I apologize for being continually late. I just finished this chapter. I am mostly convinced that it's not my best work. But I hope it somewhat makes up for my absence. Please enjoy and I will do my best to more accurately predict my next deadline.
Chapter 20
Once some form of feeling returned to him, Kurapika felt . . . like he couldn't breathe. Like he'd been hit so hard in the chest that it knocked the breath from him.
Kurapika now understood the interruption he felt from Killua earlier. Another was currently cutting through his temples in jagged slashes. He held his head and shut his eyes as the harsh reality replayed itself in his head. Over and over until he couldn't think of anything else. He was right. He would completely lose Killua at the end of all this . . .
It would be as if they never met . . . Their memories of each other would cease to exist.
And yet, if it was for Killua's sake . . .
"I'll do it." He answered without hesitation. Without listening to the way his heart hammered in his head. Without any concerns for how disoriented and ill he felt. "I'll do it for him."
"I'm so sorry." Biscuit repeated for what felt like the thousandth time.
"Don't be." Kurapika said. "This is what he wanted."
He was constantly reminding himself of that fact. That he was doing the right thing because it was what Killua wanted.
Bisky stood to gather the three forgotten tea cups on the table in front of them. "We'll look into where we can find someone with memory-altering abilities in the morning. For now, you both need rest. I know it will be hard . . . but try to stay close to each other tonight."
Soon enough, Kurapika was gently knocking on Killua's door. And Killua silently allowed him in.
The quiet was unlike anything Kurapika had ever faced.
Had he been expecting it all to come to this? He was completely stunned, and yet . . . not surprised at all. He knew from the very beginning that Killua didn't want their connection. He knew that Biscuit was determined to find some form of answer for them, a way to free them from this mistake of theirs. And now, they finally had that answer in the palms of their hands.
Perhaps he was still too numb to really grasp their situation.
Kurapika had honestly expected Killua to be relieved, at the very least. After all, he would get his previous life back; the life he apparently so desperately pined for. The life where he had feelings for someone that couldn't return them . . .
A life without each other.
Kurapika wanted to believe he felt something like regret forming in the aura around them. It was so real, just begging him to put his faith in it. But he knew he couldn't, not with the way Killua was now. The younger male's state of mind was muddled at best.
In fact, it was nearly impossible for Kurapika to sense Killua's exact feelings. They were so indescribably cluttered and interwoven; one single emotion couldn't be untangled from all the rest. But he could sense a select few that stood out.
Confusion, fear, desperation, hopelessness . . . with the faintest undertone of something like reassurance. But it only became more and more lost with each passing second. Those were among what felt like thousands of other feelings, all jumbled together in such a mess that Kurapika couldn't even imagine trying to pick them apart and analyze them.
It was a rare moment when Kurapika wished he could directly read Killua's thoughts. Regardless of the risk of hearing something he might regret.
They sat together in silence, in the dark gray-blue that the storm outside was casting. A mute flash of lightning passed over the window, briefly lighting up Killua's profile. And Kurapika didn't stop himself from staring.
Despite everything they had been through, despite all the trials, challenges, and sacrifices . . . No matter how many times the younger male hid behind his carefully constructed walls . . . Killua was beautiful, and Kurapika would give anything for him. Anything and everything.
And if that meant they would never see each other again. That they would never know each other, for the rest of their mortal lives . . . Kurapika would give that up too.
For someone he loved so very much.
Kurapika would openly admit it now, at least to himself. He was in love with Killua. And he knew he had been for quite a while. Gods, he wished he could just come right out and say it. Those three words that choked him and burned in his chest. He needed Killua to hear them before they lost each other for good . . .
Killua had eventually given a sparse sideways glance, getting nervous under the blond's gaze. "What is it?" he seemed to ask with his eyes.
So Kurapika answered. With a delicate touch, he took Killua's face in his hands and just studied him in the dark; his strong yet balanced features. Another shock of light from the storm illuminated them both. And then Kurapika saw, if only for a split second, how truly frightened Killua looked.
Don't be afraid.
I'm here for you.
I love you . . .
There were so many things Kurapika wanted to say. Things that wouldn't help put Killua at ease at all, but still they clawed their way up his throat, threatening to be heard one way or another if Kurapika dared to open his mouth.
He couldn't imagine Killua pushing him away in the last weeks, or even days they had together . . . all because he couldn't keep his feelings to himself. He wouldn't survive it.
He needed to be close to him, while they were still able.
And he knew, that even now he could destroy that with three simple words.
It was moments like these that served as harsh reminders that Killua was still only eighteen years old. Kurapika remembered being that age. Being considered an adult but knowing he wasn't ready for such a thing. Knowing what people would expect of him and having to make some of the toughest choices he'd ever faced. Choices he knew would affect him for the rest of his life.
He could empathize with Killua, he would tell himself. He repeated to himself over and over to understand where Killua is coming from, you remember being that age . . . don't think about yourself, do what's best for him.
Otherwise, he could never bring himself to let Killua go.
"I told her I'd do it." Kurapika finally spoke. And despite feeling Killua's shock, he continued, "It's our only way out-"
A strong grip had Kurapika by his upper arm and was suddenly pulling him forward. Looking into blue eyes that were now so close to his own, Kurapika lost all further thought. "Please don't say that." Killua had whispered to him.
And all it took was the slightest lean forward before insistent lips prevented Kurapika from saying anything else. The touch alone was warm, comforting, safe . . . but before he could allow himself to surrender to it, he pulled away.
"Wait, please . . . We shouldn't do that anymore." He pleaded as their faces still remained close. Killua could surely feel him shaking now.
Kurapika didn't stop Killua from reaching out and wrapping his arms around the blond's waist. They remained that way for a while, nearly frozen in place, until Killua answered, "I know . . . I just don't know what else to do . . ." he breathed in a broken rasp, his voice barely audible.
Kurapika was too afraid to open his eyes. He felt every one of Killua's lingering breaths fan past his lips, and the sickening fear that rose in both their throats. "All I want is for you to be happy-"
And Kurapika was kissed again, but the act was fleeting and little more than a restrained brush of mouths. He wanted nothing more than to lean in, and indulge in the safety net that was the intimacy between them . . . He could feel Killua's shameless agreement to this idea. But the younger male still held himself back.
The greatest temptation in the world was staring Kurapika in the face and telling him to just let go. It was the only thing that made sense between them now. It was the only familiar thing they had left, and soon it would be gone as well . . .
Killua's quiet, surprised gasp as he felt Kurapika relax in his arms was inaudible against the howling wind and rain outside. And yet, Killua didn't dare move. His hands remained frozen on Kurapika's lower back.
Just as they had during their first kiss.
But the memory was banished as fast as it surfaced.
Kurapika wanted kiss all the doubt out of Killua's features; wanted to help him forget in the only way he knew how. Killua seemed to respond to him, his hands leaving the blond's hips to reach up and stroke his face.
"Fuck, you're beautiful." It almost seemed like those words escaped without Killua's permission, and before Kurapika could reply, he was being kissed yet again. This time was so much deeper, without any of the restraint from before, and Kurapika could do nothing but savor the taste of Killua's mouth.
It was strange how heightened Kurapika's senses felt. Their connection should have been familiar at this point, but this more intimate part of it was still new to him . . . He was so in tune with Killua, so sensitive to his every thought and movement. He could feel that Killua wanted to be gentle and treasure him, but in the same breath he wanted to hold Kurapika down and ravage him.
And Kurapika was perfectly amenable to both.
As long as he could hold Killua tonight and never have to let him go. At least until-
Kurapika's eyes widened and he nearly squeaked as he felt sharp teeth threatening to break the skin of his bottom lip. But Killua promptly released him and growled out, "Stop thinking and let me take care of you."
Oh no. Kurapika hadn't been prepared for their eyes to meet again. That blue gaze that always saw him for what he really was; that always amazed him and frustrated him and made him happy to the point of tears. He could even see his own glowing scarlet irises reflected in them and giving a faint red glow to his pale skin . . . Before he could allow any more thoughts to take over, he kissed Killua once more.
He relinquished any control he might have had in that moment, inviting Killua to dominate by taking one of his hands and leaning back. Once the younger male had pushed him down on the bed, Kurapika just admired the way Killua loomed over him. His pale skin, his lean yet powerful body, his soft silver hair, and those eyes Kurapika could never imagine himself growing tired of. A gentle smile graced him, and he simply enjoyed the feeling of having Killua so close. Just knowing that he was there with him.
"There is nowhere else I'd rather be right now." Maybe Kurapika needed to finally hear himself say it out loud without really caring about Killua's reaction. Yes, he'd felt something like surprise on Killua's end of their connection, but it just didn't matter to him now. He'd reached up towards Killua's shoulders, to pull him down enough to taste his lips once more.
Something in the back of the blond's mind wanted him to believe that Killua agreed with him. But he almost didn't want to risk hoping for it. They had already decided what they would do with their futures. It wasn't as if Killua would suddenly change his mind.
So for now, Kurapika wanted to create memories he could carry with him until the time came.
Kurapika's heart ached when he saw the way Killua was looking at him. The younger male was thoroughly taking in the sight of the blond beneath him, but something deeper lingered beyond that. Something that made a tiny yet damnable bubble of hope warm Kurapika's chest. And he wasn't sure if he wanted to entertain or banish the fantasy.
"You don't have to say anything." Kurapika eventually reassured with a gentle touch to Killua's cheek. "Just be here with me."
They continued to take their time with each other, slowly but surely ridding each other of clothing and pressing kisses to every inch of gradually exposed skin. Kurapika lifted himself up to help get his shirt off, and the fabric soon slid off his arms and to the floor.
Both were shirtless and working on their remaining clothes when Kurapika felt teeth in his shoulder. He cried out instantly at the sensation of Killua's warm fangs on his bare flesh. It was just the right amount of pain and pleasure that made Kurapika melt beneath him. He moaned rather loudly as Killua turned from gentle biting to sucking, being sure to leave a mark.
With the little self-control he had left, Killua relinquished his hold on Kurapika's neck to glance over at the bedroom door. And Kurapika only shook his head, knowing instantly what Killua was worried about.
I don't care if they hear us.
And a suddenly wide-eyed Killua was staring down at him.
It had only taken a few more precious seconds for Kurapika to realize that he had just communicated telepathically with Killua.
After the shock passed, they gradually relaxed in each other's arms. Killua had gotten off the blond, instead choosing to lay at his side. And they eased into simple kisses as Killua threaded his hands through Kurapika's hair. As they broke a kiss to catch their breath, Killua met Kurapika's eyes again with a puzzled but awed look.
I can't believe I actually heard that.
I can hear you too, you know.
What a time for this ability to show itself. Cheadle's notes certainly didn't say anything about this. Regardless, Kurapika couldn't help but feel grateful that Killua hadn't pushed him away because of it. On the contrary, they felt . . . closer now? Or perhaps it was purely circumstantial? It was honestly hard to tell. But Kurapika wasn't about to let this opportunity go to waste. He began lifting himself from bed and as soon as Killua tried to follow him, he put a hand to the younger male's chest
Trust me.
Killua laid back down without a word, although his curiosity was hard to miss. Kurapika only chuckled as he went past Killua's waistband and admired the prominent curve of an erection beneath fabric. And even in the dark, Kurapika could see his partner's blush.
You act like I've never touched you here.
Killua turned his head away rather shyly. I've just never had anyone's face . . . down there before.
The way Kurapika almost laughed at him was embarrassing. Killua had contemplated stopping him . . . until he felt thin fingers undoing the button of his jeans. And he'd looked just in time to see Kurapika pulling the zipper down- with his teeth.
That visual just made him want to forget the day they'd had. That they had been given the most terrible news. That they only had weeks or maybe even days left to spend knowing each other. How was Kurapika still able to smile like that? To tease him so light-heartedly, while still knowing what would become of them?
Stop.
Killua didn't even have to think the word. Just the uncomfortable feeling beforehand was enough for Kurapika to back away.
"Are you alright?" the blond spoke, the sound of his voice in the outside world already sounding strange to Killua.
The more Killua allowed the silence to drag on, the more he was sure the mood between them had died. Fuck, he was so confused. He didn't know what he wanted anymore. This felt wrong, but at the same time he wanted it more than anything. And still, Kurapika sat before him on the bed, as kind and as patient as ever. Even the look in his eyes was so damn understanding. It made Killua frustrated with himself as he struggled to give Kurapika an answer.
And Kurapika only took Killua's chin in one hand, and gently moved him so their eyes could meet.
"We don't have to do this." The older male spoke again.
I want to. Killua's thoughts instantly supplied. But I . . .
The drone of heavy rain against the roof took over as Killua tucked into himself. He expected Kurapika to get tired of all his stalling and unfinished thoughts by now . . . But no. The blond still sat in the same spot, giving all of his attention to Killua and waiting for him to properly gather his thoughts.
And something within Killua was finally growing tired of running away.
I don't want to forget you.
Killua was kissed immediately after that, the act practically draining the oxygen from his lungs. They pulled away only slightly, just to look at each other with half-lidded blue and scarlet eyes. Killua almost had half a mind to protest what they were doing, but Kurapika was between his legs once again and that burning gaze was piercing him.
I know you're scared. I am too. So please . . . just be here with me.
The words in Killua's head sent his blood racing through his veins. And Kurapika had settled his hands on Killua's already open jeans, silently asking permission. The slightest nod had the blond undressing him the rest of the way.
You're so beautiful, Killua.
Before Killua could find the decency to blush, he felt a warm, wet mouth on him. His body jerked up and his mouth fell open at the contact. He panted as tightened lips worked their way up and down his length. He fought with his hips to keep them still and one hand shot down to tangle in mussed blond hair. Kurapika's hair was so soft, and his mouth was heaven if Killua ever believed in it.
But then Killua looked down, into the radiant scarlet eyes that met his, and began to rethink that last statement. Before he could think anymore, Kurapika did something with his tongue that made Killua's eyes roll into the back of his head.
"Oh fuck . . . Kurapika . . ." his quiet moans were firmly hidden by a free hand.
I want to hear you. The Kuruta had reached up to push Killua's hand away while teasing him with delicate flicks of his tongue.
"But I-" Killua had started to plead as he felt Kurapika take hold of his hands, and pin them to the bed.
Call my name.
Kurapika had retracted his mouth, only to roughly suck at the very tip. And drive Killua insane with the way he was doing it. "K-Kurapika . . . Ah, please don't stop . . . Kurapika."
Those white-hot scarlet eyes began to remind Killua of liquid fire as they seared right through him. He watched as Kurapika took him deeper, as far as he could go before he choked. Which was nearly all the way, Killua realized with a jolt of lust. He could only shake and moan beneath that mouth that held him captive. But he refused to neglect watching the blond work. Killua never once took his eyes off the way he was settled between his legs, the way his head bobbed, and his tongue swirled and flicked in unspeakable ways.
And soon enough, he found himself chuckling through heavy pants.
Who knew that even like this, Kurapika was still gorgeous?
The blond had curiously looked up before sucking harder and sending Killua's head back to the pillow.
What's so funny? Came a teasing question.
Nothing . . . I just can't get over how beautiful you are.
Kurapika's grip on him had loosened, allowing Killua to properly hold his hands. And then he continued the sweet torture that made Killua feel so lightheaded and-
"Oh . . . If you keep doing that, I- I'll . . . Wait, please!"
Kurapika had taken his mouth away, his lips a noticeable pink and still very wet. He looked lovely like that, Killua decided.
"Is everything alright?" Kurapika had asked.
"Everything's fine, I promise." Killua answered as he tried unsuccessfully to pull Kurapika up and over by his hands. When the blond didn't move he added. "But I want to do this together."
Who says this has to be the only time? We have the rest of the night ahead of us . . .
Kurapika's thought was punctuated by a lick and a chuckle. Killua found himself leaning back at the touch and allowing Kurapika to continue. And if he thought the Kuruta had been working to send him over the edge before, it was nothing compared to now.
That dexterous pink tongue slid roughly over the head and collected a stream of precome, and right after his hot mouth closed over him and started to suck. He'd even involved a hand at one point, stroking him while still using his lips and tongue . . . And those eyes. They just made Killua harder every time he looked at them . . .
He couldn't hold on for much longer.
"Kurapika . . . Oh my . . . fuck."
The sensation was building, pooling and burning in his abdomen. Twisting around the base of his spine. He reached down to hold Kurapika's blond head as he outright moaned and gasped. He started moving his hips, thrusting himself in and out of that mouth and hand. And Kurapika only encouraged him.
Please Killua . . . Let me taste you.
He completely lost it at those words, his orgasm being ripped from his body in powerful waves. He cried out loudly, Kurapika's name getting lost somewhere between his lost breath and blurred vision.
Kurapika was at his side soon enough, catching his breath and smelling distinctly of Killua. He wrapped an arm around the blond and kissed his cheek as afterglow washed over him.
I'm taking care of you next.
Kurapika's hum of agreement was the most beautiful sound Killua could have ever hoped to hear in that moment.
"When were you planning on telling me about this?"
Botobai, the Dragon of the Zodiacs and their most senior member, had flinched at the icy tone of the 14th Chairman of the Hunter Association. Her darkened blue-green eyes and flattened ears certainly brought back unpleasant memories as Botobai stood motionless in front of the rest of his fellow council members.
It may as well have been a trial. Or at the very least an informal interrogation. Cheadle had picked up a remote that laid in front of her, and clicked a button that controlled the large screen behind her.
The screen was replaying security footage from the prison. It displayed a small woman in a voluminous pink dress with a long blonde ponytail being escorted down to Botobai's office. She walked down the hall, then disappeared behind the office door. Cheadle replayed this as many times as she was content with.
Of all the times for Botobai to forget the cameras. Given Cheadle's current state of alarm, he should have expected her to actually start using them again, to keep records of what went on in the prison. It was a mere oversight that was now costing him dearly.
Cheadle rose from her chair, the thing nearly tipping over in the wake of her frustration. "We did not give any clearance to this unauthorized breach of contract. Did you happen to authorize Biscuit's little visit?"
"No. She came on her own accord, unannounced."
"Why did you choose to accommodate her?"
"I did not choose, she forced my hand-"
"How could she possibly do that?" Cheadle's eye narrowed, her ears nearly invisible against her head now. "Did she threaten the Association?"
"No, not explicitly."
"Well, that isn't entirely important at the moment. I'm sure we could handle anything she has planned. What I want to know is why she is so desperate to speak to M." That was when the Chairman stopped, her eyes lighting up in realization before she almost snarled, "You didn't let her . . ."
"I did."
"If you tell me every detail of what she told you, you will keep your status as both Zodiac and Triple-Star Hunter. But if you betray us one more time, Botobai . . . Mark my words, you will lose everything before this is over."
It was nearly pitch black in Cheadle's office now, save for a lone desk lamp. She was sure everyone had left Association headquarters by now. It was nearly midnight the last time she bothered to check the clock . . .
This is worse than I could have ever imagined . . .
Cheadle swore she'd felt the symptoms of a heart attack setting in, when she found out one of her own had turned on her in such a crude, underhanded fashion. Botobai was always so faithful in his service to the Association, first under Isaac Netero and then herself. He was the last Zodiac that Cheadle would have ever suspected of treason.
But here she was, placing the oldest and most loyal member of their council under house arrest until further notice.
During Project M5, Botobai had been Cheadle's eyes and ears. He was the Zodiacs' representative, meant to lead and retain order within the research group.
The day they first came to an agreement with M, whom they finally wrestled into submission; five soldiers had already died within mere hours. All the bodies showed obvious signs of radiation poisoning.
After days of testing and the deaths of three researchers, they found the radiation originated from M's broken, vengeful Nen; it was a kind of byproduct that appeared to only exist under very specific conditions. And it also happened to be highly contagious. No one could be close to it without suffering slowly and painfully. Even the guards at the prison were trapped there for the rest of their lives, with the radiation slowly eating away at them despite their best efforts. They would never see the outside world again.
But there was a report of M breaking out of the prison a few years back, and Botobai was the one who single-handedly returned them. Botobai had come into direct contact with M . . . and remained unharmed. There was no sign of even the slightest bit of damage, and he could commune between the prison and the rest of the world, with no harmful side effects.
He was a good Hunter, perhaps one of the best. But his past deeds didn't change the crime he committed. It didn't help Cheadle trust him again.
She now held in her hands the proof of Botobai's crime: the written record of his confession. It was hard to believe it only occurred that morning . . .
"I have served this Association for many years now, ever since I was a young man. All I have ever done, I did for the good of our community. But that does not excuse my crimes, and I will answer for them. I should first mention that Biscuit did make a partial threat against you, Chairman. And she also threatened to blackmail me if I reported her visit to you. But either this situation or Biscuit's knowledge of me will result in the loss of my position. I suppose that means I have nothing to lose now . . ."
It shocked her to even think of Botobai admitting such a thing. She couldn't help but wonder what else her fellow Zodiac had done. What else could possibly be on par with the blatant treason he committed?
". . . I briefly overheard Biscuit speaking with the prisoner. She spoke of another bond, and mentioned the participants were young and their bond was new. Biscuit was indeed asking M for guidance, but in what exactly I never found out . . . After Biscuit departed from the prison, I did track her through her flight records. She boarded an airship headed to Lingon Airport in Yorknew City. And earlier records show a previous flight with the same travel path. Because of this, I have reason to believe she is hiding the new bond there."
There was only one way to be certain of Botobai's claim. And Cheadle was given no choice in the matter. This problem needed to be contained immediately.
Biscuit,
I tried to have this sent as fast as I could before it could be discovered. Who knows how late this message will be when you finally receive it. I have been temporarily decommissioned, and Cheadle is searching for you and your charges. She believes them to be a serious threat to our world. I'm sure you knew it was only a matter of time before this happened. And the only advice I can give to you now is to run. I can only hope you're able to escape before she finds you.
Bisky had honestly been hoping it wouldn't have to come to this . . .
But Cheadle had left her no choice.
Bisky hadn't wasted any time before calling Killua and Kurapika downstairs the following morning and delivering possibly the hardest news she'd ever given anyone.
"Cheadle sees you two as a threat. The last bond I studied was incredibly destructive, and she will send people after us to prevent something like the first bond from happening again. She may even try to kill us. I swear I'll do my very best to protect you. But we may have to go to another continent, to throw her off our trail for a little while. Until we find the Nen-user we need."
Oh yes, Bisky expected the borderline hatred she got from Killua after she admitted those very hard truths. She expected the disappointment from Kurapika and Mizuken. She expected the silence and the mistrust that radiated off all three of them whenever they were all in the same room.
"Why the hell didn't you tell us earlier?!" Killua had eventually approached her after nearly a day of pure silence. "It would have been fucking nice to know that the Chairman of the Hunters Association wants us dead! Why would you hide this from us?! From me?!"
"I was trying to protect you-"
"I can't believe this. You wanted us to keep it . . . Something that could get us both killed!"
"You're right for feeling this way, Killua. At first, I was not thinking about you. In the past I was being arrogant and thinking I could bribe Cheadle with the prospect of continuing our research. But I was wrong, and my top priority now has been to protect you."
"I can't even . . . You expect me to trust you, and you turn around and hide things from me?! How can I trust anything you say now? Is there anything else I should know, Master?"
Bisky hadn't said anything in response. She knew she deserved every ounce of Killua's anger. She knew she didn't deserve his trust, or anyone else's for that matter. They were right to keep their distance.
Another day had passed. Bisky and Mizuken scouted the area around the townhouse nearly every hour, to make sure there was no sign of any unwelcome presence. Killua and Kurapika were barely allowed outside, but they stayed together as they were instructed. They seemed to be getting along, although their continued silence was misleading. Bisky was looking for an airship or perhaps a boat to secretly take them to the country of Kakin, which would take them far enough away from the Hunters Association for the time being.
Killua had approached Bisky once more during that time, with a completely different demeanor. He tugged at his spiked silver hair and silently sighed before he said, "My older brother can do it. He has needles that manipulate memories, and he's used them on me before. I just need to convince him. It won't be easy, but he's the only person I know that could help us."