Well hi there!

First off, I'm here, and I wanted to tell everyone that I got over 100 reviews! (jumps around in joy) Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! I write for fun, and for my dear, adoring readers! (And for Akatsuki, because they are fun to joke around with) :P

Second, usually I would answer comments, but I had over 10 comments, which means I have to send a PM directly to the reviewer, but I'll mention the names of the reviewers because they deserve to be rewards for something! So here ya go!

-Akatsuki's A Bang, OsuwariKawaii (my kohai and friend of mine!), Alli ate Sora-sorry Roxas, KITTY LOVES HIDAN AND KAKUZU, obitoforever, narikokurayami, Kakashi Forever (my big Hidan fan!), Mmyself29, Jestie Uchiha, and last but not least, GEMfaerie ( who reviewed at the last second I was able to write the author's note!) :D

So here ya go, happy people, and here's the most exciting part of the day… The Torture Story! :D (By the way, OsuwariKawaii helped me out a little with this. She's awesome, so go check her out!)

Enjoy, bia-tches! ^_^ (Kisame, peoples!)

21

Well then. Let's move on, shall we?

"Heh heh, nice bruise there, Mr. Shiny. Looks shiny, like a silver medal, except you won for being totally pathetic for losing to old women. Shiny, shiny, shiny. It looks bluer than your skin, Avatar. Looks like Chiyo-look-alike just came up and sucker punched you right in the kisser!"

We were at some ramen restaurant, getting something to eat. It wasn't from the dollar menu, as Kakuzu wanted, but what the heck! He's wasn't here! And my conversation continued on with Kisame, who turned out to be actually alive after that! Itachi was ignoring us as always, the big ignorant boob. Then he went off on his own for a few minutes while Jaws and his Fish Stick here was still arguing with me.

"I'll tell you once, Blondie, am I'm not telling you again… this is Samehada! Not a Popsicle!"

"And I'll tell you, Nemo, that it is a Popsicle and you won't share the goodness of that frozen treat with me, damn it!"

"Goddamn, why do I like you…? You're a pain in the freaking neck."

"Well, for your info, I still like Kakuzu!" I grumbled, turning away from Willy Wasabi, "And nothing's gunna change that, babe!"

Dr. Shmex came back, being his very happy self. Note the sarcasm! "Well, I know where the kyuubi is. Finally."

WHAT THE HELL? I was having so much fun! Damn, me and girls won't be needed if they find Naruto, and if we won't be needed… shit's gunna happen… I can't make any more embarrassing Granny Badass videos on YouTube, we won't go anywhere fun, and I still remember that Kisame's called shots on killing me first! That's not happening! Time for Plan A! My inner me was going crazy. Now I know what it feels like to be Pinkie Sakura. Well, without the 'Oh! Sasuke-kun! Sasuke-kun!' part.

"Heh heh, good work, Itachi. How did you get this information?" Bruce the Shark asked, grinning with his piranha teeth like a child promised an ass-load of candy.

"I found a waiter talking about a blonde haired boy, who had frightened him with a big blue orb in his hand, yelling: "DATTEBAYO!" and I had come up to him and released my Sharingan, questioning him about the kyuubi."

Gosh, you're no fun, Mr. Uchiha. I swear, he'll go blind. I'll laugh, Kisame will end up as his blind-service dog on the leash, and I'll buy him a pair of ugly glasses in which he will have to wear to cover up his blindness. Yay! That'll go out great! "Geez Louise, Dr. Shmex, why do you gotta be so mean to a poor man? It's worse enough that you didn't get beat up by Granny Badass."

"Heh. Looks like we'll find this Blondie Kyuubi as well," his fish of a partner smiled, keeping his jaws from dropping like that, "And guess what, Haley?"

"Hm, asshole?" Oh yeah. I pulled an Itachi phrase on his blue ass.

"You're dead!" He laughed like a maniac, that man-shark. Geez, with that voice he could cough up a hairball, "Leader called me to kill you first!"

"Good news for you, Fishcake, well, if you survive when I bring over my big barbeque stick and grill you up by the campfire. Itachi-kun and I will have a splendid time eating chunks of blue sushi!"

"Why you little-"

Itachi put his hands up to stop us. Oh no, he took the gloves off. This means shit! "Shut up, both of you. If we need to capture the kyuubi, we need to get to him closer. We need to become his allies."

I laughed in bravado like Captain Planet would, putting my chest up. "Well hardy har har, Dr. of all Shmex and Emo-ness. One thing though… WE'RE IN THE FREAKING AKATSUKI!"

They gave each other the look where I'm the problem and need a solution to stop my insanity. Good luck, boys! The Almighty Haley shall reign as insane! (That'll be my new trademark for sure.) "Yes, we are aware, Haley-chan," Shmex commented, almost doing the dramatic Sharingan eye-roll, "But we shall be disguised as Naruto Uzumaki's companions. Now… who are they? Tell me or I shall inflict upon you a terror so evil that all chaos will not even compare." I felt small. Geez, man, take some happy pills already.

"Um… Yamato and Kakashi and Sakura and Sai…?" Gosh darn it! I need to keep my trap shut until I really need it, well, to make fun of other Akatsuki. Itachi thinks he's all that, I mean, he's staring at me like I'm Sas-GAY Uchiha, meaning to need to change my life, thanks to Orochimaru, the pedo-snake man with the tongue that could be used as a slip-and-slide.

He rose again. "Good girl, I didn't even need to use the Sharingan. Now, we need to transform our physical features into them."

"BRAINBLAST!" I yelled with intensity. It didn't come out like it should. Damn, if I only had the Jimmy Neutron hair for it. "Okay, why don't we go to the cosplay store downtown of Orlando? It's only a few away! Come on, Uchiha-kun, Hoshigaki-kuuun, please?" I made my eyes like that puppy dog… and they turned to walk away. I sighed in defeat. Damn these assholes are hard to crack. "You failures are no fun! Gosh, what are ya gunna use now, some transformation jutsu-"

They made the hand-signs, and just like that, Yamato My Homeboy was there in the flesh, replacing Fishstick in a Box, and Scarecrow was there instead of Dr. Shmex. Aw, I'll miss the ole' doc.

"Fine, then! Gosh, I was gunna take you both to the hair salon to get the perfect Guy Sensei haircut with a graceful green jumpsuit free of charge!" I pouted, twisting my head the other way, lip out. Ha. Now I know how Deidara acts.

Kisame, aka: Yamato My Homeboy, fingers me over to him. "Get over here, Blondie. We need to change you, too. You're not getting away." He's even got the demon black, soulless eyes for himself too. Damn the day that Yamato was able to get his own evil eyes of death. Anyways, Fishy/Tree Man grabbed me by the arm and tugged and with some hand-signs made by the Masked Perv, I was now Pinkie Girl Scout, the one and only, Sakura Haruno. Oh crap.

"Damn it, you pricks!"

"Come on, let's at least take our ramen to go, here," Kisame muttered in the serious voice. Wow. That improved.

"Whoa, whoa, take these, guys!" I implied, handing them two packets of spicy seasonings. They looked at it questionably, then just out in on their ramen and dragged me along with them.

Heh heh. Good thing those seasonings are actually laxatives. I grinned as Fishy/Home Boy grabbed my arm and continued to drag me to wherever the blonde spaz was.

. . .

"There he is… standing next to that old man over there."

I laughed scornfully behind the corner of some brick wall. Again, I will have to comply with a comparison of the Michael Jackson of Naruto himself. "Geezus, lawd, I feel like a pedophile creeping on innocent blonde headed goofball kids."

Kisame paused with the Yamato My Homeboy voice. "Hm, that description sounds familiar…"

No Shit Sherlock; lost your pipe and plaid cape at home, I suppose. "Come," Kakashi/Itachi mumbles, and I overheard Naruto's conversation.

"Hey old man, got ramen here, believe it?"

"No."

"Hey grandpa, ya got any ramen coupons, believe it?"

"Screw off, kid."

"OLD MAN! DO YOU HAVE ANY MONEY FOR RAMEN?"

"Fuck you, kid! I don't have any ramen!" Then he turned away and hobbled off on his cane. Aw, poor spaz. All he wanted was some ramen. I would give them Itachi's or Kisame's… but they ate it already. Evil laugher had commenced.

Itachi gave us the all friendly 'obey-me-or-die' Kakashi look while giving the commands. Beautiful. "Okay, when I give the signal- oh god." His stomach had erupted, roaring like Juugo when on one of his many rampages around town terrorizing little kids. Then Kisame's went off like a ticking bomb. "OH SHIT! I GOTTA GO!" They ran for the hills, hiding their packages. Wow. Ya don't see two deranged S-Rank criminals running off because of laxatives to go to the loo.

Now was my chance. I came over to the blondie in a hurry. "Naruto! Hey!"

He saw me with those beautiful baby blues of his and smiled in recognition. Hearts formed. "SAKURA-CHAN!" He literally tackled me to the ground. If I had my spray bottle, I would be using it. He finally got off of me, and I grabbed his shoulders. "Listen to me, listen to me now. Itachi Uchiha and Kisame Hoshigaki are after you."

"Ha! Those two? I could beat the up all day, Dattebayo!"

Again with the 'believe it!' stuff? And they could kick your ass, Blondie. Don't test against the best. "No, no! I'm not really Sakura… and Yamato and Kakashi are Itachi and Kisame! You have got to get out of here now!"

He blinked behind me. I turned around, seeing Homeboy and Scarecrow descending out of the public bathroom. And once they saw me with him, they got pissed. Mega-pissed. "Oh shit! Go, Naruto! Go before-"

I had just realized that Dr. Shmex released his Sharingan as Kakashi. As my mind faded, Naruto saw me fall and attacked full kyuubi. Damn… I thought those laxatives worked for ten minutes of non-stop poop… poop… poop…