Author's Notes: So sorry for the impossibly long delay. I hope this is worth the wait.
Disclaimer: CBS, Anthony E. Zuiker, Carol Mendelsohn, and Ann Donahue own all rights to the characters and premise of the show. I am making no money off this story and it is for entertainment purposes only. However, this particular story is my creation and should not be used without my express written permission.
Gassed
Chapter 21
"Where is she?"
Mac, who had been standing in the corridor having a conversation with Stella, looked up at the demanding voice booming from down the hall. A tall, almost imposing man with graying hair was striding down the hall completely unmindful of the officers who were following him and trying to stop his access to the lab. Recognizing Lindsay's uncle, Mac excused himself from Stella and waved off the officers.
"Mr. Coleman, I'm Detective Mac Taylor-"
"Good for you, son. Lindsay Monroe, where is she? Danny Messer called me and said there was an incident. She just got out of the hospital; how the hell could there have been an incident?"
Mac glanced toward his dimly lit office where he'd left the young woman. He hadn't been aware that Danny had left her side long enough to call anyone but was glad he had. Instead of further calming down at the realization that her assailant was dead, her reaction had been the complete opposite. She'd vomited violently before collapsing into Danny's arms in a renewed fit of shaking and crying. When the ambulance had arrived, Mac had tried to get Danny to take her to be examined by the medics but Lindsay's reaction was immediate and extreme. Her grip on Danny's shirt had tightened to the point that her knuckles were completely white and she'd shaken her head almost fanatically, begging not to be taken to the hospital. They had tried to convince her to just let the medics look at her but she'd refused even that. In the end, Mac had given in and had Danny bring her back to the lab.
"Let's step into the break room and I'll fill you in on what happened. Once you've calmed down a little I'll take you to her." Mac put a friendly hand on the other man's shoulder. Freddy shrugged it off.
"I'll calm down once I've seen her." Freddy looked around trying to figure out the best place to start his search.
Mac saw Sheldon emerge from his office. As soon as they'd gotten back to the lab, he'd called the former ME in to check Lindsay out since she'd refused to let the medics examine her. If anything, she'd closed herself off even more during the ride back. Curled up on the couch in Mac's office using Danny's chest as a sort of pillow, Lindsay hadn't really agreed to let Sheldon check her but she hadn't protested either. In fact she hadn't reacted at all.
Recognizing Freddy from the hospital, Hawkes approached the two men. He sighed deeply. "I'm worried, Mac. She's definitely in shock. She's shut herself off to everything. I'm pretty sure she's aware of everything that's going on around her or is said but she doesn't respond at all. I'd say we should take her to the hospital whether she wants to go or not but I don't think they could do anything more for her than what we're doing."
Freddy frowned. He could remember arriving at the hospital after the tragedy at the diner to find his beloved niece a mere shell of her usual self. The entire family had taken turns trying to reach her in whatever hell hole she'd buried herself in to no avail. After a week of sitting up at the hospital with her day and night, Linda and Doug were both beyond exhausted. Freddy had volunteered to stay one night so they could go home and get some sleep. Sometime after midnight, Freddy had just dozed off when he was awakened by Lindsay's screams as she snapped back to reality with heartbreaking clarity of what had happened. Her screams had upset him as much as her silence had. That had been the first and worst episode of psychological shock from the tragedy but it hadn't been the last. In the ten years since the shooting, there had been at least three other times that he knew of when something had triggered a flashback that pushed her right back to that dark place.
"Shock? Damn." He looked at Mac. "Maybe you'd better explain what happened after all."
- CSI: NY - CSI: NY - CSI: NY -
"You're safe now, Montana. It's okay. He's dead and he can't hurt anyone any more." Danny's throat was dry from his repeated attempts to reach his friend from the depths she'd descended to after the attack. This shell of her normal vibrant energetic self reminded him of when he'd first seen her in the hyperbaric chamber just the day before but yet this was even scarier. At least yesterday he'd known why she was so still and uncommunicative; he couldn't explain her behavior now. She wasn't the damsel in distress type. Hell, even when the unknown assailant had kidnapped her from the police station, she hadn't waited on anyone to come rescue her; she'd saved herself.
He'd seen where the assailant's gun had been lying against her face and knew that it meant that probably the guy had been holding it at her temple ready to kill her when she had stabbed him. He'd worked the job long enough to know that coming that close to death could haunt even the strongest person but it was practically killing him to see what it was doing to Lindsay now.
He'd feel better if she would respond just a little. Cry, scream, curse, anything would be better than this unnatural quiet. He'd expected Sheldon to have some sort of answer when he came in to check on her but he'd been at a loss as well. Told him to just keep talking to her and trying to get her to respond. What good was that doing?
Danny pushed his glasses up from his nose so that he could rub his eyes before returning the hand to rub her arm briskly once more. Her whole body felt like it was encased in ice, feeling nothing like he remembered from carrying her across the rooftop during her crazy reconstruction. He tucked her in closer to him, noticing for the first time how perfectly her body seemed to fit against his, almost like it had been made for these moments.
He shook his head. Where the hell were those thoughts coming from? She was a friend, a coworker, nothing more. Right? Despite his reputation, he wasn't the player that lab gossip made him out to be. Sure, he'd had more than his fair share of girlfriends; no relationship - if you could call them relationships - lasted for long but he wasn't into one night stands either. One thing that the gossip had right about him, one thing he'd freely admitted once to Stella at a crime scene, was that he didn't cuddle. He wasn't one to sit on the couch with a girl snuggled to his side during a movie or even in just a moment of foreplay. Yet, even as worried as he was about Lindsay currently, something deep inside him recognized and acknowledged that holding her like this felt natural and right or at least would feel natural and right if Lindsay would respond to him. Perhaps even something he could get used to and maybe even crave just a little. What did that mean?
The door to Mac's office opened and Freddy stepped inside. The older man looked worried as he took in Lindsay's appearance. He crossed the room quickly and sat beside her, gathering her close as Danny almost reluctantly released her. Freddy looked over her head to Danny.
"Thanks for taking care of her. You think I could talk to her alone?"
Danny nodded and slowly rose. He made his way toward the door, glancing back one last time to see how Lindsay was reacting to his absence. It didn't appear that she even noticed. He didn't want to admit that the knowledge stung just a little. Lowering his head, he left the office, knowing that she was in good hands, even at the same time wishing those hands were still his.
Freddy waited until the door closed completely before addressing his niece. "Aw Doodlebug, how much can a body take in such a short amount of time? Your boss told me what they knew about what happened tonight. I guess we won't know the full story until you snap outta this and come back to us. I guess given the circumstances your boss described, I can't blame you for momentarily checking out. Some people go there entire lives without ever having their lives threatened but not you."
There was no reaction from Lindsay, not that Freddy really expected one. He tucked the blanket someone, probably Danny, had draped over her, tighter against her impossibly cold body. He sighed.
"Okay, Doodlebug, have it your way. But your friends are pretty worried about you. Me, I have a little idea of what's going on in that pretty little head of yours but your friends don't. You're gonna have to bounce back from this pretty soon or I'm going to have to tell them why this has affected you so strongly. So you think on that, Doodlebug. Fight back from this or I'll tell them why this has you bothered. Then I'm calling in the boys and your parents."
- CSI: NY - CSI: NY - CSI: NY -
"Thanks, Flack." Mac ended the call on his cell phone and returned it to his holster. He was in the break room with Stella, Adam, and Sheldon. They all looked up as Danny joined them, stopping first at the coffee pot for a large mug of coffee. He slumped into a chair with them ignoring their looks of concern as he took a long sip of the hot liquid. Finally, Mac cleared his throat. "Any change?"
Danny shook his head. "Freddy wanted some time alone with her. Maybe he can get through to her. I don't get it, Mac. She was in bad shape when we first got to her in the park and I can understand why. The bastard held a gun to her head and was going to kill her. But she stopped him and she'd snapped back; she was even talking to me a little. Then, she zoned out again. It just doesn't make sense. She said he'd injected her with something that was supposed to paralyze her. She'd chalked it up to it being another one of Adam's colored water samples but what if it wasn't? What if it was something else, something that has caused this reaction?"
They all looked to Sheldon who was more of the resident expert on medical matters. The former ME shrugged. "I don't know, it could be. From the samples I was able to analyze, there were things I've never seen before and who's to say we saw all they had in their arsenal. But to be honest, to me what Lindsay is experiencing right now just looks like good old-fashion shock. I can't honestly say how I would react to being kidnapped from what I felt like was a safe place, drugged with something that I thought was more serious than colored water, then held at gunpoint and forced to kill my attacker. Maybe the enormity of everything coupled with lingering effects from the carbon monoxide caused the delayed reaction. It's been known to happen."
"Mac, you were on the phone with Flack; was he able to get anything more from Jason?"
The older man nodded. "Yeah, the kid's scared for his life after what happened and is only too willing to cooperate. I think he's always been willing to cooperate but was just scared of how deep he might have gotten himself into. He's agreed to turn state's evidence on Jordan Dillon in exchange for disappearing into the witness protection program. He's already told Flack everything he knows about the secret base the group had underneath the townhouse. A strike-force team is being assembled and we'll hit the base at first light."
Danny frowned. "First light? Isn't that like giving her time to get away with all the evidence? She's bound to know her guy failed in what he was attempting to do; she's not going to stick around and wait for us to show up."
"Danny, you know as well as the rest of us it takes planning to pull of a raid of this magnitude. We go in unprepared and people are going to get hurt. This bitch messed with my team and I'm not about to let some other task force get the honor of bringing her in. I figured you of all people would want to be in on the capture the same way I do but we can't do that as exhausted as we all are. You slept on a cot in a hyperbaric center last night and the rest of us slept on whatever couch we could find here in the lab. Just to be on the safe side, I don't want any of us going to our own homes just yet but I've got a safe house set up for us for the night. We'll go there, get a good night's sleep and meet back here at 0400 for the raid."
Danny shoved his now empty coffee mug back, his frustration and lack of sleep showing in his jerky motions. "Yeah, I want in on the bust but not at the expense of her getting away. Like Sheldon said, we don't even know what kind of arsenal she has at her disposal. Hell, no matter how much the kid has spilled his guts, he probably doesn't even know everything. We may have only seen the tip of that dangerous iceberg. She's going to clear out as soon as she realizes her compatriot is dead and didn't accomplish what she sent him to do."
Mac nodded. "I know; that's why she isn't going to find out. I've cleared this with the top brass; Sinclair just released a statement to the media reporting that this evening a prisoner collapsed suddenly in lock up and died before help could arrive. At the same time a detective with the crime lab has disappeared. He's even put up a tip line for information leading to her safe return. After seeing those reports, Dillon should feel safe to stay where she is assuming that our John Doe in the park is off disposing of Lindsay's body."
Danny couldn't help but shudder at the mere thought of Lindsay's body needing disposing. Mac's plan seemed sound and his reasoning spot on but Danny couldn't help but feel like this group had been one step ahead of them the whole time. Right now it seemed like they had the advantage and it just seemed wrong not to press that advantage. That was what the impetuous side of him, the side that Mac had reigned in on more than once, told him and he had to remind himself that Mac's way more often than not was successful. Finally he nodded to show that he was on board and accepted the plan. "What about Montana? I can't imagine Freddy's going to want to leave her until she snaps back from the dark hole she's hidden herself in."
"I would suggest that he take her home with him but I'm not willing to risk that just yet." Mac explained. "He's welcome to stay at the safe house with us. There's plenty of room. Flack's arranging for U.S. Marshalls to take Jason into protective custody and then he's going to meet us here so we can all go to the safe house. As soon as he gets here, we'll move out."
Sensing that the impromptu meeting had come to a close, everyone stood. Danny headed back toward Mac's office to once again check on Lindsay and give Freddy an update on the current plan. He paused outside the office and looked through the glass to where Freddy still seemed to trying to comfort a nonresponsive Lindsay. Sheldon's words from just earlier came back to him.
"I can't honestly say how I would react to being kidnapped from what I felt like was a safe place, drugged with something that I thought was more serious than colored water, then held at gunpoint and forced to kill my attacker."
It hit him suddenly almost like a physical blow to his stomach. She'd bounced back until she learned that her attempt at defending herself against her attacker had resulted in his death. Could that be what had caused her to shut down? He could still remember the first time he'd been forced to take a life in the line of duty and he could honestly say it had affected him more than he'd ever would have thought possible. Was this Montana's first time to take a life? If it was, on top of everything else that had happened in the last twenty four hours or so, was it any wonder her reaction was so extreme? With that in mind, he swung open the door and entered the office ready to dish out a little tough love.
He knelt on the floor next to the couch, almost at eye level for Lindsay who was curled protectively in Freddy's arms. He frowned. "You've had me pretty freaked out here, Montana. You know how that makes me but see, now I think I've figured all this out and I'm not going to let you get away with it."
If his sharp tone bothered Freddy, the older man didn't show it. Instead his expression bordered on approval so Danny continued. "See Montana, I get you have a soft heart, I really do. I know you grew up on a ranch and that probably meant raising animals for slaughter. I can almost see you secretly crying every time your father loaded up animals to take to market because you'd made friends with them." Freddy's snort of laughter confirmed Danny's prediction and gave him the courage to continue. "See, I think that's cute- yeah, I know you could wipe my ass across this floor for suggesting you're cute and right now I'm okay if you try. But there's no way I'm going to sit here and let you beat yourself up for killing that asshole who was determined to kill you first. It's not gonna happen. If it comes down to only one of you being able to survive, my vote's for you every time. You wanna be upset that you were forced to take a life, fine; you got your uncle, me, and everyone else around here that can help you come to terms with that. But you didn't do anything wrong. Do you hear me?"
"Damn, I hadn't even considered that was what was going on in that head of hers." Freddy admitted. His mind had immediately drifted back to the tragedy at the diner and it still might have had played a small part in her current condition but he was now sure that Danny had hit the nail right on the head. "Doodlebug, the boy's right. If it's going to come down to kill or be killed then there's no question in my mind at all. Kid has a good head on his shoulders, you should listen to him at least this one time."
A couple of fat tears rolled down Lindsay's cheeks and both men realized they were starting to get through to her. Tears of his own slipped from Freddy's eyes as well as he kissed the top of her head. Danny reached out and thumbed away the tears from her cheeks and spoke without regard to what words were forming on the tip of his tongue. "That's my girl. You're stronger than this; I know you are."
Freddy was glad his head was buried in Lindsay's curls at Danny's possessive encouragement. He'd give the two less than a year before they were an official couple, less if Lindsay would open up and confide about her past to the young man who was obviously so smitten with her.
She shook her head. The tears and slight motion both the first signs of response she'd given since the ride back to the lab. It wasn't much but it a big improvement in Danny's mind. He looked up at Freddy whose expression said it was encouraging to him as well. Danny's hands went to his hips
"You seriously gonna argue with me about this Montana? Find, tell me I'm wrong but I'm going to have to hear it from you myself. Besides, Mac's made sleeping arrangements for all of us and we'll be leaving soon. If you plan on going with us, you'll have to snap back from this pretty damn quick. I've already carried you across a rooftop and out of a carbon monoxide filled townhouse; I ain't carrying you outta here as well. I'm pretty sure given your uncle's heart condition you want him carrying you either. So either carry your own weight or we're leaving ya here. Mac's couch might be comfortable but I doubt it's that comfortable. So what's it going to be? A real bed or this lumpy couch?"
"Damn you, Danny." Lindsay's words were barely just above a whisper but the words were music to both Danny's and Freddy's ears. "Just want to forget."
"Ah, Doodlebug, no one can fault you for wanting to forget. Hell, I want to forget all this happened to you today; my old ticker's not up to all this worrying. But shutting yourself off like you did isn't the way to do it. Let me and let your friends help you through this. We all care about you too much to want to see you suffer like this."
Lindsay awkwardly pulled away from Freddy and stood. Her movements were a little jerky as if her muscles were still half restrained by whatever hell had been holding her captive. She wrapped her arms protectively around her shaking body as she stared out the glass walls into the quiet of the lab. Her thoughts were all topsy-turvy but one reality was crystal clear in her mind and made her reluctant to seek out the comfort she knew Freddy and Danny wanted to offer. "Shouldn't. I'm a murderer."
Danny was on his feet in an instant. He could understand her feelings; he'd experienced his own thoughts of doubt after the Minhas shooting the year before. Still, he could stand to hear the recrimination coming from her lips. He gently took her by the shoulders and turned her to face him.
"Don't. He was going to kill you, Montana. Without hesitation and without remorse, he was going to take your life. You did what you had to do to protect yourself and the fact that you feel bad about it should show you just how wrong you are. You aren't a murderer, Montana."
"I killed a man. He was breathing and then he wasn't." Lindsay protested morosely. "If you say that doesn't make me a murderer, what does it make me?"
Danny crushed her against his chest as Mac stepped in to let them know they were ready to leave. He lowered his mouth to her ear so that only she could hear what he had to say. "Makes you a survivor, Montana. And I'm damn glad you are."