Hey guys! Thanks for taking the time to read this! Unless I change my mind in the next few days, this will be the second to last chapter. I have enjoyed writing this story, but this chapter in particular was super hard. I promise that the next chapter will be much, much happier. Anyway, thanks for reading and please let me know what you think!
Sitting on a couch next to her Da in a room crowded with exuberant people, it was difficult for Kerrianne to imagine that sadness even existed. In this small room, she had nearly everybody she loved. Her parents were here next to her, the small family taking up an entire couch. Her friends, Juice and Trinity, were both here someplace, lost to her sight amongst the rest of the people. Her Da's friends were all around, and smiles decorated each and every face, exuberant that Abel was home and everybody was safe. There was a small measure of whiskey in her glass and for this moment only, Kerrianne was happy.
She flat out refused to acknowledge the fact that most of SAMBEL was waiting downstairs with a truck to take these California men away, her Da right along with them. Their departure was imminent, but the way Kerrianne figured, if she didn't think about it or pay it any mind, then just maybe she could hold off the tears and the panic attack until after he was gone. She owed him that much at least. He had come here and pretty much saved her and her Ma. From what Kerrianne had seen, he had his own shit going on right now, and the last thing he needed was her sadness piled on top of it.
His glass clinked against hers, pulling Kerrianne from her thoughts. "Cheer, Love," he smiled and winked at her as he downed his drink. It had taken a bit of convincing for her Ma to allow her even a drop of whiskey, but she had won out in the end, and Kerrianne was determined to enjoy it, so she grinned and followed suit. His earned her an eye roll from her Ma and a laugh from her Da as he proudly declared, "That's my girl!"
All around her, people were starting to move. She saw Juice and Opie and another couple of guys head out to load the truck. Everybody was emptying their glass and wrapping up conversations. Jax was retrieving the baby from Trinity. Happy was standing near the door, looking angry and brooding, as usual. Bobby was busy saying goodbye to one of the women who had entertained him during the trip. It seemed as if the California lads were truly ready to head home. Her Da, however, remained seated exactly where he was.
Kerrianne looked at him. It seemed as if her Da was staring off at nothing, taking no notice of his brothers preparing their exit. She couldn't exactly read his face. He had a small, easy smile on his lips, but his eyes held something that looked like a mixture of sadness, anger, determination, and love. Her Ma's head was resting against his shoulder and he was clutching Kerrianne's hand. Maybe she couldn't read his thoughts or feelings at the moment, but he looked as if moving from this exact spot was the absolute farthest thing from his mind.
As the seconds continued to pass, more and more people trickled out of the room, most of them shooting sympathetic looks at her Da. Finally, Trinny exited the room and Jax and baby Abel were the last left. Jax made his way over to the couch, looking absolutely content now that he had his son back.
"Chibs, man," he acknowledged her Da, who didn't move in the slightest. "You about ready to head out?"
"Not even a little bit, brother," Kerrianne heard the reply. "We'll be out in a moment."
Jax nodded, but didn't say another word. Kerrianne watched the young blonde man walk across the room and after a moment, he was gone and they were alone at last. Still, her Da didn't move. If Kerrianne had expected some sort of grand speech or lofty words, she would have been sorely disappointed. Not a one of them had a thing to say. At this point, Kerrianne knew that words would be useless. Everything on the subject had already been said. Taking a cue from her mother, Kerrianne rested her head on her Da's shoulder and wrapped her arms around him. They stayed that way for just a moment before he broke the silence.
"Come on, girls," he said softly. "It's time to go down."
Her Ma nodded in agreement, and they stood together as one. Kerrianne slid her hand into his as they made their way outside and down the stairs. It was a cold night, but that was the last thing on her mind. The fact was that the moment had arrived, and within minutes, her Da would be gone, for how long she didn't know. Outside, in the cold, surrounded by idling bikers and folks saying their goodbyes, it was getting harder and harder to push down her own fear and sadness. She took a deep, steady breath and renewed her determination. She could do this.
Juice met them at the bottom of the stairs, bouncing on the balls of his feet. He waved her over, and her Da squeezed her hand, letting her know it was okay. Kerrianne didn't mind parting for a moment to say goodbye to Juice. He had proven himself to be a good friend, and she would actually miss him, quite a bit. Besides, the way she figured, her parents probably need a moment or two alone together, and she really didn't need to bear witness to that.
"So, I guess we're heading out," Juice spoke up.
"Sure looks that way," Kerrianne agreed halfheartedly. She didn't really want to be reminded of that fact at the moment.
"Yeah," he said, staying quiet for a split second before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a piece of paper. "So here is my email and phone number and stuff. You know, in case those kids ever bother you again and you need my help."
Kerrianne was touched. She knew that he was a really nice guy, but this just further proved it. "Thank you, Juice."
"Yeah, it's not a problem," he insisted quickly. "I will email you my address, as soon as I know what it will be. You know, so you can write if you want."
Kerrianne was momentarily confused. "Is there a reason you don't know your address? Are you a transient or something?"
"Um, no," he stuttered. "Shit, I guess Chibs didn't tell you. I am going to prison for a year or so. A bunch of us are."
"My Da?" she asked, suddenly panicked.
"No, no, not him," Juice said quickly. "Most of the rest of us though."
"Do I even want to know what you did?" she asked, a little thrown by this new revelation.
"Nah, it's a long story. I'll write to tell you about it," he smiled at her, shaking his head.
"Yeah, alright then. I'll write back as soon as I get that letter," she told her soon to be pen pal.
A grin split his face and she suddenly found herself engulfed in a hug. It wasn't until that moment that Kerrianne realized that maybe Juice needed a friend just as much as she did. After everything he had done for her recently, she could definitely be that. She hugged him back quickly, but within another moment, her attention was back on her parents. "You should probably go," he told her.
"Yeah," she agreed. "Be safe, Juice. I'll talk to you soon."
He nodded, and his eyes followed her across the lot as she made her way back to her parents. She hesitated for a moment, not sure if she should interrupt whatever was happening between the two of them, but the decision was taken out of her hands pretty much immediately. As soon as she was close enough, her Da reached out and pulled her back into his arms again. She inhaled deeply, closed her eyes, leaned against his chest, and enjoyed the last moments that her family was whole.
Everybody else gave them a bit of space, and Kerrianne was glad for it. They didn't need any company or any audience for this. Kerrianne was happy to see that her Ma had also taken up the 'no tears' strategy. They were both trying their absolute best to be strong for his sake, yet Kerrianne was absolutely sure that they would end up in puddles before he was gone twenty seconds. Right now, both of them were concentrating on hugging her Da and making sure that he knew just how very much they loved him.
There was some sort of commotion, and Bobby was handing the phone to Jax. Kerrianne wasn't focused on that. She was focused instead on her Da, who was speaking to them now, softly and seriously. "You are both going to be okay; you know that right?"
Kerrianne nodded, and her Ma said, "Aye."
"And you know I love you?" he asked, his tone not changing at all.
"Of course we do, Da," Kerrianne answered for the both of them.
"Good," came his reply.
Around them, something was happening. Jax was flipping out over whatever was happening on the phone. They watched him hang up and freeze for a moment, before he turned to the rest of them, "Fuck! Salazar has Tara. Tig has been trying to get her back, but it didn't work. Salazar is going to kill her."
Kerrianne didn't know who Tara was, and she sure as hell didn't know who Salazar was, but judging from the way her Da immediately tensed up, she knew that this was very bad news. Jax turned towards them and seemed to speak directly to her Da. "We've gotta go."
Her Da nodded, and Kerrianne knew that their time had come to an end. She wanted to flip out; scream and rage about how it wasn't fair. He wasn't supposed to go yet. She was supposed to have at least a few more minutes with him. Her Da seemed to sense her panic, because he immediately turned her so that she was facing him. He placed a hand on each of her cheeks and made her look directly at him. Once again, she was overcome by the fact that her own eyes were gazing back at her.
"Kerrianne," he whispered. "I know you're sad and I'm so sorry. I've got to go, Baby. I love you. I love you so, so much kid. You and your Ma are going to be safe and happy and I am going make sure nobody ever hurts you again, okay?"
Kerrianne couldn't immediately form words. She knew that her resolve had never been so close to crumbling. She just nodded and kissed him softly on the cheek. When she opened her mouth, it was as if she had zero control over the words that came out. She didn't know where they came from, but she was glad for them. "I love you too, Da. I'll miss you every single minute until you get back. Be safe and come home soon, okay?"
He nodded at her and kissed her forehead, another thing to add to the list of stuff she would miss about him. A second later, her turned toward her Ma and started to speak. "Fi…" he trailed off.
"Filip," he Ma spoke up before he could continue. "I already know."
He nodded and then kissed her Ma, and then Kerrianne wasn't sure how it happened, but it was her Ma holding onto her and not her Da. He offered both of them his best attempt at a smile and then turned and walked away. Kerrianne stared at him, her eyes glued to his back as he walked away from them. She kept hoping and praying, to literally anybody that would listen, for him to turn around and look back, just once. She knew it was stupid, but in all the books and movies, the hero who had to leave always, always turned around and looked back.
It took him the entire length of the parking lot. In fact, it wasn't until he had made his way all the way over to the van. She watched him as he stopped and seemed to have some sort of internal argument with himself. She didn't know which side won, but before he climbed into the van, he looked over his shoulder at them, blowing a kiss, and then he was in the can and the door shut behind him.
Kerrianne took in a sharp breath. Things seemed to be happening in super slow and super fast motion at the same time. She was in sensory overload. She heard the van start. She could smell the heavy scent of exhaust, even from across the parking lot. She could feel her Ma's arms around her, both holding her tightly and leaning on her for support. She could taste the salt of her own tears as they made their way down her face. She could see the van as it started to move and then as it pulled out of the parking lot. She watched until she couldn't see it anymore.
The sudden emptiness she felt was not something that she could even begin to describe. She had known that this blow was coming, but that didn't help to dull the pain; didn't help to fill the gaping hole that she now had inside of her. Kerrianne turned toward the only person in the entire world who could possibly understand what she was feeling right now. Her Ma looked just as incredibly stricken as Kerrianne felt.
"Ma…" she whispered, and she was surprised at exactly how haunted and broken her voice sounded. "He's gone."