Santana's P.O.V.
Lately I've been finding myself asking myself this question, If I could go back in time and change my life, would I? I had no answer for that until now. There are so many pros and cons to that answer. If I could go back and change my life...I don't know how it would be. Would I still be single? With no kids or would I have like four kids with three different women? Would I be a slut or become a fucking nun? Would I marry someone else that's not Rachel or Quinn? I'm not even sure I want the answer to those questions. If I hadn't married Rachel, I would have never had Miguel or met Quinn and because of that, I wouldn't change anything. I hate the person I did marry and I have been unhappy but at least it's over now...kind of.
Though I am still technically married, I don't feel like it. I stopped wearing my wedding ring awhile ago and now all I want to do is make Rachel Lopez, Rachel Berry again. Being able to take my name from her and finally be rid of her for the most part, would make me so ridiculously happy. I always said I'd only get married once. I didn't want to be one of those people who gets married three and four times. I wanted it to be once and that's it but I guess I've reconsidered. Quinn is my fucking soulmate and I'm sure of this. Rachel has never been this similar and complimentary to me, hell no one I've ever dated has been as perfect as Quinn. I want to marry her. I plan to marry her but I want to take my time. I want to make sure everything is right and though I really hate waiting, it's ultimately the best choice.
I want my life to go as follows: I want a divorce with shared custody, Quinn and I to become engaged then married, have one last kid and live happily fucking after. Is that too much to ask for? I don't know but I didn't think so. Living with Quinn has been just...natural. Normally when people move in together, they notice stuff about their partner they don't like or really see their partner for everything that they are. With Quinn and I, nothing really bothers me. I can't speak for Quinn but I'm hoping she feels the same, though she might not be that fond of me because of all of these hormones lately. Luckily, her hormones are a lot less...I don't even know the word but they don't suck as much as Rachel's did, though don't get me wrong, they still suck.
Last week Santos came over for a visit when Quinn said she wanted some chocolate cake but then ended up taking a nap. Santos thought it would be nice to make her one since he likes to bake and it would probably be better than store bought. I told him to go for it and when Quinn got back up all I heard was glass shattering and crying from where I was in the living room. I go to the kitchen to see Santos in the corner, terrified, Quinn is standing near broken glass on the counter with chocolate on her hands, crying her fucking eyes out. I was so fucking confused that I was afraid to even speak so I tried to hug Quinn but that made her leave the room. Santos told me she came in the kitchen and he told her he baked the cake. He said she looked at the cake then just smashed it. Quinn just picked up the platter, dropped it and smashed the cake. What the fuck right? I finally got her to talk and she said she flipped because it wasn't two layers and square. I didn't even know how to respond to that so I just comforted her which made her cry again because I was being sweet and understanding, as she says. Quinn eventually calmed down and apologized to Santos but that wasn't the only recent break down.
Earlier this week Quinn had just come home from work and was hungry and craving a bacon cheeseburger. Quinn was a little irritated since she was hungry but it wasn't a huge thing. I told her I'd go out and get it but she refused and went herself. When she got back and took a bite of her burger, all hell broke loose. Quinn chucked the burger clear across the kitchen and started yelling about there not being any bacon on the burger. All I could I do was watch and try not to laugh but that was really hard. Quinn then leaves the house and gets in her car, I hurry and get in the car too just make sure she doesn't hurt anyone. All she ended up hurting was my fucking ears. We get to the restaurant where she got the burger and she demands to see the manager then bitches her out for forgetting her bacon for the third time. The worse part is that after she bitches the woman out, she starts crying in the woman's arms about being pregnant, starving and how she just wanted her bacon. Luckily the manager was understanding and wasn't really upset so they fixed Quinn's burger and we sat there until she finished eating. The whole meal was free and they let her order anything she wanted. As funny as that day was, it scared the hell out of me. Quinn has yet to flip on me but now I'm anticipating it. I'm living with a ticking time bomb and it's fucking nerve wrecking. Quinn has been okay these past few days though, maybe a little irritated but nothing more.
"San!" I hear from my bedroom.
"Yeah?!" I yell back as I mute the living room TV.
"Come here please!" She says. I get up from the couch and walk in the bedroom to find Quinn lying on her back, on the bed. Her stomach has gotten larger since she's six months now. It's actually gotten substantially bigger. It went from being able to hide it with a bigger shirt to not being able to hide anything. It's just really out there now.
"What's up?" I say as I walk towards her.
"Do me a favor?" She asks as I sit on the edge of the bed.
"What is it?" I ask.
"Paint my toe nails?" I shrug and Quinn smiles and hands me the bottle of blue nail polish. Quinn sits up, putting her back against the headboard. I turn my body towards her and open the bottle.
"Isn't this mine?" I ask as I pull her foot into my lap.
"I don't know, is it?" She asks. I shrug not wanting to say something that will upset her.
"My stomach is starting to get in the way." She says.
"Well you don't have that much longer to go and I'll do whatever you can't." I say as I being to paint a toe.
"I don't get how you're so patient with me. I know I have to be annoying you." She says.
"Not anymore than normal." I say with a smirk and look up at Quinn she smiles a little and shakes her head.
"Shut up." She puts her hand on her stomach as I finish her first toe.
"Why does the baby move so much? It's not like there's anywhere to go."
"She's probably bored or something. I don't know. You should be happy to feel her moving." I say.
"I'm fine with the movement but I wouldn't say happy. When you're constantly getting kicked or having your internal organs be moved, we'll see how happy you are."
"Okay I got it. It's not comfortable. Your pain is my pain."
"Oh I'm going to make sure you feel my pain, especially when I go into labor and have contractions." Quinn says and I chuckle.
"What? By squeezing my hand?" I ask as I look up at her. She shakes her head no.
"I'm going to have Tina kick you in the balls every time I have a contraction." My eyebrows shoot up to my hairline.
"What?!"
"Yeah, you'll feel pain and I'll be making sure I never have to go through this shit again."
"You said you wanted another kid." I say.
"Yeah until I experienced pregnancy. This shit sucks." She says and I can't help but chuckle.
"Whatever you say."
"Just keep going." Quinn says. I move to her third toe and get a little on her skin.
"Where's the remover?" I ask.
"Not sure, why?" She asks.
"I messed up a little." Quinn moves her foot and sits up.
"Messed up?" She says as she looks at her foot. I don't think this is going to end well.
"Yeah, it's not that big of a deal." I say. I probably shouldn't haven't said that.
"Not a big deal?! I asked you to do one thing Santana! One fucking thing! How hard is it to not get it on my skin?! If I wanted it fucked up I could have done it myself!" Quinn gets up and quickly walks to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. I knew it was coming. Luckily it wasn't too bad but I have to fix this, even if I didn't really do anything. I walk to the bathroom door and try to turn the knob but the door is locked.
"Quinn, I'm sorry. I should have been more careful. Can you open the door?" I lean against the door and sigh when I don't hear a response. Damn it.
"Q, please open the door." I say again but no answer. Ugh. I think I jinxed myself. I should have just been happy that she hadn't flipped yet. I feel the door move from under me and open slightly. I look through the crack of the door to see Quinn's tear streaked face. I actually feel really bad now. I gently push the door open and wrap my arms around Quinn's waist. She puts her arms and head on my shoulders and cries softly as I rub her back.
"I'm sorry Q, don't cry." Quinn holds my neck tighter but starts to cry less. I continue to rub her back until she stops crying completely.
"Feel better?" I ask once she's calmed down.
"Yes and no. You don't have to say sorry, you didn't do anything. I'm sorry." She says into my neck.
"Don't be. I know you can't help it."
"That's the worse part of it all. I just can't help it and I hate not being able to control it."
"It's alright, it'll be over soon. Let's go lie down." Quinn nods against my neck and I place my arm on her legs then lift her up. I walk her to the bed then lay her down before lying next to her with her back pressing into my chest. I wrap my arms around her and she interlaces our fingers.
"You're amazing you know that?" Quinn says and I shrug my shoulders.
"Yeah I know." Quinn chuckles softly and I kiss the back of her neck.
"You are too. Now I think this is a good time to take a nap, don't you?" Quinn nods her head puts her leg over mine. I wonder how long this shit is going to last exactly? And when will we get to the sex all the time part? I'm really looking forward to that so hopefully soon. I feel Quinn's breath start to even out and I close my eyes and try to fall asleep.