ... Why are people been nice to it?
I can feel the coffee i have just drank start to rise up slowly.
I stare up at both of them, barely blinking with a look of shock on my face. So many questions ... But can i ask any of them ... No!
"We are going out for a meal after the show ... Like say 15 of us including you guys ... You coming?"
"Yeah that sounds great ... You okay with that Kyle?"
"Yeah sounds great babe"
Babe? What the hell?
I can feel my breathing changing with my heart going faster ... I feel my lungs tighten and my eyes start to sting. Chris can't have moved on ... It's just ...
I feel a kick to my leg and look to my left.
It was Adam and he mouths "Are you okay?" With a slight shake of the head.
I nod in return and try to go back to drinking my coffee.
Damn ... They are sitting down. If i found out who has invited them to do so i will kill them.
I keep silent for the next 10 minutes of conversation as everyone catches up. I'm just trying to stop myself from screaming my lungs out.
After several discussions and laughs Chris gets up.
"Okay babe. I'll go get some coffee for us okay?"
"Thanks hun"
Then it's like time stopped and slowly a knife went through ever place in my chest.
... He kissed him.
My eyes start to water and i start to shake slightly. Adam see's my panic and his hand rests softly on my thigh. Giving a reassuring touch. He looks at me with a sympathetic look.
"So how long have you and him been together? You guys look really happy"
"We have been together for about two weeks now, though we have kept it very quiet, and thank you we are, he is amazing ... I'm so lucky"
"Yeah you two look good together"
Conversations kept going as Chris was getting coffee and other items to eat from the buffet breakfast.
"So yeah last night we made it official we are together and now we are just seeing how it goes" It said with a smiley face.
Official ... My head starts to pound knowing what "Official" really means
I could feel the alcohol, the coffee ... the take-away food we had last night all rise up ... The thought of Chris been with someone else makes me physically sick.
"Adam ... I'm going to the bathroom ... 'Kay?" I said so that only he could hear.
"Yeah no problem Kid"
I got up and took a speedy walk to the bathroom. I could see odd looks coming towards me form the others. But i just kept moving as i heard Adam explain.
I pushed open the bathroom door and ran for the nearest stall. Emptying my stomach of mostly fluid i retched and my head span.
The smell of alcohol and coffee made me feel even worse still.
I finally let the tears run down from my eyes, over my face as i kept thinking about ... Chris and ... That ... that thing.
"Jeffy"
I couldn't reply as i just kept vomiting
"Jeffy Kidd open up"
I turn my head from the toilet and open the door as i move my body so he could step in as i keep vomiting.
"Jesus Christ Kid ... I saw you out there you did well for keeping it together that long"
"It just hurt so much, it never really occurred to me that Chris would end up with someone else somewhere down the line ... I just always had hope you know"
"Yeah Kid, Come on it's going to be cool"
"Adam ... How the hell can you say that? ... Everyone knows it's not going to be ... I fucked up ... I have lost him ... And now he is going out with that ... That thing out there"
"It is going to get better Jeff ... He has someone you could get someone too ... Trent?"
"Ha ... Yeah that would be the day ... Trent ... Having a boyfriend? ... Trent doesn't do boyfriends, he does fucks ... and thats it ... We tried the whole boyfriends thing when we were younger and the shit hit the fan then ... It will never be different."
"Okay not Trent ... Someone then Jeff"
"I want Chris!"
"Yeah well you fucked him over though didn't you so pick yourself up and get a spine and get on with your life"
I look at Adam in horror. He was the only one who ever understood ... and now ... he's just like the rest ... No one understands.
I push past him to get out of the stall, he keeps trying to hold me back but i whip my body round and hit the side of the wall with my hand. I whimper in pain but carry on through it. I force my body through the smaller gap and head for the door.
Pulling back on the handle to run up to my room. Adams hand slams it shut.
"Jeffy..."
"Let me go Adam, your just like the rest no one cares"
"I do ... Just ... Jeff look, You have to pick yourself up. Things have to get worse to get better remember that kiddo"
"How worse?"
"We shall see ... You have gotten past the hard bit ... Seeing him with someone else ... It can't be anymore difficult kid"
"I know ... I just ... I wish i didn't fuck up everything"
"Don't blame it all on you ... So many do ... but he was at fault too remember?"
I look at him with a different emotion ... Shock ...
"How?"
"You are really confused aren't you?"
"Hence the dumb look and the non rhetorical question ... One would assume lacking knowledge of said subject"
"Okay smart ass cool it"
"Well don't ask stupid question's"
"ANYWAYS! ...Yeah you aren't to blame for it all ... He should have talked to you ... Not blanked it out and freaked ... You didn't so why should he"
"Thanks Adz"
"Now come on lets wash up ... Go back out, go to the gym, get through the show, then through the meal, then to bed ... Simple"
"Not as simple as it sounds ... While doing all of that i have to see Chris and that fuckin' thing!"
"That thing has a name ... Kyle"
"Yeah well until he backs off ... I will refer to it as thing"
Ahhhh Adam has been spending to much time with Mark ... He is getting the same angry stare that is used towards me ... I'll have to tell him to go meet new people.
"Hey ... that is the best you are going to get out of me Adz"
"Okay okay ... Come on get your ass through the door!"
After a nice push from Adam i walk ungracefully through the door.
...
Lets list shall we ... I want to find out what has been the most painful thing through out the pain filled day.
Getting pushed out of a door by Adam.
Getting pushed so far in the gym that i wanted to cry.
Going through more training when we got to the arena.
Going through a great match but taking such a bump i can barely move.
Going to a meal with 14 other people when you want to be alone.
Having to eat when you don't want to.
Or ... Having to watch Chris and that thing kiss over and over again ... Having to watch them hold hands ... Touch and be together.
Well in my view ... Number six was more painful then all of them put together ... Now the pain is still prolonging as i am having to sit here trying not to vomit for the forth time today thanks to ... It.
...
About a half hour has passed and i feel like death. I need to get out of here as soon as possible. Just go back to the hotel and write ... Blast music ... Something to get my mind off of them two.
"So what's everyone getting up to after this?"
"Not sure, maybe go out to a club dance and drink like idiots and then talk all night wake up with a huge hangover" Chris laughed
... What?
Club ... Then talk all night? ... That's what we use to do.
Now i know what it feels like when your heart stops, then starts again. It hurts.
I can feel the colour drain from my face and feel the small amount of food that has just been eaten rise back up.
My eyes again start to sting but i know if i don't get out of here soon i wont stop them weather i want to or not. Everything that has happened i can stop the tears but not that. That's what we use to do ... Stay up and just talk ... Hold each other ... Fuck! ... I have to get out now.
...
"You not hungry kid?"
"Not so much Mark ... I feel like hell"
"You have to eat something Jeff"
"I have"
"Not much"
"I know that ... Just off the bump and stuff ... I'm just in pain"
"Yeah true you don't look to hot kid"
"Can i go back to the hotel while you guys finish up here? ... i don't think i can stand the smell of desert"
I feel another kick to my leg today ... Off the same person. His worried eyes question mine as they meet. I nod and smile slightly. I know he knows I'm not okay ... But it's all i can do. Just smile and say it's okay. He knows why I'm so hurt ... He knows about what me and Chris always did ... Everyone did i think. But only Adam knew how special it was for me.
"Yeah, go and try and get some sleep ... i wont both you when we get in, I'll wake you in the morning okay?"
"Yeah thanks Uncle Mark, I'm just going to get a taxi"
"Okay cool ... Night love you kid"
"Love you too Uncle Mark"
Goodbyes were said and hugs were given. I just had to go before that thing talked me to or touched me. I couldn't face looking Chris in the eye. I know the minute i latch on to them blue orbs. The minute i feel them hitting me i would break. He can do that to me, I can b so strong with everyone not break even under interrogation but the minute he looks at me, the minute he smiles ... He captures my heart.
I move as fast as i can out of the restaurant and hail a cab.
My heart's racing and my whole body's shaking. Chris is over me. He left and i just feel drained.
I feel trapt in this horrible cab, the cab driver giving me a funny look asking me where I'm headed. I say the Hilton and the drive continues.
I will never feel him hold me again. He wont wrap his arms around me anymore and i wont wake up to him looking at me with his clear eyes. I wont get to feel him inside me, pushing all of my buttons ... Making me feel like no one has before. Making me feel so many emotions through one action. I wont be able to get rat assed and be able to talk to Chris about it. I wont feel his warmth next to me. His sweat drenched body clinging to mine, pressing against me after we have just had the most explosive burst of passion and love and devotion.
I can feel the tears role down my cheeks ... Thinking and knowing all the things that i will never have again.
My body racks with sobs as i bend over trying 2 catch my breath ... I can't let the air in my lungs knowing it's just another breath without him beside me. I clutch onto my hoodie and wrap my arms around my self trying to hold onto the last thing i know of him.
I try to open my eyes but my vision is blurry as more tears come from my eyes silently.
I keep thinking as i try to look out the window which is covered in rain drops
Fuck ... I will never feel his kiss again ... Never feel his soft lips next to mine ... Pressing so softly i can barely feel it. I will never feel his hot breath rub past my cheek in such a fury, just to taste each other again. I will never lose the feeling in my finger tips again because of lack of oxygen. He takes my breath away ... I will never feel his love for me again ... I'll never have him again.
I feel the taxi come to a stop and pay the guy and run for the hotel as the rain has gotten heavier.
I run for my door. The safety behind the wooden frame is almost too good to keep away from me for another second. I search my pockets rapidly and realize Matt has my key as he was last in my room.
FUCK! ... What the hell can i do? .. I can't ask the desk they already have given the spare to Mark.
Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck!
I rest against the wall and slide down crying again. Like i said once they start they don't stop.
I can't deal with this anymore ... This pain ... I need to take it away ... I need it to stop.
JUST FUCKING STOP!! ... PLEASE! ... PLEASE MAKE IT STOP! ... Please ... Any one ... I can't break anymore.
I pull my phone out of my hoodie pocket and dial a number i ring when i need the pain to stop.
I look at Chris' number and feel my body start to shake with pain. I press the 8 button and get to the T's ... I search through for Trent and ring.
Letting it ring and hearing that annoying sound it goes to the even more annoying voice mail.
I hang up and keep trying. My eyes blurry i hit the call button one more time.
I hear the annoying sound stop and hear the voice that heals me ever so slightly.
"N?"
I can't speak i know i need him ... But all i can do is cry.
"Nero?"
...
"NERO?! WHAT'S WRONG?"
"Trent ..." I can barely speak.
"Kid come on what's wrong? Are you okay?"
"Trent ... I need you" My voice breaks with tears and sorrow.
"Where are you?"
"The Hilton ... The same city as you ... I checked your tour dates"
"Right I'll be there in 10 minutes kid"
"Trent ... I can't take it anymore"
"I'll be right there Nero hold on"
"Hurry"
"I will Kid ... Bye"
I hang up the phone and run for the front door.
I sit down pressed against the wall letting the rain drench my being. I see his car speed up and pull up outside the hotel ... He gets out the car and runs towards me.
I stand up and run into his embrace.
For the first time that night i let my tears be heard and let all of my emotions go and breakdown in his arms.
"I've lost him"
"Come here Kid" His embrace tightens around me as if he is trying to protect me.
He knows what I'm on about he understands in three words.
"I want the pain to go away Trent"
"I know Nero and it will in time"
"Just please take me somewhere. Help me"
"Anything you need Nero"
I am suddenly great full that Trent has a bigger frame than i do as he is supporting all of my weight. I slowly calm my breathing and wipe my face on his t-shirt.
I look up at him and he looks back down.
"I'm here"
"I know you are"
"Always will be Kid"
He pulls me back into a hug letting the rain hit us. Both drenched and cold ... Thats the least of our problems. He just stands and holds me.
Well that was really really really fun to write at the end lol ... I have been down lately ...so it's good to be able to throw it into writing lol ... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE !!1 READ AND REVIEW!
They honestly keep me going and make me smile and help keep me motivated to bring you another good chapter :D
Without them i really don't feel i live up to what i can ... But if you guys help ... i can :) x MUCH LUV x
READ AND REVIEW!!