Chapter 21

Jane had been awake for a while in the guest room before she finally got up. Maura had wanted her to move back in her bed the previous night, but she just wasn't ready for that yet. In a way she was glad she had talked to Maura the day before, but it didn't really change anything. She was still up most of the night, she still had nightmares, she still had flashbacks and she still was scared. It was pointless to keep Maura awake during the night, just because she was. Jane had agreed to get help with her problems, albeit reluctantly. She didn't believe in therapy, never had, it hadn't made a difference after Hoyt and the only reason she had agreed to it at the time was because it was mandatory before she was allowed back to work. But she had promised Maura, so she would try.

Maura had been so kind yesterday and last night, she had told Jane everything she needed to hear, and more. And Jane wanted to believe Maura when she told her she loved her and wouldn't leave her, but she had a hard time doing so. Her own self image had suffered so much in the last few weeks, it was hard to imagine she would ever be the same person again. She hardly recognized herself these days, she felt so weak and defeated most of the time. This wasn't her, this wasn't Jane Rizzoli, tough detective, strong and confident, she did not like this person that she had become now. And she didn't understand why she couldn't snap out of it.

Jane decided that today was the day she would try and stop with her pain medications, they made her feel fuzzy and tired all the time. She would deal with any pain, she just needed a clear head, so she could take on the obstacles in her way head on. She stretched her tired limbs and pulled her crutches towards her, she couldn't wait until the day these casts would come off. Only about four more weeks to go. She had gotten a little better about taking care of herself, but there where still things she couldn't do and she hated asking for help. It was embarrassing, made her feel like a child, helpless. She took a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself down, no point in getting upset and angry already, the day hadn't even really started yet. If anything she was going to make a real effort to appear better in front of Maura, the blonde had been so happy last night and so full of hope, Jane didn't want to crush her spirit so soon. So she put on her best impression of being okay today and half hopped, half walked into the kitchen.

Maura, who had been up since 6 am that morning, had been doing some research on her computer, she had also made a couple of phone calls already, trying to find the best psychologist in the state of Massachusetts. When she heard Jane leave the guest room she looked up at the brunette with a bright smile on her face, today was going to be the day that things were going to get better for Jane.

"Hey babe," Jane greeted her when she entered the kitchen, she lowered herself down on the chair next to Maura.

"Hey," Maura replied leaning over to give Jane a peck on the lips, "you hungry?"

"I guess I could eat something, did you eat yet?"

"No, I was waiting for you actually," Maura said with a sheepish smile on her face.

The blonde got up and made them both a light breakfast before sitting down again, occasionally glancing over at Jane while they were eating.

"So," Maura said, when she finished eating, pushing her plate away from her.

"So," Jane responded, looking at Maura.

"I, uh, I made a couple phone calls this morning."

…

"I found someone that can help you."

Jane looked at Maura, unreadable expression on her face.

"Her name is Dr. Amber Liberty, she's known as one of the best psychologist in her field and she has a lot of experience treating people that were in similar situations like yours."

"You mean, people that were tortured by a psychopath kind of people?" Jane said with a little bite in her voice.

"Jane," Maura shook her head.

"Sorry," Jane said quickly, "I didn't mean that the way it came out, please continue."

"If you want, she can see you today, this morning."

…

"Jane?"

"Yea, yes, I'm sorry, that's fine, it's just a little sooner than I thought."

"I can change it to a later date, if you want, I just thought - "

"No," Jane interrupted her, "today is fine, the sooner, the better, right?"

Maura put her hand on Jane's shoulder, gently squeezing it, "I know you don't like therapy, but will you try, not just for me, but for yourself?"

Jane looked at Maura, nodding her head, "I will."

It was a few minutes before 11 am and Jane was sitting in the waiting room of Dr. Liberty's office, she was drumming with her fingers against the cast of her leg, she was nervous. Maura reached out and put her hand on top of Jane's to try to relax her and stop her fidgeting. When the door opened at exactly 11 am, Jane almost jumped up and bolted out of the room, but instead she let Maura help her up and into Dr. Liberty's office, after making their introductions, Maura gave Jane a reassuring look before leaving the room to wait outside.

Jane was sitting in one of the chairs in Dr. Liberty's office, she was looking around, taking in her surroundings. The walls in the room were painted in low earth tones, the furniture was comfortable, it was obviously decorated to provide an inviting peaceful atmosphere for the patients. 'Patient', Jane thought, she did not like that term and what it entailed.

She took a moment to observe the doctor herself, she appeared friendly enough; dark blonde, with a kind, open face, late 40's or possibly early 50's, she looked to be fairly healthy, probably engaged regularly in some kind of sports activity, no ring, so probably not married, maybe divorced, and definitely a mother, if the pictures on her desk were any indication.

While Jane was observing the room, Dr. Liberty was observing Jane. She noticed how Jane was tapping her left foot on the floor, how her eyes roamed the room around her, how her hand kept going through her hair, how her breath was quicker than normal, the woman in front of her was definitely not at ease.

"Jane?", she finally said, trying to catch the brunette's eyes.

Jane stopped tapping her foot on the floor and looked at the doctor a little annoyed.

"Is it okay if I call you Jane? Or would you prefer something else?"

"Jane's fine."

"Okay, Jane. I can tell you're not comfortable being here, I understand that, but just try and relax. Nothing will happen today that you don't want to happen," she said, trying to give Jane some control, "let's just try to get to know each other a little," she gave the brunette a reassuring smile.

Jane nodded at the doctor, trying to stop her fidgeting, "you don't want to talk about what happened to me?"

"Not today; today I just want you to be comfortable. I want you to tell me a little bit about yourself."

"What would you like to know?"

"Whatever you want to share with me is fine."

Jane didn't really like talking about herself, but it was better than the alternative at the moment, this she could do, however she had no idea what to say.

Dr. Liberty aware of Jane's reluctance, decided to lend a hand and help her out, "why don't you tell me a little bit about your job?"

"I am a homicide detective for the Boston PD."

"Do you like what you do?"

"Usually, it's what I've always wanted to do, it's who I am."

"What is it about being a detective that appeals to you?"

Jane wiped her forehead with her hand, "I don't know, I guess I like the fact that I can help bring the victims justice, help the families in some way; try to make the streets a little safer."

"What about when you're not working, what sort of thing do you like to do to relax?"

"I don't really relax very often, it's hard for me to sit still and do nothing."

"What do you do then, when you're not working, how do you spend your days off?"

Jane almost smirked at the doctor, 'not working' she thought, she's almost always working, rarely does she have a normal weekend.

"When I do have a day off I usually spend it with Maura, we'll watch a movie, workout, go for drinks or dinner, or we do other …stuff."

"Maura? Is that the woman you came in here with?"

"Yes."

"Tell me about Maura."

The conversation between Jane and Dr. Liberty continued in pretty much the same fashion for the rest of the session, the doctor would ask questions and Jane would mostly answer them, talking about her family, her dog, her apartment, her job, Maura, even the Red Sox passed in conversation. When the time was up Jane was a little surprised it had passed so quickly, it hadn't been too bad.

"Okay, Jane, our time is up for today, but I would like for you to come back the day after tomorrow, and I would like to see you three times a week for now; does that work for you?"

"I don't really have much of a choice now, do I."

"You always have a choice, Jane. You can choose to stop coming here at any time, but I hope you'll come back. I think I can help you, if you let me."

Jane gave it some thought before answering, finally she nodded her head, "okay doc, therapy never helped me in the past, but I will give this a try."

"I'm glad to hear that," Dr. Liberty gave Jane a reassuring smile, "now there is one thing I would like you to do for me before you come back for your next session."

"What?" Jane asked.

"I want you to try and relax, give yourself a break, do something that you enjoy doing, or go somewhere that makes you feel comfortable. I know you are a little immobile still, but I'm sure you can come up with something. That's your only assignment for now. Can you try and do that?"

On the ride home, Jane dozed off in the car, the day had been more draining for her than she had anticipated.

She woke up when Maura whispered in her ear, "we're home."

Jane cracked open her eyes and turned her face towards Maura, "hey", she whispered, voice low and drowsy.

"Hey, yourself." Maura responded, leaning in to give her a kiss on her nose.

Jane scrunched up her nose in response, "you missed," she said, before pulling the blonde into a real kiss.

"You're cute, when you're sleepy."

"No, I am not, I am never cute," Jane said in mock protest.

Maura helped Jane out of the car and into the house, they both sat down in the living room.

"Can you tell me how it went?" Maura asked tentatively, "I'm sorry if you don't want me to ask and you don't have to tell me, if you don't want to, I just -"

Jane put her hand on Maura's lips to stop her, "Maur. You can ask, I don't mind. I might not always tell you everything, but I never want you to feel like you can't ask, okay?"

After Maura nodded her agreement, Jane thought for a moment, "I don't really know what to think yet; she's different than other therapists I've seen before, she didn't push me to talk about anything I didn't want to talk about. She didn't push drugs onto me to help with the symptoms, which I appreciate. It was weird, but not uncomfortable."

Maura smiled one of her happy smiles at Jane, and this actually warmed the brunette's heart.

"She did give me a kind of odd assignment before I see her next."

"Oh? What kind of assignment?"

"She wants me to do something that will relax me."

"Like what?"

"Anything, I guess. I'm not really sure." Jane ran her hand through her hair, "you have any suggestions?"

"I'm sure we can come up with something," Maura said in a teasing tone of voice.

Jane glanced over at Maura, trying to read the expression on her face.

"So you're okay with seeing Dr. Liberty again?"

The brunette shrugged her shoulders, "yeah, I guess I am. I still don't believe it will make a difference, not really, but I am willing to give it a try."

Maura could tell Jane was done talking about it for now, "you want to lie down for a bit and rest, you must be pretty tired."

"Hmm, I am tired, but I don't want to lie down, how about we start the relaxing right now, I think I came up with something" Jane said wiggling her eyebrows, while tugging on Maura until the blonde was straddling her lap.

"Jane, I don't want to hurt you, we have to be careful, your injuries, they are, - hmppff" she was interrupted by Jane pulling her head forward and kissing her mouth.

"Less talking, more relaxing" Jane said against her lips, before deepening the kiss.

Maura was happy to oblige, even if it was just for a little while; this was one of those rare moments, when Jane seemed to forget everything that had happened and would go back to her normal self. It never lasted, but Maura was going to make sure they both enjoyed themselves for as long as possible.

A/N: To Red, it ain't over yet. Chapter 22 will deal with Jane's 'sober' thoughts on everything Africa; things will come to a full circle soon. I already wrote it, so it should be up soon.

To all of you lovely readers, I appreciate each and everyone of you for taking this journey with me, I will do my best to keep you entertained for the remainder of this story. Also thank you to everyone that takes the time to leave me a comment, they are a big part of what motivates me to keep writing. We are on our way to 300 reviews, which just absolutely blows my mind.

There will be little moments of fluff seeping into the next few chapters, but the drama isn't over yet. I am trying to stay realistic, there are no miracle cures in 'real life' and neither will there be in my story.