A/N: Is this really an update? JUST before Christmas? Yes indeed! This is I guess my Christmas "gift" to all of you lovely people :) But before, I'd like to give a shout out to a few people!
First, I'd like to thank Emz2009 who is not only an extremely talented writer on here (have you read "Feel It"? That shit is off the hook! haha) but someone who I've had the luck to chat with on several occasions. Emz, we joke about it quite a lot, but you ARE amazing! Life sometimes gets a bit... you know... and when it does it's really hard to write and be motivated. So I'd like to thank Emz particularly because she actually took the time to listen to my rants and helped me out on a personal level. So homey, thanks :) It's more appreciated than you know.
Second, I'd like to thank Monkeypen (even if she already knows that I will) because I've had the funniest weeks on twitter EVER! AND she's been SHAMELESSLY pimping me! SHAMELESSLY! You think very highly of me love (I can't really call you with that other nickname here now can I? :P), probably more so than I deserve! But thanks :) Your kind words are gold to me :) You've got one kick ass heart! Keep it :)She's got no story for me to pimp... But when you DO, I will oh so pimp you :P
Thirdly (is that how you say it?) Thanks to Myrtle! We've been having quite the funny correspondence! Again, sometimes life gets you down, but reading your messages ALWAYS made me smile! And I needed that! Your messages and your story OF COURSE! You know I'm the biggest Capes and Capers fan out there :P I'd pimp it, but everyone knows it's a GREAT piece of work! I doubt anyone is not reading this marvellous piece :) Moose says Hi! And enjoy this chapter ;)
And finally, Thanks TO EVERYONE who's reading and reviewing this little piece of my imagination! With the weeks I've had, I don't think I'd have found the strength to write at all if it wasn't for all your lovely words of encouragement and dedication! There's still some rough times ahead for me I'm afraid so keep the love coming and I'll keep the chapters coming as well :) Thank you!
MERRY CHRISTMAS to everyone! I hope you find the time to celebrate with the people you love whether they're friends, family or lovers. Because that's what Christmas has always been about for me : love :)
Enjoyyyyy
.
.
Manifolds
.
.
Chp. 21
.
.
After promising Emily I would prove her assumptions of me wrong, we hadn't really talked again. Before parting though, she had opened her purse and handed me her phone. I had punched in my number and had asked her to text me so I would get hers. I had then walked back to the party and back to Sam. I felt horribly guilty when our eyes met even if I had done nothing wrong. I guess the mere fact that I knew I was going to see Emily again was enough to trigger the guilt trip though. I still had no intentions to just woo Emily or anything of the sort (I had to remain her friend. She was married and seemingly happy for fuck's sake!), but seeing her again had affected me more then I had expected. Had my heart really always danced that much when I saw her or was this new? Was this an extreme reaction due to not seeing Emily for a while or had I just not been aware of the effect she had on me? To be fair, it was possible that I had gotten used to this fluttering of the heart with the years of sharing my life with Emily Fitch.
Maybe ten minutes after I had rejoined the party, I had seen her come back and stand next to her husband. The bloke had kissed her on the forehead giving her a warm smile before continuing a conversation about football he was having with Darren. I hated the little pang I felt in the pit of my stomach at the display. I was supposed to be happy for her, not bloody jealous. Sam and Katie were chatting away, discussing fashion and other shit subjects while Paul and Jenna were discussing our show. Jenna was laughing loads and I could tell Paul was a big mama's boy. The only interesting part had been when Paul had inquired about Jenna's lack of husband. It had only occurred to me then that Rob (and James for that matter) was nowhere to be seen. I had paid attention just long enough to hear Jenna explain that she had divorced her husband a few years ago. It had come as a bit of a surprise to me and I had made a mental note to ask Emily about it later. The rest of the conversation had been meaningless and I had zoned out right away.
I didn't really know where to fit in any conversations and apparently neither did Emily. For some reason though we couldn't utter a single word to each other. We kept shooting small glances in the other's direction, sometimes making eye contact. Every time we did, Emily would turn bright red and tighten her hold on her husband. I was wondering if her heart was fluttering as much as mine was or if it was just wishful thinking on my part. As wrong as it was, I couldn't help wishing it wasn't the latter.
At some point we had all separated, Katie stating she needed to attend to other guests. Sam and I had wandered through the lounge until we had found JJ and Justine. I was a bit pleased to see that JJ seemed just as bored as I felt, but Justine seemed well excited. When we reached their level, she launched into a detailed story of which celebrities they had met. I couldn't be bothered to listen to be honest, but Sam was so it didn't show too much. After maybe half an hour of mindless chit chat, I was ready to hang myself. Before I had made any concrete plans though, the music stopped and we all turned around to see Katie and Darren standing in the staircase, looking down at everyone. Katie had a microphone and started addressing us all, thanking us for coming and all that stuff. She seemed quite at ease and I could tell this wasn't her first public speech. Not that I was surprised, Katie Fitch and fame had to go lovingly well together. The crowd had gathered closer to listen to her and I could see that JJ was getting increasingly uncomfortable with all the people surrounding us. I had grabbed his arm and led him outside for a quick fag on my part and some fresh air on his. He had seemed really grateful and we had mostly stood outside in silence for a while. I liked that we hadn't needed to talk, to fill the silence with meaningless conversation. It was nice to just be. The more time I spent in this reality, the more I was appreciative of JJ. I really had judged him too fast in my home reality.
When we had finally made our way back inside, Sam had told me she had already donated a large sum for the fundraiser. She didn't even know which charity we had just supported and didn't seem to care. I could have rolled my eyes out of their sockets. This whole fake caring was disgusting to me. I had never wanted to donate to random charities, in my reality, because I liked to personally check them out beforehand. Emily quite agreed with me so it was never a problem. This time though, I didn't really mind because now that our good deed was done we didn't need to hang around and I was personally more than ready to head home. It was closing on midnight and I had had enough of the party. JJ had been more than pleased at my suggestion and our partners had both agreed, although a bit reluctantly. We had sought out Katie and Alden and had said our goodbyes. A few minutes later, we were sat in the limousine, on our way back to Bristol.
I hadn't seen Emily before leaving and I was trying my hardest to pretend I didn't care. Truth is though I couldn't stop thinking about her for a whole second. Even if it wasn't red in this reality, her hair had still been magnificent and looking as soft as ever. Whenever I'd see a lock get in front of her eyes, I had wanted to just reach out and gently pluck it behind her ear. One time I had actually lifted my right hand automatically and had had to disguise the movement as putting some of my own hair behind my ear. I was pretty sure I had been bright red afterwards and I was hoping no one had noticed. To make matters even worse for my self-control, Emily had still smelled as fresh and sweet as I had always known her and her voice had still had the capacity to send ripples of pleasure right down to my heart. I had closed my eyes in the limousine, feigning fatigue, but really, I was just letting my thoughts lose themselves in Emily for a few minutes. I could still hear her laugh drumming in my ears, still feel the electricity as our skin had briefly touched. Emily had always been the death of me. She had always had this inevitable pull, inevitable force of attraction that dragged me in completely, made me lose all coherent thoughts for a minute. A force that felt like it was truly above gravity for it was overwhelmingly strong and I had absolutely no control over it. And sometimes, when I would just let myself feel, I didn't even want the control because losing myself in Emily felt like a good thing in the end. At least it did in those occasions.
For the first time in a long time I was realizing I was scared. It really had been ages since the thought of Emily Fitch hadn't scared me to death, but it was now. I couldn't understand how strong of a hold she really had on me. I had absolutely no control around her and that scared me more than I could ever explain. Perhaps it was the fact that I had never needed anyone, never wanted anyone, but Emily changed it all. She had the power to take me away from everything I knew and everything I thought was safe and smart and throw me completely somewhere else, somewhere I felt completely unstable, somewhere I didn't know anything about.
I couldn't understand how 10 minutes of her in the vicinity had me throwing away my mental plans and promises. I wasn't supposed to see her, I wasn't supposed to approach her. Maybe Emily being with a man had been a bit of a surprise, but she had looked happy nonetheless. For Christ's sake they were even thinking of having children! They just had to be happy and I couldn't fuck that up for her. Maybe I could still stay away though… Maybe I could still keep my distances. After all, I didn't even have her number and maybe Emily wouldn't text me. I had grabbed my purse from the empty seat to my left and had rummaged through it to find my phone. As I had checked it I had noticed I had no new messages. Here it was! Most likely Emily had just asked out of curiosity and now that she was thinking about it she thought it was a terrible idea. Why would she care about getting to know me when she clearly disliked everything about my person? I didn't need to worry, if I couldn't keep my distances, Emily would keep hers.
I had gone to bed that night pretending to be so knackered that I'd fallen asleep the second my head had touched the pillow. I concentrated on not flinching when Sam grabbed me from behind and pulled me closer to her body. I tried to enjoy the warmth she was providing me. I tried to appreciate the luck I had to be married to such a sweet woman, but the last thought I had before falling into deep slumber was of a set of beautiful brown eyes full of anticipation and excitement and they were definitely not those of the woman currently cuddling me.
.
.
.
The next morning I felt a bit rejuvenated. I was being a bit cold to Sam, but I had been able to kiss her properly when she woke up and that was a plus. I could tell she could still see something was up with me but I shoved it on the fault of a supposed hangover when she asked me if everything was alright. She had bought the excuse, hadn't questioned me further and had proceeded to make breakfast. After breakfast, we both sat on the couch. I was reading the paper while Sam was reading some book, neither of us really noticing the other. After a few tense hours, her cellphone rang into the silent room and after glancing quickly at it, she disappeared to answer it. A few minutes later, she was back in the living room and announced me she had to run to work for an emergency. I barely acknowledged her statement, giving her a non committal groan and she left the flat maybe five minutes later. She hadn't kissed me goodbye and although I thought it was a bit odd, I guess I didn't deserve any better.
Once I was alone, I quickly discovered that it was much harder not to think about Emily. And it was killing me. Actually, I had had dreams of the younger twin all night long. Dreams filled with laughter and loving eyes and well… let's admit it, intertwining limbs. Now that Sam was gone, it was hard not to go back to those dreams. After maybe an hour of mindlessly flicking through the channels and finding nothing on telly I was a bit annoyed. Okay so my mood didn't really have anything to do with the shit telly, but mainly with my stupid brain that had been unable to think of anything else but those goddamn naughty dreams about Emily. I closed my eyes trying to get rid of all those images, but they only got worse. Eyes closed, I could see Emily's soft rosy lips, imagine how would feel against my own and then how they would feel as they made their way slowly along my jaw line and down my neck. I could nearly feel her kisses and I had to suppress a moan when I imagined her tongue darting out to taste my skin. I could imagine her warm breath on my collarbone and felt shivers cascading down my spine. I could feel myself get terribly turned on then and shot my eyes open again. Fuck me this had to stop. I got up quickly and decided that a cold shower would do the trick to cool down my heated thoughts. I was stronger than those desires. I just had to choose my weapons against them and a shower seemed just about the right one.
I stepped in the shower with the best intentions in the world and turned the tap to the coldest it could go. The thing about showers in the summer though is that even the coolest isn't that cold. I tried to soak myself completely under the water, feeling like a submerged state was just what I needed to clear my head, but the thoughts of Emily wouldn't leave me.
In the last dream I had had, Emily and I had been about to have sex on the balcony of Katie's bedroom. We had undressed each other quickly and passionately tearing at our clothes, needing to feel our skin touch as much as possible. We had then laid down on the cold stone floor. I had trapped Emily underneath me, the both of us completely naked. We had been kissing passionately, letting our tongues meld together. Ems' eyes had been dark with want, desire and need and her body had been sexily writhing in beat with mine. I had had my thigh pushed between her legs, feeling her wetness all over me.
As I recalled the dream more and more, I felt my core pulsating no matter how cold the freaking shower was. My breathing became laboured and I let my hands roam a bit on my own body unable to stop my mind imagining they were Emily's. The more I let my mind wander to the dream, the more it seemed like nothing would make the sudden ache I was feeling between my legs go away. In the end, I gave up and let my hand make its way where I needed it the most at the moment. As I stroked myself slowly and knowingly, I didn't even try to stop the images of Emily invade my brain. With each new image, I'd rub a bit harder and quicker at my clit and feel myself getting closer to climax. One flash of Emily's flustered skin and I let out a shaky breath. Another of Emily's loud moans and I was moaning in echo. The images were overwhelming, invading me to the point I really believed I had no choice but to let them take over. I didn't question anything anymore as I let a finger enter me slowly. My brain was too occupied sorting through various flashes of Emily to think of disguising or muffling my cries of pleasure. All I could see was pale perfect skin, a soft thigh here, a nipple there, the curve of a beautiful arse, a taut stomach. I quickened my pace, added a finger and it became more and more difficult to stand. I was panting hard as I imagined an extra flushed Emily. I could only imagine what her skin would taste like if I could have her now. I imagined my hands were roaming over her perfect body, I imagined her crying out my name in that completely husky groan she always had when we made love and it was enough to finally tip me over the edge. When I did, I was beyond controlling anything so I let myself cry out loudly Emily's name along with many expletives.
It took quite a few minutes for my heart to regain a normal pace and my breathing to stabilize afterwards. I felt my throat squeeze in shame a little and quickly washed myself off before stepping out of the shower. It wasn't that I was ashamed of what I had just done, god I wasn't a fucking prude and this certainly wasn't the first time I had touched myself, but I did feel guilty that the thoughts of Emily had made me come so hard. I hated how no one seemed to compare to my beautiful twin and how no one seemed to satisfy me but her. I felt trapped under her influence, completely unable to escape it. And the truth is I didn't really want to escape it. I loved her. I loved her so completely that only with her did the idea of sex sound so appealing. There's a difference between getting off and connecting and Emily made that difference crystal clear every time. With her, sex wasn't just sex anymore, it was beyond that. It was an experience of two souls meeting at their most raw forms. It was the action of coming together (sometimes literally), of understanding what made us "us". It was the way in which we had always shown ourselves completely. There was no need to hide anything, not in this moment. Emily had always had this fascinating openness to her. An openness I could only dream of ever matching. When she talked, when she moved, when she laughed, Emily was open. She was always so completely open, so truly herself that it was beautiful. The petite girl had always been a beautiful person, but this confidence in her, this easiness of just being had always been impressive and incredibly sexy to me. I, on the other hand, was reclusive, always hiding behind my big words, my scowls and my eye rolls. I didn't have this easiness to just be me. Maybe it was because of my dad leaving, maybe it was because Gina had always thought me to be a big girl and self-sufficient. I never really knew, but in the end it didn't really matter, that's how I was. I got better as I grew up and I got better with just being around Emily. Her ways were intoxicating, but in a good way I guess. Thing is, the only time I felt like I could be completely open and completely myself, the only time I felt like I was showing Emily all of me was when we were making love. Because when we did, it was so perfectly beautiful that there were no barriers anymore.
Of course I hadn't had sex with her right then but, even if it was just the thought of her, all of this still mattered. One thing was obvious to me now, no matter how much I had all these beautiful thoughts of friendship or no contact at all, my love and my yearning for Emily were emblazoned in me, in my heart and there was nothing I could bloody do to change that.
I thought back to Sam and how I hadn't even kissed her as she left for the office and felt another ripple of guilt take over me. It's a bit funny how guilty I felt about betraying a woman I barely knew. Not that I had done anything really, but still, I knew that she would have been heartbroken to know where my mind had gone and what I had just done. And I wasn't completely heartless, that did bother me. I didn't like the idea of hurting this woman who had done nothing wrong. I hated how I seemed to mock things up no matter how honest and true to myself I tried to be. I guess I was a bit of a fuck up…
The minute this thought hit me, I shook it right out of my brain. I couldn't keep feeling guilty about everything. If I did, I'd turn properly mad by the end of the day. And anyway I didn't need to make a big deal out of this. Emily hadn't texted me and most likely wouldn't so that was that and there was nothing to actually worry about. I wouldn't betray Sam any more than my brain had already and Emily would be safe from my destructive person. I kept telling myself it was better this way, but I had a hard time letting it go completely. How was I supposed to? How was I supposed to let go when I knew that wherever she was, Emily disliked me. Actually, properly disliked me… She thought I was a cunt, that I was arrogant. It pained me to think that the woman I loved above everything else thought all this bollocks about me. I mean I had never been perfect, but that's what Emily had always loved about me right? She had loved that I was a bit of a moody cow, couldn't function properly without a tea or a coffee in the morning, always complained about trivial things like traffic and always avoided to take the garbage out (garbage bags often leak and it grosses the fuck out of me!). She loved that I was a bit of a bitch and she had always said it turned her on when I used my wits to prove my point. That's what I was doing in the show ultimately wasn't it? So why the sudden dislike and distaste? I also couldn't help being a bit mad. She had said she wanted me to prove her wrong. She had said she wanted to be proved wrong. And now she wasn't even contacting me. So much for giving me a chance and not judging me… The Emily I knew wasn't that kind of person, she always gave people the chance to show her their views and their truths. She was always receptive and she'd actually listened. So what the hell had happened to her?
I felt a familiar surge of anger travel my body and quickly exhaled to let it go. I had to remind myself that this was for the best. No contact with Emily was what I had tried to aim at in this reality to begin with. I couldn't be mad now that I seemed to be managing it. I had to remind myself of that. To be honest all my resolve and intentions were rather easy to forget after I had laid my eyes on my perfect little twin for a second. She was just so pretty and so sweet. She smelled so good and felt so soft… Okay, now I was beginning to get excited all over again. Fucking hell that Fitch woman and her undeniably strong hold on me! I quickly got dressed with a pair of slacks and an old band t-shirt and went back to the living room. I plopped myself on the couch and was about to reach for the remote when I heard my cell phone beep from where I had left it on a nearby table. I grabbed it without much ceremony and felt my eyes widen when I saw the new text reflected on the screen.
Hi this is Emily. Sorry for not texting sooner. So, are you still up for proving me wrong?
I took a big breath before releasing it. So much for Emily staying away so I wouldn't have to do it. My fingers were hovering above my cellphone, slightly shaking. I was ready to reply, but at the same time I was wondering if this was a good idea. I fucking had to stay away from her! I knew I'd be no good at distancing myself if I actually got to hang out with her. I mean how was I supposed to just be friendly and stuff when I was madly in love with her? And if the last reality was anything to go by, I knew I'd eventually cave and fucking kiss her. I couldn't go there. I just couldn't! Okay so maybe the thoughts of kissing Emily had me buzzing in anticipation and joy, but I had to keep those thoughts in check. I had to leave her alone! I don't know how long I stared at the screen, my brain battling my next move, but it must have been a while because what finally popped me out of my self-induced trance was another message from my beautiful brunette.
You do realize that if you don't reply you'll be proving me right, right? Sorry Miss Campbell, but it seems like you are stuck with me. Ems
I chuckled at her words as it hit me that she was bloody right. If I decided to ignore her messages after I had already agreed to her request the night before, I'd be behaving like a right cunt and therefore proving her right. Well I couldn't let that happen now could I? It was only a matter of pride really and had nothing to do with the growing need to see the other woman. Nope, nothing at all…
Don't get your hopes up, I won't let you have it so easily. I'm still up for it if you are. Naomi
I waited a few seconds stupidly staring at my phone until her reply came through. Was it normal for my heart to beat that fast over a text message?
I am. So how exactly do you intend to prove me wrong?
I smiled a little before typing:
Any way possible. I'm not fussy really, you choose.
Before you say anything, I did not have any sexy thoughts when I typed "any way possible". No! No sexy thoughts I swear! No no! Promise! Okay well perhaps a few… Perhaps a bit more than a few, but who was checking really? Again, my inner monologue was interrupted by a new text from Emily.
Okay, well what's your schedule like?
I was about to type a reply when my phone started ringing in my hand. I frowned a little and felt my heart full on stop when I realised it was actually Emily calling me! Oh god! She was calling me! She was actually calling me! I'd be talking to her, I'd be hearing her voice! Because she was calling me! I realized in a jump that if I didn't actually answer, she'd think I was blowing her off. I shook my over ecstatic brain and quickly pressed the answer button.
"Hello?" I said in a squeaky voice.
Nice, real fucking smooth… Urgh, I hated my complete and utter lack of coolness when it concerned Emily Fitch.
"Hi!" replied the husky voice of Emily. "I hope you don't mind me calling… I just thought it was a bit silly to text each other when calling would be much faster…"
"Yeah sure! I mean no, I don't mind you calling at all, but yeah, calling is better, nicer, I mean quicker!" I said rapidly stumbling over my words a little.
My babbling had been so pathetically ridiculous that I sort of wanted to die right now of shame. Jesus! I was such a knob sometimes!
"Good. Well, as I was saying, what is your schedule like?" Emily said thankfully not commenting on my fabulous conversation skills.
"Well hum… I work every week day. From pretty early to pretty late… I have the weekends off" I offered.
"I can't on weekends… Jim usually likes it better if I stay at home with him since he's off work as well…" she said in a small voice.
I was very tempted to ask "so what?" at that moment, but refrained myself. I barely knew her and making quick judgment on her lifestyle wasn't going to get me anywhere nice. And it would certainly not help prove her I was no cunt (most of the time because I had to admit I was a bit of a cunt sometimes, but aren't we all?)
"Right… well that fits perfectly then" I said sarcastically trying to ease the sudden tension that had arisen in our conversation.
I heard Emily chuckle on the other end of the line and couldn't help a grin from tucking at my lips. God I loved her laugh!
"Maybe you could visit the studio?" I said when Emily didn't add anything else.
"Really? I'd be allowed?" she asked genuinely surprised.
"Of course you would. I'm actually the boss" I said a bit cockily.
"Course" Ems huffed.
"Well… what do you say? It would perhaps demystify a few of your prejudice against the show to begin with"
"I guess it might" conceded the younger twin. "Where is your studio?"
"On the outskirts of Bristol, I could text you the coordinates"
"Bristol eh? Is that where you live?"
"Yes it is. Where do you live then Miss Fitch?"
"I live in London Miss Campbell and it's Fitch-Hollingberry, thank you very much"
I could tell by her tone that Emily was just joking around, but I still cringed a little as I was reminded that she was married. Well… I couldn't blame her really, I mean, so was I. Regardless of that fact though, this easy bantering with Ems had me smiling like a loon despite my better intentions.
"Yeah?" I said. "Well you should know than Miss Fitch-Hollingberry that it's Campbell-Wells"
I heard Emily chuckle again.
"My apologies Miss Campbell-Wells or should I say Mrs?"
"Oi please! I don't feel old enough to be called a Mrs!" I said in a fake indignant voice.
We both laughed together after that and when our laughter died down we were drowned in silence. I wish it would have been comfortable because I didn't like this weird tension with Emily. I was acutely aware of her breathing on the other end of the line and I suddenly felt goosebumps travel the lengths of my chest and arms. I closed my eyes slightly, just enjoying the sound, knowing it was coming from Emily. I guess it can sound a bit creepy, but when you love someone so much, even the smallest things, the little details (like breathing) that seem insignificant to the rest of the world just feel different to you. Not only do you notice, but you revel in it. I felt like I could nearly feel her breath on my skin, in the crook of my neck just like when she'd cuddle at night before falling asleep or after having sex or any time she felt like it really. I nearly forgot for a moment that I was supposed to be having a conversation. I nearly forgot that Emily was probably waiting for me to say something, because in that moment, the conversation didn't matter much. Only Emily did, only her presence, even if it wasn't right next to me.
"Naomi? Are you still there?" I heard her voice say properly snapping me out of it.
"Yes yes! Sorry"
"It's okay…"
"Good…"
We were silent again for a few seconds and this time I concentrated on not getting lost in my thoughts.
"So is it okay with you then?" I asked.
"Eh? what is?" Emily said sounding quite confused.
"Visiting the studio…" I answered slowly. "I mean is Bristol too far away?"
"Oh yes! I mean, yes it's okay, no it's not too far" Emily said rapidly and I was a bit happy that she seemed to have been the one to be lost in thoughts this time.
I would have taken on the worst torture to actually know what she had been thinking about. I felt bad for hoping she was thinking about me.
"Great!" I said in an annoyingly high-pitched nervous voice.
I cleared my throat after that before continuing.
"When shall I expect you?"
"Some time next week" Emily replied and I could almost hear the smile in her voice.
"Oh? Aren't you gonna tell me when?"
"Nope! I want to catch you off guard so that I'll get to glimpse your real nature"
"Right!" I chuckled.
"Well it wouldn't be very convincing if you knew ahead and only pretended to be nice for my sake!"
"Don't worry, I'm such a saint that anytime is fine for me. After a single day you'll have no choice but to admit of my unbelievable charm and wit. You'll be flabbergasted."
"You know your use of sarcasm is disconcerting here. Aren't you supposed to prove me exactly that?"
"It's all part of the charm, believe me, you'll be asking for more" I teased.
"You wish" Emily said in a chuckle.
I smiled to myself and bit down my lower lip to keep myself from adding a "yes" that would have undeniably made Ems uncomfortable. We stayed silent for a while and the tension grew again. I hated how heavy our silences seemed to always be.
"Well hum… that's that then" Emily started.
"Yeah…"
"So you'll text me your studio's address yeah?"
"Yes yes. Will do"
"Good so hum… See you sometime then" Emily said in a soft voice.
"Yeah! See you" I replied a bit awkwardly.
After that, she hung up and I was left frozen on the spot really. My heart felt ridiculously full and empty at the same time. Full because nothing made me swoon like talking to Emily, but empty because the conversation had ended and I was reminded that she wasn't here, in my day to day life. Usually on lazy Sundays we'd either sat cuddled up on the sofa, watching re-runs of random shows, not really caring as long as the other was there. That or we'd stay in bed and make love to each other as many times as our bodies would allow us. This felt so different, being here on my own, in the flat I had shared with Ems. Even when Sam was around it felt weird. Our relationship seemed to be so… domestic, so aseptic. Completely opposite to what Ems and I had always been. The furniture wasn't the same, but I still had many memories tied in to every corner of this flat. Many of which included hot, passionate and sometimes dirty sex with my petite lover. But here, now, in this reality, I doubted Sam and I had many memories like that, if we had any at all…
The rest of day went by rather slowly and uneventfully. I ended up going to bed at around 11pm and Sam had still not come back from work. At around 7, she had texted me to let me know she would be in pretty late, but I hadn't expected it to be that late. I felt like it was a bit hypocritical of me to mind when most of the time I felt more comfortable with her gone. To be honest, it wasn't so much that I was missing her presence, but it made me uncomfortable. This relationship we had really was nothing like the one I had had with Ems and I didn't quite understand how we had ended up married! I mean, where was the love? Where was the quality time? Where was the laughter? I felt a bit bad that none of that seemed to be there and it mostly seemed to be my fault. Sam would look at me sometimes with this little glint in her eye, but I never found it in me to reciprocate. Not that I could, being Emily's and all, but when I didn't, I could tell Sam wasn't overtly surprised and that really made me feel like shite.I couldn't help constantly wondering how much of a bad wife I had been… I was also wondering if it'd be that bad if I was married to Ems or if it was just because I had married someone else. I closed my eyes and tried to forget. When I fell asleep that night, I was still alone in bed.
.
.
.
.
Monday had been a pain. And I mean an actual pain. I had been constantly on my toes, waiting for Emily to show up, but of course she hadn't. She had told me she'd come randomly so I wouldn't expect her. To be honest, I was hoping she was lying and be there on Monday regardless, but of course, Emily Fitch was anything but a liar. Tuesday hadn't been much better. I was constantly expecting her to just walk in and that put me on edge. By Thursday, Emily still hadn't come to the studio and I was beginning to think she had changed her mind. I guess she still had today and Friday, but I was tired of anxiously waiting for her. It killed me to expect her at any minute like that. Call me a control freak, but I just wanted to know if I'd see her at all or if she wouldn't bother.
The plan for the day was that we were supposed to be shooting an interview with some ex-contestant of the X-Factor that hadn't done much afterwards, but still liked to pretend she was a huge celebrity. I actually had no idea who she was and had needed a bit of a briefing from Paul earlier on in the week. He hadn't been impressed and had yelled at me as per usual. I was so used to it by now, I had barely noticed.
Anyway, JJ and I were sitting in my office, slowly killing time before we had to get ready to shoot. Jay was sporting a very casual look today with a pair of high tops black sneakers, blue jeans, a wine red shirt and a black V neck wool sweater. I, of course, had to be dressed a bit more professionally since I was gonna be shooting later in the day. I was wearing a layered black pencil skirt with a royal blue satin blouse, black shiny pointy pumps and long silver dangling earrings. My hair had been slightly curled and my fringe had been placed so that my left eye was barely visible. The look was great, but the vision deficit wasn't all that nice.
So JJ and I had been in my office for the past 20 minutes and we still had no clue when we were supposed to start recording. Actually, the problem was that our main guest hadn't shown up yet and everyone was starting to wonder if she would. I personally couldn't have cared less if she didn't, but waiting here was quite boring. I just wanted to go home. I was bored as hell while JJ was sat in front of me trying to solve a Rubik cube for the 5th time in the last hour.
"This is bollocks why don't they just cancel the thing?" I asked Jay.
"I think they're trying to reach her manager or something"
"Right… well this is stupid" I said with a sigh.
"I'll have to agree with you on that"
JJ didn't look up at me and continued twisting the cube in every direction. I tried to make sense of his movements, but it was really beyond me. I didn't have that kind of wits. I had a brain for analysis, languages, politics, logic too in a way, but pure mathematics? I was quite shit at that. Sure I had done fine in high school in my maths classes, but it had never been my strong suit. Guys like JJ though were geniuses when it came to the abstract world of mathematics and science as well. They could see patterns and repetitions where other people couldn't and to them it was bloody easy. I watched JJ twist the cube knowingly with a small grin plastered on his face. This was no challenge for him. He could see it clearly in his mind how the little colors would align in the end. I was mesmerised by his speed and confidence. How on bloody earth could he work this thing? I mean it had 6 surfaces and… 6 surfaces? Like 6 different kinds of dimensions… Oh god! Why hadn't I thought of this before!
"JJ!" I exclaimed out of the blue startling my friend.
"Yes?" he asked curiously.
"Do you like science-fiction?"
"Hum… I hum… I guess. I mean it depends. Are you asking the genre in itself or a specific branch of science-fiction? Because, arguably, they can be treated as two different things. I mean most people only refer to them as one, science-fiction being the main theme and its composites being-"
"Jay!" I cut him off.
"Oh sorry, got locked on"
"S'okay Jay. Anyway, what I mean is, are you interested in the subject matter of science-fiction?" I tried explaining more clearly.
"I guess you could say that I am"
"Great! Jay, what do you know about other dimensions!" I asked quickly.
I guess I must have looked like a complete lunatic because the man was eyeing me curiously. I didn't care to be honest, because I was about to have the conversation I had been dying to have with someone since starting this ridiculous journey! I couldn't believe how dim-witted I had been! Last reality, I had been hoping to meet JJ to ask him about this sort of thing and now when I was in a reality where JJ was actually my best mate I had completely forgotten about it. I was so ecstatic I could have kissed Jay and his bloody Rubik cube. He was bound to know something!
"Hum… What do you mean exactly by other dimensions?"
"I mean like twilight zone creepy shit! Like alternate realities and all that bollocks! Is it even possible?"
"Oh well... there are many theories on the matter, but it has been expressed that it could be possible…"
"Yeah?" I said excitedly. "Explain it to me please!"
"Well a multiverse of a somewhat different kind has been envisaged within the multi-dimensional extension of string theory known as M-theory, also known as Membrane Theory. In M-theory our universe and others are created by collisions between p-branes in a space with 11 and 26 dimensions, the number of dimensions depending on the chirality of the observer obviously. Anyway, each universe takes the form of a D-brane. Objects in each universe are essentially confined to the D-brane of their universe, but may be able to interact with other universes via gravity, a force which is not restricted to D-branes. This is unlike the universes in the "quantum multiverse", but both concepts can operate at the same time."
I stared at JJ blankly for a second. What the hell had he just said?
"The quantum what?" I said dumbly.
"The quantum multiverse!"
"What's that?"
"It's also called the multiverse interpretation or many-worlds. It's an interpretation of quantum mechanics that asserts the objective reality of the universal wave function, but denies the actuality of wave function collapse. "Many-worlds" implies that all possible alternative histories and futures are real, each representing an actual "world" or "universe". It's also referred to as MWI, the relative state formulation, the Everett interpretation, the theory of the universal wave function, many-universes interpretation, or just many-worlds."
JJ was looking at me with a proud expression. I could tell he was glad to have answered my question so thoroughly. Problem was I hadn't understood a fucking word of what he had just said! I stared for a couple of extra seconds to see if he'd catch on and explain it differently. Obvious, JJ didn't notice my confusion. I guess this stuff was rather simple to him.
"JJ… I didn't understand a bloody word of what you just said! Care to explain it in dummy words for me?"
"Oh…" said JJ looking a bit uncomfortable. "I'm sorry I didn't realize I was being complex…"
"S'okay Jay. So…? Alternate realities?"
"Okay well… hum… It's hum… I don't know how to explain it differently…" the boy declared looking sheepish.
Fuck… This conversation wasn't exactly going like I had imagined.
"Well hum… Is it possible?"
"On paper it certainly is"
"And in real life?"
"Never been proven of course"
"And could someone… you know… travel between those realities?"
"That's never been proven either… I doubt it's possible outside the realm of cinema"
"Right…" I said slowly.
Genius! So I was living something that had absolutely no logical ground in physics or science in general? That was bloody marvellous that was.
"But what if it did happen Jay? What if someone was like brought to an alternate reality?"
"What kind of reality? Where technology is more advanced or something?" He asked me seriously.
You had to bless the guy really! How many guys do you think would have pursued this highly ridiculous conversation with me and actually bother to care about their answers? Not many! I didn't care what the majority of people thought, they were wankers and people like JJ were fucking gold!
"No, more like if you did something different you know?"
"Oh so a kind of "what if" scenario?"
"Yes! Exactly! But also stuff you don't have control over"
"Like what?"
"Like never meeting certain people…"
"That's interesting… I'd quite like to see how my life could have turned out" JJ said reminiscently.
"It's not that great…" I grumbled under my breath.
"What?"
"Nevermind. Anyway, do you think that could be possible?"
"Well, like I said, nothing actually proves that reality travel is possible. I guess you'd need some kind of molecular switch that would be big enough to alter the space continuum of your own reality. Something as strong as gravity itself"
"Can anything be that strong?"
"I'm tempted to say no, but in science you can never dismiss any theory that quickly"
"What about a storm? Would that be strong enough?"
"Well… No… I mean… Storms don't generally generate enough energy to alter molecules… I mean I guess it could depend on the concentration of said storm and the angle-"
"Jay!"
"Right, sorry… I don't know Naoms I'm sorry"
"What if someone was stuck in some other reality then their own… would there be a way for them to like… travel back?"
"Well possibly through the same kind of event that brought them there in the first place I would say…"
"Would there be another way though?" I asked seriously.
"You mean hypothetically? A way for that person to create the reality warp themselves?"
"Yes hypothetically of course!" I said blushing a little.
JJ pondered for a long time before saying anything. I could tell he was racking his brain as much as he could, making complex assumptions and calculations. I was trying to act all cool, but really I was sitting on the edge of my seat. What if there was a way? What if I could actually find a way to leave this place? I didn't know how my home reality would be once I got there, if things would have continued without me of if it had frozen or something, but it had to be better than here! Couldn't get much worse now could it?
"I don't think any normal person could to be honest Naoms…" JJ said seriously.
I felt my heart falter a little.
"Why?" I asked trying to hide the desperation in my voice.
"Well to create a molecule shift big enough… I mean no one knows if it's even possible other than on paper… So there's that, but also, if it were, that person would need some seriously advanced machinery…"
"Yeah… you're right…" I conceded finally.
I have to admit I was completely crestfallen. So this was it then? I was stuck here and had absolutely no mean of getting out. I mean the traffic incident had probably been a fluke in space time because there was no way a simple car impact could create the amount of energy JJ seemed to believe would be necessary. So this was all down to fate whether I'd be here forever or not. I didn't really like those odds. Fate had a sort of habit of shitting on my face lately. JJ was looking at me apologetically and I was still slightly lost in thought when I was startled by a knock on my door.
"Finally fuck!" I said before getting up and answering the door.
I had expected to see Paul, but when I opened the door, I was face to face with the tall security guard of the building.
"Oh, hello" I said raising my eyebrow at him questioningly.
"Miss Campbell, there's someone at the front who's asking for you" He said in his deep calming voice.
"Really? Who?"
"She says her name is Emily Fitch"
My heart skipped a beat as I took in the new information. Emily. Emily Fitch. Here. In the studio. Less than a few meters away. Asking to see me.
"Well obviously you twat! She was supposed to meet you this week remember!" My brain said to me exasperated.
Honestly, with this talk about realities and quantum mechanics and whatnots, I had completely forgotten about Emily promising to visit. Not that I hadn't been thinking about Emily at all. I had actually, but I had been thinking about my Emily, the one back home. But to be told now that the Emily Fitch from this reality was waiting for me at the front was just as unnerving as thinking about mine if not more. After all, I could just clasp my arms around mine and kiss the life out of her while this one I had to act friendly, but not too much. This was a real challenge. Being so close to her but not being able to touch. I don't know how long I was gone in my head, but it was JJ who actually spoke next and brought me out of my brain.
"Emily Fitch? Why does that name sound familiar?"
I frowned a little and then realized… Fuck! I had actually asked JJ about Emily before we had ever met her! Oh shit, bollocky fuck! He couldn't possibly remember that could he?
"Course it's familiar Jay, she's Katie Fitch-Alden's twin sister… You must have met her at the party" I supplied.
"No… I don't think that's it… I've heard the name before elsewhere" he muttered still looking puzzled.
Oh damn you Jonah Jeremiah Jones and your overtly large brain! Why couldn't he just buy that excuse like anyone would have done? I didn't want him to figure it out because I knew he'd start asking questions then and that I really didn't want to happen! How could I possibly tell him how I had known that name?
"I highly doubt you heard it anywhere else Jay… Must have been there!" I insisted.
"But I really think I've heard it before the party…" he mused.
I was about to push again when the security guard cleared his throat. I turned to look at him and saw that he was smiling pleasantly.
"May I inquire as to what is to be done with Miss Fitch then?" he asked obviously amused.
"Oh right! She's waiting!"
"Indeed"
"I'll follow you and meet her!" I said. "Jay, I'll show her around the studio. Can you find me if we have to start shooting?"
"Yes of course" JJ replied without really paying attention to me.
I was fairly certain he was still trying to figure out the mystery of Emily Fitch. I was praying like fuck he wouldn't get anywhere as I followed the security guard to the lobby of the building. I didn't dwell much on Jay though. With each step I was taking, I knew I was getting closer and closer to Emily and if that didn't send my heart into overdrive nothing did. I took a big breath and readied myself to greet Emily. Naturally a huge smile crept up on my face. How could it not? So yes maybe I was nothing more then a quivering mess of nerves and anxiety around the brunette and yes maybe being around her was hard when I couldn't kiss her lips or cuddle up to her, but seeing Emily Fitch was still the best goddamn thing in the world. And that alone deserved a smile.
.
.
I've been in school too long not to reference when I steal quotes from somewhere... SO you should know that JJ's talk about dimensions was shamelessly taken from wikipedia. You can find the links bellowwww! Sorry if anyone is a big quantum mechanics wizz and this didn't fit AT ALL. I don't understand much of that shit and I thought it sort of did...
http : / / en . wikipedia . org / wiki / Multiverse # Cyclic _ theories
http : / / en . wikipedia . org / wiki / Many-worlds _ interpretation
SOOOO Emily eh? In the studio eh? Naomily interactions next chapter? Well duh! :P I'm really curious to see just how many people are still reading this. So it'd be cool if for Christmas you could drop by a little review just to tell me "Hey, I exist and i'm reading this" :) Also if you have comments about the writing :P OH and since this was my first ever... well I wouldn't call it smut but I guess it was "smut-ish" bit, I'm quiteee nervous about it and would love to know what you thought :) Keep the love strong and merry Christmas again ;) Cheers!
Miss xxx