Motives

"I don't want to lose him." ~Eliza Orakzai

Chapter 17

Coruscant

He was not married, that was what Han had been telling himself, not by any standards that he recognized anyway. It had simply been a sheet of flimsiplast, an agreement. A binding contract, to be sure, but not one of love. Yet, little had he realized that that was exactly what he had been signing away when he entered into that little agreement. Seeing Leia again had confirmed it. He might not have been signing into love, but he had definitely been signing it away. Damn it all, but the realization hurt. It shouldn't've been so godsdamn surprising; it shouldn't have hit him like that as if out of nowhere. But somehow it had.

Han was in a daze as he stepped off of the lifts from Leia's apartment and so he did not see a person right in front of him until he had ran smack dab into them. It was a thin female and he grabbed her to keep from her from falling and him from landing on top of her as he apologized, saying, "Excuse me. I'm sorry."

At first his mind refused to piece together the fragments of information that he was being given. He was in Leia's apartment building, late at night and he had walked into a strange girl. But the girl in his arms looked like Eliza. But Eliza was back at their hotel. This couldn't be Eliza. But it was. It was Eliza.

"What're you doin' here?" He finally sputtered as it all came together.

"Looking for you," she said. "Grandfather has been frantically trying to get in touch with you. Have you received his messages?"

Han reflexively palmed the communicator from off of his hip. He had set it to silent. The little device was flashing furiously with unread messages and missed holos. There were several from Orazkai and Stanton and several more from the facility where Sasha was residing here on Corsucant. "How?" He said looking back up to Eliza, his mind still catching up to these new events. "How did you find me here?"

She lifted her chin and shuffled on her feet, looking the perfect mixture of embarrassment and defiance. "I followed you."

Han furrowed his eyebrows and looked back down at the messages. Something was wrong with Sasha. Something serious enough that he knew that he didn't want to alarm Eliza with it.

"You said you were only going to be a few minutes," the young girl continued. "Remember?"

"Yes," Han replied absently as the words 'critical' and 'emergency' repeated themselves far too many times within the texts. "Uh," he said, looking up and around, trying to formulate a plan of action.

"What's going on?" Eliza asked, rising on her tiptoes and straining to see the words on Han's communicator. "Is it mother?"

"No," Han replied, closing the device and slipping it back into its case. "It's about a trade agreement with the Tarlok Hegemony," he lied. "It looks like I'll need to renegotiate before tomorrow's meeting. I'm going to have to go back to the office."

He grabbed Eliza by the arm and began to lead her toward the exit. "Now?" She replied, trudging alongside of him unwillingly. "But what about me?"

Han stopped outside of the tall building. The streets of Coruscant where bright, but it was the middle of the night. He didn't want to leave her alone, even in the safe, expensive hotel they were staying in. It just didn't feel right. But he couldn't take her with him. He had a sitter/tutor that came and spent time with her during the day, showing Eliza around Coruscant and ensuring she didn't get bored or into any trouble. He took the communicator out of its holster again and started skimming through his contacts to find the sitter's name.

"I'll see if Ginny can come," Han said as he tapped on her name and began to consider the wording of his message. Then he stopped. He didn't know this woman well enough to call her in the middle of the night. Besides, he did know that she was married and had kids of her own. How would this look? He looked back to the building that they had just walked out of.

"Where were you?" Eliza asked, following his gaze. "Who lives here?"

"An old friend," Han said, guiding her back inside the building. "I know she's awake. I'll see if you can stay with her."

"She?" Eliza replied. "Who is she?"

"An old friend, like I said," Han replied. "She's the representative from Alderaan, we work together," he lied again.

"Princess Leia?" Eliza asked as they entered the lift.

Han was only momentarily surprised that she knew the name. "Yes," he said without further comment and he found it odd that Eliza found nothing more to say as well.

When Leia walked toward her door in answer to the late night bell, she was preparing herself for another confrontation. Just not the right one, it would seem. She could only stare in complete bewilderment at the sight before her. Han and what she was assuming could only be his young daughter.

"I'm sorry to do this to you, but I had nowhere else to go," Han was saying. And for his part, he at least looked sufficiently penitent and more than slightly addled. The daughter only looked distrustful and more than slightly miffed. Before Leia could speak, Han continued, "I have to rework that trade proposal we were discussing earlier with the Tarlok Hegemony and I didn't want to leave Eliza alone."

Leia hadn't the foggiest idea what Han was talking about but she was savvy enough to know to play along. "Oh," she replied dumbly, apparently she just was not savvy enough to think of anything intelligent to say.

"Would you mind if Eliza stayed here," Han continued. "Just for an hour or so?"

Leia looked up into his face; there was an expression that she was sure she was supposed to be able to read. He widened his eyes at her, pleading and she just stood there and stared at him standing in the hallway.

"Eliza this is Leia," Han finally said, looking down at the young girl. It was strange for Leia to see him like this, fatherly, but she had little time to digest it. He looked back over to Leia, his eyes still wide and pleading. "Leia, this is my daughter, Eliza."

"It's nice to meet you, Eliza," Leia replied as she studied the girl standing in the hallway. Standing in the hallway. It finally hit her. "Oh, I'm sorry. Eliza, would you like to come in?"

Eliza frowned. If Leia hadn't noticed before, it was impossible to miss now: the girl was outright glaring at her. The young girl then folded her arms across her chest and replied, "I just love it when people present me with options that aren't really there."

"Eliza." Han scolded, looking back at Leia with apologies written all over his face.

"Oh right, yes," Eliza replied unfolding her arms and placing a smile on her face, her tone dripping with sarcasm. "I would love to come in. Thank you so much, really." She brushed past Leia and disappeared into the apartment.

"Sorry," Han said quickly with a quick half-shrug. "She's a teenager."

"Right. I think I skipped over this part."

"Then this oughta be fun for you."

Fun? Leia thought, nothing about this would she ever describe as fun. "You should get going," she told him, in a hollow rendition of their earlier conversation. This time it held a lot less bite. She did not want Han to leave. The creature that had just been ushered into her apartment was one that she wasn't quite sure she was ready to contend with, especially not alone. Grand Moff Tarkin? Sure. Darth Vader? Check. Han's daughter? Um, well, no. Besides, was he even going to tell her why-

Han interrupted her thoughts. "I'll explain everything later, I just…" He trailed off, looking lost himself.

Leia took a deep breath. "It's alright, Han," she finally said, shaking her head and pushing his arm with her hand so that he would turn around and leave her.

"Okay, right," he replied, taking backward steps and walking away slowly from her as if he were still unsure about leaving the two women alone. "I'll be back," he promised.

"Take your time. We'll be fine," she lied.

"So, this is awkward."

Leia looked at the young girl, already taller than her and oddly familiar with her hazel eyes and strong jaw. "It doesn't have to be," she replied, walking into the living area and picking up the drink she had poured earlier. Her apartment was small enough so that she could step around a counter and empty the drink into a sink without taking her eyes off of Eliza. Of course, Eliza hadn't taken her eyes off of Leia either.

"I'm not oblivious, you know," Eliza said. "I know exactly who you are and what you mean to my father."

Leia gripped the edge of the counter with her hands. This was not like any opponent she had ever faced before. This was a child. Han's child! She couldn't unleash biting remarks or hurl insults at her face. It was like fighting with a blindfold and her arms tied behind her back. "I'm a good friend-"

"You were more than that."

"Were, yes," Leia said, giving honesty a whirl. "And now we're just good friends." And there went the honesty.

"That's why he snuck over here in the middle of the night?"

Leia raised her eyebrow at her but did not respond.

"I followed him," Eliza admitted smoothly as she looked around the apartment. "I didn't know where here was. I hadn't seen you. I just knew he had come here and then..."

Leia thought of her own walk earlier that evening. Han following her with apparently his daughter following him. "You shouldn't've been out alone."

Eliza shrugged. "He didn't mind leaving me alone to sneak over here. And now all of a sudden, it's somehow different?"

"Earlier it was for a brief meeting," Leia replied, releasing her grip on the counter and skirting back around it and into the living room. "Obviously now, he doesn't know how long he'll be."

"Because he has an emergency business meeting," she said with air quotes on the last words. "Another lie. I really thought that he was going to be different. I've really been trying not to see the signs. But I just can't help it."

Leia remained silent. The girl's cockiness was fading and a clear picture of vulnerability was painting itself in.

"It's really messed up," Eliza continued. "They've all lied to me. Used me for their own agendas. But I can't make myself hate them. Somehow I always find an excuse for them, whether it's for their benefit or mine. Is that wrong? Shouldn't I just give up?"

Leia had a small inkling into what might be this girl's childhood, knowing what she knew of President Orakzai. It was ironic, she was the last person to council someone on forgiveness of fatherly sins. But she did anyway. "No," Leia answered. "They're your family and you should try your best to love them. Usually...what they're doing is for the best and they're doing it in the best way they know how. Right or wrong. And...and they're the only ones you'll get."

Eliza made a sound, like a laugh and cough. She folded her arms across her chest and Leia recognized the body signs as she readied herself for the next volley. But just because she recognized the signs, didn't mean that she could prepare herself for what she was about to hear.

"Han isn't my father," Eliza stated flatly and then stood there as if in immense anticipation (and perhaps enjoyment) of seeing Leia's reaction.

For a moment Leia couldn't comprehend what she had just heard. Or convince herself that she had heard it right. "I'm sorry, what?"

Eliza looked surprised and her body language stiffened into a more defensive posture. "I thought you knew. I thought maybe," she stopped, looking around the apartment for a moment before coming back to Leia. "I thought maybe he came here tonight to tell you."

Leia shook her head, the shock slowly wearing off from this conversation and all the implications flooding in like rushing water through a gutter pipe.

Eliza bit her bottom lip looking as if she had bet all her chips on the wrong bantha. "That doesn't make sense. If he didn't… He must, I mean, I think he knows," she said. "I mean, I didn't say anything. But my mother has to have. I mean, she talks about it all the time."

The child was looking more childlike by the moment. Leia studied her and asked carefully, "Talks about what?"

"How Watts is my father," Eliza said as if Leia's question was unnecessary. "Watts was...he was best friends with-"

Leia interrupted her. "I know the name," she said, squeezing her hand around her neck and pacing around the apartment. The child is not Han's? And yet he... "This doesn't make any sense."

"I think," Eliza said, but then she stopped.

Leia continued pacing for a bit as she thought…gods she thought of everything! Was this all some sort of...? What had she done? What had Han done? Her brain hurt trying to process it all. Then she realized that Eliza hadn't finished speaking and she stopped and turned to the young girl.

Eliza looked scared and apologetic as if all of this was somehow her fault. She was holding the four fingers of one hand in the clenched fist of the other and pulling at them nervously. "I think I know mostly...how it all happened."

Oh dear gods, Leia thought. Did she even want to know? The words were barely through her brain before Leia whispered, morbid curiosity beating out all else. "How?"

Eliza swallowed nervously and continued wrenching her hands together. "He came thinking I was his daughter. I could see it in his face. I was…," Eliza stopped and shook her head, looking guilty again. "Feeling spiteful," she continued beginning to pace a bit as she talked. "So I played along. But then, you know? He was really nice and I've never had a father before." The girl shrugged innocently and then went on. "After he met mother, he looked at me different, like he was trying to judge whether I was his or not. I knew she had told him. I just knew. Goddess," she sobbed a bit and stopped pacing. "I kept telling myself that it was my imagination, I couldn't imagine that he wouldn't ask me. And I…I just wanted him to be mine. So as long as he didn't say anything, I didn't say anything either."

Leia sat down absently, only by sheer luck finding a cushioned couch behind her. She rested her forearms on the tops of her thighs and slouched down in complete contemplation. Her eyes had left Eliza's and she was just staring into the nothingness. She thought of Han's words, about how his half-truths earlier had been as good as it was going to get. He hadn't been lying. The child was not even his!

"And then," Eliza was continuing, growing more upset as she talked. "When that happened to my mother, here on Coruscant. She nearly died. I begged him to protect her, to protect me. I didn't really think about it. Didn't think about him marrying her. I thought maybe he would just run away with us in his ship. But when they told me. I knew exactly why. And he did. He made them draw up adoption papers for me. I even asked him why." Eliza covered her mouth when she was done as if to hide the fact that the words had come out of her own lips.

It was all coming together. Leia, trancelike, replied in a whisper, "Because he had no legal rights," she repeated the sentence straight from her earlier conversation with Han but this time she added, "to you." Her throat constricted. Her chest felt hollow and the palms of her hands were clammy. This, this was all too much. But still there was so much missing. So many questions that even Eliza didn't seem to have the answers for.

Eliza shook her head feverishly as she sniffled, she seemed relieved to finally be heard, to be unburdened from her secrets and finally to be understood. "My grandfather did all of this," she said heatedly. "I may have sat, did, said nothing, but he orchestrated it all!"

"But why?" Leia asked softly, no accusation, no anger or hurt, just truly dumbfounded by it all.

Eliza shrugged and sat down herself, plopping into the seat as if in defeat. "I don't know."

And in that confession Leia knew that Eliza had told her everything she knew. She had mapped out all the lies and events for as much as they had pertained to and affected her. It would be up to the other players to shed light on the rest. How much did Han know? For as far as Eliza's story went, he could not know at all. But he must. His behavior, the whole thing when considered in its entirety only made sense if he did. What had he done? What had he been through? Could everything with Orakzai been a lie? A setup?

What had she done?

The pair sat in silence for a short while, Leia absorbing it all and Eliza catching her breath from her emotional ordeal. Then Leia heard the girl speak again as she whispered, "I'm sorry, but…I'm glad he did." Leia looked up to her and Eliza shrugged again, pitifully. "For whatever the reasons, I'm glad my grandfather brought him to me. I love him like a father. I do. I know I was pretending to be angry with him earlier, but that was mainly because…well because I didn't like you." She looked down at her hands. "I mean, you know, I was threatened by you."

Leia shook her head and gave the girl a comforting smile. "It's okay."

The girl looked up at Leia, seemingly surprised by the forgiveness in her words and her tone. Her face brightened just a little and she said, "He tells me all about Watts sometimes. Working it into the conversation as if he's telling me the story to tell me about himself. But I know. He's trying to tell me about my real father. How sweet is that?" She covered her mouth again, but this time to catch a sob. She shook her head. "I don't want to lose him."

Leia felt like crying, hearing her own fears echoed back to her. She looked at Eliza, sadness and acceptance in her eyes and said, "You won't."