Absence of Peace.

'Peace is not a relationship of nations. It is a condition of mind brought about by a serenity of soul. Peace is not merely the absence of war. It is also a state of mind.
Lasting peace can come only to peaceful people.'
-Jawaharlal Nehru.

One easy kill and a couple of drinks later, the strip club did a lot to ease my nerves and mind, though not my body. My eyes fixed on a gorgeous dirty-blonde girl with blue eyes and short hair. Roberto teased me about it and told me she was too masculine, but I couldn't take my eyes off her. My infatuation with Demyx had just been a phase, I told myself. I had never been more attracted to a woma- to anyone. I appreciated the small things about her like the playful smile she had, and the way her eyes would light up when a good song came on. Just like...

After work hours, Axel, Roberto and I waited outside, picking which women we would approach. I had been vaguely amused when Axel and his father chose the same woman and debated heatedly about who would try to get her into bed, but of course, Roberto came out on top. In an attempt to save face, Axel said decidedly that he shouldn't be sleeping with anyone else anyway because he was with Roxas. I'd pointed out that it'd never stopped him before. In response, I had gotten a punch in the stomach which I was practically immune to by now, and he had gone home to try once more to contact his boyfriend.

I approached the blonde afterwards and coiled an arm around her waist confidently. Idle chit-chat and a ridiculously large sum of money later, I'd had my decent fuck for the night. I was thrilled by the way her husky, almost masculine voice had caressed my senses and I decided easily that it was money well spent. Before I left for Roberto's again, I took her into my arms carefully and placed a soft, gentle kiss upon her lips. What a beautiful little object she was. When I leaned back, I took a while to gaze into the eyes that sent a familiar pang of regret through my heart. A painful reminder of what I had lost.

I drove home, taking a while to compose myself downstairs before going up to our room. I found Axel lying on the bed, eyes glazed over. What was it this time? I dreaded what may or may not have happened. I walked over to him and took off my jacket, throwing it onto the floor.

"Axel?"

"Mm?"

"What's wrong?"

"He's just rejectin' my calls. Fuckin' hell, four years, Ienzo, four fuckin' years!"

"...I'll try to get hold of him for you. He's just bein' a dick, Axel, you know what he's like, it's not the first time he's done this," I pointed out. I was sick and tired of watching Axel get hurt over someone as insignificant as Roxas who just seemed to leech off his money and only bother with him he had nobody else to talk to.

"Don't," Axel said, sitting up suddenly. "This isn't your business, Ienzo." I didn't miss the air of finality in his voice, and so I dropped the subject. I lay down next to him, pulling up my shirt and stroking my stomach subconsciously as I stared at the ceiling.

"How was she?" He asked eventually, waiting until the anger that had flickered between us cooled to a gentle simmer.

"Amazing," I breathed, and suddenly, I was Zexion again, the same boy who was completely and utterly in love with Demyx. My heart twisted painfully and I let out a choked cry of pain. Axel was used to my outbursts now. He knew exactly why I had chosen the girl. He coiled his arms around my waist and soothed me with comforting kisses across the back of my neck. I curled up and placed my hands on his, shaking in a mass of violent sobs that I would hold back for months at a time. The tears would only show their faces when a cruel reminder like this haunted me.

"Aww... Nothin' goes right for you, does it? Even your own parents didn't call, didn't care... Demyx didn't ever come lookin'... Don't worry though; I'll always be here for you, even if they're not," He promised. The pain he had inflicted with those words only found their ends in his promise. He offered himself as my only solution. I turned to face him and clung to my constant, and slowly Ienzo came back into power.

"Sorry, Axel..."

"S'alright. We all have our bad days," He muttered gently, caressing my side. I fell asleep in his arms simply so I would no longer be tormented by my waking thoughts. My infatuation with Demyx had just been a phase... suddenly the lie I had been telling myself didn't seem so convincing.

The morning after, I lay awake listening to the deep voices of Axel and Roberto from downstairs, though their words were indistinguishable. I couldn't help thinking about what Axel had said to me, and despite the fact I knew he didn't mean to hurt me with his words, they had reopened an old wound. He always seemed to bring that up when... well, when I was most vulnerable. But he had my best interests at heart... didn't he? I didn't want to believe my best friend, my only friend, was trying to manipulate me. I loved Axel but sometimes I wondered if our companionship was really anything more than a job to him. I supposed it didn't matter though; real friendship was just a childish, fairytale dream.

Fully dressed at last, I headed downstairs to join my colleagues. Axel and Roberto were sitting across the table from each other, now talking in hushed tones. Axel looked up when I reached the bottom of the stairs and then looked away guiltily. I arched an eyebrow.

"What's going on?" I demanded.

"We're takin' Antonio out," Roberto responded lazily. I tensed and then looked at Axel for explanation. Taking out someone like him was no small deal, but to my knowledge, it wasn't even Antonio in charge anymore, so why him? I couldn't help feeling like I was missing something...

"Demyx is gettin' too big for his boots. He needs to be taught a lesson," Axel explained. He could see the fierce protest on my lips and he raised a hand to silence me. "We won't hurt Demyx, Ienzo, for your sake. I know it'd break your little heart," He said patronisingly. My cheeks burned as I held back the urge to slam him against the wall and punch him until he couldn't breathe. I hated it when Axel spoke about my feelings for Demyx in front of Roberto; I had always tried my hardest to hide it. My fists clenched.

"Isn't this my decision?" I asked, gritting my teeth now. "Seein' as I'm the one in charge and all?"

"Some things, Ienzo, you don't have the nature to initiate. Things that need to be done. That's why Axel's still havin' to work with you in the first place but at the end of this year you're gonna have to learn how to manage your emotions better," Roberto scolded me. Was he calling me weak? After all I had done? After the amount of throats I had slit just at his mere suggestion? My eyes darkened as I imagined just a few of them. The way they had shrieked, the feel of teeth digging into my hand when I covered their mouth. The surprising strength of their flesh against the sharp blade, the twisted pleasure and fear of playing God.

"The fuck did Demyx do anyway?" I demanded, ignoring what Roberto had said to the best of my ability.

"Made it personal," Axel responded, standing up and pushing his hands into his pockets. Roberto smirked and sipped his drink.

"How?"

"I'll tell you later."

"We'll be going to a little reunion Antonio is havin'. It's gonna be him and the old members of the gang. Always said that fuckin' sentimentality would be the death of him," Roberto interjected, snorting at his own joke.

"Will Demyx be there?" I asked, trying to sound nonchalant. He shrugged.

"Shouldn't be. If he is, we'll just restrain him, won't kill him, I promise," Roberto reassured me. Axel ran his tongue over his teeth.

"C'mon, Ienzo," He grabbed my hand and pulled me upstairs. "I'll fill you in; Dad's got shit to do."

"What the fuck is goin' on?" I asked a little more aggressively now I was alone with him. "What the fuck did Demyx do that means you gotta kill Antonio? He's a good guy; he doesn't fuckin' deserve it and he's not even in the business anymore. I just don't see how it's going to benefit us..."

"It was a personal insult we can't just ignore. Would you rather we took out Demyx?" He asked. I fell silent, looking away.

"Last time I'm gonna ask, Axel, what the fuck did Demyx do?"

"He's been fuckin' Roxas," Axel responded with a chilling voice that rooted me to the spot.

"He... He what?" Suddenly my sympathy for Demyx drained away.

"Yeah, that's right. Little shit. Me and Roxas finally got talkin' last night and there's no way that was accidental. Demyx knew I was with him."

"..." I had nothing to say.

"We'll be takin' back over our old territory and rippin' their gang apart piece by piece if we have to. Point is, we get more territory, I get my boyfriend back, and Demyx can be dealt with later however Dad sees fit. This is out of your hands, Ienzo." He patted my shoulder and then forced me over to the bed, sitting me down.

"I gotta run out to get a few more people to come with. Wait here, yeah?" I nodded in a resigned manner, sighing heavily.

"Yes..." He walked away from me and hesitated in the doorway before turning.

"One more thing," Axel rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "You know what my aim's like. You've gotta make the shot. Sorry." He shut the door and left me with the shocked expression that he had painted on my features. I was going to kill Antonio, Demyx's father. I was going to take that away from him... I ran a hand through my hair before laying back. Good. What the fuck ever. It was his own fault. Fucking idiot. I looked at my hands and idly wondered how much blood was on them, knowing the exact number was in my little black book. I'd add on three for Antonio's death. It seemed more important than most of the vermin I wiped out. I assumed we'd be doing it tomorrow, and I hoped I could make it as quick as possible. I had no desire to watch Antonio suffer at my hands.